Six Months in a Leaky Boat

Monday morning rolled around and we returned to our normal work routine. It was almost a relief to be able to get back to something that could take my mind away from Jenn and myself, I was hoping it would help her to move past my affair as well if she wasn't dwelling on it all day.

The only concerning thing for me was that I might run into Stefanie at work or that Jenn would see the guy that had asked her out. We didn't need that right now with our marriage being as fragile as it is. Luckily for me I didn't have to deal with our clients that Stefanie works for, and I rebutted her texts asking her to respect my decision to not see each other.

The week finally came to an end on Friday evening when I got a text from Jenn as I was leaving work saying she would be home a bit later as she was having a few drinks with Lucy from work. That's not that unusual for Jenn even if rare, but I must admit the first thought that crossed my mind was whether she was really having drinks with her friend Lucy. Was that just cover so that the guy from work that asked her out would be there with her, or if she was possibly having drinks or dinner with him alone.

Jenn got home a few hours later, she wasn't drunk or anything. She came back out from the bedroom after getting changed and sat with me in the lounge room.

"Did you have a good night, Jenn?"

"Yeah, it was nice."

"Where did you guys end up going?"

Jennifer looked over at me, no doubt wondering about all the questions.

"Does it matter? You never asked me where I have drinks with friends before."

"I was just asking. I was hoping you had a nice night is all."

Jenn just nodded at me and turned her attention to the TV. I couldn't help but think she wasn't telling me anything because there might be a reason not to.

The rest of our weekend went much the way of our last weekend, with us barely talking. In bed, we never cuddled or even touched each other. The one time I tried to cuddle with her was quickly rebuffed so I decided I would let Jenn determine when she was ready for any physical contact. I was just glad that we were still sleeping in the same bed.

The following Wednesday afternoon I got a text from Jenn to let me know that she was having dinner tonight with a client, so I would need to get something to eat for myself. Again, my thoughts went straight to being suspicious about who Jenn was actually dining with. Was this her second date perhaps with the guy from work? I texted Jenn back stating 'no problem', but also asked her where she was going. She just replied with 'somewhere near the office' without telling me where.

I sat at home eating some left-overs from what Jenn had cooked the night before, dwelling on where Jenn was right now, and more importantly who she was with. I have to admit, the not knowing was fueling my imagination with my worst fears running wild. I knew I should trust her more, but I was worried that maybe she was taking a page out of my own book by keeping any dalliances a secret like I had done.

Jennifer arrived home at just after 11pm and went straight to the bedroom to get changed, then she showered before finally walking back out into the lounge room thirty minutes later.

This time I was not keen to ask her where she had been or who she was with, I wanted her to tell me of her own choice. Jenn sat on the couch and started watching Netflix with me, and not saying anything.

This is where both of our stubbornness comes into play again, I am not going to ask and she is not going to tell. After about thirty minutes of silence between us, Jenn got up from the couch and walked into the bedroom again without saying a word, closing the door behind her. I was quietly furious, there has to be something going on. I stayed out in the lounge for another thirty minutes, wanting to avoid being next to her in bed as long as I could. Eventually I went to bed, Jenn was already asleep when I put my head down on the pillow.

On Friday I got another text from Jenn at lunchtime to let me know that she was going out for drinks again after work, and to not wait up. Okay, I was furious. What the hell is the 'not wait up'? She has never in all the time we've been together gone out without me and told me to not wait up. Was she going for drinks with him and expecting to go back to his place?

I had promised myself there was absolutely no way I would sit around while Jenn went out and fucked someone else. I would not be there laying in bed with Jenn returning from her fuck date to lay beside me. I know that's exactly what I had done to Jenn without her knowledge for the last six months with Stefanie, but I was not going to accept that myself.

This time I decided to call her.

"Hi Jon."

"Hey Jenn, just wanted to know what you meant by 'don't wait up'? Are you staying out all night or sleeping at a friend's place?"

"No, I'll be home, just a bit later than normal."

"Normal? You rarely go out with work colleagues for drinks, now two Fridays in a row and you're planning on staying out late? What's going on Jenn?"

"Nothing's going on. I'm just going out with friends for drinks, and maybe end up at a club. So, I will be home a little later than normal, so don't wait up."

I'm glad she couldn't see the anger written across my face right then, I was livid.

"Okay, then I won't wait up!" I yelled and hung up the call without saying goodbye, a first for me with Jennifer.

This time I decided I would not wait around at home while Jenn was god knows where with god knows who. For a brief moment I even contemplated calling Stefanie, to tell her I had changed my mind. But common sense prevailed, and I instead rustled up a few guys in the office to come out with me for a few beers after work.

It was good to have drinks and relax with some of the guys, the conversation flowed just like the beers, keeping my mind from wondering back to Jennifer and what she might be up to. As the evening wore on, our numbers started to dwindle until just myself and Gary were left just after midnight. Gary is probably the closest thing to a guy I would call my best friend. It's hard to have best friends when your whole life seems dedicated to your career. Gary and I stated working at our firm at about the same time, both fresh out of college. We used to go out drinking and partying a bit before I met Jennifer, then that slowly diminished as my relationship with Jenn evolved along with my added responsibilities at work.

"It's been so long since we had a good fucking night out drinking Jon, thanks for getting the boys together."

"Ahh, my pleasure."

We were drunk and well and truly on our way to being unable to walk.

"You been walking around the office for the last two weeks like someone stole your toys, what's been going on with you?"

"Nothing, I'm all good Gary. All good."

"Bullshit. I smell wife problems."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I moped around the office last year when I broke up with Mary. You look just like I did."

"You broke up with Mary? I didn't know that."

"We're together again now, it's all good. It was touch and go for a while there though."

"What happened, you don't mind me asking do you?"

"Fuck no, we're buddies. I got caught with my hands in the cookie jar. Mary was going to leave me."

"You were cheating on her and she found out?"

"No. I was cheating on her and she found out, but I didn't know."

"What?"

"I didn't know she knew. She didn't tell me."

"I'm not following, you just said you two broke up and she was going to leave you."

"Yes. Look, I was cheating on her but I didn't know she had found out. She kept it to herself but our marriage went to shit. Then I moved into my brother's apartment because I thought my marriage was dead. Then I broke up with Stacy, that was the chick I was seeing. Then I wanted to try to get back together with Mary."

"But you didn't know Mary knew about Stacy?"

"No, not until I tried to patch it up with her. Mary told me to fuck off and that she knew all about Stacy. That was when I was moping around the office like you've been. Fucking depressed looking."

"So, how did you fix it up with Mary?"

"That woman has a heart of gold, that's how. She finally gave me a second chance to come home and try again. I've tried to make it up to her ever since."

"Fuck, you really do have a good woman there."

"I know it, right. So, what's been going on with you and Jennifer?"

"Pretty much the same as what you went through."

"You been cheating on Jennifer? Really? Fuck, whoever she is, she must be smoking hot. Your wife is one fine woman."

"Nah, she didn't have anything on Jenn. I don't know why I fucked around on her. But she knows, and shit is frosty as fuck at home."

"You need to make it right Jon, do whatever it takes buddy if you want to get her back. I just hope she has a heart of gold like Mary and forgives you."

"It's not that easy, I think Jenn is seeing someone now. A bit of payback maybe."

"Fuck, okay. Well, you need to suck up your pride and fight for her anyway if you still want her."

"But what if she's cheating on me, like right this very fucking second."

"Do you still want her or not?"

"Of course I do, but if she's cheating on me, no way."

"You fucking cheated on her first. What, you expect her to forgive you, but you can't forgive her?"

"I don't fucking know. You want another beer?"

"Nah, I'm done Jon. I need to get home to my wife. Maybe you should too."

With that we both staggered out of the bar and caught a cab to our homes.

I awoke with a headache, the hang-over was probably going to kick me in the ass all day. Jenn was not in bed beside me, but it was 9am which was way later than we normally get up. I went for a piss, then got in the shower. It felt great to have the hot water running over me, trying to soothe my thumping head.

As I stood in the shower I thought back to what Gary had told me last night. That I wanted Jenn to forgive me but I wasn't prepared to forgive her, and that I should fight to get her back if I still wanted to be with her. I remembered getting in the door last night, then crashing on the bed. I do remember now that Jenn was already asleep on the bed when I got in. I felt a huge amount of relief as I remembered that.

Maybe I should forgive Jenn for whatever she has done with the guy from her work. If I can't we're as good as done. But how do I even bring that up? Fuck my head hurts right now. I got out of the shower, got dressed and headed for the kitchen, I need water, plenty of water. Jenn was nowhere to be seen.

I decided to text her.

"Hey Jenn"

"U awake at last?"

"Yeah. Head hurts tho."

"Take some tablets and drink lots of water."

"Already on it. Where are U?"

"Out with friends. Back home later."

"OK. Bye."

"Bye."

Which friends? On a Saturday morning after being out with 'friends' all Friday night. Fuck, saying I should forgive her and being able to are two different things. This is going to be hard. I wandered out to the lounge with a bottle of water and crashed on the couch. Maybe I'll just lay here for a little while.

"Hey Jon, wake up! Jon."

I started to open my eyes and saw Jenn standing over me.

"Hey, you're back. Good morning."

"Well, it's after three in the afternoon, so good afternoon."

"Oh fuck, I've wasted the whole day."

I started to get to my feet, my head was thumping way less now thank god.

"Jon, you didn't tell me you were going out drinking last night, and so late. I got home and didn't know where you were."

"What do you care?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean Jenn."

"No, No I don't. Yesterday you yelled at me on the phone and then hung up on me. Then you go out and get so drunk you barely made it into the bedroom, and now you're angry with me? You asked me on the phone yesterday what's going on, maybe I should be the one asking you that."

"Like you're innocent in all this."

"What the hell are you talking about Jon?"

"Doesn't matter, I forgive you anyway."

"What?"

"I said I forgive you. I want our marriage to work. I'm not giving up on us that easy."

Jenn just stared at me with a look of either anger or confusion, not sure which. She turned and walked out of the lounge towards the bedroom.

Okay, that didn't go as I wanted it to. Jenn denying all this is just going to make it harder. If I can get her to see that I will forgive her regardless, maybe she can forgive me too. Then we can put all of this shit behind us.

I drank some more water and went and stood over the kitchen sink trying to get my head together. Coffee, I need some coffee. After I made a cup I sat at the kitchen table trying to figure out what I needed to say to Jenn.

Gary was right, I needed her to understand that I forgive her for whatever she has done with this other guy. I wasn't going to be the stubborn asshole this time. This time I'll be the one offering the olive branch. While I'm sure I'll be pissed off for a long time knowing that Jenn cheated on me, I have to be able to forgive her if I expect her to forgive me for the six months with Stefanie.

Alright, be the bigger man as they say. So, I got up and walked down the hallway to the bedroom. The door was closed, so I knocked gently.

"Jenn, can we talk please?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Are you going to continue talking in riddles?"

"What? No."

"Fine then."

I opened the door, walking in and sitting on the bed beside where Jenn was laying down.

"So Jenn, can we talk about all this? I miss you and this whole living together and not being together is not working for me."

"I told you I needed time. Do you think I'm being unreasonable after finding out about the last six months? This has been hard for me Jon. I've been doing my best not to be yelling and throwing shit at you every day."

"That's not what I'm talking about. Well, sort of. I want us to be able to talk to each other, like we did at the resort. I want us to be intimate again like we were there as well."

"I just told you that I need time Jon, which part of that sentence confuses you?"

"But you don't need time to be getting intimacy from somewhere else, is that it?"

"What exactly are you saying Jon?"

"Come on Jenn, I'm not an idiot. Do you think I don't know what you've been doing with all these night outs and dinner with clients? You went through with the date with that guy at work didn't you? That's what all these sudden nights out have been about, you getting back at me for cheating."

Jenn sat up on the bed, her mouth was wide open, she had a surprised look on her face.

"But that doesn't matter Jenn, I'm ready to forgive you so we can put all this behind us."

"Oh really? You're ready to forgive me for what exactly? Having dinner, dancing and chatting? Is that right?"

"I'm not accusing you of doing more than that, but it doesn't matter either way. I'm saying that I can forgive you because I still love you Jenn. I want us to be happy again."

"So, let me get this right Jon. I want it to be crystal clear. You're saying that I cheated on you with Kevin, that's the guy that asked me out before. You're saying that I cheated on you with him, but you're ready to forgive me because you still love me even after that?"

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

"So, you hanging up on me yesterday, and getting drunk last night, you were pissed off because you think I'm sleeping with Kevin?"

"Well, yeah."

"You're such an idiot."

Jenn then reached out and hugged me. This was the first bit of affection I had received from her since she found out about my affair. She looked up into my eyes and then leaned in and kissed me on the lips. Not a fiery passionate kiss, but not just a peck either.

"So, are you going to tell Kevin where to get off now?"

"I told him weeks ago. Like I said, you're an idiot."

Now it was my turn to have a confused expression.

"I've been confiding in Lucy about everything that happened since I went back to work. She convinced me to go out for a drink last Friday, then again last night with some of the girls. She was trying to cheer me up."

I sat silent, not knowing what to say, could I have gotten this all wrong?

"And my dinner date was with a business client, for real. I was with Lucy again this morning because we were shopping for your birthday present. And I haven't spoken to Kevin since we've been back from Lake Placid. I told him before I left that I was declining his offer. Honestly, I have no idea how you came up with all of this. You must be feeling really guilty about what happened for the last six months."

"I have been, more than you know. Are you telling me the truth, honestly?"

Jenn nodded her head at me, but now with a growing smile across her face.

"Yes, it's the truth. I'm touched though that you forgive me for the imaginary affair I had. Tell me though, in your imagination, did he fuck me nice and hard?"

"What? No, I couldn't think about that, that would have driven me fucking crazy."

"Well how about my not so imaginary husband fuck me nice and hard instead? I can call you Kevin if that helps?"

"Jon will be fine thanks, but I thought you needed more time?"

"No, not anymore."

This time Jenn did give me a fiery passionate kiss. Somehow, this idiot got it to all work out just fine.

The End.