All Comments on 'Sis Needs Help Ch. 01'
by BigMan422
- 17 Comments
Motherlessone77over 2 years agosis is a bitch, black mails him and he has to sacrifice his dignity. After that one, I would definitely part ways with her for sure. But that is just me.
Anonymousover 2 years agoSo short because you didn't develop the characters in any way, it's hardly a story, even as a part 1.
grayge37over 2 years agoFirst of all, I get turned off when I review someone's (yours) profile and see nothing but "no answer." Second, your story sucks, even as a first submittal. Nothing in it would appeal to 99% of the readers who would even attempt to read your "Story." Set another hobby!!! Pronto!!!
cageysea9725over 2 years agoPick a been tense and stick with it. The best choice is past.
Is you don't know what I'm talking about, call your local high school and enroll in a remedial English course or ten. You need a great deal of improvement to even approach readable.
Anonymousover 2 years agoIdk why this has a low rating. Quick story and to the point. Def could use a part 2, good job bro.
Anonymousover 2 years agoDid you a favour and hit the 3.
Temper most of the other comments then start over.
Read comments on other stories to see what developmental suggestions have been made to writers with potential. Then, start over.
Anonymousover 2 years agoA waste. This one time at summer camp I splashed cum on some ugly bitches ass. THE END.
My story was just as effective and well written as yours. On the bright side, you tried, you had a good concept but you're no writer. Everything is missing, suspension of disbelief to contextual reference. A collaboration with an experienced writer and editor ( not grammarly) would likely yield much better results. You should rewrite it with more heart and intent to flesh out the story.. Write an outline of the intended progression for the story. It will make it easier working on short sections to accomplish a better story.
