All Comments on 'Sister Finally Gets Boobs Ch. 01'

This was horrible. You know nothing of bra sizes. A small framed 40DD just doesn't exist. HELLO that's a chubby broad.! The male character is having bad hallucinations obviously. He and you need mental help.

1 star

ButterflyGal

That was odd; I actually thought he was raping his sister for a few minutes. I'm not sure if mom was a fantasy, or it was real. Here I am in Incest/Taboo category and by golly incest and taboo found their way into your story. I read the intro about the subjects that could be in your story. I'm tired and can't come up with the right descriptors. Keep hacking away and I' m sure you will become a good writer.

RS

We know who the M/C is, a simple 'he' would have sufficed, not name-checking him every single damned sentence. Monotonous and droning, come back when you've figured out how to tell a story properly

Not a bad start. I would like to see where you go with this. Keep writing and we will both see. Thanks for your time and imagination.

DID YOU PROOFREAD THIS STORY? IT IS SOMEWHAT CONFUSING. AND REALLY?, FROM A 32 TO A 40 IN 12 MONTHS?? YOU NEED HELP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER OR STORYLINE IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WRITING. GOOD LUCK

There was never any incest. Thought or fantasy do not qualify. You could also drop referring to yourself by your first name every time a simple he would do

Your other commenters have said it all. One of the strangest and one of the worst one pagers in a long time. You need to get a better game going, and fast.

Can't get much worse, vaneliki.

And WTF is the deal with choking her?

The fuck did I just read. Start over and have someone proofread. Good luck

When writing in fantasies, please use an italic font or something!

As a woman, I can tell you that our breasts will never grow from a 32 B to a 40DD in a twelve month span, if EVER! One cannot have a slim frame and carry a 40 bra size(That's the circumference of their rib cage in inches). Please get an editor to help with you next submission.

Thank you so much to everyone for giving feedback for this entry! I went in a more experimental direction this time so I really appreciate you all coming with me on this one and continuing to give the same time and effort to give me the feedback I need to improve as you have with previous entries! This site has been so amazing to begin writing on because it is filled with people who are willing to detail the weaknesses in your writing and tell you how you can fix them! You are the one's that keep my writing moving foward and I hope to show my appreciation with my next entry!

Only the best,

Vaneliki

To be a 40DD she must weigh 300 pounds

4 train rides to get to his place, small Apt., tits grow from B to DD

Need to be a little more realistic

What a shit..

He quacked when he saw her? He clucked like a duck? I think quake was the word you were looking for. Typos happen, but some can change the meaning and flow of the story. And I dated a girl that went from a 38 C to a 40 DD, but that took 4 years.

I think this chapter was too short? It finished at an odd place. I think editing could have been better too. Pacing was all wrong for me. There was almost all fantasy. You added in Mom too quickly. I'd have put in more real interaction between the fantasy scenes. A lot more.

Wow, with feedback like that, it's no wonder we never saw Chapter 2. Tragic.

I would've love to see how the story progressed along. Waiting on the next chapter.