Somebody That I Used to Know Ch. 05

"I know you don't remember me Craig, you don't remember that I'm not actually your daughter, you don't remember all those touches, all those playful little storks you gave me. I never gave it any notice, you were just playing around, you were my dad and just showing me you loved me. And I did love you, I thought of you as my father, my friend, someone I loved and trusted. So when I found out you were actually some sick twisted bastard I felt something inside me break, and I've never been able to fix it, you were a man I was suppose to trust, I had no choice you were my father and you abused that trust for your own perverse games."

Craig listen to Alexandra's story, bits and pieces seemed to hit a note in his head but he couldn't place it all together, but he listened still, a tear rolled down his cheek at this sad story of a little girl.

"You may not remember what you did to me but I do, I remember everything, I remember the first time you touched me between my legs, I don't think I was even in primary school yet. I remember when you held me on the sofa, putting you pathetic dick between my legs. I even remember when you stopped playing and forced me to swallow your cock. I was barely a teenager, I had that taste in my mouth for months. I remember it all and more, what you did to me, what you made me become, everything I did in my life that ruined me was because of you and you sick fucking games."

Lexi stopped, she was close to tears, she wouldn't lose her nerve, not in front of this man, this man who had destroyed her life, destroyed her self-image and turned her into that slutty, male attention-seeking whore she was in high school.

"But you know, despite that, despite what you made me into, I forgive you. I forgive everything you did to me. I hate you for it but everything you did shaped me into the woman I became, the choices I made were based on your actions and their effects on me as a child. Are they great, no but they gave me this life I have now. Besides, with what I've done and what I've forgiven myself for I guess it's only fair."

Lexi stood up, wiping tears from her own eyes before dabbing Craig's, the first time she'd touched his skin in 20 years.

"I don't know why I came here today, I walked through that door still hating you, but seeing you like this... I guess I had to forgive you, more for my sake than yours, some people never get the chance to look back and see the past that made them, you are my past whether I life it or not. Goodbye Craig, I hope you never remember me because you'll never see me again."

And with that Alexandra turned and walked away, a sad pride in her heart that she was able to put Craig behind her, what he did to her, behind her, she didn't feel any better, in fact she felt weaker than ever, but she did it, and that mattered most to her. Wanting to leave as soon as she could, she raised her fist to knock on the door and let Dr Porter know she was done.

"Lexi."

She stopped the mention of her name, her lifelong nickname, spoken in that soft, wheezing voice. She turned round and looked at him. Craig was staring back at her, his eyes fully crying now, his heavy breathing the only thing that broke the silence between them, before he finally spoke."

"I remember everything."

Quickly and suddenly, Craig lifted his left wrist to his mouth and bit into it, using his teeth to tear out his artery, blood spurted out of his arm, covering his face, it was pouring out of him as he did the same to his right wrist, Lexi could only watch in horror as Craig bled out in front of her eyes, she was too shocked to even knock on the door and get help.

It was only by a passing orderly seeing her at the door that help finally arrived, Lexi was pushed out the way, an act she didn't even feel, as about three doctors rushed in to save Craig's life, but Craig didn't care, his eyes never left Lexi's the two of them locked onto each other, a faint smile grew on Craig's face, she didn't understand it but for some reason it made her feel better.

Then his eyes dropped and he was gone.

*

Adam wiped the sweat from his forehead, his mother's patio was dug in deeper than he realise, his father must have done a good job. He had to be careful when using the hammer to break away the concrete, with no depth perception he was in danger of hurting himself.

As he was tidying away the concrete he had already broken he heard the back door open, looking up he saw Nicola come outside with two glasses in her hand, she went straight for Adam and held one out for him.

"I brought you some lemonade."

Adam smiled. "Thanks honey."

Taking the glass from her, Adam got off his knees and placed himself in one of the deck-chairs in the shade, Nicola did the same, Adam took a long sip of his lemonade, Nicola did the same.

"Ahhh." Adam overexagerated the cool feeling of the drink running down his throat.

"Ahhh." Nicola copied him.

"You're getting quite cheeky you know. A cheeky wee monkey with a big round belly."

"I'm not fat, your mean Uncle Adam."

"I know, I'm only teasing. You're the second prettiest girl I know."

"Second?"

"Well your mother's number one but don't tell her that."

The little girl giggled with her favourite uncle, she felt safe to act childish around him, despite the obvious tension between him and her mother Uncle Adam was fun to be with. However she was still at that age where she had questions and knew exactly what type of questions they were.

"Uncle Adam, can I ask you something?"

"Sure hun, anything."

Nicola didn't look at Adam, too afraid of how he would react to her question.

"Are you my dad?"

Adam stared dumbstruck at his niece, his daughter, of all the questions she could ask him that he was not expecting. He had to play it safe though, he didn't need to give Lexi another reason to hate him.

"Why do you say that Nikki? I thought you knew that Liam was your father."

"I'm 8 uncle Adam, not an idiot. I guessed Liam wasn't my dad when he left me and mum alone, I heard him call mum bad names, I didn't like them. When you come round to our house a few months ago I overheard you and mum talking, you both said that I was your daughter, that you wanted to be part of my life. But mum wouldn't let you."

"Do you know why she wouldn't let me?"

"No, I don't think so. Is it something to do with you and mum being cousins?"

Adam brought Nicola closer to him, knowing what he had to say was important, he wrapped his arm around her and treated her like the adult she would become.

"Nikki, you want to know the truth? Yes, I am your father, I'm sorry I never told you sooner but your mother didn't want you to know that you're a... a child of incest."

"Why not?"

"Because it can be a lot to handle, especially at your age where we would have to explain how incest is wrong but also explain how you aren't wrong, you're good and special."

"If it's wrong then why did you do it?"

"Honey when you get older you find that you don't have as much control over yourself as you'd like to think. Believe me on that one. Your mother and I have a history together, going back to when we were your age and younger, your mother was my first love, it didn't matter to me that she was my cousin, I loved her."

"Do you still love her?"

"Ha, no offence Nikki but I'll leave that one alone, too messy to get into."

"Oh. Why did Liam think he was my dad when you were?"

"That's your mother's doing, she thought she was doing the right thing and she was until I ruined it. I was married, I had a wife and son, you met him, Kevin, he's your brother now..."

Nikki's face smiled at the though of having a brother.

"... And I made the mistake of sleeping with Lexi, who wasn't my wife, and that's bad. Well sleeping with her resulted in you coming along and Lexi didn't want to hurt my family by revealing I cheated on my wife so she told our friend Liam, an ex-boyfriend of your mother's, that he was the father so the two of you wouldn't be left alone."

"Uncle Adam, am I a mistake?"

"No, of course not honey, I never expected you to be in my life but I'm so happy you are."

"Would it, you know, be okay, if I called you dad."

Adam smiled and kissed his daughter's forehead. "I'd love nothing more."

Nicola returned her father's smile and hugged him, the bond between the two of them grew stronger as they finally accepted themselves as father and daughter, Adam was glad she took it as well as she did, it would've been all too easy for Nicola to get upset and angry with him.

As they were hugging Claire came outside to join them, she saw the two of them together and knew something had happened between them.

"Hey, what's going on here?"

"Grandma, meet my daddy."

"Daddy huh, how'd that one come about?"

"Don't worry mum, she figured it out by herself, she's a smart cookie."

"More than her parents anyway."

Adam took the insult, he did deserve it. Claire looked down at her granddaughter, sitting happily in her father's arms.

"Nikki dear, your mother called, would you like to stay over at grandma's tonight."

Nikki jumped up and hugged Claire. "Can I grandma, really?"

"Of course, just go upstairs and have a shower, I'll cook up some cheese on toast and we can watch a film."

Nicola bounded upstairs to get washed as quick as she could, Claire and Adam chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"I'm gonna hate when she's a teenager and she loses that happiness."

"Just enjoy it while it lasts Adam. You know there are times when I wonder if you ever grew out of the sullen teen stage."

Adam ignored his mother, he had other interests on his mind. "So what did Lexi call about, anything to do with Craig?"

"I was just going to talk to you about that, something happened with her, I don't know what, she wouldn't say, but she asked me to look after Nikki tonight. She also said she wants to meet you."

"Me? Why?"

"I don't know Adam, all she told me was that she was by your pond. You know where that is?"

"Yeah, I should go see her."

*

Adam found Lexi sitting on a bench overlooking the pond area, he didn't know why she was there but giving their history there, Adam's scar and the conception of their daughter, it's significance was well understood. As he approached her bench he saw fences and diggers surrounding the pond and it's bushes, it had been a few years since he was last here but this was confusing.

"They're tearing it down." Lexi's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What?"

"I said they're tearing it down, renovating the place to build more houses."

Adam sat down on the bench next to his cousin. "Shame, that place is important to us."

"Yeah, I say we head up to the council and beg them not to tear down the place we fucked once."

Adam laughed at Lexi's blue humour but he couldn't escape the tears in her eyes."

"Lexi, what's wrong?"

"It's Craig, he's dead."

"Oh, is that why the hospital rang?"

"No, actually, when I went up there Craig was alive, he seemed to remember me, or at least Alexandra, his daughter. Of course he didn't recognize me, again, I almost got angry at him, I almost lost myself again. But I didn't, and for some reason I found myself forgiving him, I don't know why but I told him that despite everything, all he put me through I forgave him. And you know what he did, you know what that son-of-a-bitch did, he killed himself, right in front of me, tore out the arteries in his wrists and killed himself."

"Jesus Lexi I... I don't know what to say."

"Neither did I, when the doctors started asking me about what happened I think I was silent for about 20 minutes. But then I thought about it, Craig didn't remember anything, he thought Alexandra was still his daughter, but when I forgave him he remembered it all, I think he was waiting, subconsciously I assume but he was waiting for me to forgive him so he could die at peace."

"That's a bit of a jump Lexi, like you said he didn't remember anything."

"I know, but Adam the man was a father to Alexandra for 15 years, a terrible one but he was still a father. I have to believe he felt sorry for what he did, that on some level he regretted his actions and that's why he killed himself."

The sound of wood breaking from down the hill took Adam's attention for a moment, he saw one of the bushes surrounding the pond get pulled out of it's rooted position, carted off for other uses. As his thoughts turned back to his cousin he felt something out of place with her words.

"Why are you talking about yourself in third person, you keep mentioning Alexandra, that's you."

Lexi smiled but it was in no way a happy one. "I'm not Alexandra, I figured that out as well, maybe I figured it out a while ago but I know for certain now. Alexandra's dead, I don't know when she dies, probably in rehab, but she's gone, and I don't miss her, she was a fool, a slut that fucked any one that gave her the time of day, she made stupid mistakes, she got on drugs because there was nothing else to do, she was a bad person. But she's gone now, the Alexandra part of me of dead, all that remains is Lexi, Lexi is a good person, she's clean, she's on the straight and safe, she's a mother. Does any of this make sense Adam?"

"Not really but I get the gist of what you're saying."

Lexi moved closer to Adam and laid her head on his shoulder. "Sorry for going on philosophical and personal on you, I just needed to do a lot of thinking about my life after I saw Craig die, I always thought the bastard would outlive me, I never expected to actually see him die."

"It's fine Lexi, with the way my life fucked up it's nice to see someone else feeling a little worse."

Lexi slapped Adam's arm but in a playful manner, she was feeling a little better. "Thanks, I needed a friend, I'm glad you were here."

Adam said nothing, he just hugged her closer to him and let her lay there. He knew he had to tell her that Nicola figured out her true parentage but for the moment he let his cousin, his friend, get herself back in one piece.

*

2010

*

As expected Lexi didn't like the fact that Nicola had found out Adam was her real father, but after thinking it over and having time to calm down she realised it was just better if she knew now and got used to it. Somehow this brought the cousins closer together, they were on much better terms, each taking turns to see Nicola and look after her, they were finally becoming good friends again after hating each other for so long.

This newly rekindled friendship helped them feel at ease with their lives and get on with it, Lexi set her sights off painting, knowing she could never use it as a full-time career, and focused on her job as a secretary, safe in the knowledge she was providing for her daughter. She still painted on the sidelines but most of her time was focussed on her job, her daughter and occasionally seeing her therapist Dr Freeman, the guilt she faced over Craig's death hit her harder than she thought and she needed help.

Adam meanwhile has finally finished the law and passed, earning him his law degree, he was ready to become a lawyer. It took him over twenty years to get here and he was finally becoming what he planned to be.

But as they both knew life didn't let them off that easy, to this day, Adam remembers the very day things changed for him and Lexi.

It was April 2010, Lexi's 40th birthday.

It all started with a simple phone call, Adam was sitting down to lunch when his house phone rang, the number wasn't recognized but he picked it up anyway, curious as to who was on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I speaking to Mr Adam McAllister."

"Yes."

"Great, hello Mr McAllister, my name is Joseph Martin, I believe you've met my brother Trent."

"Uh, he's in a wheelchair right, swears a lot?"

"Ha, yeah that's Trent. Mr McAllister I represent a small division of a large sales company, specialising in property development, I was wondering if I might have a word with you."

"Uh, sure yeah, what do you need?"

"This division I mentioned is in need of a new legal department and since you've just completed your law degree we were wondering if you'd like to come work for us."

Adam almost asked Joseph to repeat himself, he couldn't believe his ears. "A job? I, I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll come in for an interview and we'll sort if out from there." Adam could hear the smile in Joseph's voice. "When are you free?"

"I've got nothing on through the week so whenever I guess."

"Would today be too soon for you?"

"No, I can make today, you must really need someone."

"More than you know, alright so how about today at 2, that good enough for you?"

Adam agreed and got the address and location, after a couple phone calls he got himself dressed properly, researched a little on the company, and left. He found the place with little difficulty, he'd expected a large office so he was surprised to find a small building in its place, inside there was probably only 4 or 5 people working at most. As Adam walked in a man immediately came up to him.

"Mr McAllister, I figured that was you."

"Yeah well I've got a distinguishing face."

"I know, my brother told me about your incident, I must say even with the prior knowledge it's still a bit of a shock."

"Now you know how I feel."

"Ha ha, yeah I guess I do. Well I'm Joseph Martin, welcome to the Stop-Off."

Joseph led Adam to the back room, his office. Adam took a quick look round the entire building, still surprised at it's small size.

"I must say Mr Martin, it's not what I was expecting."

"You were thinking bigger, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I kind of was."

"You're not the only one to think that, we're not a full division of the company, we're used mainly for middle management types to get some training in before moving onto the big leagues, the managers around here changed on a tri-monthly basis, once they're trained they move on. We may be a small part but we're important, our earnings put us in the top 10% of the company's profiteers."

"I looked up your company before I came here, you seem to be doing really well."

"We are, the higher ups have commissioned a buy-over and we're currently one of the top 50 businesses in the UK."

Joseph stopped himself just as his mobile rang, he checked who was calling before excusing himself and leaving the room. This gave Adam chance to look around the office, it was a lot homelier than he'd have thought, the wooden walls made the room feel warm, the soft lighting didn't give him a headache. Mostly though it was the pictures Joseph had that made the place feel like less of an office, one pic caught Adam's eye, it was on Joseph's desk, it was a very attractive young woman in an elegant lavender dress, it was snug against the woman's body but not skin-tight, it accentuated her substantial curves but didn't overstate them, Adam had to admit the woman looked beautiful.

"Gorgeous isn't she?"

Adam turned round to see Joseph coming back in, he was smiling at Adam, the photo still in his hand.

"Uh, yeah, sorry."

"No worries, that's Leanna, my daughter, most important person in my life. That was her at her prom, that was just last year I think."

"She's very pretty."

"Thank you, you have any children?"

"Two, a son who lives in Hawaii with his mother and a daughter who lives here in Glasgow, with her mother."

Joseph chuckled. "You've been busy Adam, I'm impressed."

"Joseph, forgive me for asking but why have you picked me for this job, I'm just out of law school, I have a lot to catch up on, I spent ten years of my life as a car sales man and the last four in school. Surely they're more qualified people than me for this position."

Joseph nodded, almost like he expected this. "Yeah, you're right there is, but we did some research of our own on you, you were the top of your class, both now and back in 1989 when you first took the course. We like that you're just starting out, we prefer to grab people early and train them up in our ways, makes it easier to fit in. We like what we see with you and we think you have a good future here."