Slut Series: Loving a Straight Man

*Disclaimer: The following is based on true events. Names, locations, etc have been updated for anonymity and privacy. Some details have been embellished to make a more compelling story and to reflect my personal preferences.

Hi, I'm Rob. Welcome to another chapter of a series I like to think of as journal entries, or confessions, based on my prior life as a total slut. None of these are intended to be read in any sort of numerical order.

While other stories I have planned for this series are highly raunchy, this one is a different approach. For the record, presently I'm a happily married man. This story recounts when I fell in love with a former coworker. I believe we can love multiple people throughout our lives, and this is one of those examples. This story will span multiple years, but condensed for readability.

I'll start with a brief description of myself to help in your visualizations. This story arcs between the ages of 20-27. I have dark brown hair, green eyes hidden behind glasses, gauged ears -- though not too large, and probably about a dozen tattoos scattered about my person including two half sleeves. I'm 5'9", about 150lbs, slim from biking and inner-city walking. I'm a gaymer and fairly nerdy, yet athletic.

I spent the summer of 2010, between my junior and senior years of college, in an internship writing blog posts for a think tank. It wasn't anything I was interested in, however, it was a way to get job experience and I had a family connection that got me the position. The office was located in the downtown area of a large city. I lived out in the suburbs. The commute sucked, but it was a paying job at least. It was interesting to learn about public policy and the politics of it all.

I was one of a dozen interns. Others were also writers and researchers while some handled more administrative tasks that helped to run the non-profit organization. We were all either current students or those who had recently graduated. I'm a very social person so it was fun to have a group of folks to chat with during the day or go out for happy hours.

As far as I could tell, I was the only gay person in the group. Many of the interns also seemed to be on the more conservative side of politics. I didn't know enough about it to be able to talk about that sort of stuff, but at least everyone accepted me as gay. It was 2010 and younger people, especially in a large city, were so much more accepting of the LGBT community.

Where I stood out from this group of white, young Republicans as a gay man, another intern was also unique. Karim stood out for a couple of reasons. He was older, a graduate student, and about 25 years old. He also happened to be Iranian. I believe he was the first generation, born in the United States, but his parents had emigrated. I didn't grow up around a lot of racial diversity, so it was also fascinating to meet people of different backgrounds.

Karim was charismatic, gregarious, and intelligent. He had tan skin the color of light caramel, a gift from his heritage. He kept his dark black hair cropped short. His face was both handsome and kind, with a strong cleft chin and always a hint of dark stubble. His beautiful brown eyes and smile could light up any room. Instantly you wanted to know more about him.

He was tall, close to 6'. I never saw him in casual clothes, but I had a sense from him that he kept himself in great shape. The only unfortunate side to him was that he was a Republican, oh, and straight. At this point in my life, I'd only been out of the closet for a little over a year and I wasn't about to go seducing straight Republicans. Truthfully, I was initially quite shy and nervous around him.

He had that typical straight guy habit of calling everyone by their last name. I'm sure he was perceptive enough to pick up on my timidity, so he took it a step further with me by turning it almost into a sort of nickname. Smith became Smithers. The irony here was not lost on me. Smithers, a gay man, in love with his boss, is a straight man. I highly doubt this was intentional on Karim's part.

Throughout that summer, my shyness melted away and I became friends with everyone, including Karim. Come August, we all exchanged numbers and emails with strong promises to get together again after we all returned to our respective universities. On our final day as a group, I thought this was the last time I would ever see Karim. We weren't so close that I expected we would reconnect.

We all moved on. I finished up my last year of college and graduated. I moved into the nearby city and got a job working for an advertising agency. As I had done with the other interns, Karim and I became friends on Facebook. He was never particularly active on there, but I always saw him interact with my various posts and milestones. The only thing I ever saw from him was some post about moving out west to California.

It wasn't until 2015 that I had any direct contact with Karim. It had been an incredibly tough year for me. My dog died, I lost my job, and the guy I'd been dating dumped me. Tough seems like a polite word to describe it. Even after all this, walking one of the quieter city streets, some douche bag hollered "Fag!" at me from a moving car. Safe to say I was feeling rather defeated. I took to Facebook, posting about my struggles and asking for cheerfulness. Many people commented with pictures of their pets, which always helped.

Later that day, I received a text from Karim.

Karim: Hey buddy, hope you're doing alright. I'm sorry things have been so shitty for you. I hope this helps!

Following the text, Karim had included a selfie with some crazy face and a thumbs up. I'll admit, it did make me smile.

Me: Haha! That's a cute look on you, made me laugh

Karim: Good! Otherwise, I'd have to fly out there and cheer you up in person

Me: Ah, I wish! I could use a friend and a hug

Karim: (-:

He didn't respond again after the smiley face emoji and neither did I. If anything, I was just surprised to hear from him after so long. As much as his silly picture made me laugh, it reminded me of just how handsome he was. Our messaging, albeit brief, even made me miss him a little. I remembered how kind he always was and how friendly he came across.

The next morning, I decided to message him again. It was nice having someone to talk to.

Me: Hey! Thanks again for reaching out yesterday, it meant a lot to me

I had hoped for an immediate response, but then I remembered I'm on East Coast time and he lives in California. It was a Saturday, and I highly doubted he would be awake at 6:30 am. Fifteen minutes later, however, he proved me wrong.

Karim: Good morning! You're very welcome

Me: It was nice having a reason to smile :)

Karim: Good! Show me :)

Wait, what? He wants me to send a picture of myself? Why? I know he's very friendly and all, is that what this is?

Me: No way! I'm still in bed, don't judge, and I probably look a mess

Karim: Pssh, I don't believe you

Okay, I'll do it. What's the worst that could happen? I set my glasses on the bedside table and snapped a picture of myself with a fairly weak smile. I hit send.

Me: Not much to look at, but here I am

Karim: It's cute! Don't sell yourself short :)

Me: What're you doing up so early anyway?

Karim: Oh I go to the gym first thing, it's a lot quieter and I like having the space to myself

Me: Yeah that makes sense, enjoy your workout!

Karim: Thank you, sir! Have a great day :)

He sure liked to send a lot of smiley faces. I think that's what made him so easy to talk to, even if virtually. I'd missed having this kind of connection with someone, with anyone. I was still feeling the heartache from my last boyfriend, and this sort of attention was welcomed. I had to remind myself, however, that Karim was straight and lived on the other side of the country.

We continued our casual conversations almost daily. I was working a boring temp job while seeking out more meaningful employment so his messages certainly helped the days go by faster. By our second month of chatting, our text conversations had a bit more sustenance. It resulted in a growing friendship. For me, stupidly, it also resulted in a growing fondness and attraction. I didn't dare admit this to him. Our friendship meant too much to me to risk jeopardizing it. The more we messaged, the more I longed for Karim.

It was another Saturday, around mid-morning, when I received a picture message from Karim. It was of him at the gym, flexing in the mirror. He wore a loose-fitting t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, shorts down to the knee, and black Converse shoes. He was flexing one of his biceps. As baggy as his attire appeared, this was the most skin I'd ever seen him show. His arms were chiseled and well-defined. I'll admit, I was impressed by what I saw.

Me: Look at those guns! Guess those early morning workouts are paying off

Karim: Rawr ;-)

This was the first time he'd even "winked" at me. It felt almost flirty. All that day I kept going back to his photo. I couldn't help it. He was fast becoming irresistible to me and there was nothing I could do about it. Thoughts of him consumed me.

That night I went out with some friends for drinks. I sent him a picture of my margarita with a thumbs up.

Karim: Have fun tonight! Stay safe :)

Me: I will!

Several margaritas later I was with my friends at a nearby gay club. Two of my friends were dancing with other guys, and a third was on his way out for a hookup. I had no interest in dancing with anyone and I didn't want to be a bad sport. I told my two friends I was going home. It was decent enough weather outside I could walk the 20 minutes it would take back to my apartment.

Back home I took a quick shower to wash off the sweat of the day. I climbed into bed about midnight in just a pair of briefs. It was an unseasonably warm fall night, so I kept the AC blasting. I lay in bed but didn't feel the least bit sleepy. Tipsy, yes, but not tired. I figured Karim would still be awake.

Me: Made it back safe, as promised :)

I took a selfie to prove it. Very "felt cute, might delete later". As I had hoped, less than a minute later Karim was texting me back.

Karim: Did you have fun? What're you still doing up??

He was correct, this was uncharacteristic of me. I've never been much of a night owl.

Me: It was fun I guess. My friends all ended up finding guys to hook up with, not that I mind going home alone. Guess I'm just not sleepy yet, feeling kinda lonely

Karim: I'm sorry to hear that! But sounds like you still had a good time at least? And you'll find someone soon, I'm sure of it! You're a great guy, and cute, too. They should be all knocking at your door.

Me: Haha, you're kind

Karim: Hey, I mean it, you've got a lot going for you

God this man was so nice to me.

Me: I need to meet someone like you ;-)

Karim: Good luck with that :-p I'm one of a kind

Me: Guess that means you'll just have to move here and be my boyfriend :-p

Karim: Nice try bucko

Me: It was worth a shot

Karim: Go to bed mister

I had started to type out "Wish you were here with me", but I backed it out and left him alone. My eyelids were starting to droop anyway. Not long after turning off the lights, I was fast asleep.

The next morning, I awoke to that feeling of dread and regret from having done something embarrassing after a night out drinking. I was fully aware of what I was doing at the moment and had the right amount of liquid courage to say those things to Karim. It was nearly 10 am, so I knew I wouldn't wake him, and I felt he deserved an apology.

Me: Hey, I'm so sorry about last night, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and I'm sorry if did

My heart pounded with nervous anticipation, but a response never came. He was always so quick to get back to me. I was worried I'd made things awkward and now he was giving me the silent treatment. An hour later my phone buzzed. It was Karim.

Karim: Hey there, no worries about last night. Sorry I didn't get back right away, I was out for a run

Naturally, my head went immediately to images of his sweaty body and glistening muscles. I was just happy he didn't seem upset. We chatted on and off through the day, but I could tell he was missing his usual candor. I tried not to dwell on it. During the following week, the distance seemed to grow. We still messaged daily, but it was different. We stopped messaging every day to only once a week. After a few months, it just stopped altogether. I was heartbroken. I was shattered. It felt like I'd lost my best friend. I gave him the space it seemed he needed. It's not like I had any other choice.

Fall faded to winter, and so did my hopes of restoring my friendship with Karim. I had my friends in the city of course, and they were still a lot of fun to be around. It just felt like something was missing. Something missing that gave me the excitement my life so very much needed.

It was New Year's Eve 2015. My friends wanted to go clubbing and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do less. They pleaded, poked, and prodded but I stood my ground that I wanted to spend the night by myself. I bought two bottles of bubbly, ordered some Chinese food, and settled in for a night of watching Julia Roberts movies.

By 10 pm, I'd polished off the last of my egg rolls, popped the second bottle, and dabbed my misty eyes after Richard Gere went to rescue his princess, Vivian. If you don't know the reference, look it up. It's not that I was feeling lonely, but I felt my loss of friendship with Karim very strongly. A New Year's Eve text wouldn't hurt.

Me: Happy New Year! Hope 2016 is good for you. I miss you

I startedRunaway Bride and waited. Five minutes later my phone dinged. Thank God.

Karim: And to you as well, sir! I've missed you too

Me: How've you been?

Karim: I'm alright, stuck in bed with a flu

Me: Noooo, that sucks. Do you have someone to take care of you?

Karim: Nope, just me

He sent a selfie. It's true, he did look sickly, but that couldn't dull his handsome good looks. I could see he was in bed, and shirtless. He had his sheets pulled down just enough for me to see the top of his rounded pecs. I was surprised at how much chest hair he had, as his skin was smooth and hairless everywhere else. At least from what I've seen. It was good to see his face again.

Me: Damn boy, flu looks good on you! Still as handsome as ever :) I'd make you soup if I could!

Karim: Haha thanks, you're too sweet

I was definitely feeling the champagne by now, and I was almost giddy that Karim and I were talking again.

Me: But alas, you're that one guy that'll always be out of reach

Karim: What do you mean?

Me: Well, you've always been so kind to me, you're funny and smart, not to mention sexy as hell. You're basically my ideal man, but I can never have you.

Me: I think I've kind of fallen for you over this past year. I've hated not talking to you the last couple of months, and now everything feels right again

Karim: I'm sorry about that, about drifting away. When you said I should come to be your boyfriend, I dunno, it made me scared, I guess. I care about you too

I couldn't believe what I was reading. It sounds almost as if he likes me back.

Karim: I kinda wish you were here with me right now. I need someone to cuddle and help make me feel better.

Holy shit. It was a belated Christmas miracle.

Me: It's a shame we're so far away :-/ I'd love nothing more than to be snuggled up with you in your arms :) That sounds like a perfect way to start the new year

Karim: Hehe I'd like that too :) dibs big spoon ;)

Me: All yours :)

Karim: I'm feeling a bit sleepy from these cold meds, is it alright if we chat tomorrow?

Me: Of course! Get some rest, handsome

I was disappointed, but I understood. I was just so ecstatic to be talking with him again, and more importantly, I think he might be falling for me in return.

I stayed up watching movies until midnight. I couldn't resist sending him one last text.

Me: Wish you were here to give me a midnight New Year's kiss :-*

I still couldn't believe how this turned out. I knew I wasn't going to get a response, but the feelings of joy I had washed away any kind of anxiety. I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Karim did text me the following day. And the day after that. And again, the day after that. All of the awkwardness from a few months ago dissipated in minutes. I'm not sure what changed for him, but our texting became noticeably flirtier.

It was February, Valentine's Day when I got another surprise from Karim. I remember it was a snowy Sunday afternoon. I had been puttering around my apartment most of the day cleaning and doing laundry. I didn't even notice I had unread messages from Karim.

When I took a break for a late lunch, I finally saw what he'd sent, and my jaw dropped. Karim had sent me a photo. He was standing in front of a full-length mirror completely naked. I could see every detail: his broad shoulders and hairy muscled chest, flat stomach, toned quads, and shapely calves. He kept his black pubic hair neatly trimmed over his soft, cut dick. His tan skin and dark features were stunning. He took my breath away.

Karim: Will you be my valentine?

Me: OMFG, you are so gorgeous, I hope this isn't too much, but I would literally lick you from head to toe ;)

Karim: Is that a promise?

I felt like he was definitely giving me the green light now. There was no turning back. He's known I've lusted after him, and now I know he wants me. This was just the start of a series of photo exchanges over the next two months. We got more and more risqué, each feeling emboldened by the other.

To me, this was only ever a sexy game. It wasn't real, it wasn't a relationship, it was fantasy. Yes, I did care for him, but I was still realistic. I even took a slight hiatus. Spring and summer of 2016 I tried dating again, which happened to end horribly, as such things often do. Karim was supportive throughout this time, and our messaging resumed back to its friendly nature.

That relationship didn't make it past Labor Day. Of course, I confided in Karim and he seemed more than happy to help cheer me up. It was then that he suggested something that I think would change both our lives forever.

Karim: What if I came to visit you on Columbus Day weekend? I have miles I can redeem for a flight. I want to see you.

Me: Are you serious?

Karim: Absolutely!

Me: I would love that :)

Karim: Okay! Booking the flight now

If it hadn't been over text, you'd say I was speechless. This set my heart fluttering with a combination of nerves and excitement. This would be the first time we'd seen each other face to face in over six years. It was a dream come true.

I couldn't get off work the day he was to arrive, but he didn't mind. I offered to have him stay with me, but he opted for a hotel instead. I was initially put off by this, but it made sense. What if we didn't have the same chemistry in person? It was a safe choice.

That Friday, late afternoon, I rushed home from work to shower and get ready. Karim had let me know he'd landed and was checked into his room. An hour later I was walking through the lobby of his hotel, looking for the restaurant. At the far end of a long L-shaped bar, sat Karim. He was idly sipping a beer, fiddling with his phone. He was just as beautiful in person. I continued towards him, confidently and already smiling. His head perked up at my approach, and his smile matched mine.

"Rob!" he said. "It's so good to see you."

He stood up from his stool and pulled me into a hug. He smelled clean and masculine. It felt so natural to be in his arms.