All Comments on 'Sisterly Bonds Ch. 11'

I liked it, especially the sweet parts at the start.

The descriptions made it anime-like - you describe emotional responses with exaggerated physical actions, like Cal being sad resulting in a slouch etc. Not bad, I just noticed it.

For me, the issue with this chapter is the pacing. I like to cut up stories into scenes, with each scene having one or two points I concentrate on, and time skips between scenes. Except for the start, this chapter was uninterrupted, with unnecessary detail, muddling the points. Why the bathrobes, the sex toys, the popcorn? And the whole trip to the store could have been summarized into a short paragraph. I think all of those details should tie into the point of the scene somehow, otherwise skip them. The ending lacked a point too, the chapter just ended. Maybe this just wasn't an issue in previous chapters because those were shorter. There is still value here, we got some nice discussions/emotional connections, but there's also a lot of ballast.

Also Cal seems really submissive by now, with Sam basically deciding everything. Not a problem, just an observation.