Something to Offer Ch. 02

"What?" Denise replied. "Why wouldn't you want to?"

I ran my tongue beneath my upper lip as I contemplated how honest I ought to be. Not very, I quickly decided. "I just feel wrong about going out with someone you like better than I do."

Denise's face sagged. "Why?"

I turned to Lynn. "How would you feel if I dated some boy you liked?"

The blonde merely smiled. "I'd be happy to share a boy with you."

I smirked, feeling betrayed by what I took to me another jest.

"Yeah," Denise added. "That's it. We're sharing, right?"

"What?" I stammered, brows down. "I don't think we're meant to share boys!"

"Hey," Lynn started. "You were the one that was all ready to buck every tradition as long as you got to buck Billy Drake too."

I shook my head and briefly dropped my gaze. "I'm sorry, but I can't just like Mark because you want me too, anymore than I could unlike Billy when you thought I should."

Lynn nodded slowly. "I know what you mean. What really stinks is when you like someone and you know they like you too, but you're just not sure how much or in what way."

Denise twitched her lips for some moments. Her eyelids blinked frequently as the orbs behind them shifted. Finally her gaze once again settled on me. "I'm sorry," she offered. "I guess I was a bit selfish." She brought her eyes back to mine. "Will you at least tell him I like him?"

At last I thought the time was right play my trump card. I flashed a broad smile before announcing, "I already did."

Denise gaped for a handful of seconds before recovering. "You did?"

"Yep."

"When?"

I shrugged. "On the way home."

Denise's jaw dropped again. "How? What'd you say?"

"Well," I began. "When I took him home, but we talked a bit en route. I was thinking to try and kiss him, in spite of the popcorn, but I couldn't very well do it while I was driving, so I just asked him point blank if he wanted to fuck."

Denise shook her head in disbelief. "You just asked him that?"

"Sure," I replied. "Why not ask him? How else was I going to know?"

"What did he say?"

"He said, 'No.' So I pressed him a bit and then told him I expected my boyfriend to put out."

Denise's jaw fell yet again. "You didn't?" she gasped.

"Sure I did," I asserted. "You did say you wanted me to break him in for you; right? And I would have, but he stuck by his guns, said he wasn't interested; then mumbled something lame about wearing white to his own wedding."

Denise flashed more of her braces than I think she ever had before, or since. "He said that!"

"Yep, he did," I affirmed with a shallow nod. "So then I said, 'Well, I know just the girl for you.'"

There was no way I could have grasped at the time I spoke it how that half-truth would spell the end of a very important chapter in my life, and the beginning of another.

Lynn and I didn't see much of Denise after that day. We both missed her, but were thrilled for her as well. She and Mark were engaged before the end of the following summer. He went to some Ivy League college and is probably a millionaire by now. Last count they had five kids.

I never told Denise the truth about what Mark and I did that Valentine's evening. I figured that was his secret to share if he wanted to. Since she and I are still on speaking terms, my hunch is he never did.

I hope Mark has forgiven me, but I don't imagine I'll ever pardon myself. Sure, my logical side knows that, at least in the eyes of the law, we were both consenting adults; but my emotional side has long since convicted me of statutory rape; life sentence, no parole. To this day, when I see the first stylized cupids of February, my eyes moisten as my thoughts drift back to a kind young man who just wanted to see a movie, nothing more, on what should have been a sweet and innocent Saturday night.

Thus the most romantic of days has been forever spoiled for me. I can still smile on another holiday, however; every Thanksgiving when I recall Billy Drake and our special fortnight together. At least I know he wanted me and I was his girl, if only for a few weeks.

Billy finished the semester and took Cindy to the prom, even though he didn't graduate with the rest of us. I doubt he ever did. Early that summer Billy married Cindy and then joined the army, the latter being easily the smartest move he ever made. The two tempests got divorced a few years later, but as of our ten-year reunion they were once again married and all smiles.

As for me, I never dated again in high school after that Valentine's Day. For a time, I considered going back to dating jocks; but I knew what they wanted. Six months before, I had thought I wanted it too, but suddenly something seemed missing. I knew I longed for more, but couldn't put my finger on what it was.

For carnal pleasure, I turned to my little collection of toys, the ones I had originally purchased as training devices. These I could use without commitment or guilt. I fantasized about many partners, including Billy, and Joel; but another person kept recurring in my visions, one whose presence in my thoughts I found as exciting as I did disturbing. It would be another half-year before my dilemma was ultimately resolved; in both my conscience, and my heart.

* * * * *

Fortunately my quandary did not affect my grades in any way. I graduated third in my class. Both Pitt and Penn State accepted me for the autumn semester, but I managed to land a full scholarship to the latter. In spite of my allegiance to the local school, money talks and it talks loud; I began making plans to attend the rival institution. I was thus looking forward, rather than backward, when the phone rang one steamy August afternoon.

"Hey Wendy!" Mom called from upstairs. "It's for you."

I picked up the receiver of my basement line, issuing a timid, "Hi."

"Hey. It's Lynn."

"Lynn!" I squealed, realizing how long it had been since I heard her voice, and how wonderful it was to hear it again. "What's up?"

"Not much. How've you been?"

"Fine," I acknowledged with a nod no one could see.

"Haven't heard from you. I was just wondering if you were still alive."

"Sorry I haven't stayed in touch," I offered. "I've been so busy planning for college, you know."

"Yeah, I do. You're going to State, right?"

"Yes."

"Me too!"

"Really?" I gasped.

"Yes!" Lynn cried. "Isn't that amazing."

"Yes," I agreed. "It is." The prospect of having one of my dearest friends close when I expect to be all alone seemed like a dream come true. "I didn't even think you were planning to go to college?"

"I wasn't," Lynn related. "But my dad talked me into it. Have you found a place to stay?"

"I was thinking to live in one of the dorms."

"What do you think about sharing an apartment?"

"I don't know," I said. "Don't they cost more?"

"A bit, but not as much as you might think."

I twitched my lips as ideas tumbled through my head. "I'll need to ask my mom, and probably my dad too."

"But would youwantto?" Lynn pressed.

"Yes," I declared after but a moment's thought.

"Then see what your mom says and call me back," Lynn insisted. "I know my dad will be much more comfortable if I'm living with someone I know."

"Ok," I agreed with a nod. "I'll call you right back."

"Ok," Lynn replied "I'll be waiting!"

"Bye."

"Bye."

I replaced the receiver and rushed upstairs. "Mom!"

"In the kitchen!"

I found my mother staring absently into the fridge. "What y' doing," I inquired politely.

"Wondering if I should have a snack or break down and make dinner."

"I'm not hungry," I responded. "If that matters."

"Ok, snack it is," she declared and started to drag out sandwich makings.

"Mom, I was wondering; what do you think of me sharing an apartment with Lynn?"

Mother opened the silverware drawer and grabbed a knife. "Which one is Lynn?"

"Lynn Radcliffe. She's the cute little blonde."

"The one that lives over in the heights?"

"Yes."

Mom tongued her cheek for a few moments. "Is she going to want an expensive apartment?

"I don't know," I admitted. "She just called. I don't even know how much apartments are. Why would you think she'd want an expensive one?"

"Because she lives in the heights. Her family must have some money."

"Oh," I said. "So, are apartments more expensive than dorms?"

Mom shrugged. "I expect they're about the same, but don't include meals. Dorms are just more conducive to studying instead of partying. It also means you'll probably need a car, and that's more expensive too; alot more expensive."

"I don't think we'll do much partying," I said. "Lynn is kind of shy. She's never even had a boyfriend."

Mom nodded slowly. "Well, since you don't seem to know very much and my hunch is neither does Lynn, how about I call her mom and talk about it?"

My knees shook as I tried to suppress my excitement. "Oh! Thanks, mom! You are the best!"

"I didn't say 'yes.'"

I flashed a wide smile as my head moved in a feverish bob. "I know, but if there's a way, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

* * *

I was right. Mom was the best and she did figure it out. Labor Day found Lynn, myself, and both of our mothers unloading the household basics from a rental truck into a very modest apartment.

Mom and I both got a bit teary eyed as the time came to say goodbye. I had been so busy making preparations and then executing them that I had not considered the magnitude of the impending parting.

I am sure Mom felt the same way. "Goodbye, my little angel," she said, initiating a hug. "Take care."

I returned the embrace. "I will, Mom. You too."

Lynn exchanged farewells with her mother on the other side of the vehicle. Before we knew it, we were both watching the truck pull away. I tried not to cry. As I turned my face to my new roommate, I saw that her eyes were every bit as moist and red as I imagined my own to be.

"We should go see a movie," Lynn suggested with a sniff.

I nodded my agreement. "Which one?"

"I don't know. Let's just go see what's playing."

"Ok," I said.

We climbed into the little white car that Lynn's dad had bought for her. She started the engine and then looked to me. For a few moments we just stared at one another, then we both laughed as we realized we had no clue where to go.

"I suppose we can just drive around until we find a theater," I suggested. "That way we'll get to see some of the area as well."

"Sounds like a plan," Lynn agreed.

Amid giddy small talk, we toured the college town, stumbling upon a theater within half an hour. Eyes bright and all smiles, Lynn and I strode to the ticket window and perused the possibilities.

"How aboutAmerican Werewolf in London?" my companion proposed, glancing at her watch. "At least it starts fairly soon."

I shifted my focus to the floor, kicking at the tiles before looking back to my friend. "I don't know. I'm not in the mood for any more movies like that one I saw with Mark Blum."

Lynn smiled. "C'mon. It'll be fun. If you get scared, I'll hold your hand."

I nodded my agreement, although I cannot say my head bobbed with enthusiasm. My companion was true to her word, grasping my palm with her own at the first hint of trouble and not releasing it until the lights came on after the credits had rolled. When she did withdraw her hand, it was with reluctance that I released it.

"What'd you think?" she asked as we stood.

"I liked it," I admitted. "It was a bit gory, but it wasn't near as bad as that other movie. At least this one had a plot."

"I thought it was great. We should do it again soon," Lynn said. "In the mood for something food-like? Tacos, maybe?"

"Sure," I agreed with a smile. "I'd like that."

* * *

My social life during the initial part of the semester was much the same. My course work proved more arduous than I had anticipated and occupied a great deal of my time. Lynn, on the other hand, did not seem to study near as much and cheerfully did most of the housework. We fit in a movie every weekend.

In the back of my mind, I had hoped to find college men more amiable than high school boys. If anything, I think it was the opposite. I kept waiting for one to ask me out, but none ever did. Each passing day found me more insecure, especially since more guys than I could count expressed an interest in Lynn.

Initially, I kept my thoughts to myself, but as the leaves began to fall from the trees, my spirits seemed to drop with them. My confidence reached its old, yet still familiar, low. At last, I could contain my anguish no longer.

"Am I fat?" I asked abruptly one evening over dinner.

"No!" Lynn insisted, an octave above her usual tone. "Not even close!"

"Then why don't boys ask me out?"

She shrugged. "Who knows? Boys our age are a lot stupider than you think."

"But they ask you out?"

Lynn shrugged again. "Show's just how stupid they are."

I cocked my head. "What do you mean?"

"I guess I'm really picky," she related. "I know what I want and I'm not going to settle for anything less."

I nodded thoughtfully, though I had no clue what she meant. "So, none of them interest you?"

"Should they?"

"What about that someone special you mentioned. Is he here?"

Lynn appeared to consider the question for a few seconds before responding, "Not exactly."

"Ok, then," I replied. "What about that Roger fellow that gave you his number last week at the Dairy Queen?"

"The one that looks like a cowboy from an old western?"

"Yeah, that one."

"What about him?" Lynn queried.

"What was wrong with him?"

"Nothing I suppose," Lynn answered. "But all we know about him is he's handsome."

"So?" I countered.

"Would you have gone out with him?"

"Probably."

"Why?"

"Why not?" I snapped.

Lynn's features melted. Her posture faded in the same moment. "I have his number; if you want to call him?"

I shook my head. "He askedyouout. I think it would be rude for me to call. I guess I just don't understand what it is you're looking for in a man. Are you saving yourself for marriage like Denise?"

Lynn offered a token smile. "No. I doubt I'll ever get married, but I am still saving myself for that someone special just the same."

I shrugged and issued another absent nod. "Ok. I guess I better hit the ol' books."

The next few days were dour ones for me. Lynn made herself scarce. Feeling rebuffed in my efforts to share my feelings with my friend, I tried to focus on studying. Quickly, I found my anxieties overwhelmed my ability to maintain even token levels of concentration.

In retrospect, I knew she was keeping something from me and I was somewhat miffed at her. Perhaps she sensed this. Or perhaps she just wanted to make me happy.

"I set us up a date with Roger," Lynn announced over breakfast almost a week later. "You know, that cowboy guy you liked."

A spoonful of cereal paused halfway to my mouth. I creased my brow. "Us?"

"Yes,us."

I shook my head slowly. "Why us?"

"Because you said you wanted to go out with him."

My spoon hit my bowl with a clink. "I didn't say that!"

Lynn grinned. "Yes, you did."

I bowed my head sheepishly. "Ok, maybe I implied it."

Lynn's smile broadened. "I told you once if I had a boyfriend, I'd share, didn't I?"

I found her mood contagious and flashed a shallow grin as I recalled her words. "Yeah, I guess you did. But I thought you were joking."

Lynn cocked her head. Her smile evaporated. "Joking? Why would I joke about that?"

I shrugged. "Just doesn't seem like something friends normally do."

Lynn twisted her head even farther. "You're not going to let what normal people do get in the way of what we want to do, are you?"

"I guess not."

Lynn's head popped upright as a smile returned to her face. "Does that mean you'll go?"

"I don't know," I said. "That depends on what you have in mind?"

"I told him we'd probably just go to a movie."

"And he was ok with us both going?"

"I didn't ask," Lynn related. "I just said we'd like to take him to a movie and he said, 'ok.'"

"Are you sure you don't want to go with him by yourself?"

"I'm sure. I don't really want to go at all."

"Then why go?"

"Because you want to go, silly!"

So we went. Of all my dates ever, this was without doubt the most awkward. I felt like extraneous baggage sitting next to Roger with Lynn on the other side. Every few minutes, my eyes drifted to our date, and his eyes were always on the screen; or Lynn.

Chariots of Firewas not the film to stir me, or anyone else, from a laconic mood. Afterward, as we headed up the aisle, I resolved to never again consult my friend regarding men. It was one promise I managed to keep.

"That was kind of slow," Lynn noted.

"You're not a kidding," Roger agreed. "I could have run to England myself in how long that movie was."

I cringed as I wondered if he knew any more about geography than he did sentence structure.

Lynn paused as we reached the lobby. "You wanna come inside when we get back to our place? Maybe we could liven things up a bit." She glanced at me with a wide smile.

I looked back with even wider eyes.

Roger shrugged. "Really?"

Lynn's smile vanished as she looked to me. "I, uh," she stuttered, "need to go to the ladies room first." Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed my hand and led me down the corridor.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as soon as we were as isolated as I expected to get.

Lynn's brow was low, her gaze unsteady. "I thought you'd want to fuck him. Isn't that why you date boys?"

My mouth dropped open as I realized that I had said much to give her that impression. "That's not the only reason!"

Lynn kinked her head to look at me sideways. "Really? Surely you don't just want to go to dinner and a movie? You can do that with me."

I dropped my eyelids and nodded. "Ok, I do like sex. But Denise was right, it's better with someone special."

"Alright then," Lynn concluded with a grin. "Let's go have some!"

For a second time, the little blonde led the way. I trailed in a stupor, wondering if she had somehow decided Roger was that someone special she was seeking and, if so, why was she insistent upon sharing him with me.

"Look," Roger began as we returned. "I don't know what's…"

"Do you like blowjobs?" Lynn interjected.

My eyes flew wide. My head pivoted to see who might be within earshot. A pair of passing middle-aged ladies leered at us as if we were minions of Satan. I jerked my focus back to our companion.

"Uh, yeah," Roger muttered, his eyes wandering under a furrowed brow. "I guess. Why?"

"Well, I've never given one," Lynn said. "But Wendy's very good, so she can show me; if you want to help me learn, that is?"

Roger scratched his head and shrugged. "Sure."

I have often laughed when I consider it took him almost three seconds to submit that rather obvious answer. The trip home was an ominously quiet one. I experienced too many conflicting emotions to generate a single sentence. Roger must have been reluctant to say anything and possibly spoil the karma, after all how many guys ever get two girls at once?

As for Lynn, I wasn't sure she was really thinking at all; and if she was, I had no clue what. I didn't get a chance to ask her before we were on our knees in her bedroom, unwrapping the focus of our impromptu lesson.

My roommate's eyes were large as we freed Roger's already rampant shaft. In retrospect, maybe it is only fitting that someone who looks like a cowboy should be hung like a horse. I suspect my eyes must have grown as well at the tantalizing sight.

I noticed Lynn begin to discard her sweater as I gawked, but the action didn't really register until I felt her hands upon my own blouse.

"What are you doing?" I half-gasped.