All Comments on 'Something Fishy — Shock and Awe'

I don't think he missed a single cliche.

Everybody is a marine and a special forces guy and a high power attorney who knows somebody who is connected the somebody.

Overall, the story was interesting and well written. The characters were marvelously written into the tale. We got to see many factors involved even though there were a couple of holes. Did Tracy really love Blake, I don't think so. He was just a father, provider, and clueless cuck. Tracy was turning into a company (whore) wife for her boss/lover, Stanley Cross. Stanley's plan didn't work out the way he wanted and HAD to resort to underhanded means, which, in the end, bite him in his ass, along with the others. Glad Blake and Tracy didn't get back together since she destroyed their marriage.... Most enjoyable read.

I would have gave you a 4 or maybe 5 stars but in the end you still have to make the guy forgave her for all the evil things she did and said, so yeah here's 1 star for you, fucking wimp

So a law firm hired a convicted perjurer and bare faced Liar? Not sure about that.

I just can't see this ending at all. She watched him being beaten almost to death lied that he had abused her, was complicit in them trying to have him convicted as a paedophile that would mean he never saw his kids again and lied on the stand but she 'loved" him. I'm sorry but how could anyone forgive her for that? The writing was very good so I have given 4 stars but would have been 5 if a more realistic ending had been written.

The entire story is about Blake being betrayed by Tracey and how he responds to it, yet the epilogue is all about how Tracey handles the aftermath instead of Blake's. After all that suffering the husband gone through, the ending is not how he recovers from the betrayal but mostly about the ex-wife's attempt to regain happiness.

Maybe you should have told the story from the whore's perspective instead of the betrayed husband.

She got better than she deserved.

After the charges against her - including perjury and subverting justice - she would be employed in the legal profession again - not fucking likely!

A good story well told.

I missed the part where they were divorced. But that's probably just my lack of attention.

Well done.

I enjoyed this, a whole range of emotions and possible outcomes. In short, a good story.

Probably better suited for a Miserable Men Who Write These Stories Because They Are Secretly Gay site.

A decent story until the end, then it went to custard. You had strong war hero and wimped him out completely.

Oh well, better luck next story.

Was scoring you at 5/5, but tweak ending ruined the story and dragged the story back to 3/5.

And, that’s where it remains.

How does a woman with a felony conviction get hired as a paralegal, or as anything else by a law firm? Why does Blake, knowing that everything is being recorded, allow the bodyguard to get within arm’s reach of him? This is happening in Blake’s housers ; he could immediately order Max outside.

How did the crime scene not get thoroughly searched and the phone discovered?

They judged him by his cover. Never a good idea.

I think you are a skillful writer but you need to improve.

I do not wish to be rude, but it is clear to me that you do not know the military at all. The military does not just misplace paperwork for firearms assigned to military personnel on deployment. Even if they did, the firearm would be discovered at the search required before leaving theater. And keeping the handgun would be theft. All for a fireatm he could simply purchase at Cabelas. They are not that expensive. Regarding the shot to the shoulder, military personnel are only taught to fire center mass. Sometimes two rounds to the chest followed by a shot to the head to make sure the target stays down. And as a rule, Marines tend to be a little trigger happy.

Frankly, anyone who carries a firearm who encounters a guy drawing a gun will not consider shooting him in the shoulder. They will fire center mass continuously until their assailant is no longer a threat. Under stress, even a target at seven feet is difficult. Trained police officers completely miss at that range under stress. Further, one shot is usually not enough to render a target no longer a threat. Even a wound that will eventually cause death does not mean your attacker will not kill you first. You really need to learn about firearms before you write detailed stuff like a ridiculous shoulder aim.

I am no lawyer, but I think most of your legal stuff was BS. I will only provide one example. Accusing, threatening and blackmailing a judge in open courtroom will end badly. Lawyers file motions if they think the judge is biased.

Why the video was not immediately released to the press and the public before the judge could issue a gag order was not explained. It was by far the simplest and most effective tactic. And it was legal to do so.

The husband's calm and kind treatment of his wife, seems incredibly unrealistic. She conspired to make his life Hell so that she could fuck her boss.

I gave t a 3, once again here's another of those "adult" handling of things. The problem is, it rarely happens this way. Okay it never happens this way, there isn't any true emotion in this. I've served 20 plus in the military and I've yet to see anyone act this way. And I know hundreds of marines, at least 10 served 3 to 5 years in the brig for trying to kill the ex and her lover for fucking in the houses and cars. This guy gets his ass kicked and has a civil relationship with his. No happening kids or not.

Good unit the BS ending. No way he would put up with her. She was trying to put him in prison for a long time. The fix was in and life in prison is what Cross would had for him. No screw her jeep her away from the kids and his new life.

Sorry...

But that's a no. Conspiring to put blake in prison for drug and kiddie porn... Sorry but that doesn't deserve kind treatment. May i remind you the act of buying kiddie porn, contribute to the exploitation of minors. That's should have put all of them in prison for a long time and be branded as predators. Add to that drugs, and obstruction of justice and assault.

I would even think being shanked in prison is still too kind.

Being convicted of any of the charges Tracy faced would have rendered her ineligible to be employed and bonded as a paralegal.

It started as a great BtB, then it totally fell apart at the end.

Why the hell was he so forgiving to Tracey? She cheated on him for six months, tried to force the husband into being an unwilling cuckold, then was planning to get pregnant with her lover's bastard. She threatened to frame Blake for spousal abuse, drug dealing, and being a pedo if he didn't go along with it, then supported the asshole lawyer in trying to do just that!

Tracey was a cruel, heartless cunt and deserved no mercy. You can't make a character that monstrous, then expect your readers to sympathise with her when her vile plans are ruined. If Blake hadn't protected himself, Tracey would've happily seen him rot in prison for 10+ years!

When you're writing a BtB, you need to stay consistent through to the end. The over-the-top violence will alienate all the cucks and RaaC fans anyway, then the wimpy ending will offend your target audience.

This should've ended with Tracey doing long jail time. She was a beautiful woman, which meant she'd end up becoming some bull dyke's bitch. Meanwhile, Blake should've sued the shit out of Stanley Cross for the home invasion, assault, and frame-job, making him a very rich man. Their friends and family would've rallied around Blake and the kids, while Tracey was shunned by everyone for her appalling betrayal. Blake is now a wealthy and famous local hero... which means the women come flocking. Happy ending for Blake, misery for Tracey and Stanley.

not very believable but still a 4⭐, because your story is interesting.

This story is very hard by its scenario but also much too marshmallow.

The husband is far too kind and helpful to his ex-wife, especially after the liabilities they have between them.

It sounds too Disney World or LaLa Land.

No better than the original which sucked as well. It doesn't deserve a score at all but that aint how it works is it?

And what a disservice to Blackrandi by mentioning she edited and encouraged this pile of crap.

No way she gets a paralegal job after serving time for perjury, et al.

You never mentioned the divorce.

Not sure how he continues to live in the house after all that. I see him selling it off.

The story was great all the way up to the aftermath of the trial.... at which point you went off the rails and allowed it to peter out. Would have been a solid 5 if you had written a more reasonable ending.

I'm like several of the others who have posted a comment, this story has an ending that just does not fit the build up. Tracey is presented as almost singularly evil as well as easily led. I can't imagine Blake wanting to risk being near her once she is out of prison. What happens the next time she runs into a commanding man again? He'd always be at risk that this starts all over no matter what Tracey claims. She's just not smart enough to avoid it.

And all of the illegal games and antics were more than a little overboard. that had to be one of the most insanely corrupt DA offices in the world to allow that, and the judge not immediately recusing himself is absurd. Especially when Uncle JAC revealed the link between Stanley Cross and the judge, at that point you have an almost guaranteed mistrial and the prosecution should have been making a motion for a new judge just to prevent the trial from becoming a circus with appeals. That would have been major news that evening. (there are news hacks in most courthouses and they'd love to send a scoop like that to the national news bureaus, that kind of scandal is big money to them.)

Its a fun story, but like so many on this sight, it just ends up feeling a bit flat because it tries too hard to please both the BTB crowd and the "we want them to stay together" crowd. Choose one, build a reasonable emotional foundation for why it is going to go that way, and write it. Don't try to force both to happen with a crazy ending like was used here.

The story was well written, but the epilogue spoiled it all. After everything Tracey did to him, there is no way on God’s green earth that Blake would have anything to do with her.

Does this author (or MC) suffer from multiple personality disorders?

Most of the story was written by, and reflects a viewpoint of a person that exhibits an entirely different life philosophy and value system than that of the person who wrote its' ending. Could have been a very good story, but that was disconcerting, to say the least.

Why would I say that?

If you haven't noticed it yourself, just read the story again with that idea in your mind(s?).

Generally, the “I’m a secret war hero who can’t be stopped” stories are as dull as they are quietly insecure. But you never let your character feel like he was above the fray or untouchable, and you did something most other authors writing this type of story won’t: you let him be at risk of losing. The danger felt legitimate and ongoing, and the guys writing “cuck” in their comments right now couldn’t manage that kind of writing if their lives depended on it.

Well written story up to the forgiveness. No one could forgive the absolute betrayal and viscous criminal set up and beating that he had. Gave you a 3 for your writing ability however the story was not believable after the forgiveness.

I don't think he wimped out in the end. He could have destroyed her but didn't for the sake of his kids. He told her very calmly that there would never be a relationship with her other than co-parent. He told her he would find a better woman to give his love, trust and respect to. They say the best revenge is a life well lived. He will have that revenge for the rest of their lives.

The story started out strong. Unfortunately, at the end it descended into a forgiveness fest for a heartless psychopathic wife who was all end in on totally ruining the husbands life and sending him to jail for her selfish entitled pleasure. These type of folks do not deserve our forgiveness and certainly not any kind of continued association. In these type of situations, forgiveness is not divine...its psychological suicide.

If there was ever a bitch that neede to be burn. It was this bitch tracy. I'm sorry but the story started off good then it got wimpy towards the end. Let me see if I get this right. She's been banging her boss for 7 months, they got tired of quickies and wanted to spend the night together. So his wife agrees to set him to go to prison if he don't play by her and her lovers rules. She was willing to help put child porno on his computer, plant drugs in his car, let her lover beat her and say her husband did it. Gets a restraining order against her husband, She even brought the men to plant the drugs in his car. Then when he gets arrested she comes to visit and tell him to plead guilty, she still wants to continue to bang her boss for the next year but her lover will get his charges reduce and he'll only get a year in jail. Instead of burning the bitch with gasoline, he helps her? Wtf?!🤣🤣🤣🤣. what fuck'd up fantasy lala land was this story written in?. She tried to destroy his life, take his kids from him, admitted she didn't give him, their family, their marriage a second thought. This bitch needed to burn. I'm just flabbergasted. Why would any man with any self respect want this woman around their children? I'd be afraid of her views on marriage/family rubbing off on my kids. After everything she's done I wouldn't be able to look at her without wanting to smash her face in let alone hug her or have a calm conversation with her. This story made no sense. It just got so wimpish towards the end. Where was her punishment? Her lover got 11 yrs. But she wasn't only complacent she was a willing eager participant to destroy him just to get her holes filled. Did she apologize? No, she apologized for things not going the way her and her lover planned it. Blamed him for not just going along with it. She didn't apologize because she was sorry for cheating. Even if she apologized, shit wouldn't of been enough. There's no hallmark card for "I'm sorry for almost getting you sent to prison for year's. I'm sorry for trying to take your kids from you. I'm sorry for trying to destroy your life.

Almost a good story.

The ending didn’t come close to fitting this story.

To me the ending was so implausible I debated between 2 or three stars. In the end I gave it 3 due to the strength of the first part.

Thank you! This was a good story but all of the villains got off way too easy! And then Blake does everything to help Tracey?! I'm sorry, what?! I am not a big BTB fan unless it is truly deserved. But it is here! She just did too much! Was too selfish, too callous, too treacherous, the list goes on!

I also believe in forgiveness but Blake was almost like a saint with all he did in the end. Yes, he's a good person and I can see forgiveness eventually, but all he did? No. He set her up with schooling, housing and job opportunities. Also, helping her remain close to their children.

I realize he likely did all of this mainly for his kids and I respect that in many ways. But at the same time, this women only seemed to care about her jerk boss. She didn't care how her cruel, devious actions would hurt her children. For instance, framing their father! Especially for something as evil as child porn! Come on!

She carried on her affair with no guilt, seemingly believing her behavior was acceptable. She was willing to go so far as to have kids with the man! She never did anything redeeming (except to warn Blake when Stanley was about to hit him). Suffice it to say, I wouldn't trust her judgment and morals and thus wouldn't feel comfortable with her having a big influence in my kids life. At least not right away. I know she was contrite in the end. But it just wasn't enough!

She was going to put him away for a life sentence and he still wanted a relationship with the kids and her. Unbelievable. Why didn’t he hook up with another women after the trial. Kate or others. You want a convicted felon to stay in the kids life. You could be doing 40 years or more. Scorched earth to that cheating bitch or physco bitch.

Not bad more real than most stories like this. At least the good Guy won and the bad Guys lost. Thanks fir writing.

Good story. 5*****

Minor point - how did he go to the PI's office when he is under house arrest?

I would have liked a bit more in depth storytelling why everyone went so easy on her? At the end it was like nothing ever happend. I cant get my head around it. Only 2 years in a very cozy prison and they all welcomed her back like a hero after what she planned and actually did? He is not the bigger man but crazy, like the rest of the family. And with my statement I dont mean she should suffer for a endless time in prison and be alone for the rest of her life but that was over the top and not even remotely imaginable.

Good story until the last page

Serious timeline agreement issues! Pieces add up to WAY MORE than whole!! He is 31 Marine officer has to have degree first, four years after to make CPT, two years to get Masters. Another stream, married 7 Years, have 7 year-old son born a couple years after they married.

What?! no Black Ops this time?

Let's take stock here, she cheats, disrespects, conspires against him in an attempt to send him to prison, ruin his reputation in all society by painting him as a drug dealing child abuser and a wife beater.

Have I got most of that right? And somehow you wrote him as forgiving her? They could be friends? What fucking planet or alternate universe are you from? At the very least a almost real person would say "you're dead to me" and avoid contact of any kind. Forever. Thinking about it, this story is really an insult to any thinking person's intellect.

I truly hope someone rewrites the last page of this to reflect something believable.

Very well written and entirely possible.

I had to suspend reality a few times, only because I'm a 27 year veteran with multiple combat tours. I believe you're self-editing, but you should consider a pre-reader or two. I detected two leaps in logic, I saw both pointed out elsewhere. Other than that, you were golden.

You kept the same focus throughout, but the hatred became tempered by the end. I don't agree with at least one other commenter who said you caved, folded, and took a wimps way out. You displayed maturity and reason. Your story, your universe, your fantasy.

Well done!

I read this with an open mind, as you were basing it off of another story. I saw the train going off the rails when you stated in the beginning that Blake was 31 and a retired Captain in the Marines. If he was still in the service at 31, he might be a Captain, but not after just four years in.

You made his son seven years old yet he was born two years after Blake and Tracy married, seven years ago. Just little details, but in the grand scheme very important.

I could have seen this as a reconciliation story, after all Uncle Jack went way out of his way to help reestablish Tracy after she got out, but you chose not to. Why didn't you tell about the fate of Stan, I'm sure he didn't have a good time in Jail.

Better luck next story.

It was very well done until the end, when it sunk like a stone. For a combat-arms Marine (he killed 27 enemy, remember?) to spend any more time than necessary with the ex who lied, cheated, and conspired to incarcerate him is over-the-top unbelievable. She had become his enemy, and treachery most foul is not forgotten.

H might be civil with her at events where he had to attend, for the sake of his kids, but to have physical contact would be like playing with a turd.

The Corps even has an expression, "semper I" that fits. It's strongest among combat vets, where lives depend on being able to count on your fellow Marines, sailors, airmen, or soldiers. Had he been a pogue, I might have excused it. Otherwise, just "no."

Wargamer must have been reading my mind. Nothing to add.

cucks get one star, even if they are emotional cucks

.

I'd have demanded as part of the conspiracy to frame me with child porn she should have to register as a sex offender

.

Also I would have demanded that given the lengths she went to frame me that all of her visitation be supervised at her expense

.

Also would have let the kids watch both videos

So did Blake ever take Rose out to dinner as he promised? Was it a five star restaurant? Inquiring minds want to know!

Great story - it was true to your preface of being over the top and "load" characters, so I'll give you a pass on that - 5*

"another lawsuit against your firm for violating your company's fraternization policy." - Yeah, right, Stan's going to have a policy against him fucking his employees! LOLOL!

/

Why didn't he pull his gun out when Max came at him?

/

"He commented to me once that there might be a slight problem getting our video admitted as evidence." - Why? On what grounds? It would be especially admissible as rebuttal evidence.

/

"After a year or so, everything would have been back to the way it was." - What about her having Cross's baby. and lying about the spousal abuse?

/

I can understand her "falling under his spell" and having the affair. I can't understand or forgive her plot to cuckold and destroy him.

/

Did I miss their divorce?

A USGI Beretta sidearm with a 9 shot magazine? NOPE - it’s 17.

A convicted felon employed as a paralegal? NOPE

Accepting friendship from an ex-spouse (or anyone) that betrayed and tried to imprison you for at least 20 years and get you labeled as a sex offender? Not just NOPE BUT HELL NOPE

At least the guy didn’t mope around wringing his hands wondering what to do!

I agree with the other commenters...the author does a pratfall at the end. What is it with authors here? Is it really necessary to "virtue signal" by being absurdly generous and chivalric to the little bitch in these stories? Tracey deserved less than nothing. Moreover, IRL, no one would consider her anything other than a narcissistic, psychopathic bitch, based on what she had agreed to do with Cross. She certainly shouldn't, and wouldn't get, any sort of shared custody of the children. Other than simple assault, Tracey was guilty of everything that Cross was.

Our culture is dying in large part because men have, for generations, refused to hold the little ladies fully accountable as moral agents. This story is an extreme example of how women can do the most outrageous and things and get away with a very small portion of the punishment a man would receive. The author's attitude regarding Tracey, unfortunately, mirrors society at large over generations.

Good until the end, but I sensed before the end that the supposed hero was nothing but a wimp. No wonder why the wife thought she could cuckold him.

No fucking real man treats as nicely as our hero treats his despicable wife. This is beyond fantasy. And her working as a paralegal? Are you delusional? With a record on her, she cannot get certified. Your weak, pathetic ending ruined the story. 3***

Wow, what can I say. He never divorced her from what I read but the end sure sounds like it. Why would he visit her and set her up with a home etc? Just leave her. Supervised visits for the kids and that is it.

It would have been interesting to see how Mrs. Cross reacted to her husbands affair with Tracey, especially after he was convicted and sentenced to prison. All-in-all an excellent story.

Well written bravo!

But I didn't like it. With all the evil things that Tracey did to her husband, in the ending I was already expecting the author writing about her ex-husband and her family proudly unveiling a life-size statue of Tracey in the center of the town.

No, the ending and the way the ex-husband did with his wife isn't very realistic. People had been ghosted for lesser action. What Tracey did (aside from worshipping the devil, Stan Cross) was pre-meditated, calculated and simply evil. Despite it being well-written, the story fell flat for me.

I thought this was a good read. Thank you for your efforts.

Some of these "comments" adjudicating the worthiness of these FICTIONAL beings read as if they are cut-and-pasted into every story in the LW category. As I've stated before, these guys would BURN the Virgin Mary, given the circumstances of her pregnancy.

.

It must be awful lonely living in an absolute Black & White world!

Pretty enjoyable read! Some things that happened were a little bit to much of a stretch for me, as others have pointed out. I gave it a 5 anyway. Seems funny how an anonymous commenter will question your gender identity just because it didn’t end the way he thought it should. That keeps reminding me how close minded some people are. So sad!

Good story, but the ending was too weak. Considering what she did, I can easily see her family giving her hell, if not outright disowning her and making her a pariah. Former friends would also end their relationship with her. She should be looking at a life of regret and loneliness. What decent man would get involved with her based on her history? How is she going to explain what happened to her kids when they get older. It will be a matter of public record? I'm sorry really doesn't cover up the fact that not only did she cheat on their father, but she conspired to have him imprisoned on false charges. Also, considering the charges she torpedoed any likelihood of having a legal career, and there are probably several other careers and management positions she could not be trusted with.

Maybe she's too weak to face what she so richly deserves and will commit suicide. If so cremate her and dump the ashes down the sewer, or put them in a pig sty.

Stanley became Bubbas Bitch

Max was killed in the prison yard

Tracey teamed up with the prison Mama and became a dyke

Blake and Lucy hooked up and drove into the sunset Happily ever after

No. Too forgiving! She was going to have her boss impregnate her and have him(the cuckold) raise it!! Not happening!

No and hell no!!!!

jtwheels

No disrespect but this is one of the worse stories here in literortica. I gave you ** by mistake, I was going to give you *. Sorry about that.

This part is for Literotica. I hope they fix their system because when I post a low rate and I look later, that low rate is not there but if it is ***** then it is saved. Literotica that is not nice. Hope you are honest and post this. I will check later. Thank you

Good job, luv a good tale of betrayal followed by sleuthing and a righting of reality... thought the good captain would plug the thug right between the eyes and that the colonel would at least have a side arm, not a bat. He is a marine not a democrat

Till the end bullshit. Would not have lifted a finger or spent a dime o. The human garbage

For me a story that deserves a 5, deserves the 5 independente if I lide the ending or not. Besides he did not undo anything. I was afraid he might propose dating. Excellent story.

I enjoyed this story more than the original. Five stars

That ending sucked.👎

A good story till the end . You wimped out the war hero. No way you could forgive this mentally off cheater. She would have put him in jail for decades. She loved him,not in this lifetime,no one is this dumb. The man has to be a genus to record the conversation before the immediate conversation. Then you let him forgive that women called his wife. And they is no way she could get a job in the legal profession rrr

Great for 4/5 then collapsed into pure bullshit. Finding a world class nympho is nonsense, but treating her like she put a dent in the car is absolutely garbage and Blake would never have done that.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Loved it!

Gung ho stuff if somewhat juvenile in places. Not a bad story though.

Terrible ending

The beginning was a little too unbelievable.

A second comment as an answer to a lot of the why would he be nice to her. No one will ever know why someone cheats, but in the case of this story, I would say that once she was in so deep on the night of the shooting, fear became a bigger factor. She knew how powerful Stan was and she feared that if she resisted she would go down to. Yes she made a wrong choice (more than once).

I don't see Blake as a wimp or a cuck, until that night he was still dumb to the fact that a fox had gotten into the hen house. It's the attention to detail that shoots down this story. Maybe a little more research would have been better.

A great story, truly enjoyable. Good Job.

Burn Their Ass

Simply put, a really well written story, Great job!

Still a very good tale. Did not close out too many points, divorce, lawsuit against law firm, disbarment of the offending lawyers, lawsuit against private detectives assets, his job. But...keep writing. Thank you for the tale.

It was very good i gave it 5. Thank you

Could have been 5 stars but the woman got really no punishment out of it. Any body plans to kill me and take my kids from me deserve nothing better then a hole in the head and ground. 3 stars for retribution

eh u lost me when it became all stan's fault. it take 2 to tango she learned nothing neither did the MC. these ppl are too dumb to care about. it was good up until then though

Nope. After what Tracey did I would have had nothing to do with her except for things dealing with the kids. Your wimpy ending doesn't match the man you portrayed in the first part of the story and ruined an otherwise decent story.

Well written.......but.

That ending was fantastical to say the least.

My ex shat on me from a great hight but infinitely less than what happened to the Biden voter in this story and I have not said a word to the bitch for a decade and counting.

The child porn threat and wife going along with it would be too much for any man to forgive......add in the rest and no man would accept anything less than the maximum punishment.

Until the ending it was a solid 4 that could have been a 5* rating.

That ending pushed it down to a 2 from me.

A nice robber story that I liked a lot! Objectively and impressively told, the characters are believable and can actually exist that way. The plot as such makes me a little puzzled, because I can hardly believe that a lawyer who has so much influence and sits so securely in the saddle can destroy everything with such a succinct burlesque. Surely he could have done that more subtle!

A very far fetched story but a very good read and it was very entertaining. FIVE*****

Very well thought-out, written and presented! It needed follow up on Cross's wife.

The questioning of a judge in his courtroom was beyond absurd. The forgiveness shown to her was not believable. She actively worked to send him to jail for the rest of his life. The kiddie porn would have done just that. Also, his parents forgave her? Come on

I thought Blake wanted to “burn the all”. He did not burn Tracey, he helped her to have minimal jail time, visits with the kids and him and afterwards set up her new life which still includes him and the kids.

The ending should have been, Blake a divorced single dad with sole custody of the kids. No prison visits and Tracey getting only limited at were supervised by child protective services.

This was an after school special kind of ending not a “burn them all” end.

The 1st page was so utterly ridiculous with a wife that couldnt be any dumber if she had a Trump tattoo on her face (dont laugh thats about the only place they dont put them, after all no one wants an anus on their face for life).

I enjoy a good BTB story too, but when they're that over the top I save wasting my time.

Sorry page one killed it for me.

I think it was an improvement on the original, so well done.

You had a pretty good story going there until you decided to turn your male character into an idiot and a pussy in the last two pages.

Well done. I enjoyed the read, I did feel parts were over the top. It did have a perfect ending.

OK, I gave up after the first few paragraphs. For working in the space industry, I got lost after he had been married 7 years, had a 7-yr old son named Tyler and Tyler was born 2 years after the wedding!

Good story!

5

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? They never even got divorced. And she only got 3 years???? I think the guy DID had a concussion, because he definitely had brain damage. I'm sorry, but she deserves NOTHING. If that's his version of ambush, and shock and awe, that's why we got our ass kicked in 'Nam. Nobody does the right thing. THE BEAR DOES NOT APPROVE. I wish I could give a negative rating, but they don't allow it. I realize he wasn't in 'Nam, but the story good, borderline great, until it wasn't. The Trai; finish, and simpering finish SUCKED!! Don't write another one like this, ever. PLEAS!!!

The BEAR

“Brutal self defense”!?! WTF does this take place? In my state he would have shot both men to death and not even been been charged.

In the story as written he should have pushed for maximum prison time for the ex wife, and let her live on the streets after she was released. None of either family or any of their friends should even speak to her.

Thanks for posting, Mr 93. Keep going and post another, please. Randi.

Well written. A 5 from me since he did not take her back as a wife. Good thing he had a great uncle as his attorney.

Simply Unbelievable! This reads like what pornographic literature would be produced by the Hallmark Company.

His wife did not simply abandon and betray him, she set him up to be a dickless gutted drone, raising her lover's bastard and essentially sucking her lover's cum out of her inseminated vagina and rectum. Don't even suggest Tracy hadn't already given Max her ass. And she was a coconspiritor of setting her husband up to be framed for child abuse, child pornography, spouse abuse, and drug dealing. And all that was to be forgiven and forgotten?

Simply Unbelievable. What fucking snowflake planet do you come from?

I will admit that if this clueless disconnected tuned out dumb shit didn't realize his wife had become the company whore, for 7 Months (!), then he probably deserved everything she did to him and everything she had planned and hoped to do to him.

Oh, you left out the part where the dumb shit sues her boss and the law firm in civil court for multi-millions of dollars. But then I guess that was considered too cruel?

Disgusting, gutless, and completely ridiculous.

But thanks for the effort.

The original was fun for the poison Sushi solution, this here removes that unique little plot point and lays it all on the hidden iPhone. The major flaw in the whole premise is why would a lawyer have to go so nuclear against some poor slob. If Mr. Bigshot lawyer is so rich and powerful he can have any trim in the county, what is so magic about this woman's cootch that he's having people killed or set up just to get her pregnant. Is she REALLY worth all that trouble? But fun to see the whole thing play out, it might have been greater if you did a play on My Cousin Vinny as the defense lawyer that pulls off the victory at the end.