All Comments on 'Dom and Minnie Pt. 01: Snowmelt'

I know I shouldn't care, as this is just an erotic story, but the trip to the cabin makes no sense. Why was he going to take two college aged girls to a remote cabin with no electricity? I figured it would become clear by what they did while they were there, but they really didn't do anything other than fuck. Also, why were they so short on food if he had planned for three people? The extremely limited amount of firewood was strange as well. Why hadn't he checked the weather reports and planned for the possibility of being stranded for longer than the scheduled trip?

Next, you REALLY need to do something to denote your time jumps. It's really disruptive as is, especially since sometimes the talk about Nat was still in the current time frame instead of the past.

Now, to get a bit nitpicky, the shower scene was completely unbelievable. Without electricity, it's just not going to work like a modern shower. First, the tank would have to be well above the shower head rather than just standing in the corner like a modern water heater. Second, they would have had to carry water to fill it first and then the shower would have been fairly short as the tank would not refill itself during the shower.

Finally, while the story did have a lot of potential and you wrote large portions of it fairly well, the ending really fell apart for me. Perhaps I'm judging to harshly since you put it in First Time and thus shouldn't have expected much after they finally had sex, but I felt like it deserved a better ending.

Completely wholesome... Gave me chills with the heartbreaking backstory, relatable with me. It gave me all my memories back, and I'm full of tears. I'm not sad, but rather, I'm happy that things ended well between Minnie and Dom. I'd have been devasted if otherwise were to happen. 10/10

A wonderful story. Gently spun out. Painted with colorful words and feelings. Not hurried or rushed. Eager to read the next story you write

This is top, beautiful story!

Lyrical! Congratulations on a quality first time first story. I have to agree that the cabin description has weaknesses, a bit like someone who is describing landing an aircraft but who has only read about flying, not actually done it. While I usually am irritated by jumps in context and in time, I was surprised that it didn't bother me when the story flipped between different women and times. I think it is because the abrupt transitions mimic what is actually going on in his head as he flips between experiencing the present and remembering the past.

I want to thank everyone for the compliments and constructive criticism. Seriously, even the criticism was respectful. Thanks. This is my very first erotic/romance story, and getting it completed and published has been a major milestone for me. And it thrills the hell out of me that it was well-received.

The formatting thing took me completely by surprise. I put extra spaces between the time skips, so on the Google doc, it looked fine. A newb mistake I guess.

I have another story waiting for mod approval and several others that I'm working on, including the next story of Minnie and Dom. I also have a novel in the works that I estimate to be more than halfway done. Thanks so much everyone.

👸😘