by rebelapple
Everything is too abrupt. Flesh it out a little more and you'll be on the way to a good story.
Don't change a thing, just let it continue. Love to see them come out as acouple, and maybe marriage in the future.
I'm planning to do up to 3 parts of this. I'm currently working on part 2, so it might be out sometime soon. :) Thanks for the positive response. Even if you didn't like the story please comment and critisize my first work. I'd love to improve on it!