Smoking Addiction in Seven Lessons

By Sunday night, Karen was puffing away as she took copious notes of her smoking experiences throughout the week. After looking up the definition between a casual smoker and a regular smoker, she determined that she had achieved the "regular" smoker designation. Certainly she recognized the cravings. She stubbed out her cigarette and looked at her pack. She wanted another one. Was it time to quit? She had expected that it would take her 2/3 of the time allotted for the project - or at least 50% - to become addicted. Then she would quit. Clearly, after only a week, she was on the threshold of, if not already crossing over into, addiction.

And yet she felt that there was still much to experience. Could she possibly write a report about smoking simply by doing the activity alone? Or with just her sister and mother? No, she couldn't quit yet. Now was not the time. She reached for her pack and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between her lips and lighting the tip with the flame of her lighter. She watched herself puff in a small mirror she had placed on her desk. There would be plenty of time to quit later.

PART 7 - COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

Upon awakening Monday morning, Karen immediately lit a cigarette without a second thought. Her lungs were well accustomed to the morning stimulant and demanded that their craving be fed. She sat up in bed, breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling until the 120 was nothing but a stub. She smoked another cigarette at the table with her coffee while sitting with her mom and sister.

Ari noticed that her puffs were longer and deeper this morning. "You okay?" she asked her sister.

"Just a bit nervous," Karen replied as she realized there was again no longer any tobacco on the filter, and so she stubbed it out. She reached for her pack, but then set it back down on the table.Self-control, she thought to herself.I need to exert some self-control.

"You've smoked a lot the last week," her mother said while staring at her IPad and rhythmically bringing her own 120 up to her lips. "How are you going to make it through the school day?"

"I'll be fine," Karen said again with just a bit of quiver in her voice. "I had my fun over the last week. Now it's time to cut back a bit." She took another look at the pack.Shit. She pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a powerful double-pumped puff. Ari and her mother glanced at each other with a knowing look through the corner of their eyes.This girl is going to be miserable today, the looks on their faces seemed to say to one another.

Karen took one cheek-hollowed puff after another, sometimes holding in the smoke, other times inhaling and exhaling in one quick movement. She looked at her watch and proceeded to stub out the half-smoked cigarette. "I better go wash up," Karen said as she picked up her pack and went down the hall to the bathroom.

Setting the pack of VS-120s on the sink, she washed her face and hands with soap and hot water.Why do I still smell like an ashtray? She took a sniff of her shirt and realized it had a heavy odor of second hand smoke. She went into her room, changed her shirt, and picked up a can of body spray.That should do the trick, she thought to herself with a devious smile.No one will know. She walked down the hall back towards the kitchen but then quickly halted at the bathroom door when she saw the pack of cigarettes. Should she take them? There was no way she could smoke at school, so why bother? Yet she felt this surge of anxiety rising within her just from the thought ofnot having them close by. "Fuck it," she mumbled, and she picked up the pack and put it into her purse with a lighter.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Karen made it throughout the morning without too much difficulty. The excitement of reconnecting with her friends of the Nerd Squad after the Spring Break kept her mind occupied. But by lunch time, she was finding herself easily distracted with thoughts of smoking. By sixth period, she could think of nothing else. She was grateful she had put the VS pack in her purse. It gave her comfort knowing that Virginia was always with her. The fear that someone might see her cigarettes even added an element of excitement. Soon the final bell would ring at 2 pm and she would then hurry home. She imagined herself lighting up as soon as she walked in through the front door.

And then she had an idea. What if she didn't go home right away? What if she headed over to Rosie's Drive-In after school where all the cool kids hang out? It wasn't far from the campus; an easy 20 minute walk in the other direction from home. What would it be like to smoke in public? She felt confident that none of her friends from the Nerd Squad would see her there, and she desperately wanted to understand the experience of lighting up with companions. Indeed, social smoking was an important element of her research. It was how many teenagers start on their journey to addiction.

"You okay?" Christine asked her while they were sitting in a group with the task of filling out a History handout from the teacher.

"Huh?" Karen asked, oblivious to what the friends around her were discussing.

"You seem far away."

"Just eager to get the day over," Karen said. She looked up at the clock and counted down the seconds.2 pm. Thank God!

------------------------------------

What Karen had not figured out was what she was going to tell Christine. Maybe she wouldn't notice her walking in the other direction? Karen was so focused on lighting a cigarette at Rosie's that the irrational seemed totally rational to her current state of mind.

"Where you going?" Christine asked when she saw her best friend turn and walk in the other direction.

"Um, I wanna get something to drink at Rosie's," she said. Karen was never a good liar, but she could skirt the truth if she needed to.

"Really?" Christine replied in confusion.

And then Karen had another spur of the moment idea. "Why don't you join me?" she asked mischievously. If she could turn her best friend into a smoker, that would sure make her life a lot easier over the next few weeks. Karen knew from her research that the children of smokers were twice as likely to pick up the habit, especially for the daughter if a mother smoked. There were even some studies that showed nicotine dependence could be inherited. Christine's mother was a heavy smoker; that made her friend a likely candidate. Perhaps she was already a closet smoker. But Karen knew this was a risk. Her friend might have been influenced in the other direction, turning into an anti if she detested her mother's habit. It was a risk she was willing to take.

"Uh, sure. Okay," Christine replied, and the two took the 20 minute walk into town together.

On the way, Karen noticed the VFW Hall across the street and thought about her sister sitting inside at the reception desk. This was just the kind of activity Ari would approve of.

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Upon reaching Rosie's, the teenagers noticed immediately that this was indeed the Cool Kids hangout. It was easy to determine which clique was which. To the corner were the goths dressed in black. The stoners were nearby, with their long hair and rock music blaring. Most of the tables, however, were jocks and cheerleaders, surrounded by their sycophants. Nearly everyone was smoking. Karen smiled, wanting desperately to be a part of this social scene.

"You sure you wanna be here?" Christine asked with trepidation. She was no elitist snob, but she wondered what she would have in common with these classmates whose only goal appeared to be achieving mediocrity. Still, she had to admit that there were a lot of hot guys sitting at the outside tables in the jock clique.

After the two each purchased a fountain drink, they sat down at one of the corner tables near the jocks. Not even a minute later, two female teenagers came up to them, one White and the other Black. Karen had seen them around campus. Both were gorgeous and members of the Cheer clique.

"Aren't you two part of the Nerd Squad?" the African American asked.

Karen calmly took a sip on the straw in her fountain drink. "Guilty," she said looking up at them without any fear.

"Then what are you doing here?" the White girl asked in a tone that Christine found just a touch menacing.

"Maybe we should go," Christine whispered.

Karen smoothly put her hand on her friend's arm. She then reached into her purse for the pack of Virginia Slims and a lighter, placing both on the table. "I heard that this was where all the cool kids hang out," she said confidently as she pulled out a cigarette. She placed it between her lips, lit it freehanded, and took a cheek hollowed puff while breathing in through her nose. She then exhaled a strong gust out of the side of her mouth. "Did I hear wrong?"

"Oh, I like her," the Black girl said to her friend. "This one has style." She pulled out a pack of Salem and placed it on the table. "I'm Nancy." She pointed to her White friend. "This is Katie."

"Hey," Katie said with a nod.

"Christine," Karen said pointing to her companion. "I'm Karen."

"Oh, we know who you are Miss Academic Superstar," Nancy said with a jocular twang in her voice. She sat down and proceeded to light a Salem before giving the pack to her friend. She held the smoke deep in her lungs and then added, "That's why we wondered why the hell you were here." She blew the excess smoke out of the side of her mouth.

Karen looked over at Christine who was still in shock at what she was witnessing.My best friend is a smoker? How could I not have known that? Karen gave her the pack of VS-120s, along with a look that clearly said, "You better light one if you want to stay." Without a word, Christine lit a Virginia Slims with enough self-confidence that Karen could tell that this was not her first time. The risk had paid off.

Over the next hour and a half, Karen smoked five cigarettes, including 2 different brands other than her own. Christine only smoked three, appearing to enjoy holding a cigarette even if she didn't bring it to her lips very often. What they both discovered was that hanging out with the cool kids was actually a lot of fun. Before they headed home, they had come to learn the names of most of the teenagers who congregated at Rosie's.

"You're okay, Karen Kwon," Katie said.

"Yeah, for a nerd," Nancy teased. "You guys do got somefoxes in that group, though. Any of 'em smoke?"

"Not yet," Karen said with a twinkle in her eyes.

++++++++++++++

As the two teens walked down the street away from Rosie's back towards their neighborhood, Christine dropped the question she had wanted to ask an hour and a half ago. "When the fuck did you start smoking?"

Karen knew the question was coming, and she was eager to share everything with her best friend now that she had a smoking companion. She explained that this was her research project; that she had spent the entire Spring Break allowing herself to become addicted and enjoying every puff she's taken. Listening to every word her friend said, Christine didn't even notice that they had passed her own house, instead entering Karen's who immediately pulled out her pack and lit a cigarette upon walking through the door. "You want one?" she asked Christine.

"Are you insane?" her friend asked her. "You know how bad smoking is for you, right?"

"That didn't stop you from having three cigarettes at Rosie's," Karen teased as she sat down on the couch and tapped her 120 over an ashtray. "I could tell this wasn't your first time." She held out the pack to her.

Christine looked at her in frustration but ultimately accepted the pack. "Okay," she confessed, "occasionally I have smoked a cigarette at home. My mother is a terrible influence on me. But I'm telling you, girlfriend, if you don't quit now, you never will." She lit the 120 bobbing in her lips, and this time inhaled the puff. "My mom told me she started smoking at 16. She's smoked more than a pack a day for 30 years." She took a puff, inhaled, and then quickly exhaled.

Karen looked at her calmly, holding the cigarette on top of her knee as she crossed her legs. "Well, has she tried to quit?"

"Many times," Christine responded, taking another puff but holding it in just a bit longer before exhaling.

"Maybe she didn't have the right motivation," Karen offered. She saw Christine shake her head in disgust. "No, really," Karen explained, "my research says that it's nearly impossible to quit smoking if you truly don'twant to stop. I've seen how much your mom enjoys it, just like my mom. But I will have a motivation to quit."

"And what's that?" Christine asked tartly, wondering if continuing this conversation was pointless.

"I'm going to UCLA in four months. I'll have to quit before then."

Christine looked at her in disbelief. "You do know that they sell cigarettes in California, right? When I visited UCLA for a campus tour last year, I saw plenty of people smoking."

"Oh, really?" Karen was genuinely surprised to hear that. She had assumed that the antis in charge of the government had made it something akin to a smoke-free state. "Really," she said thoughtfully, not entirely disappointed at hearing her friend say this.Maybe you won't have to quit after all, a voice in the back of her head said. "Well anyway, my project is to start smoking and then to quit. I'm sure I can do it. You know how obsessive I can be."

Christine did know this. She had studied the subject for a report in her Health and Safety class. She knew the signs. What apparently her friend did not know was that substance abuse was a classic trait of OCD. She also knew that Karen was so stubborn, there was no way to talk her out of this. She would have to learn it the hard way. Christine took a final puff on her cigarette and inhaled, enjoying very much the tingling sensation it made in her lungs. "I need to get home." She reached towards the ashtray to stub the cigarette out, and then decided to take one last puff which she inhaled and let the smoke float out through her nose.

"I'm going back to Rosie's tomorrow," Karen said as she walked Christine to the door. "You wanna come?"

"We'll see," the teenager answered.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Karen was not surprised that Christine came with her to Rosie's the next day since she had obviously enjoyed being welcomed into the Cool Kids clique. Whatdid surprise her was that she showed up with an unopened pack of Misty Menthols.

"My Mom said she'd deduct the cost from my allowance," she said as she unwrapped the cellophane wrapper and pulled one of the all-white 100s out. Christine lit the cigarette with ease. Perhaps, Karen wondered, she and her mother had had a meeting of the minds the night before.

Karen also wondered if the length of a 100 really suited her friend's Asian body figure which was tall and thin like her own Sister and Mother.Wouldn't a 120 be more appropriate? She had become quite adept at observing the different brands and sizes of cigarettes her new "cool" friends smoked. Though experimenting with the other brands, she already felt a loyalty to Virginia Slims. She even wondered if they were sold in California...

PART 8 - LESSON FIVE: EROTIC SMOKING

As Karen and Christine sat in the lunch quad on Wednesday, three classmates from the Nerd Squad surrounded them. "We've heard a rumor," one of the females said, "that you're hanging out with the Cool Kids now."

The two Asian teens looked at each other as if their cover had just been blown. Two of the females standing around them opened their purses, while the male unzipped his backpack. "We want in," he said, revealing a pack of Marlboro Lights, while the females each had a pack of Capris Menthol.

Christine let out a loud laugh while Karen simply smiled at her three classmates. "Then we'll see you at Rosie's," she said. God, how she wished that she could have lit a cigarette at that moment with the feeling of confident authority surging through her soul.

"You've started a cult," Christine murmured as she took a bite of her lunch salad.

And indeed, the Nerd Squad only swelled as the week progressed. By Friday, more than half of Karen's AP classmates were now showing up at Rosie's to socially smoke with the Cool Kids. Even Christine was inhaling every puff by then, smoking no less than 5 cigarettes before she and Karen would head home - where they would have one last cigarette either at her house or Karen's.

But there was one member of the Nerd Squad who was not attending Rosie's Drive-In after school: Ryan. Karen felt some disappointment at that. She could not say if it was because he was unaware of this new activity; or if he was aware, but was just too shy to show up. Though completely out of the closet at Rosie's, Karen had yet to reveal her habit anywhere near the school, nor had Christine or any of the other Nerd Squad members that week. It was entirely possible that Ryan didn't know anything about the meet-ups or her new status as a smoker. Whatever the reason, every day she looked for that shy teenager sitting among the Jocks, Stoners, or Goths, hoping that she might get a glance of how he would look holding a cigarette.

++++++++++++++++++

By the end of the second week, Karen was surprisingly still smoking only 12-14 cigarettes a day: one after waking up; two during breakfast; at least five while at Rosie's; and another five to six before bedtime. She was inhaling each puff. She had developed a unique smoking style. She had experienced smoking privately with family and socially with friends, coming out of the closet (somewhat) in the process. She wondered if she could take her experiential research any further. Was it now time to quit after two weeks?

"But you haven't learned the fifth lesson," Ari said to her that Friday evening as she and Karen sat on the couch smoking and discussing her progress with her topic.

"There's a fifth lesson?" Karen asked in surprise.

Ari looked around the room conspiratorially. "You've no doubt discovered," she said softly, "that smoking looks erotic. Now you need to go to the next step in order tofeel how erotic smoking can be." Ari reached into her pocket and pulled out something long and thin in a plastic wrapper. "This is for you," she said solemnly.

Karen placed her cigarette between her lips to dangle as she unwrapped the gift, discovering that it was a thin, six inch cigarette holder with a black stem and a half inch silver ring base at its tip. "Oh my God," she said with a guffaw as she stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray. "Really? A cigarette holder?"

Ari looked at her intently with a wicked smile. "Tonight, when you're alone in your room, light a cigarette...andtouch yourself."

Karen did a double take. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Karen said seductively. "You want to experience how good addiction can feel?" Ari took a sensuous puff on her Virginia Slims, French inhaled half of it and then snapped back the rest. "Masturbate," she whispered in a bubbly exhale with smoke punctuating each consonant in the word. She stood up from the couch, but before she turned to leave, she added, "And breathe in deep."

Karen stared at her in silence as Ari walked out of the living room.She wants me to masturbate. This was an activity, of course, that Karen had engaged in on occasion before. But while smoking? It had never even occurred to her!

And yet...she now wondered why it had not. It is a logical combination since smoking obviously was a turn-on for her. Butterflies were flapping hard in her stomach. She opened up her pack and counted at least ten cigarettes. She picked up her lighter, walked into her bedroom, and locked the door behind her.