All Comments on 'Son Falls for Beauty of His Mom Ch. 01'

Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, but to my mind much of your description makes no sense.

I like the direction

IT IS QUITE LACKING. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO WRITE?

What ?

There’s no flow at all, it’s all over the place.

What, what, what?

If you are going to write a English story try to use correct English. You write like a person that doesn't know English and it is very bad could not get through it. Either write in your native language or get someone to rewrite it for you.

1. Stop writing. NOW

2. Find a length of good, solid rope.

3. Hang yourself. Please!