All Comments on 'Soon-to-be-Ex'

This belongs in READER'S DIGEST!!! Thanks for sharing. P S Good Read!!!!😁

But honestly, I think you need to give serious thought to how much your protagonists talk to themselves, or perhaps us.

Violating the 4th wall is as disturbing here as in film, if not more so.

Green-something

(unless you talk to yourself IRL in this way, and in this case you have more things to think about than just literary technique.)

Thanks for a fun read, your spoiling us ;)

The better stories here in LW are getting too techy lately. This is cheating wife catching and burning outside my level of understanding.I'll take your word for it, and I'm certain LW's resident experts will explain why it's not plausible. Pretty good story, but why give the cheating bitch a quarter million?

I think the better payoff to the story would be if the ex-wife realized how she blew her meal ticket, and desperately wanted to reconcile. I just assume a loyal guy with millions of dollars will eventually find somebody new and worthwhile. Getting a form of justice, by leaving the ex wife with regrets, might be a bigger fantasy but also a more satisfying one. Maybe this was implied, but not described.

The women the ex-husband joins up with have no back story or personality so they didn't add any thrill to the story.

Still nicely written and I rated it tops for what it was.

The rambling ruined what might be a decent story.

There was so much about the trophy wives, all his planning, and how much money he had, you forgot to write anything about the confrontation with his cheating wife! It was like a prologue and an epilogue, where the dramatic scene in the middle was missing!

Oh, and why give his whore ex-wife $250k? She'd had at least three affairs in three years! Aelish never loved him and he rewarded her for treating him like shit.

💨

I'm not sure this was a loving wife story Seemed like the author danced around what makes a story interesting, didn't tell how he caught them,no confrontation, no remorse or regret, just a very boring story that didn't make much sense

I had to start skimming a lot of the story as you had the main character tell more than half of his story from within parentheses. It was extremely distracting to the main idea, which was a cheating wife. I understood the point of some of it, but the rest was not really needed. He's like that guy you start a conversation with, and after 5 minutes you find an opening and excuse yourself, whether they're done or not.

There is a decent tale in the middle, but as others have said, you spent very little time on the actual divorce. He never said when or even IF she filed as he'd hoped, just jumped right to "I'm divorced now..." Also, he went from having a housekeeper to a fiance without any mention that he even picked up with her.

Good concept but keep working on the delivery.

At least 3/4 of this was just your boring rambling, it was tedious to read and should have been deleted, where was the confrontation? You forgot that with all your bullshit rambling about trophy wives and their husbands who let themselves go except for the main protagonist, who's wife cheated on him and considering how much you rambled about money no wonder she cheated on the conceited ass!

This was enjoyable but it would have been better if you had a bit more about the wife’s life after the divorce. Possibly living in a mobile home and cleaning toilets desperate to get back with hubby and prepared to do anything including signing an agreement to walk away penniless if she cheated again. He decides to use her and involves her in three and foursomes with his new loves.

Also setting aside £250k - should never have happened.

Sorry !!

This was so boring to read . It rambled on and on with not much to say .

The juicy bit concerning the catching and divorce was glossed over , and then we raced into the happy ever after .

Not good I'm afraid , not good at all .

just to massage an overworked hypersensitive ego, TK U MLJ LV NV

until it became just too painful. The entire first page was wasted space. It was fluff, filler expressing the writers thoughts on marriage, trophy wives, divorce, and how the #metoo movement is a mystery to him. If there was an actual story, a plot, and resolution, I never managed to skim far enough in to find it.

Just a whole lot of words that did nothing for the story.

To tell what happen to the wife?

Why the repetition? Ex: "While the husbands get their senses of self-esteem bolstered by being business successes and furnishing their wives with comfortable lifestyles, the wives in our circle of friends seem to get more of a boost to their self-esteems out of looking good. Where the husbands concentrate on being successful and being good providers, the wives concentrate on how they look to bolster their self-esteem." Is there any worthwhile difference between these two sentences?

"Xerographic copies?" Why not just say she made copies?

Unlike others, I did make it through the whole story by skimming, but it was almost physically painful to read.

And not enough story. You would have about 3 paragraphs of story flow if you took out all the useless rambling about how smart he is and how much money he makes. It was almost painful to read the whole thing.

you forgot to mention the MC was double jointed. He'd have to be since he spends most of his time patting himself on the back. Not a very enjoyable read for me at all.

I have been highly complimentary of your first two offerings, particularly "Exit' version #1. Your second, while considerably more wordy than 'Exit', earned its high rating from me because of originality. This one? Neither original, nor sparely worded.

Seems you've taken the 'wisdom' of the notorious LW trolls to heart, and have sunk down to the flabby, trite habits of the run-of-the-mill LW authors--so this one gets a 3* from me...and I think that may be generous.

My suggestion? Take a few days, and several deep breaths, and then go back to the fresh, crisp writing and clever, original thinking of your very 1st posting, Exit #1. PLEASE?

Paragraph one was a nice introduction. Paragraphs 2-12 were blather. Then, after one relevant paragraph, seven more of blather. My eyes glazed over and I skipped to the comments. Dude, you are drowning in an ocean of your own loquacity. Your first story seemed promising. Since then, although you have been prolific, writing many words that say nothing has caused me to lose all interest in reading any further. You need a ruthless editor who will cut all the twaddle out of your stories, which, from what I have seen, is about 90%. Thanks for writing, but I'm out.

The technical side of your writing has improved considerably, but there are still too many errors of various sorts, and far too many parenthetical comments. Unfortunately, unlike your prior efforts, the plot is plodding and pedestrian. Keep trying.

liked your other stories..not this one tho...you did check the boxes ! super security job,off shore bank acc.,double upgrade @ the end ! twins ? way over done sorry...stlcris

great story til the end

you ranted for a long time about fidelity in a marriage .... and rightfully so

i agree that fidelity is not to frown upon and that you should just get a divorce and don t cheat

yet in the end you get married and service the twins ....why? a little hypocritical on your part and your story lost all of it s credibility too bad it was good until then

with parenthesis. Got so boring and wordy that I quit redin. Anyone finish it? How was the ending??

or math class .I was so board . I am so board I can't remember anything I read that's bad!

. . . as much of a waste of time as I could have imagined. Absolutely flat, boring, and emotionless, and way too wordy. No more than 2*. Sorry.

For one of the 750 word contests. Waaaaaaay too wordy!!!!

Full of himself, endless repetition, lots of highly debatable opinions, couldn't stop talking, boring, boastful and lots of ignorant spelling mistakes. As for hiding his money-someone as full of wind as this guy would be a sitting target for a professional investigator.

Let's hope the author was doing it deliberately, if unkindly.

:: I was so board . I am so board

Well, at least the story gave you wood. *snerk*

I liked it. Having known people in the “pen testing” business, and he seemed pretty realistic. He acted true to those I have known. I thought there was enough setup for a chapter two, so if you want to tighten your writing, do it in the next chapter.

Regardless, keep writing. Good stuff.

There is no road out of Juneau to the outside world. Everything is transported by boat or plane.

To Annon 3/1. Must be nice being lumber.

Dude reads like a slimy used car salesman not an engineer.

First I would like to say that not being the sharpest tool in the shed I may have missed some things in you translation.

Running a mile to mile and a half every weekday and five to ten on the weekends is the same as exercising. Did that put you into the same vain category as the wives?

Why do new writers think that the protagonist needs to end up wealthy the antagonist broke and that they will be destitute for the rest of their lives. Read your own story, she came from a wealthy to do family.

Then you had to double down with the twins who couldn't live with out your love (and they were hot).

You could have gotten the same results with half the words (not everyone wants to read a ninety thousand word story).

It was great to read some of the references about your trip through Washington but you could have just as easily caught the ferry out of Seattle as Bellingham.

Better luck on your next work.

A bit wordy, but worth it for the great wordsmithing. I really appreciate the laughs and snickers brought out in the story. Great job as far as I'm concerned. Lots of stories here have megasuperheroes doing magical & amazing stunts that aren't even realistic in fantasy, yet they get adoration and high ratings. Try to ignore the miserable-without-constructive-comments and keep plugging away. I'll read them, and enjoy the laughs. Thanks for sharing!

That is exactly wehat this story felt like.

Build up the job ... led pretty much nowhere

Build up the upcoming divorce ... a few sentence flat conclusion

Build up the move to Alaska ... oh by the way style of implementing

Build up the end ... oh wait, that didn’t happen.

Sorry, this was very ho-hum.

This story was not worth the time I spent in reading 3 pages of clinical analysis without an iota of emotion. I felt I was witnessing a chess match with one person playing both sides. Precise, well planned and very ho hum. The sad fact is that the creativity that went into the plot development would have been well used to create a very worthwhile tale if given better treatment. 2*

If anybody deserved to be cheated on it was this guy. Was he this wordy in his marriage? Okay, he was good at his job, did his constant braggin run over his tongue and out of his mouth? Im not a fan of cheating, but in this case I can understand why she sought comfort elsewhere.

I'm a little surprised at this comment because Reader's Digest was long know for their condensed books. This reads like the reverse,

<P>

I've tested copying and pasting Literotica pages in to Word, and it's pretty much always 10 pages in Word per Literotica page. So WAndersonHatfield wrote about 21 pages in Word, and, if lucky, create 2 pages of plot.

He's such an unlikable asshole! And he has zero emotions. This read like some spoiled little boys diatribe - "HaHa - I'm smarter and richer than you are"! What a bully. He's such an over-the-top, unlikable guy his character ruins any chance this had of being a good story. By the time you were done, Aelish was the character that I felt sympathy for. She was well shod of her arrogant husband. And why would she be worried about his money or the settlement? Her parents are wealthy and she's a beautiful woman. So she has no worries and will find another, richer husband in no time once she realizes her lawyer is a toad. BTW, even a toad reads the divorce settlement, sees the "no revisitation" clause and stops to investigate. It's lawyering 101. So that part of the story was just wrong. Overall this story felt rushed and poorly thought out. Maybe instead of posting several stories in a short period of time, try and do a better job of proof reading and thinking your story line through. It showed in your first story and it shows in this story.

If the main character had a bit of humanity/ emotion to him. And paragraph long explanations in parethensies. It like to pounds of shit stuffed in a 5lb bag. Write the story in such a way that it tells these things. Less is more.

It was oddly obnoxious.

I can see why his wife looked outside of the marriage. After his financial report and his love fest with himself, which took up more than half of the story, I was ready to call it quits on the reading. No emotion what so ever in this story. I'm willing to bet this was his conversation to his wife on a regular basis. I don't blame her for looking for a new mate. She has my sympathy. Go to some of the better writers on this site like Javmore79, Harddays, Girlnmoon, etc... To get an idea on content. This read like an instruction manual. Poor marks from me.

Well-written, entertaining, you've just gotta like him. Please keep writing!

1) Stop the narration and SHOW us what happens. He tells us what he WILL do, then you waste our time telling us it happens...and then you once again told us all how clever he is for everything he planned which of course worked out. We don't care because

2) There is no suspense and no plot twists. He is never in danger and so we don't care. Further.

3) He doesn't care about what happened with his wife, so why should we? Without emotional engagement, these anal technical analytical types stay as impersonal to the reader as they do to their spouses. A bit of pain, a bit of loss, SOMETHING. We get nothing. But not our hero.

4) The hero is given riches, wealth and twin fuck buddies without earning a single thing. He enters rich, he stays rich, and he leaves the story...rich and with lipstick on his cock. Two tones. Did he struggle for any of this? No. So how many people are sympathetic to people who win the lottery? Why should we be sympathetic to him?

This is three pages of him making the exact same brags again and again.

By the way, what hotel BUGS their hotel rooms and phones? Just asking for a friend.

So maybe DON'T have him tell us everything in advance. SHOW us with good scenes and dialogue. Have HER be smarter than a stump. In this story, it is like he is beating a retarded person. QHML at least took a few pages for his men to become rich. At least Stangstar had his characters shed a few tears before bouncing on his sex goddesses.

Take two ohio stories and call me in the morning!

that you read 'Bloody Trick' by Farmers_Son as an example of what I mean.

It has far lower scores than it deserves but the key factor is that by the end of page one, which he spent outlining the problem (This is Lit. The problem is almost ALWAYS a cheating wife) he started a 'solution'.

What was his solution? Fucked if I knew. At the end of his first page, I wanted to know his trick. I was hooked.

At the end of your first page, I already knew the entire rest of the story.

Do you see the difference?

Oh man. That was awful. Never seen someone brag so much about Alaska. Hack into hotel security, and make such an uninspired story. Might appeal to married men with dead end joba and unfulfilling marriages.

WAH, what are you going to do??

You have talent. Unfortunately, you are struck in a rut. The protagonist addressing the audience (readers).

Come on WAH. Let the actions occur as part of the plot. Have your characters experience emotions.

Maybe you need creative writing classes. Or just read some real tearjerker novels like Lassie, The Notebook, lol.

I know I'm a softy in my dotage. Gave you 4*s WAH.

The real Hatfields and McCoys were all about emotion. Hate, Anger, Desire, Love, Jealousy, etc. Your stories are really lacking all that, 😳.

Good luck next time.

AMerryman

This one belonged in "Toys and Masturbation" since the only thing the protagonist was interested in or impressed with was himself. His ex got away lucky.

Someone else here commented about showing and not telling. You should either go that direction or completely avoid both altogether.

How many pages telling us how smart you were? Boring!

Bragging about your planning? Boring!

Protagonist is a boring, narcissistic asshole.

I feel better about the poor wife getting out of her marriage to such a jerk. At least she's rid of his Me-first attitude.

Oh, and redhead twins? Five years, tops.

It's a good thing you're posting this story for free, because no one would pay for it.

R

No feeling or emotion and there is no build up to a confrontation and certainly no satisfaction in the conclusion....just strait to "been divorced for six weeks 11 hours....etc." You need to get your readers to feel the wrong of the act....the excitement of the planning of revenge and the explanation of the consequence or ending! We have no clue what happened to the ex? You could have done the whole story in one sentence! "He was rich and didn't care much when he found out about his wife's affair so he hid his money, divorced his wife and got a set of twins to fuck!"

A good story plot but not well written. Keep trying.....

How many times do you have to go over the details of his settlements? Over and over again. This is literotica, meaning there should be something erotic about your story. Had you cut the boring part to half a page and moved on to the twins and what was done with/to them, it would have been a much better story. Nobody likes protagonists who spend the entire story bragging how smart they are and how dumb everyone else is. Sorry but you get one star from me.

You have some talent but for your next submission please stay away from having your protagonist trying to hard to show his intelligence.

Not sure how he manages to accrue six million in that short ass marriage, all conveniently hidden long before he finds out his wife cheats, but the hilarious part is...

Hahaha, hot twins in Anchorage Alaska who beg for fat old man dick. There's a couple sayings about men in Alaska because they're spot on. One is that the odds are good (for the ladies) but the goods are odd. The good ones don't stick around. Anchorage does not have amazing night life as it is the largest of a bunch of tiny cities, nobody wants to live in the frozen butt of nowhere and the smartest thing to stay in that cirty was... Sarah Palin.

Suggest research first next time. Alaska is great to visit, a horror to live in. Unless you like living in frozen outdoor hells to unt and fish, telecommuting on dialup and waiting in line untilhe local rare hottie breaks up with her three boyfriends on retainer.

Struggled page 1. So many words, so many repetitions, so-so story telling. Waiting for you to get to the point. 300 words should have been used instead of 3000 on p1.

Why, if he had a good marriage until recently, would he have hidden any earnings from his wife. If he never trusted her why marry her. Even so he could have walked away soon after the wedding with minimal loss.

I will battle on as you have to get to the point eventually and I am at least curious about his big plan. Just hope you onky tell ys once.

I must be a masochist, but I slogged through the entire 'story'. My final thoughts on this submission: this is the most self-absorbed MC of any story I have read on this site, and he learned nothing from the fiasco of his first marriage. He used his little head to pick his first wife and is doing the same thing going into his second marriage.

One definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different results. Insanity reigns supreme in this man's life but he sees himself as a genius.

.....and I read the comments. You received some good constructive criticism concerning, among other things, lack of emotion in your characters, wordiness, having the story resolved in the first 1/3 and the rest diatribe, the protagonist being way too impressed with his own wit and abilities that we almost feel for his cheating wife.....and yet you wrote the exact same story again. This one has all the same failings of the past ones.

They are your stories and you can write however you want. However if you want people to keep reading them you're going to have to take some of the comments to heart and get a bit out of your comfort zone. After only a few stories you have become way too predictable....especially always ending with two women happy to share him.....where is that world?...I want to go there.

When it is all said and done, this is a sophisticated teenager’s fantasy. What is the percentage of dialogue (vice narration) carrying this tale? Zipadee-doo-dah!

I think good old fashioned alimony sounds less embarassing than being paid spousal maintenance. oh hey we didn't have any children but i'm a spousal maintenance recipient.

Ir is very dry. The major part is descriptive and so it has little emotion. It is well structured but reads like some from the nineteenth century.

Very WORDY!

For such a smart MC, he's rather ignorant.

"Bonuses" are wages and as such are taxable. Also discoverable when her attorney subpoenas employment records for him.

I looked it up, you have to pay taxes on income, even if you place it overseas.

Placing 'bombs' for hackers to find won't stop them. You become a target, hackers love the challenge.

What decent hacker/team doesn't protect itself?

If MC is so smart, why the hell did he marry her? Why wait for the 3rd affair?

I read most of the first page, then skimmed to page 3, then just read the comments. I rarely do this.

Sorry,

ttom

Way too much superfluous information.

My god idiots who think they can write and try to be clever when they have the natural talent to write that my puppy has really waste our time.

Pathetic stupid and poorly written yes,misogynistic definitely

Too convuloted ,could have been told in one page

Well, first I agree with those who think the story was too wordy but I disagree with the need to comment in an abusive way.

Next, she went after a man who she assumed (erroneously) would be a bigger earner. She did this after Brandon had essentially lied to her about his actual prospects. She made her decisions while not knowing the facts.

Lastly, this is 2019. Why would any sane multi-millionaire marry for hot sex? (free milk vs. purchasing cow) He can have the twins on Monday, he can have two blondes and their mother the next night. By that time it's only Wednesday and the party goes on. I don't understand why he is tying himself down, perhaps they have qualities that he hasn't mentioned?

I agree that there was to much description of job and finances in the story for a work to be enjoyed on Lit. Would have preferred a hot description of his catching her screwing the attorney, also a little bit of aftermath "in her face" exposing how well off he was now letting her enjoy the hell that she had created.

Still, all that said, thanks for the read. Please continue.

Considerably wordy considering the total lack of conflict. Long-winded gotchas get old quick.

Yawn, a main with a mouth and half assed ego bigger than Texas. Got so boring, couldn't bear it through to the end.

You created no sympathy for your character in fact the opposite. If he acted in marriage the way he performed in the story I can see why she cheated on him

Very difficult to stay with.

as others have mentioned, way to wordy, had to skim to the end

3 stars cause I was? Don't really know

He is bragging about knowing right off of affairs but don't know if 3 or 4

Why pick this affair to pull the trigger

First if not definite second

What was all that about about? That story was shit!

No one really likes paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of a writer "thinking" about things. Thoughts, emotions, drama, conflict, action, interesting characters, etc.; that's what makes up a great story.

You spend way too much time in your head, smugly pondering everything under the sun and, unfortunately, your thoughts aren't that interesting or logical. Not trying to be offensive; there's just no other way to honestly tell you what's wrong with your writing.

you actually made root for the wife by the time the story was done.

ex-wife may have gotten way more than she deserved, but she DID get played.

For her lies, he lied in kind. For her greed, she got less. For her 'trading up', she wound up trading way down. For her intelligence, she was made out to seem stupid.

In the end, she cheated, divorced, and got money outta everything. But it was probably a very Pyrrhic victory. She has to watch her 'stupid ex' in a lucrative career, with younger hotter women glued to his hips. She'll just be that 'too smart to know when they're being stupid' person. She'll probably continue to make poor decisions.

all you did was just have the character muse and muse and debate and debate. Also, open marriages do work and if a girl wants to be married and have a fling on the side so be it. There is nothing wrong with flirting while you are with someone. Also if a guy wants to be married and have a fling on the side so be it of your concern. Plus he said that he doesn't believe in extramarital affairs but still does one ok, he is a liar.

I assume your open marriage works now tempus, but they all crater when your partners emotions build up with whom they are cheating/sleeping with. And NO flings and flirting are NOT viable when you are married unless you are looking to get divorced, which you will be since you believe open marriages work.

I also had a Similar job . Yes I was a Nerd But I was also a Middle Linebacker .. I Love Numbers they Never Lie or Cheat on You .. Before I got Married I had already started putting Money in an overSeas Account .. Yes She had a Bad attorney . My Lawyers ate hers for Breakfast . I then retired to the Caymans ..

Again. Took a long while to get there, but the outcome was worth it.

You kind of rambled on. To much so. Would have been better with less "mouth activity". Did not give a rating because I was torn. Less would have meant a higher rating.

Fall ride to Alaska no and no Unless have plenty of time and warmer gear.

Good god this rambled on and on. (the constant use of brackets is lazy writing)

Just awful.

The parentheticals ruined the flow of the story.

much too flippant for me and the writing too casual.

Well

Although the subject matter was good, it was like reading a newspaper article. No personality to it. Could have been better.

that was 80% off story paragraph long ( ) that take ppl out of the story and 20% of a list of how to hide ur money during a divorce. no love in or any emotion in this entire story. i skimmed a lot of it bc of those stupid ( ) crap but is the MC actually going to marry 2 girls. in texas? i dont think u can do that here well at least legally that is

He owes the cheating cunt nothing. An account with a couple hundred grand in it? He states that she's cheated on him at least 3 times, what does he owe her other an asskicking? That part of the story was incredibly distasteful.

This is more of less BS, made by arrogance of the author. Instead of developing plot, he keeps on narrating how smart he is (Yes, it is a character talk but this is surely the author infatuation with himself).

There is no character development here, woman is stupid, lawyer ("dipshit") is stupid, hubby is uber smart, that is all there is.

Dude, you are writing about yourself and there is nothing attractive about you.

CINCO ESTRELLAS!

Atleast this husband is smarter than most in these stories.

Vary long too much info on things that dont matter to the story. Long wasted word to get to the story. Maybe next outline and edit.

Big no on this one.

Maybe it got better but this was like walking through molasses with both legs in casts and wearing a hobble skirt. It went nowhere fast, uses waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many paragraphs of nothing but talking himself up and literally putting me to sleep. Yes I nodded off and now my keyboard is a drool pool.

Marriage would be a deal breaker...

Never again!!!

Major league fun story and absolutely brilliantly written😁😊

I give you 6 guards if I could.

High countryRider

A nice effort, but it lacked any emotional depth. There was no love lost, no sense of the impact of the betrayal, nothing. The husband was 60 steps ahead, so there was no tension, either.

Would have been FAR better to actually SHOW the story rather than tell us ABOUT the story. SHOW the reader what was actually said by presenting conversations, SHOW us how he found out about his wife cheating and how that felt, SHOW us the confrontation with his wife, SHOW us some of what her rationalizations and excuses were, SHOW us whether she was devastated. Otherwise all you have is: “Yeah, my wife cheated, I caught her, I screwed her over in the settlement”. YAWN…

You know what they say about Anchorage? It's 30 minutes from Alaska

Was this a one sided poster from a cornflakes box, I‘ma bad mutha fockar whit‘a big balls and‘a ten foot humongous cock, Nobel price genius, richer then Croesus, Brad & George Hollywood beaus have nothing on me and yeah, I‘ma not a cuck even ma wifey is fockin around and I divorced her ass, of course afta I liked the bull‘s cum outa it and left her with pennies only. Ha ha ha, I‘m tha greatest.

Nice story, mon, LOL

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