Slingshot 01

Slingshot 01

"Alright, Slingshot, let me see if I have this straight. Your last remaining friend, Teddy, who occasional visits with you because you keep him supplied with the Molly that you get from me, which is fine, made arrangements to stop by, but then you figured out that Teddy was secretly trying to reacquaint you with an old bully, who you refer to as "he who shall not be named" and now, you want to reward them both with a little extra Molly because you decided to take the high road about all this. How am I doing so far Slingshot and why doesn't this stuff happen when I crash at your place on the occasional Friday night?"

"It's not exactly a reward Molly Miley Miller, it's just that since I decided to take the high road, well, I realized that I was tricked again because taking the high road implies that the past is in the past. And don't call "he who shall not be named" a bully. He didn't exactly treat me very well, but once he had his hands on me, well, he rarely stuffed me into a trash can."

"Because once he had your butt in his hands, he changed his attitude, right Slingshot?"

Hi folks, I'm Slingshot. Some will say that they call me that because of the way I was once flung off and out of a park swing and those people would be correct. I was quite young and my smaller size made me a perfect projectile because boys will be boys. Now, I admit that it must have been funny to watch because boys will be boys when it comes to rough housing, but a week in bed wasn't as funny from my viewpoint. I mean, boys being boys and launching the smallest boy half way across the park is fun, right? Hah!

Anyways, you can think of me what you will, but I will ask that you respect me for the way I dress and act. I am comfortable with what I wear and I am committed to it enough such that you shouldn't refer to it as a hobby of mine. LOL, that's what model cars and model ships are for. And beyond that, all I have to say is that I have no problem with the way clothing designers make female clothing a lot more flattering than guys clothing and I have no problem taking advantage of that fact. So, think of me what you will, but at least say something nice to me.

Oh, and let's not worry too much about Molly Miley Miller. She's just someone I met at the Soda Shop and she's pretty cool. A free spirit for sure with a love of the Molly, but just an acquaintance. Now, I know her as Molly Miley Miller, but I think her real name is actually Molly because what Miley on the planet would be involved with Molly, right?

Alright then, with a few of the cast of my characters out of the way, let me get into exactly what was happening here and how I took the high road when Teddy tricked me into settling with my past regarding "he who shall not be named", who I will not name until he apologizes to me.

So, Teddy wasn't the problem. Not that I'm saying that "he who shall not be named" was the problem, but Ernie was clearly the problem because of his actions of the past. However, we all know how that high road thing is supposed to work, so I agreed that Teddy could bring "he who shall not be named" with him to pick up the Molly I scored for them. Oh, and by the way, I have the hook up and I'm a bad ass, so watch out if we are driving on the same high road because I'll pass you, you know, because I'm a bad ass.

"Hey, Slingshot, thanks for having me over. I mean, I remember the old neighborhood and all, but you know, right? Boys will be boys, right?"

"Hey, ah, you. And I should hope that you remember me. I mean, some things should be burned into one's memory banks forever, right, ah, you? So, is this where you make a stupid comment about my appearance which would cause me to flush those stupid little pills or what, ah, you?"

"Look, Slingshot, that was a long time ago and I clearly just apologized by blaming it all on the "boys will be boys" thing, so, we're good?"

"Well, I am committed to take the high road, but is this the spot in the movie where the characters just absolutely ignore everything that happened in the past, make nice and then simply change the subject because boys will be boys, um, you?"

"Oh, hey Slingshot, speaking of changing the subject, I couldn't help but to notice that your flat screen seems to be aging, so maybe the movies you watch aren't all that clear?"

Well, he just lucky with that comment because I think he was correct about my older flat screen, but these are not the type of things that I concern myself with. I mean, aging low budget Vampire movies look better when viewed on an aging flat screen. They go hand in hand together.

"So, Slingshot, are we calling a truce? I mean, Teddy is my friend too and we can all take a little Molly and sit around and watch aging low budget movies on your aging TV, right? It all goes hand in hand, right?"

"Well, you're just lucky that I already told some people that I was taking the high road about all this, like three times already, so I'll consider a truce, but I do not expect you to be with Teddy every time he stops by. Now, be quick and say something nice while Teddy is using the bathroom, ah, you."

"Well, now that you're changing the subject again, um, things would have different back in the old neighborhood if you looked the way you look now. I mean, I couldn't help but to notice you when you were dusting off your aging game console that you, ah, filled out nicely."

"Well, I might say back to you that you grew up nicely as well, you know, if I was actually speaking to you."

Oh snap, so now I have an aging flat screen and an aging game console too? I mean, what do they do with electronics? Completely update them every two years or something? And by that, I mean, I quickly covered my ePhone6 with a throw pillow because this aging electronics conversation had to come to an end!

Which my friend Teddy helped out with by coming out of the bathroom, just in time.

"Alright Ernie, I have our party in my pocket, so let's split. Say, you two weren't arguing or anything, were you?"

"Well, Teddy, I'm on the high road, but I'm not happy about..."

"Ah, Teddy, what Slingshot was about to say was no, we were burying the hatchet or maybe the fork that might end up in my eye if I ever pass out after coming down from the Molly because you and I both have major rec drug problems, right Slingshot? That's what you were going to say, right?"

"Well, I'm still waiting for a better apology, not to mention that I'm waiting to hear that the hole in the backyard will be large enough to bury all of my "aging" electronics, but I am on the high road."

And then Teddy thought it was wise to lighten the mood.

"Oh, well then, let me join in all that fun too and lighten the mood. Hey Ernie, LOL, do you know that Slingshot still has an ePhone6? I mean, LOL, right? Maybe that's something you should bury in the backyard."

Oh, I didn't know that I could shoot fire out of my eyes, but look at that, will you? Teddy's knee caps are on fire.

"Oops, or I have no idea on how to lighten a mood, maybe. Time to go, Ernie."

Oh, hi, I'm Slingshot and recently, I am best known for having aging electronics, apparently.

So, what did I do right after Teddy and "he who shall not be named" left my house? Obviously, I went straight the mirror to confirm that "he who shall not be named" meant something along the lines of "shapely" rather than "wide" when he said that he liked the way I filled out. I mean, I have a baseball bat and they only get harder as they age, so he got lucky again this time, but I will get the exact version of his meaning at a later time. Also, he must have meant shapely. I mean, I'll ask about what he meant if and when "he who shall not be named" is ever allowed back into my house.

And then no one visited me for almost a week, until the next Friday evening when Teddy, the good one, told me he was stopping by with a surprise for me.

"What's that, Teddy? It looks like a space ship control panel."

"It's my old gaming console Slingshot, you know, from the 21st century, but I got a newer one, so you can have this one. I mean, my old console is light years ahead of your, ah, Abacus??? Hey, keep your eye out for a funny looking truck in driveway."

"Like a yard service truck because "he who shall not be named" didn't fill in all of the holes that he dug in my back yard to bury absolutely everything I own?"

"No, but I did offer your 18th century game console to the Smithsonian Museum. They should be here shortly looking like the FBI and in an armored truck."

I mean, I laughed, I guess.

"By the way, Slingshot, did you give up on building model ships in a bottle? I mean, I noticed that flat rock on your work table in the driveway. So, you're building rocks now????"

"Oh, no, it's just that your friend has been texting with me, so I thought I would finally reply to him by carving my message on a slab of rock. You know, right? With all my aging electronics and all."

"Ugh, will you please stop referring to Ernie as "my friend" already? You've known him for longer than I have, so just "Ernie", alright?"

"Well, I already carved "Dear Friend of Teddy's" across the top of the rock slab, so maybe next month."

Oh, I'm going to finish my 3rd century message alright! I mean, I didn't chip a nail for nothing! But as a backup, I gave modern texting on my ancient phone a chance while Teddy connected me to the secret world of the robot uprising, that is coming, by the way.

"Dear Friend of Teddy. I appreciate your texting communications and I promise that I am trying to put the past in the past, but I'm asking you to be patient with me as I work through all the issues I carry in my life. Of course, you are welcome to visit me with our friend Teddy occasionally. And thanks for the information on a phone upgrade. I promise that I will look into that as soon as soon as I am out of flat rock slabs. Sincerely, Slingshot."

Oh, that would have taken me three months to carve into the rock, so cool, right? I mean, even my old 19th century ePhone6 has a text button screen, so I'm more modern than anyone gives me credit for. I mean, the text above meets all modern texting lingo, right?

"Hold up, Slingshot! Let me see that text before you hit send. Oh, OK, I see, uh huh, hmmm, maybe, oh, this is too much, alright, that can stay, oh, let's just delete this line and change a few words and there, ready to go. Send."

"Hey, let me see that."

"(SUP?)"

"Ah, it only says "SUP?", Teddy. You sent SUP? Is he invited for supper? I could have carved that into the rock slab in less than an hour! Seriously, who the hell in these modern times says SUP?"

"Well, he is "your old friend" and all, right, Slingshot? Anyways, you don't need to have him over for supper, but lighten up a little. Here, look at the console. You push this button and then the green light flashes for a couple of seconds and then it goes solid, which means the robot uprising has your GPS info on file, so, it's cool that Ernie is with me sometimes when we use you for your connections with that Molly May I Miley Miller girl?"

"Don't call her that. Her name is Molly Miley Miller, but yes, the Friend of Teddy can join you when you use me for my bad ass rec drug connections because I'm a bad ass, not to mention that I already said like nine times that I'm taking the high road."

"Super cool, so Ernie can stop by tomorrow afternoon by himself while I'm still at work and you know, pick up some Molly for later tomorrow night, right? And now that the axe has been buried, well, he was wondering if you would make him an early supper like you said you would? I mean, I'll be at work and all, so why not, right Slingshot?"

Well, even an early supper usually requires forks, so fine! But it will from the Deli. I'm not cooking for the guy who used to want to put me upside down in trash can, but he couldn't once his hands had a firm grip on my belt.

"SUP, Slingshot! So, thanks for the score and I heard there might be some dinner around this place."

"Come in, Friend of Teddy. And there might be something inside for you to eat."

Yes, as a part of taking the high road, I had to start calling him by his name, Friend of Teddy.

"What's that, Slingshot? Did you just say that you were sorry that we're having twice baked potatoes from the roadside Deli? They are great!"

"No, Friend of Teddy, I said that I'm sorry that I already mention twice that I have elected to take the high road about all this. Eat your Cheese Cake and remain quiet when Molly Miley Miller shows up with the goods. I'm the bad ass connection here and you're just the one who needs to fill in the 9 holes you dug in my back yard, so take your over stuffed belly to couch and rest. However, Friend of Teddy, you can tell me one thing that you like."

Hah, here it comes, right? Monster Trucks or dirt. Also, if he says Molly, well, that fork in the eye will be with the fork he is using to eat his Cheese Cake with.

"Oh, animal print undies. Your turn."

Oops, excuse me? Where the hell is Friend of Teddy's dirty mind going with this, right?

"Oh, I didn't see that coming, Friend of Teddy. I was thinking that you would throw out Monster Trucks or Molly or something like that. Whew, ah, finish your dessert while I catch my breath."

"Or, it's your turn, Slingshot. I mean, we pinky swore or we would have if I hadn't lost my pinky finger two years ago when I flipped the new nerd in the steel trash can."

"Alright, um, changing the subject as we always do, Friend of Teddy, when Molly Miley Miller gets here, she may or may not bring up a sensitive topic, so let me take the lead and you shut it, alright?"

"I change my answer. My new answer is knowing in advance what this sensitive topic is, so cough it up, Slingshot! Oh, and Slingshot, I still really like animal print undies, so let's circle back to that later."

Hah, well, I like animal print too, but that's another thing all together.

"Ugh, Friend of Teddy, Molly Miley Miller may have called me out for my street cred as a bad ass, so I may have been forced to tell her that I did have a boyfriend and I may have said that Friend of Teddy is said boyfriend, but she caught me off guard and it's just something that came out. So, ignore any 20-20 that may come up and let me handle things."

"Oh, so Molly Miley Miller had you backed into a corner and my name just came up, huh? Well, we should crawl into bed and talk about that then. I mean, Friend of Teddy just popped out, right? Like I'm on your mind all the time, Slingshot?"

"Friend of Teddy, stop with the bedroom talk. Besides, she is here, so shut it. Also, Friend of Teddy, I sleep diagonal in my bed, if you get my drift. Now, go rest on the couch."

By the way, Molly Miley Miller doesn't mess around when she knocks on a front door.

"SUP home girl-boy Slingshot sugar plumb, let's get this over with, whoa, OMG, is this the boyfriend, Friend of Teddy, stud supreme who grew up nicely? The Friend of Teddy who thinks you also grew up nicely, which keeps him in boner status, like all the time? Ah, come on Slingshot, don't be shy now, fess up. Hey, Friend of Teddy, that's tight, right? Also, Slingshot told you that I crash here sometimes, so don't forget that I might be listening some night."

Oh, yeah, it was time to direct Friend of Teddy to the couch so he could relax his belly from all the food he had just consumed. Like, bye, bye for a while, Friend of Teddy.

"Molly Miley Miller, I may have over sold my relationship with Friend of Teddy. I'm just taking the high road and helping him out with my bad ass connection with you and he's hard for the Molly, not me."

"Oh, I see, bad ass Slingshot. Anyways, I kind of figured that you were over selling things because, well, it's you and all and you still think the Soda Shop is a club. By the way, he looks comfy on the couch, right? Comfy like you should join him and maybe sooth his stuffed belly by rubbing it. I mean, friend of Teddy used to rub you, right? He's made a move, hasn't he?"

"Friend of Teddy has requested a private movie night this coming Tuesday, but I'm taking the high road, not the high mountain pass."

"LOL, a movie watch on that aging flat screen? So, that's just a simple blow job, which is something that everyone does, especially when they are on the Molly, so what's the big deal?"

"He likes animal print undies and I promised to wear some this Tuesday when we have a private movie watch party!"

"Oh, that's giving it up and giving it up hard and tight! Also, can I crash here Tuesday night?"

Well, Friend of Teddy did eat a lot of his early supper and he did look so comfy laying on the couch and all.

"Anyways Slingshot, here is the Molly, so kiss me good bye, go comfort Friend of Teddy on the couch and I'll help myself to a plate of early supper and I'll let myself out."

(Peck)

"Comfort Friend of Teddy????"

"You know, rub his full belly and stuff. It looks like your skinny as will fit on the couch with him. Anyways, smoke signal text me later, Slingshot."

Hmmm, I remember some "rubbing and stuff" between Friend of Teddy and I in the past, but never on a couch, especially with someone like the very nosey Molly Miley Miller eating so close by.

"Hush, Friend of Teddy, I'm just laying next to you on the couch to ease the burden of your over filled belly. If your t-shirt is putting undo pressure on your stomach, you can remove it."

Wait, what? Swish, swoosh, swish and his t-shirt lands on my aging flat screen?

"Did your friend Molly Miley Miller leave, Slingshot?"

"She was just leaving, but apparently, she felt the need to unbuckle your cargo shorts first."

"That's not you????"

Nope, that wasn't me. That was all the Molly induced Molly Miley Miller."

"Have fun you two."

End Slingshot 01