All Comments on 'Snowbound Ch. 01'

I am sick and tired of authors needlessly breaking up a story into miniscule sections that are well short of a single page so they do not stand alone.

If you're tale is any good then try posting it in one go after you have someone edit it or at least looked it over.

As it stands this tale is going nowhere I wish to follow.

Unless of course, the author only has vague ideas of what her characters will do. Rome wasn't built in a day. I "know" my characters but I have to figure out what they'll do and when. I can't "force" their romance. It needs to come naturally. (that isn't not meant as a pun)

I enjoy westerns and romances, so this is a good start. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with it!

The previous commenter complained about the length of this chapter; please don't let that anonymous person deter you from continuing to tell your tale. Getting to the heart of their complaint, yes, this chapter is pretty short, but it does its job of introducing the main character, two possible love interests (or are they antagonists? Guess we'll have to keep reading to find out!), the circumstances, and the scenery. You might try to cover more ground in subsequent chapters. A Literotica page covers about 3,500 to 4,000 words (I use 3,750 as an average), so you might try to have future chapters be at least a page or longer to give the reader enough so they go away hungering for the next chapter but not hungry from the current one being too short. Of course, you may prefer writing shorter chapters; If that's your preference and style, go for it and ignore any critics. Your writing is ultimately your decision and I wish you well with it.

I couldn't agree with anon more. There is a 750 word contest for stories like this. Save it for that. Nobody needs short teasers. It doesn't attract me back.

anonymous comments should be ignored, and I wish you could eliminate them (not allow any anonymous posts)!

I think it's a good start... it's short, yet, but this is the setup. You did say that it's a slow burn, and I'm ok with that. I like the writing style. I got here when I saw part 2 posted here, and I'm going to read that one now.

Please take these comments as constructive; which is my intention. A little research would definitely improve your story. Conductors on a train serve a number of functions. They are the boss of the train crew consisting of the engineer (who operates the train), a fireman to keep the boiler supplied with wood or coal, and often a person to staff the mail car; which railroads usually carried at that time. The conductor does not drive the train and since Abby meets Gavin in Chicago it is highly unlikely he would be on the train all the way from Wyoming to Chicago-- it was too great a distance in those days. So, your thesis to a knowledgeable reader is already flawed.

You need a great deal of help with basic writing skills. Take the time to write a few chapters at a time to improve the flow of the story before you post a chapter (be at least a chapter or two ahead). I might suggest you use the free spell and grammar checking program by Google called Grammarly. It will help you see where the most glaring errors are in your writing and will improve the reader's enjoyment of your story.

You have a good start, but remember, women were treated pretty well on the frontier by most men--they were a scarce commodity. That included women that worked in saloons according to the research I conducted a few years back.

And you should note, the county was already pretty well explored at the time your story appears to be set in. There was still a great deal of animosity towards the native American inhabitants by newly arrived European settlers who considered them somewhat less than human. Tribes all too often treated women as property, just as many other cultures did, including our own when it came to subjugate populations of blacks and other minorities. The Indians had lost much of their ability to feed themselves when the land was fenced or made off-limits and their game animal populations decimated.

Find an editor.