Sitting in the Dark

Sometimes all you can do is sit in the dark and wonder why? Maybe there are no easy answers or maybe you know the answer and can't reconcile it with the rest of your life. Maybe it's just a matter of facing the awful truth that everyone is going to get hurt and like watching a train wreck in slow motion there is nothing you could do to stop it. The wheels were set in motion and the end is near. That's what I was doing. It was a Friday night and all I could think to do was sit in the dark on my father's back porch and wonder "Why?".

It's funny how you get comfortable with your life. Everything was as it should be, and all was right with the world until it wasn't. I thought this night would be nothing more than a pleasant evening with the family. It was her Friday night out with the girls, so I grabbed some carry out and I headed over to my dad's house. My sister Jean and her husband were already there when I arrived.

That's when the bomb dropped and nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

I lost my appetite. No, it couldn't be true. She would never do that! I know this woman. I love this woman! She would never cheat.

We sat together in my father's living room and he showed me the photographs. He had video and audio. He told me some of the things she'd said to her lover and I wanted to be sick.

"It can't be. It must be a mistake."

"Son, it's not. I've suspected this for some time now, but I didn't want to say anything. Now that I know for sure, I had to tell you. Girl's night out is just a cover for her cheating."

My sister was crying, and her husband was holding her, comforting her, and looking at me with sadness in his eyes. Ours is a close family. When you hurt one of us, you hurt us all. I felt numb. All I could do was stand and walk out to the back porch, sit in the dark, and wonder "Why?". We had a good life and a loving family. There was no shortage of love or laughter. Other families I knew would say they envied us and ask us how we do it? There was never any big secret. We just loved each other. Now a part of that love had been thrown on the fire to burn to ash.

Eventually the family joined me on the porch, and we all sat around the table trying to comfort one another. "How did you find out?" I asked.

"A friend told me that he saw her dancing with some guy in a bar on her girl's night out. The truth is I had my suspicions, but I hadn't acted on them. I'm sorry for that. I turned a blind eye hoping I was wrong or that it would all blow over. When I realized it wouldn't, I decided to learn the truth. I didn't want to tell you until I was sure. All those high-tech spy toys out there made it easy enough." Dad had his hand on my knee as he spoke. He knew I was having a hard time and it wasn't going to get any easier.

I had to admit I'd seen the signs myself. "I've watched her flirt with men before. I thought it was just a game. I guess I was wrong."

We sat in the dark for hours. Dad talked about the wedding and how proud he was at the time. We talked about our childhood, our expectations and what we were raised to believe. We talked about our plans and how they would never be the same.

"Son, I'm fairly certain this isn't the first time. It's just the last. Life goes on even when the marriage dies."

I let my father's words sink in until I knew they were true. "I just can't believe mom would cheat on you like that, dad. I can't believe she would betray us all like that."

Jean was nodding while her husband stared into space.

My wife had her arms around me with her head on my shoulder. I kissed her on top her head. She looked up at me and all I could think to say was, "Thank you for not being like my mother."