All Comments on 'Sisters Who Smoke Together Pt. 01'

Uptight inhibited fiance' ends up doing a threesome with her sister and husband to be. Using alcohol and dope as stimulants made it a mindless romp rather than a therapeutic awakening. How long can it be before the old anxieties return, with the insecurity of sharing her lover with her sister. I suspect this was supposed to be just a fun sex romp, mainly a jackoff story. Adding the intellectual aspects altered the nature and substance of the plot, making it more of a thinking story than just a wanking prop. I would have preferred more character and intellectual substance than the teenage fuckfest you ended up with. But thanks for the time and effort.

Despite the fact that the story was somewhat difficult to follow and had some errors, it had me teasing my nipples (which makes my cock hard and erect) and stroking my cock until I came all over myself. Five stars as a great jack-off tale!

This is completely aside from the actual "writing" of the story. You're missing words, punctuation, etc, and all of that conspires to drag a story down. You also felt it was important to include details like "feeding the pets vs not feeding the pets", just to shine a light on one. Not really sure why you felt it was necessary to devote time to that detail. It didn't affect the story one way or the other. And that's indicative of your writing. It's all over the place, with brief stops at places where you really didn't need to go.

In terms of thumbs up or down, this one is a definite thumbs down. Not much going for it, any way you look at it.

Although not completely flowing as others have mentioned, your effort was well intended and using my mind to put myself in your place; it was an awesome story idea that definitely tripped my trigger. Thanks for the story and I hope you'll continue to offer more. With practice and some editing help, they can become even better. I look forward to seeing how this plays out with your fiancée and her sister in future installments.

The story itself was great. It was a good idea, and you put it into thought well. On the other hand, you need an editor badly. I try not to get hung up on grammar if the story is good, but yours was so bad it took away from what was a great storyline. Get an editor to clean it up, and you'll be bringing in 5's in no time.

...so if you rise to the occaision, get some editorial help....and put more of your own editorial effort into your stories, you run a very good chance at gaining a following from this broad audience.

There will always be detractors and critics (that's part of growing as a writer), but you ought to be very encouraged about now....

Looking forward to an improved next episode.

Yes needs some editing but boy did it get me wet and wanting to try a threesome like bad. .

I gave up trying to read this garbage!

I didn't always know which girl you were talking about.

But the main premise is exceedingly unlikely! So are some of the ancillary premises! AND, it IS often ambiguous regarding which sister is doing what!

Hard to argue that the sexually reluctant sister/fiancée is 'adventurous' but the other sister makes up for it, kinda!

3*

Should be "ground".

Nifty concept which developed into a sexy tale. Would love to be the guy in the middle of that sandwich! Lots of hot sex is what's important,not looking for mistakes in language.

Nice job! Looking forward to Part 2 and 2A! ~ ("This is the first part of a multi-part story. The future segments will include a main timeline and an alternate timeline. This will give two possibilities on how this story could turn out.")