Snake

John watched his wife come running into the kitchen from the garden. She looked at him and exclaimed "Snake, I saw a snake in the garden. It was a large green one."

He had seen a snake too. This one was in his bedroom yesterday afternoon. It was between his wife's legs, Must be a different snake because it wasn't green. He never suspected a thing and had been in a state of limbo since.

"I don't know where it came from" But you have to do something about it" she said excitedly stated. "What kind of snake do you think it is?"

He knew where the snake came from. It lived 3 houses down the street. It used to be a good friend but now seemed to be a wife stealing son of a bitch type of snake. He agreed with his wife, he had to do something about this snake.

He didn't know what to do but thought maybe his wife had some ideas.

He asked her "Do you want me to try and trap it?"

She looked at him with that look. Married men know the look. "You cannot trap a snake it can slither under anything and get away."

"I'll get some poison then" he said.

"You're not putting poison in my garden. Innocent animals could get hurt" she said exasperated at his lack of knowledge.

She's right, he has kids he thought to himself. "Do you think we could scare it away?" he asked.

She sighed and told him "Snakes are territorial. Once they claim an area they will not leave."

"You have to kill it." Keep an eye out for it and kill it the next time it comes back" his wife said with a tone of superiority.

"How can I kill it?" John asked.

"Take a shovel to its head" she said. "Use the long handled shovel in the shed. That way you don't have to get too close."

Well John had to hand it to his wife. Maybe he should start listening to her more often. "I will keep an eye out for the snake and get rid of it the next time it comes into the yard "He told her. "You knew exactly what to do. Have you had a lot of experience with snakes?"

His wife beamed with the rare compliment from her husband. "I have run into a few over the years. They can be a real pain in the butt."

John thought about always wanting to put his snake in her butt. Now he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot...no with a long handled shovel.

He took Monday and Tuesday off from work. John parked his car in the neighborhood behind his house and waited. He watched the CCTV feed from the cameras he had sent up in his house. No snake on Monday. At his normal time he started the car and drove home.

John spent a couple of hours in the backyard that evening. As they watched TV he told his wife" I haven't seen the snake in the garden."

She smiled at him and said" Oh, it will be back. You just have to be patient."

He nodded his head and turned his eyes back to the TV.

Tuesday morning he again left to go to work. He again parked in the neighborhood behind his house and watched the video screen. "I just need to be patient "he told himself.

At 11 in the morning his wife came home. That was unusual since she normally works until 4pm. She stripped and put on her robe. She went down stairs and opened a bottle of wine.

"I guess you need the right bait to catch a snake" John said out loud.

At 11:30 the snake slithered across the front yard. He just walked right in the house. Yes, this snake was marking his territory just like his wife had said.

They kissed and then grabbed the wine and headed up stairs.

John was on the move too. He had started the car and drove into his neighborhood. He parked in front of the snake's house and walked to his own.

John opened the gate and went to the shed. He picked up the long handled shovel he had left just inside the door.

John felt the tool in his hands and took a couple of different swings. He thought a baseball type swing would be best.

As he walked towards the house John saw the garden snake moving through a gap in the fence. He wasn't afraid of the snake and figured it would get rid of the field mice that seemed to invade his house every fall.

John opened the back door and walked up the stairs following the sounds of their lovemaking.

As John opened the door to his bedroom he remembered her words. "You have to kill it." Keep an eye out for it and kill it the next time it comes back."