Solace

"Wait..." He said through a groan, his hands on her waist to guide her. "...condom." He said and she shook her head.

"Not while we're in here. I miss the feel of you, and I got the depot shot so we're safer than we usually are." She said as the tip of him came to rest at her entrance and he held her at bay just barely.

But at her words he relented, he loved the feel of her around him with nothing between them and when he relaxed his grip just a little and with a laugh she settled down over him and leaned back against his chest as she ground her hips around in a circle. They both moaned at the feeling and his hands slipped across the slick fabric of her corset and filled with her breasts. When he gave her nipples a pinch between his thumb and forefinger she moaned as a little of her milk leaked from her body. She shivered at how completely aroused she was and she kept moving on his lap. It wasn't a lot, just little movements that had his hard cock stirring her inside, but it felt magnificent and she was very close to an orgasm so suddenly that it nearly surprised her.

She gasped for breath and leaned back against him, her feet slipping on the floor as she whimpered and when his hands moved down across her belly and grasped her legs she knew what he was about to do. He lifted her legs and spread them, placing them over the arms of the chair so they were spread wide and she felt the tightness of her core increase and she could feel every inch of him. She sobbed at the feeling and when one hand went back to her breast, she covered his hand with hers and her other hand went to the back of his head as she used the leverage afforded by her new position to move over him, feeling him slide an inch or two out of her before she went back down and the stimulation increased. But then his other hand went to her pussy and started caressing her clit and she cried out, sobbing as her orgasm practically exploded out of her body.

She clenched down on him and her back arched but he didn't relinquish any part of her, caressing her clit and pinching her nipple as she quivered in orgasm over him. When it finally left her she fell limp in his lap, his cock so deep in her core that she felt like she was a part of him, like they had become a single creature and she shuddered at the thoughts that brought to her mind. She turned her head a little and he caught her mouth in a kiss before she could speak. She moaned into the kiss and didn't even register that he was moving his arms until he stood. Then she was forced to relinquish his mouth as she gasped and he held her in his arms as he walked toward the bedroom.

She rested her head on his shoulders and felt exhausted but still wanting more at the same time and as he laid her on the bed she looked up at him with a languid smile. He took the tie that was still around her neck and she watched him, but when he lifted her wrists above her head, she glanced up quizzically and saw him tying the tie around her wrists then to the headboard of the bed. Her mouth turned into a little moue of curiosity as she tugged at the cloth and he smiled as she got nowhere then he bent down and sucked at her nipple and she gasped at the feeling. He got a taste of the sweet milk from her breast and moved to the other side to suck harder.

"Ah! Dan... that... that's for the baby..." She said in mock consternation and he ignored her, just as she had hoped he would.

He drank deep from her breast and she moaned and sobbed in pleasure until she felt his hand slide across her smooth mons and linger as he finally realized that she was completely bare for the first time. That drew a smile from her and she arched her back a bit and spread her legs as his hand slipped down over her slit. His fingers caressed, spreading her open and feeling how wet she was from what they had already done and she was so eager to feel him within her again. She needed more, needed to feel him within her and she wanted it so bad she was willing to beg for it.

"Dan... oh god... please Dan..." She said.

She was half speaking and half moaning, whimpering and whining as he kept teasing her, slipping first one and then two fingers into her body, caressing her sensitive sex and she felt tears escape her as he shifted and curled his fingers and caressed the top of her passage. This drew such a sob from her that he actually laughed, her nipple slipping from his mouth once again and he moved up to silence her with a kiss. She was so distracted by the claiming power of that kiss that she didn't realize that he was moving until she felt him lift her leg. He straddled her other leg and she arched her back to present a better target for him. This was her favourite position and something about having her hands tied made it feel even better as his cock speared deep into her and she drew a hard, shaking breath through her teeth at the feel of him within her. It felt so very good and so very right that she came instantly, crying out and sobbing with release, wishing she had her hands free so she could pull at him, draw him closer, claw his back to ribbons or pull at the sheets. But there was something about the helpless feeling as she pulled at the unbreaking silk tie that felt just as good.

Her arms flexed and her muscles tightened and she didn't move at all as he thrust into her, holding her in place as her orgasm roared on and quickly bled into the next one. She sobbed and gasped and moaned and felt herself slipping into unconsciousness.

"D... d... d... Dan..." She stuttered as she held on grimly through the crushing waves of her pleasure. "D... d... d... don't... don't... don't s... s... stop... Don't stop no matter what." She finally managed to get out and when he rose up a little and looked into her eyes she had the most powerful orgasm of her entire life. It was like an explosion in her core, the culmination of everything she had ever dreamed was possible and it made everything else she had ever experienced vanish into the fog of the past. Nothing felt like this and she couldn't even scream in pleasure at the feeling, she had no voice and couldn't get any air. She felt panic mix with the pleasure and when he kissed her she numbly kissed back until she felt him breathe into her and she gasped and trembled until the world went suddenly black.

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NOW

It was a great honeymoon. They subsisted on room service and rarely wore anything more than a bathrobe or towel. They skipped a reservation at the 360 restaurant on the CN tower and didn't regret it for a moment. They had so much sex that week that they were both honestly surprised that she wasn't pregnant again despite her more powerful birth control. They relaxed in the huge tub together, showered one another, laid on the floor by the gas fireplace, watched a few movies on the obscenely large screen television in the room and just cuddled in bed and it seemed like everything they did eventually turned into sex. They were in love and their primary contact with the outside world was two visits from Karen to pick up the milk that Bobbi pumped for Aria.

When the week was over however, they were glad to return to their lives. They missed their daughter and they both had work piling up and too much of any good thing, even sex, eventually turned boring so they were glad to leave before it happened to them. They settled into their lives together in a more permanent way and soon things were back on track. They passed a year in quiet happiness, Bobbi working from home and he running errands and watching Aria grow with every single day. She was a handful sometimes and yet he loved the challenges she presented. It was a good life as their anniversary came around. There were times that money was tight and they argued over finances from time to time, but they were both willing to compromise and when they reached their second anniversary they had a comfortable savings and they were talking about looking at houses to buy. Aria learned to walk and talk and soon she was asking when she could have a little sister, which prompted Dan and Bobbi to discuss the matter and decide to try for a second child, just one more while they were still young. It was a good life and through it all they had their family and they had their friends and the closest friend they had was Karen.

And now, Dan stood looking at Karen under the warm September sun for the first time in a year. He hadn't spoken to her in a long time and to see her again now was a shock to him.

"Dan..." She said finally and he nodded.

"Hey, Karen. How are you?"

He asked more out of duty than any real desire to know. He had given up wanting to know anything about anyone months ago. And now that he had come to his decision... well, soon enough it wouldn't ever matter again.

"Good... I'm good I guess." She said as she hugged herself, looking cold despite the warmth of the day before she said the words that he had been expecting all along. "Jesus Dan, where have you been?" She asked out of the blue. "It's been a year..."

"I know." He said looking away from her and across the grass at the white stone and the flowers he had left there.

"No one has seen you since the funeral." She said and he felt the grief return and with it the hate. He wanted it to rain so badly that he couldn't even think, couldn't comprehend that she was still talking, couldn't even block out the memories of that night...

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ONE YEAR EARLIER

Bobbi almost waddled out to the car. They had been trying for months to get pregnant again and she found it highly ironic that Aria had come quickly, the first time they had ever been together but this time they had had to really try. And she snorted as she thought of Dan's comment that he was always willing to try harder. But finally she had managed to catch and she was practically huge with this kid. Karen loaded the last of the packages into the back of the car and hugged Bobbi tightly. Karen had thrown her friend a baby shower and all of their regular clients had sent gifts. There was a huge gaggle of women who had all turned up and Aria had played herself unconscious hours before. But now Bobbi had to head home and with Aria loaded into the car seat the two friends took a moment to chat before Bobbi got into the car and waved goodbye. As she drove away Karen suddenly felt an unseasonable chill and she stood looking after the car long after the tail lights vanished around a corner.

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Bobbi drove on carefully, she was always careful when Aria was in the car, and she felt good. She loved being a mother and she didn't ever want anything bad to happen to her daughter. She felt the little one in her tummy kick and knew that it was just a matter of days before she would be holding him or her in her arms, nursing and singing to this new life. She stopped at a four way flasher and she had no idea that destiny was just a block away. She paused and looked both ways then started forward. She glanced down at the clock on the dash and when the headlights suddenly washed across her she looked up and gasped.

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The black SUV had come out of a parking lot and the driver was going faster than necessary, nearly twice the posted fifty kilometer an hour limit. He was drunk and he knew it, so he checked his phone to see where the check-stops were. It was a handy little app to have, but he noticed as he looked down that his headlights were off. It wouldn't do to dodge the check-stops only to get grabbed for something stupid like that. He flicked on the lights and went right back to his phone, not seeing the little car suddenly illuminated by the wash of his headlights, not seeing the redhead behind the wheel about to scream as she looked right at him, as she saw him looking at his phone as he accelerated up past one-twenty.

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Dan was waiting anxiously in the kitchen for Bobbi to get home. She was never out this late without calling and he was a little annoyed and anxious at the same time. It was nearly eleven and when the knock came on the door he almost ran, half hopeful and half dreading what he would see. But all of his worst fears were confirmed when he saw the two police constables there and the older man in the more formal uniform.

"Mr. Beckham?" He asked and Dan nodded numbly, already knowing what he was going to hear.

"Sir I'm Robert Reynolds, the chief of police with the Toronto Police Service. There is no easy way to say this sir, but an unknown driver struck your wife's car about thirty minutes ago." He said and Dan felt the whole world suddenly drop away. "I'm sorry sir, but your wife and daughter were killed instantly." He said and Dan sobbed once, a deep hiccoughing that wracked his ribs so hard that his whole chest hurt. He took a step back, shaking his head in denial and the police chief looked at him in sympathy as the tears started and Dan backed into the wall and slid down to sit on the floor.

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NOW

It had been hell on earth, and there had been no surcease, no solace from his pain and loss. They hadn't suffered and he was supposed to be thankful for that. But the bastard who had killed them had walked away without a scratch. He had ditched his car when he realized what he had done and ran and it took the cops three days to catch him. Meanwhile Dan was left to pick up the pieces of a shattered puzzle and every piece was made of glass, every piece cut him deeply and left a wound that would never heal.

He looked at the stone again, the carving of an angel holding the hands of two smaller angels and the names of Bobbi, Aria and David, the name they had chosen for the slain child she had been carrying. He had been confronted with their killer once and it had taken four police to pull him off of the man, who had been smug and silent up until that point. The fact that he had gotten life in prison with no parole for twenty five years was a bitter, hollow victory, if it could even be called a victory at all. And still Dan had had to clean up the broken pieces and still every memory, every act had cut him like glass and he had bled tears until the only thing that let him sleep without dreaming of them was the alcohol.

He had been silent and drunk at the funeral, staring at the three caskets and unable to deliver the eulogy for his stolen family. He had taken her hand that day and placed his wedding ring in her palm and taken hers to wear around his neck. He had kissed his daughter and the closed casket for his unborn son and then he had vanished off the face of the earth. No one had seen or spoken to him until today, and he was sincerely wishing that he had avoided this chance meeting as Karen looked him over. He looked haggard; he hadn't shaved in months and hadn't bathed in several days. He was gaunt and wasted and he looked defeated, he looked like he had been beat with a chain and left for dead. Karen didn't look much better to his eyes. Her hair was cut short, waif-like and the ragged way it was done told him that it had been done by her own hand in a pique of anger. She had a piercing in her left eyebrow and another in her lower lip on the right side of her mouth. She was wearing long sleeves despite the sunny weather and hugging herself as she looked at him with her haunted eyes. They were matched, really, in their grief for someone that they had loved dearly and lost.

"How have you been?" She asked quietly and he had to work hard to stifle a giggle. She would have been able to hear his madness in that laugh and that was one thing he couldn't afford, for anyone to hear just how insane he felt. He wanted to tell her the truth, wanted to say just what he had planned, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't allow it.

"I wish I could say good, or even just 'Better', but that would be a lie." He said and she nodded as if she agreed with him. "You?" He asked and she shrugged.

"I was in a bad place for a while but..." She hugged herself a little tighter and glanced up toward the grave. "...but I think I'm finally through it."

For just a moment the sun lit her face and he could see that whatever trouble she was in, whatever bad place she had spent the last year, she was through it. She had closure and the peace that came with that closure made her beautiful again. He saw the lively young woman she had been when they were friends, when he had a reason to get up in the morning, when he could look somewhere and see something other than loss and grief and for a moment he felt a brief flash of hatred. He didn't hate her, he hated the peace she had so clearly found, a peace that he could never share. The hate burned into him like a brand, like a rod of metal so hot that it was throwing sparks and burning away and he pushed his hands into his pockets to hide his fists as he started to turn away.

"Well, I'm happy for you." He lied as he took a step toward the car. "Really, you deserve peace. Goodbye Karen."

He intended to get into the car and drive away, and this time she really would never see him again. No one would ever see him again but she somehow stopped him with what she said.

"Please wait, Dan." She said in such a beseeching voice that his heart wrenched in his chest and he felt tears threaten again. "I can see that you're still in pain... and I can't blame you. But you don't have to face it alone. You need someone, someone you can..." She started and he rounded on her with rage so clear in his face that she shrank back from him.

She had never seen anyone this angry before. The only word she could think of was rage, and that seemed woefully inadequate for what was on his face. His grief and fear had fed this anger for a year, his loss and heartache had built it up like a flame and now it burned hot, and there was nothing she could say in the face of it. She could tell that the hate and anger weren't directed at her, but she wasn't sure what they were aimed at. His voice roared out of him as he took a step toward her and she was afraid that he was going to hit her.

"You're right, Karen. I DO need someone... I need three someone's and they're buried right over there." He said with a gesture toward the headstone. "But I can't have them can I? I can never see them or hear them or touch them again. They aren't even really there, just mouldering bones and filthy rags in a stinking box."

All at once the anger and hate and fear drained out of him as he understood what he had just said and he fell to his knees so hard that she was sure he hurt himself, but she didn't hesitate, she went to him and held him as he wept and clung to her, his hands fisting in her shirt as he sobbed against her. He had cried a lot over the last year, but he had never really vented like this. The numbness that had set in the night she died had never really left him, the reality had never really set in for him through the haze of exhaustion and alcohol and denial. But now, like a dam bursting, it was all coming out at once and he had no defense against it, no way to stop it and no way to cope with the feelings. All he could do was cling to Karen and give voice to his loss.

Karen let him, and she rocked him back and forth and stroked his hair and offered him nothing more than silent acceptance as he wept. And she remembered, as she knelt there and held onto him, the day that Bobbi had met him, and how happy her friend had been.

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FIVE YEARS EARLIER

Karen stood at the window and looked down at the street from three stories. She could pick Bobbi out in a crowd fairly easily. That red hair stood out and there was something about Bobbi that just made you aware that she was there. She drew the eye and she got attention more than a pretty girl normally did. Karen knew that her friend was model-pretty, that was what had drawn Karen to her in the first place. But unlike other girls that were, as Karen liked to put it 'Unspeakably Hot', Bobbi was approachable. Anyone could talk to her and she would be just as bubbly and friendly as she was with everyone else. She had seen Bobbi chat for twenty minutes with a homeless man and give him all of the cash she had in her wallet and not ten minutes later be amiably and happily chatting with a young woman holding a baby or a little Chinese woman or a college guy that was looking anywhere but at her face. It wasn't that she wasn't aware of their focus, but she just steered things along well. If she was perfectly honest, Karen would admit that she had been hoping to get the petite redhead into bed herself, but after the one kiss that Karen had managed with her friend, Bobbi had just politely pointed out that she was not gay or bi and they had carried on like nothing had happened.