Somebody That I Used to Know

"You want me to make plans, let you know where my head is, but I'm living with you, we're together, and you are keeping me in limbo."

"Are you saying you want to get married? God, I'd like nothing better. I didn't know you'd want that. I wasn't sure how you'd react. You kind of roll a little different, Tana."

"You haven't asked me, and you can't." she said.

"Wow. Well, I don't know what to say. I guess I have some work to do. I wasn't bothering because I figured if Argent wanted to remarry, she could do it. We have to learn to communicate a little better here, Tana."

"We do just fine," she said. "I tell you everything, but you bottle shit up, don't tell me what you're feeling. I know you love me, but you're afraid you'll scare me off if you ask for commitments, what my vision for the future is."

I had to admit there was truth to that. I didn't want to push her, make her uncomfortable, but that was because she didn't bring it up and I wasn't sure she wanted me to. She was such a free spirit, and although she talked to me constantly, it was "in the moment" conversation. That was going to change, I decided.

I made an appointment to see an attorney the next day. A week later, Argent was served. That got me a text. "Really, Julian? Just out of the blue, no warning, not even a text?"

"Sorry, that was rude," I replied.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Ocala."

"Can you meet me and we can talk about this?"

"I'll have to check."

"With who?"

I didn't answer. I told Tana what I'd done. "Do you want to meet her?"

"Not really. I guess I've got it to do, though."

"Tell her you'll meet her for lunch on Friday, in Gainesville. I'm going with you," she said.

"That sounds like a bad idea to me," I said. "Are you gonna beat her ass, or something?"

She laughed. "No, but I want to meet her. She was part of your life, and I want to see for myself. I also think you deserve a little payback. I think you being with me... she won't like that. Why haven't you fucked up her lovers, or anything?"

"To tell you the truth, I intended to," I said. "Then I met you and sort of forgot about her."

She lit me up with one of her juicy hot kisses. "Aww. That is so good for my ego. I still think you should fuck them up."

I laughed. "Tana is fierce!"

"I am. Let's find them and crush their nuts, or some shit."

I couldn't stop laughing. "You're killing me."

"Put them in the penis flattening machine," she said.

"How about fucking up their computers?" I asked.

"Ooh, yeah, can we?"

"I have access to their network," I said. "Hey, I need to text Argent, though. Then we'll fuck them up."

I arranged to meet her for lunch, neglecting to mention that Tana would be with me, and we got started with the revenge.

Tana took an unholy delight in the whole process, giggling malevolently the whole time. Every new problem I gave them set her off again. None of them could possibly keep their jobs, and the two I knew about who were married sent their wives videos by "accident."

Tana's thirst for revenge slaked, she dragged me off to the bedroom and destroyed me. Cuddling together afterward, she kept giggling. "Being evil makes me horny," she whispered.

She stayed horny over the next two days, and I was a walking zombie when we met Argent. She was fashionably late, as usual, and when the host brought her to the booth, she looked a little shocked at seeing Tana.

I introduced them. Tana wasted no time. "You're a bitch," she said.

Argent sighed. "Yes, I know. How did you know?"

"I saw what you did to him," Tana said.

"I've regretted it every minute," Argent told her.

"I haven't," Tana said. "He's mine now, and I'm so glad you did it, except for how much it hurt Julian."

"Yours?" Argent asked. "She's a little young for you, Julian."

"Yeah, but she's loyal," I said.

"Yeah, I am," Tana said.

They sized each other up for a minute. "God, you're beautiful," Argent told her.

"Thanks. I think you're cute as fuck," Tana said. "You're always going to be cute, I think."

"Are you attracted to women?" Argent asked her.

"Yes, some women," Tana said.

I looked at her, and she shot me a mischievous smile "What? Women are beautiful. I like beautiful things," Tana said.

"I had no idea," I said.

"Ah, he only became yours recently?" Argent asked.

"No, we've been together for almost two years," Tana said. "The subject hasn't come up. I'm attracted to Julian, and no one else, at the moment, so we never really talked about it."

"I see. Do you think the three of us..."

"No," Tana said. "Never with you. You don't deserve it."

"No, I guess I don't. Can't blame a girl for trying, though. I still love Julian, you know. I always will. You, him, me, we'd make quite a team."

"I don't see much of a 'team' there," I mentioned. "You play for the opposition too much."

She sighed. "See, you've never really understood. I was never on any 'opposition' team. You don't get that sex is sex, love is love. I never had a shred of feeling for anyone other than you. Do you understand what I'm saying, Tana?"

"Kind of," she said. "I had sex with couple I didn't have any feelings for, once. I was into it while it lasted, but I just felt kind of... cheap, afterward. I don't think you understand, Argent. The sex was one thing. I get that some people have, like, open marriages, and shit. I don't judge them. That's not for me, but they can do what they want. I do judge things like going behind the back of people who love you, fucking around, sneaking and doing treacherous shit to them."

"Okay, I know that was wrong," Argent said. "I've apologized for that, and I'll apologize a thousand more times. I... just got caught up in it. I didn't see any possibility that I could get Julian on board. Maybe if I... no. I fucked up. I can't go back and unfuck anyone."

"No, you can't," I said. "We aren't here to pass recriminations back and forth, are we? What are you here for, Argent? You wanted to talk. What are you doing?"

"I'm fighting," she said. "Not with you or Tana. I can see what you have. I'm fighting for a piece of you, Julian. Nothing I did was because I didn't love you." She shot Tana a look. "I'd love a piece of you, too. I know you must be special, or Julian wouldn't be with you. What can I do?"

"Move on," Tana said. "You're very attractive, Argent. I like you, but it's going to be just Julian and me."

Argent looked at her for a long moment. "I still love him."

"Yes, I know. I can see it. You just love yourself more," Tana said.

There was no point in going over it again and again. Nothing would change. "I need you to sign the divorce papers," I told Argent. "We can keep it simple. No need to fight over anything. Sound good?"

She sighed again. "I don't want a divorce. I want to come back where I belong. We can make this work, the three of us. We're smart."

Tana shook her head. "You no longer 'belong.' I do."

"What about a mediator, a counselor?"

"Argent, that isn't going to happen," I said. "Let it go."

She sighed. "I'm not letting it go. I'll sign the papers, but I'll always hope. I know you're a good man, Julian. You won't be evil about a settlement. I trust you."

"Too bad I can't trust... no, I won't go there."

"There are some... peculiar things happening at work," Argent said.

Tana got the giggles. "I see that causes you some amusement," Argent said.

The giggles expanded, and got me started, then Argent. "Yeah, I guess I should say thank you that you didn't involve me?"

"Yes, you should," Tana said.

We finished our meal, and Argent stood up to leave. "Will I ever see you again?" she asked us?

"No," we both said simultaneously.

She sighed, turned away and left. We watched her go.

"She has a nice ass," Tana said.

"Who?" I asked.

"That woman,' she said. "Do you know her?"

"Yeah, she's somebody that I used to know," I said.

I turned back to my little lover. "Tana, I want you to know, I'm going to ask you to marry me as soon as the divorce is final. I'm thinking while we're in Micronesia."

"You're coming with?" She made a little squeal of delight. "I can't wait," she said, lighting me up with the hottest kiss of my life.