Some Reflections on Sex

l am sure there is such a thing as 'bad' sex. i have only experienced bad sex during the death throes of my 15 year marriage to Joanna. Our sex life had been fabulous and I still found Joanna sexually desirable. Our relationship had not been fabulous. Joanna and I had become more and more intolerant of each other. I began to prefer to spend time alone and the sound of her car pulling into the driveway made me anxious. Joanna was grumpy and unhappy most of the time. We had frequent arguments. I had the feeling she took delight in taking the contrary position on whatever subject we were discussing. She moved into a spare bedroom allegedly because she had a bad back and the mattress on that bed was better for her back. We both knew this was a lie. Work was really busy and I took the opportunity to spend more time at work so that I spent less time with her. Sex was seen as a chore by Joanna and I initiated sex less often by choice. We went to relationship counseling and this made things worse. Joanna felt empowered to to list my deficiencies more frequently and with more enthusiasm. We were advised to schedule regular date nights. On one of these, the date lasted less than 20 minutes because we couldn't agree on which restaurant to go to. Jo complained to me that one of her girlfriends had said what a nice person I was and she barked 'there's another person you have fooled'.

We had a great sex life for the first 10 years but as our relationship deteriorated sex became less frequent and much more robotic. Jo gave amazing blow jobs and she often brought me to climax by going down on me. I loved watching and feeling her breasts drifting over my upper thighs while she was licking and sucking my cock. This usually happened after she had reached orgasm. Jo didn't always orgasm but she was able to come when she was on top. She liked to ride me intensely and when approaching her climax she lifted right off me and slid her well lubricated pussy up and down my cock, lingering and pressing down harder when the head of my phallus was under her clitoris. Sometimes this brought me off as well and we had wonderful simultaneous orgasms. I loved coming in her mouth and she had always swallowed.

Joanna was the 12th woman i had fucked. I am a serial monogamist. I love women and I love sex. Sex without commitment is a shallow experience but as far as shallow experiences go, its one of the best - Woody Allen. Twice I have broken off relationships with ladies and we have gone back to their place to have 'one for the road'. I have been also been on the receiving end of 'marching orders' and have had mixed luck with a suggestion that I while acknowledging that you don't want this relationship to go on there is no reason why we can't occasionally hook up for sex.

First times are so memorable. Adrenalin must do some magic with neural pathways. i can travel back in time and relive so many of the great sexual experiences I have had. Unfortunately the same applies to rejections and dismissals, but fortunately to a lesser extent and when feeling ok about myself, I can try to not go there. I am a black belt in negative self talk and reliving sad experiences can be hard to avoid at times.

Back to happy memories. Sliding the knickers off a new partner for the first time knocks it out of the park for me. When much younger this often took place in the front seat of my car. The cat and mouse is over. The 'does she or doesnt she' like me has been resolved. The thrill of the chase has been replaced by the thrill of moving my hand up her thighs and softly placing my fingers on the lips of her moist pussy. Her lips part and I gently insert a finger to a depth of only a couple of centimeters. There is more moisture there and I can retract my finger and spread the slippery exudate up and down the length of her labia. At this time if my partner is still letting me take most of the initiative I take her hand and lower it down onto my erect penis, still inside my pants if she is pretending to be a 'nice' girl. I like it when there is a murmer or some shift in the intensity of our kissing when she first feels my cock.

Kissing is always the first move and is one my favorite aspects of sex. Fortunately good kissing must be hard wired and i can only remember a couple of girls whose kissing needed work. Too much tongue is too much and vice versa. I have twice had feedback of 'too much tongue' and this is good - if you don't like something say so - I am not a mind reader. I like it when a partner lets me know by actions or less often by words that they love sex and they want to have sex with me. i like 'dirty' talk but also like complete silence. One parner who I knew really well before we became romantically involved simply said 'shut up' when I started saying things durinng intercourse. We both then laughed and continued fucking without my attempt at a running commentary.

I could go on.