All Comments on 'Something We Need To Talk About Ch. 03'

I found this story very difficult to read. Too many mistakes to mention.

I have enough command of the english language for the both of us. And your story carries more punch than DanielQSteele1's drivel. 3 Cheers to Bombay.

but like others pointed out , try to get somebody to help you with the English sentence structure as it is hard to follow at times . Keep writing but an editor or translator is a must . I would go so far as to have this story re written from the beginning once you have found a person to help you so that we can understand better what your trying to tell us ......................as it is , 3 stars for content and effort but some of your ideas just did not translate out .

a bit hard to read ,but I do like your ideas. keep going ,To those who keep complaining "if you dont like it, dont read it'

would like to see a little more

The comments seem almost exclusively focused on your use of English. I can get through your words, if only because I realize how much worse my writing would be in any other language. So, I suggest that comment writers focus on your themes. For example, I hope you are not planning on making Johnathan the bad guy by letting Rich collect proof of a fraudulent prosecution. Yes, Johnathan did go too far, but he was entitled to some revenge and in the end Rich's reputation did not lose much, except in Susan's eyes.

sw,

have an English editor rewrite this chapter and read it. Read a similar story written here and see if you can tell the difference.

you are worth the effort. reply to me if you wish

x

You have the intelligence and imagination needed to write a good story. Your use of the English language steadily progressing. I would encourage you to keep writing and keep getting better.

However, the next chapter should have this born-again slut shoot herself to save the sanity of the kids. Nice job, author.

But have you reached out to any of the authors you like? You need an editor. Pick your favorite author and ask for help or a referral.

How did Laura know, which lawyer to find, and start flirting with ? The story jumps all over the place not making sense. If she went to him why hasn't she told Johnathon his name. How did Susan know where to find Johnathon?

I can see improvement with each installment. You have some good plots and decent story lines. Keep at it-the grammer and english will improve over time

Great story nice flow to it, the perverts will say your commas and periods are not right but they read with one hand on their dicks and if your not screwing a dog or having a gang bang the story is all wrong so write on and pay no attention to them you can always get better with your stories they can't because there sickos.

Thanx to all those who appreciate and understand what i am trying to write. may be i am lazy, why dont i see mistakes before it is published? i still dont understand, i read again and again, skip some of the easy mistakes which could have been removed.

but thanx for still appreciating it, and again I am not here to learn english but still i am trying to improve.

This is not the revenge story, it is as simple as it should be, and i am trying to follow original, there was no explanation on many of the things so I could not explain them, I will try hard not to change any of the original character, except what john do, that is my point, not every guy is as tolerating as John in Original, they might not be stud to have another woman, they might not be ex-navy that might not have contacts to underworld, they might not have friends who can do anything for you, but do you really think that is all a man need to take revenge or be happy after situation like this. A weakest man can hurt you at your weakest point if he is determined to do that, and only one hurt is enough to make you scream and feel sorry for yourself, think before you test someone's limits, you may regret to know later.

If a guy cant be happy he can do everything to make sure that you wont be happy either. I think i said to much. again this is not just revenge story, this is as simple as it could be, or a guy who could do nothing to take revenge, but is doing his best to fight with whatever he has. A woman, who has some beliefs or disbeliefs and trying to work on them.

Again thnx to all.

Well, this story is still holding my interest and I look forward to reading what happens next in the Johnathan Susan saga.

I will read.

got his creampie

This freaking story just will not go away! I read nici's original, found it quite wanting, and have read several attempts to "improve" it. It's quite frankly getting tiresome seeing so many trying to repair Humpty Dumpty.

The end result of getting involved with this story is that there are only two ways to go. The first, and most obvious tactic, is to try and improve the events of the story. Susan is such a clueless and selfish bitch that it makes that tact pretty much impossible. The story began with such a fantastic premise to begin with that any dabbling only seems to make it worse. One cannot, as the old saying goes, make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

The only other avenue to approach this train wreck makes it necessary to completely rewrite the story, or at least to rewrite so much of it that it is a pale shadow of the original. Even nici's attempts to fill out the events following the original installment were hollow. Susan still cannot seem to have a revelation that her behavior is beyond the pale. At the end of it all, she is still managing to blame Jonathan for this whole mess.

I implore you writers. Let this hopeless mess die! The more you stir manure, the worse it stinks, as we say in my neck of the woods. I swear, if I read one more pathetic attempt to salvage this atrocious tale, I will likely climb a tall tower with a scoped rifle!

Let me at least give swimwriter some encouragement. I believe you have the basic tools to become a good writer. You have an imaginative and entertaining style. It is incumbent upon you however to secure the services of an editor. You need some help in this area until such time as you have mastered English and that language's grammar and sentence structure. At present, one cannot appreciate the good of your writing for wading through the chaff of your errors in spelling and grammar. Hang in there my friend. Don't give up!

This story wasn't awful, but the grammar was ridiculous.

Like the general plot of the story but couldn't really enjoy it because of horrid grammar & misspelled words I got a head just reading it. Which is why I gave a solid 1 star...I had to constantly re-read the story in order to understand what the writer was actually writing

Nice plot and decent characters but my 4 year old's English is better. Find the box marked "Spell Check" and click it then find a good editor.

Story has no definative Ending. everything is left uo in the air.

snatch the brass ring while the sounds dissipate, TK U MLJ LV NV

The one glaring thing missing in all these chapters of this story is the simple fact that the wife NEVER admits that she alone fucked up in a major league way and caused all the shit that started rolling down hill at their family, their relationship and themselves.

Also it became obvious in this last chapter that the goal of her fuck-toy all along was to wreck her marriage. How could a mature middle aged wife and mother not figure that out ?

It is still HURTING.....

Why can't some cheating wives get through their head that when caught, their is no forgiveness.

Don't cheat

she is a worthless whore nothing else.

what a piece of trash and then to say she loves her husband. Cheaters should all be tossed a 1000 miles in the middle of the ocean and see if their egos will help them swim to land.

this is one of the worst stories I have read. But the truth in what was readable is once a slut for another man always a slut for another man.

Cheat Cheat Cheat....... Los it all!!!!

A lot like your writing you don't need an editor you need a translator. It would have been a very good story if properly told.

hard to read

Poorly written for a potential story. Great effort though.

You need an English writing editor if you are going to write in English. Otherwise, a decent tale.

But your English language skills are poor and the story is nearly unreadable. I'm not sure an editor could even correct the mistakes.

You messed up a potential good storyplot and didn´t even end it.

Surely you can write another part to finish the story. I hated to read three parts and the story not be concluded. Thank you for writing although if I knew that you did not properly write an ending I would not have even started.

Please note that, in English, the personal I is written in caps, not i. That is a good thing to practice.

Yoda has better use of the English language.

Worse yet, This is not an ending to the story!!!

I really struggled reading this story, I'm sure I missed much of it.

I'd mention to the author to use an English editor. I'm taking nothing away from him/her, because I can speak English only.

It's the #1 thing to concentrate on, if you want to post in English.

Potentially, it's a good story. Take it down! Withdraw it from Literotica, and repost it after it's been edited.

Your plot line has a lot of loose ends and a conclusion would tie them up nicely. Don't give up on writing because of a few tough spots. I like your style and your devious mind. You have put Susan on the ropes emotionally, and now for either the knockout punch or the come back to a reconciliation. Please write it. Even someone with only the knowledge of a natural born speaker will help you smooth out the rough spots. Keep trying! I look forward to more from you.

...even if the conflict between two languages wasn't an issue, I believe this was a poorly thought out ending, of which, there was no ending.

but shall banana cooperation

You did not wright any more chapters. This is not how to en a story

(1) Poor ( NO ) ending .

(2) Badly disjointed and constructed story.

(3) Incorrect grammer.

(4) No spell check.

(5) Totally wrong word used in places, meaning parts of the story made no sense.

Please Please find and use an editor, that should eliminate most problems.

Apart from that, I understand that English is not your first language.

I hate to think how poor my attempt at your language would be.

Don't give up but USE AN EDITOR.....

This was practically unreadable and in many places made little sense. Just plain bad.

I'klk give you another one since dear annony came into it

Your usage of English is rather poor. The story as such was not to bad but I think you need to find an editor to assist you in proper spelling and grammar.

I'm sorry, but the story was just about unreadable due to the bad English.

I barely got through it by skimming.

I could not even rate the story because I don't know if it was good or not. With as bad as the English was, I may have missed parts and ideas in the story that would have made some of the HUGE holes in the story make sense. Sorry but I could not give anything higher than a 1.

The worst story I have read with regard to the poor english. You really need an editor if you are considering writing more stories. I wish I could be more helpful with my comments but it was a real struggle to make any sense of the story. I skimmed through most of it hoping I could see what the essence of the story was about.

One of the poorest written stories I've read in awhile. Brooken sentence, improper verb and noun useage. Just plain, bad.

that is not

an ending

butt is waist of thymes

Punctuation, bad? veRy bad. Grammeer worse% Neeeeeds edditor...or Englis lessans& Names rong. Im possible 2 red.

Horribly written story.

Please stop posting on this site immediately.

From now on, ALL persons posting as anonymous will be required, no, FORCED to read every story, word for word, SLOWLY, no matter HOW badly it is written, no matter how much they detest the subject matter!

An in depth TEST will then be given, which must be passed, failing to pass will result in that poster's EXECUTION on the spot.

*Click "like" if you agree.

LIKE

I was wondering why the grammar in this story was so bad. I thought you were just careless until I read the preamble to chapter 2. This was a struggle to read, but I admire the effort. If you choose not consult an editor, then you might try reading the piece aloud. You will find a lot of errors that way. Don't listen to the mono-lingual trolls. The only way to get better is to write. I would, however, admonish you not to write trite endings. Or maybe this wasn't an ending?

you need an editor asap. You have a good idea but your dialogues are childish and your characters and not consistant. You need a lot of work to do before becoming a good writer.

Please learnee to speakie and weitee in English otherwise don't waste peoples time by writing on this sight again.

Go find another editor, because I know by now you must have killed the one you used for these 3 chapters.

The people dumping on you are right, it seems this story came from a spaghetti brain all jumbled up.

It was a nice BTB ,Susan needed to finish her delusion but why drag it on?

Don't you have a clue how to write a sentence? Subject/Predicate. You use words like "a", "and", "then", "now". Next time get a fucking proof reader who knows how to write to correct your spelling and grammatical errors. Example: "Brad" (A proper noun) need's to be capitalized, and not spelled "brad".

Closet cucks need better grammar to read, spank a tiny monkey, then leave nasty comments on a free fuck story site.

WBC4EVER!

I only read the last chapter, and I like the Twilight feeling it gives when I have no idea what's going on, except for what I see. But important things were missing...like logic that allows for point a to point b. It's not about language; what I can look over is astounding, I think I gave the "hey bud, can you share your wife for a night for my birthday, bud" story stars, which I won't do here. I just don't get it.

I think all multiple installment stories should serendipitously honor those who can't remember shit without patronizing those that do. This was, which I agree with too, a full continuation without consideration for the dumb or lazy asses.

The only thing I disagree with is it not being finished...and if it was, I still disagree with it. Because it was not finished.

It's too bad english isn't your 1st language. I highly suggest asking someone to help clean your story up to have better grammar.

The grammar, usage, and punctuation are terrible. The spirit of the dialog is good, but is very awkward. I realize that English isn’t your native language, so I suggest trying to find a volunteer editor to work with. The editor would need to restructure almost every sentence, but the net story would be much more enjoyable.

Just horrible English. If you had a good editor this story would be MUCH better. And your understanding of American Divorce law is just non existent. She can't stop the divorce. She can waste a lot of money, but any lawyer worth their salt will tell her she can't stop a divorce. All she can do is waste money. She's going to be divorced.

One needs a translator just to.skim. Bad on so many levels.

And why did she suddenly have her own marital problems?

Can’t leave me hanging like that to many open questions

swimwriter

I appreciate your attempts to submit your work to the site. It takes a degree of courage and maybe a smidgen of ego. This is especially true where English may not be your first language. But the reality is the overwhelming majority of readers on Literotica have a working knowledge to write and read English stories. This means that you must try to consider how readers will respond to your submissions. I would never attempt to write erotic tales in Hindi for the very same reason. My advice is to have someone proofread your stories...who has English writing and grammar skills. Even folks who have English as their first language on the site usually have others proofread their tales so they can be improved.

The author likely is highly proficiency in oral use of English as a second (or third, fourth...) language and now is stretching for higher proficiency in writing. Colloquial phrases are rendered correctly and in appropriate situations, and the story rolls along quite well until crashing into a wall of nonsensical words because the author needed to look one up and it doesn't fit the situation (The complimentary word sultriness probably was supposed to be sluttiness.) . Also, a statement that was made affirmative when the argument called for the husband to use the negative – there were many of those in what otherwise would have been insightful dialogue, but I skipped it so I could maintain my sanity. ("I will see my children hurt," NO "I will NOT see my children hurt.")

Over all, I prefer this author's story (although the story seems not quite finished) to most of the other versions. Susan's daughter knows now but Susan has yet to suffer her family and all of her community's knowing her adulterous face. She finally knows that she did wrong but still hopes to maintain the façade of loving wife and dutiful mother: she will need some of that “triple S” therapy for the Stupid and Supremely Selfish. Also, Jonathan still needs to get past revenge and find joy again with his children and abiding love with a new mate. "God does not like ugly" (actions, attitudes).

Get good lawyer... take case... win small... lose bigest

swimwriter

Kudos to you for attempting to write erotica in English which is obviously not your first language. My advice is to keep writing and try to find a proofreader who is competent in English. That should help you iron out those spelling mistakes and grammatical blues.

I can only assume that the author is not a natural English-speaker. The language was just too off-putting and the story lost its way very early on.

This was SO difficult to read (all 3 parts) it was impossible to be sure who was talking at times.

If someone ever starts an English boot camp for new immigrants; use this as an obstacle course.

I read all with difficulty understanding your English needs help doesn't help when I am trying to read your stories

I understand that you are not a native English speaker, and you are doing a much better job of it than I could in any other language. I got most of what you were saying, except the last bit where the lawyer told Susan he was no longer her lawyer because his marriage was in trouble.

I guess I missed something about who her lawyer was, if it was Rich, he wasn't married. I guess I could go back but I'll pass.

It's a good bunch of alternate endings to the original story, and they DID get easier to read from chapter to chapter.

Please get some help. There might be a story in there, but I couldn't find it.

Poorly constructed story with appalling grammar.

I think the story is a good one, i had a lot of problems reading it though but i got through it till the end because i thought the concept was really good.

Please consider having someone proof read, you have so much potential to really be a good writer but I'm sorry to say your grammar was really difficult at times.

On a more positive note, would like to see a part 4 for maybe an ending to this, as still some loose ends to clean up but other than that 4* :)

p.s. don't give up writing ok, you just need a bit of help with your grammar which in time will be much better :) everyone needs help, hope you continue to write.

At least some more chapters. You left it unfinished.

Good plot but you need a proof reader. Shocking spelling and words missing. But good story.

I can take typos and the occasional grammar snafu, but here, it was genuinely difficult to follow what the hell was even going on a lot of the time. What with the characters' tendency to repeat themselves forever, random scene switches with no explanation who's talking to who, and a muddled plot in general, this was a bit of a mess. Can't even comment on the story itself, since it's quite hazy at the moment.

you don't need english skills for that. this was unreadable -again. no excuse for such poor effort.

I'm not gonna beat you down further with all these comments showing.

Even though it was difficult reading it, i found it a good story, plot and characters were excellent.

Keep up the good work and take this as good advice and not an attack, Please consider asking someone to go over your story before release or consider taking an english writing class online to help yourself become the writer you want to become, you have talent and I don't want you to lose hope :)

Skimming much I managed to get here to the end. It seems my motivation was to see if it would improve, or just disintegrate under the weight of being a farce

1 star

I could not get past the fourth paragraph.

English is obviously not your first language and it is very hard to read.

I probably would have enjoyed the story if I could have followed it. You are desperately in need of an editor because you are not talking like English is your 1st language. Good looking the future and I wish you well but until you find an editor I don't think you're gonna have much luck here.

Needs a conclusion

Very good story. People that lack imagination and a command of the vocabulary to help themselves to understand your writing especially since English is not your first or primary language.

Please continue to write and submit more of you to this venue.

who ever wrote this, has the writing and composition skills of a 5th grader,,, go back to your basement and find something to play with

You warned your readers that English is not your first language and when I checked your profile I found that you are from Bombay, India. All that being taken into consideration your stories are good but I suggest that you write in one of your native languages (Marathi, Hindi, English or Gujarati) so that your thoughts can best be expressed. Also do not submit your stories to this website for those who speak and think in English. What you write may seem simple to comprehend to your manner of thinking but is totally strange to a native English speaker.

While it is interesting to see how others view life, when they try to express those thoughts in a foreign language, as the expression goes, something is lost in the translation.

I lived in Germany for a total of six years and developed a decent understand and usage of the language but would never try to write a story aimed at a true German. The idioms and syntax of the language is not natural to the way I think and what would sound intelligent to me would be difficult for a German to understand even after they knew it was written by an Ausländer.

You really need an editor that English is their primary language. The storyline was good, too bad you didn't write a conclusion, also the sentence structure and grammar was bad, really bad.

Seems to me there should be one more chapter Then again maybe i am wrong

I’m sorry, but I had to stop reading this. The English and writing is just terrible. Even if English is your second language, you could have asked someone to read and correct it before posting. Just terrible!

good thing this guy stopped posting lol

You have no concept of grammar, tense, context and spelling. Please return to your native language.

Not a bad story and sucks there was no proper ending. Also, this is an amatuer website for writers, so not sure why ppl expect a professional writer or editor on here.

Good story and plot. However, the grammar was so bad it was distracting.

Swimwriter: did uou ho to school? Is English your native language? Because you are completely illiterate. You have not a basic grasp of the English language. I had to quit reading.