All Comments on 'Sister Incest /Multiple Personality'

Interesting premise, but truly flawed execution of the idea.

Seriously needs an editor. It's unreadable in parts.

More please and soon. I wonder if he will get to meet his child from their first time together.

This is a bad read

Flood back and forth, no background, hard to follows.

Dude. Dont quit your day job.. Please quit writing, you suck at it

I don't feel the need to roast as badly as previous readers, but you should definitely try this one again. My suggestion, flesh this one out a heck of a lot better. It's fresh and innovative plot line. But you rushed it. There's build up. No origin or cause of the psychosis. Take your time, research the subject matter, flesh out the characters and perhaps let another trusted person read your story before you upload it. This COULD be great, but it needs a lot of work.

I have had a lot of people put this story into their favorites, so I will do another chapter. But I want to do a good job on the emotions of the sister in the next chapter. If their are any reading this and would like to comment on how she may feel. Please comment so I can learn a little about how to proceed.

You are endeavouring to enter the psyche of a multi personality psychiatric problem. This female needs professional medical treatment prior to any meaningful relationship.

So the very first person to comment chose to do so anonymously. That's a crying shame because what he or she said was entirely correct and accurate:

Interesting premise, but truly flawed execution of the idea.

I don't really believe that you have enough exposure to people who truly have a multiple personality disorder to accurately portray someone suffering from the illness. It just didn't feel right. 😕

Then add to that the writing skills that didn't surpass the Intermediate School Level and you get a recipe for disaster. Is the narrator a step sibling, a half sibling, or a full blooded sibling? From your writing there's no clear answer to this question. I started reading this under the impression that they were full siblings. But then later on the narrator says "Amy's Mom" instead of "Our Mom" causing confusion.

Your "world building" also has problems. He's ten years older than the sister and she just turned 18. What loser is still living at home full time at 28 years of age with no girlfriend or significant other? Most men have started a family and have their first kid by 25 years of age.

You have a great concept for some kind of a story. But there's not much more than that. 1/5