All Comments on 'Sophia Pt. 02'

by CastleStone

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  • 143 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Most Amusing

This story was, well, unique. Very good build-up, and man, was it funny. I was laughing through half the story. I like it a lot, and can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Entertaining

The constant changing of POV was annoying and made it a little difficult to read but then I have found that the older I get, the easier I am to confuse.

romaq7705romaq7705about 15 years ago
very good!

even better than part 1. i look forward to the conclusion.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
enjoyed it

fun read! im hoping for a Harem type, not a lot of that kind of stories in this site. but a fun, romantic story is still good. waiting for the next chapter.

knightofheartsknightofheartsabout 15 years ago
Excellent

Good read, good fun. The fast and furious pace works well for you.

ParmenideParmenideabout 15 years ago
Real art, writing at the best.

Very well done, I appreciate it a lot!

Awaiting the next chapter; please rush it!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
great writing for a cooking site

miss the sex and the erotic talk.this was a site for love making.more eating than sex,great writing.

bruce22bruce22about 15 years ago
Lots of fun

I am just waiting for some of our special groups to start complaining. It is a nice fantasy about a super hero and his fans. I enjoyed spending the time reading it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
I would lie

if I would say I don't like your fairy-tale. but hell why are you not able to cut 8 pages down to 4 a chapter or even better 3. whats the difference if this end would have been chapter 4. otherwise fun to read.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Very Good, BUT…

Very Good, BUT…

This story was worth the wait, and I hope that Part Three comes soon.

However, I do have a solid complaint, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the PDA. With all that Don has done for Maria and her Merry Band, why did Don only get gift certificates for Christmas? Maria spent at least ten thousand on both Megan and Robin not even including the ski equipment, and all Don got was a certificate for a chair?

Thanksgiving instead of listening to Don, Maria hijacked the holiday, not even listening to Don say how much work he has to do to the smoker, taking at least a day to season the damn thing, and she says well you can do it while I take the girls skiing? That is a WTF kind of moment.

Don goes out his way to make Maria at home in his apartment, with the sheets, television, Kincaid print and comforter set that is a copy of what she has in her home, and she gets him a certificate for a chair! Don then gives her custom made jewelry for Christmas along with her Merry Band and instead of being embarrassed and humiliated as they SHOULD BE, Maria gets mad at him? Another WTF moment!

What is Maria going to do? She takes and takes and takes and Don has been giving, giving, and giving is this the kind of relationship that they both need? In a way Maria is just as bad as Barbara.

Hmmm, let’s see Vanessa could have given him a lifetime membership to her health club, Maria could have given him an enrollment in a dance class so she could help teach him, Freddie could have given him an IPod with all of his favorite tunes along with dance tunes so Don could practice his steps at home, and Kathy could have given him a book on relationships, instead he gets cards.

Where was Carl? I thought he was the grounds keeper? Why did Don have to clear the driveway? Isn’t that his job?

Maria is 100 times wealthier than Don, his gift was thoughtful and meaningful, and all she got him was a gift certificate for A CHAIR!

It does not seem fair with all that Don has done for Maria and her friends that such little thought goes into what they do for him.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
boring

simply put boring you made don into a fool and now his wife is becoming a good person.MAKE YOUR MIND UP

PostScriptorPostScriptorabout 15 years ago
Damn your eyes!

You better start including complete recipes for these dishes you are putting into the story, or you're in big trouble! LOL!<br><P>

Otherwise enjoying this romantic novella.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
PERFECT

I think the story is perfect and I think you as a writer are perfect. Don't change a thing in your story, length or style of your writing. This could actually be made into a movie. It's THAT perfect.

HarddaysknightHarddaysknightabout 15 years ago
It would seem that CastleStone has

a real gift for romance! The ladies pretty much had this niche all to themselves, but us men now have a champion! I am enjoying this story a lot.

JimSensesJimSensesabout 15 years ago
Can't wait

This is probably one of the most engaging stories I have read so far. I have absolutely no problem with the length either. The story is great and Maria is a kick. Maybe she can get undorked with him too. She needs to loosen up a little. I loved what you did with the girls and their mom. Life is what it is and she is their mom. I might throw her under a moving vehicle for what she did but things have a way of working themselves out. And fate has a way of evening things up in the end. Great story, keep it coming.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Wow

Part 1 was great but Part 2 is even better.

Boyd

roadbirdroadbirdabout 15 years ago
Great

Great but in some way I can't help thinking marie is making a mistake by not letting Don deside what he can put up with by her previous behavior...Although I can agrre he does need more experience ....So they all need to fuck him ...Raise his ego...Then he can marry marie with experience also...then she can quit feeling guilty....can't wait to see how you finish this story....But anything less now than don n Marie getting together would be what a waste of time...Please continue with this great story.Thanks 4 the great read

apollonaapollonaabout 15 years ago
Jeeze man!

I am SO hooked!!

<p>

I saw places I would have change the wording around to make it more readable... but I couldn't bring myself to comment on them. I don't want this story to change at all. I want to experience this tale to the end, just as the author intended.

<p>

Thank you so much CastleStone for an enourmously entertaining story. Now hurry up with the next part!!!!

OldHidekiOldHidekiabout 15 years ago
Just wanting more!

The writing gives me the feeling of a cautious dance between two souls testing out their wounded hearts. Maria knows she has found a gem, and is waiting for him to realize that he CAN have her. Don is wounded, but I get the feeling that if Marias plan does work, that he should try for someone better than a woman who wants to alter and manipulate a man. I understand that Marias intentions are the best for Don, but if I were in Dons shoes, her actions would seem like a woman who would be manipulating Don for the rest of his life. I have the feeling that 'Sophia' is a referance to Sophia Loren in 'Houseboat', but I still have this feeling that Maria is going to polish Don to the point that she will lose him to a woman named Sophia who doesn't have Maria's baggage on one of the confidence boosting dates. I also get the feeling that Don might be better off if this actually happens.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
You Better

I waited for the second chapter for SOOOOO LONG! Maria and Don better get together or I'm going to super amp your Gamma light.

Love the story, just sucks you in and has its insidious ways with you.Can't wait for the next chapter

EmmSeaEmmSeaabout 15 years ago
Excellent!!

Light hearted and thoroughly enjoyable.

Thank-you!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
SUPERB

Great story. You are a most entertaining writer and I look forward to part 3

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Polish away ! ! !

This just gets better and better.. I love the plot and humor. Please keep writing, I"m looking foreward to more of this story and others...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Keep it coming

Part 2 is even better than part 1. The building of the relationship and the depth of feelings you have built are impressive. I can't wait for the next part!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Great !!

There are a lot of things in any story that could be improved on. This one has very few of those things.

I have sat here and laughed out loud reading your work. It is obviously a love story. But OMG it is funny in a different way.

Thank you very much for your efforts.

RSKY

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
THE STORY!

I'm thoroughly enjoying this story. Part 1 held me in thrall until I read Part 2. After reading Part 2, I re-read both Parts 1 and 2 again. The fine writing permits me to suspend reality for a while and enjoy the characters (even Barbara) as they follow their arcs through the plot. I became so involved in the story that I actually looked up a few recipes for THE PIE and THE CAKE. Just give us some more of THE STORY.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
OUTSTANDING!!!

I'm just upset because part 3 isn't ready yet!

themattcarrollthemattcarrollabout 15 years ago
Totally addicted

This is the best story thread i have read in months.

great characters interesting and engaging

love it when an author brings food into a story (being a Chef)

pls pls don't leave us waiting for part 3 for too long

cageyteecageyteeabout 15 years ago
Well I'm Hooked!

and like a great many other people, I'm anxious to see the next installment. Thanks for sharing your story!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
This is wonderful

This is wonderful!!! I am SO looking forward to the next part... I've read a lot of published novels that aren't this good. Thanks for the wonderful read... Now, go work on part 3 *grin* :-)

-- Jim

capecodmercurycapecodmercuryabout 15 years ago
Scrooge

This story has been great. I've loved the way that you have traded perspectives between Maria and Don. I particulary like the way that you have highlighted some of the self deceit that can occur in a person's thinking. some of Maria's comments and self delusions on whether she is falling in love with Don are priceless. <p>

Your characterization on Don is fascinating. You have written him as a person who is selfless to the extreme and seems to get his sense of self worth and pleasure out of what he can do for others. I guess you can say that you have written Don as Scrooge on the Christmas morning after the visit of the three spirits. Or, to think about it in another way, you have written him as a natural submissive or servant who gets pleasure from giving pleasure to others. <p>

I almost get the sense that Barbara's main mistake with Don was not in slutting around, but in the way that she did it. I can easily imagine a scenario where she could have convinced him that she needed other lovers to be really happy and he would have gladly gone along with it even at the expense of his own self image so long as she approached it in the correct fashion. It's an extreme thought, but it seems to fit with his almost masochistic need to help others even at the expense of his own health and safety and well being. <p>

This type of character is not new, although you have written an extreme example. In fact, most of us have known people in real life who fit this archeotype to some degree. But the interesting twist that you have thrown on the character is to place a spotlight on how easy it is to take advantage of this type of "good guy".<p>

An earlier commentor focused on this and I have to agree. So far, the only major difference between Maria, her friends, his daughters and Barbara is that to some degree, Maria et al have come to realize that they are taking him for granted and using Don as a servant and have some residual guilt. This was a realization that Barbara did not make until she had driven him away.<p>

But, what is they try to do when they come to this realization? They try to polish him around the edges and get him to have some fun, but Don's core selflessness is left intact. Who can imagine Maria or the daughters telling Don that he no longer has to make THE PIE, THE CAKE or THE TURKEY?<P>

I'm not a big fan of long drawn out descriptions of counseling sessions, but I have to ask, why isn't Don's counselor trying to work on his self image and his need to think about himself? When does he get instructed to ask the question "What do I get?" Don is one character seriously in need of a boost in his own self interest.<p>

This story reminds me a lot of a alternative fiction TV show I watched twenty or more years ago. That story took up the tale of Scrooge a few years later when everyone is taking advantage of him and he is slowly but surely destroying himself in another way. If I recall, the spirits return to give him some sense of balance so people won't take advantage of him until he is the one that is destitute and all of the people that have leeched on him over the years have turned on him. <p>

If I had my druthers, I hope that you incorporate some aspect of that into this story since any romance needs some balance. <p>

Anyway, as you can tell, I've thought a lot about this story and love the care that you have taken with the characters. Don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter! <p>

CCM

Harryin VAHarryin VAabout 15 years ago
Over rated romantic bullshit

This story is very overrated and I cannot for the life of me figure out why it is getting such high scores.

<br></br>

The idea that these four women (later with his 2 daughters) can engage in a plot... to manipulate Don given how his wife Barbara and so-called friends and family all conspired against him and manipulated the evidence with the express purpose of screwing him in the marriage and divorce settlement... is just absurd.

<br></br>

There is no possible way to justify this. Okay so Don is not a very good dancer or skier and he dresses rather ordinary. That is not the point. <b> There is far too much vagina/ woman manipulation going on here. Given the way Don's character has been developed in the story... the intrusion into his life by these four overpaid whores does not seem to match what he is his reaction should be. He seems to have been upset for about two sentences and the therapist that he seeing never seems to spend any time on his reaction to their absurd scheme. </b>

<br></br>

Don as a man husband is not very appealing. The author uses a pathetic attempt to cover up the overall weakness of the character by having him obsess with some tools and cooking... and cooking... and cooking... and cooking. But it really doesn't hide the fact that Don is a very weak and unlikable person.

<br></br>

I was hoping that the ludicrous and absurd divorce scene in chapter 1 would be explained or have some sort relevance later in the story but it is pretty obvious that is not going to be the case seen. Having a financial analyst who is a close friend of the wife come in as eight in partial financial analyst... and having the judge decide with no evidence that he must've been hiding money and therefore not need to be punished financially is just too much to accept.

<br></br>

The Christmas gift reaction seeing was awful and hard to explain. Don says he spent $10,000 on her Christmas gift... and Maria thinks it was actually closer to $30,000. For this he gets yelled at?? HUH????

<br></br>

And what does he get in return? Some sort chair or piece of furniture.... and this is from a woman who supposedly is interested in him romantically.

<br></br>

9 years ago for Christmas I bought a designer pair of Italian shoes for my wife that she had been looking at many times in the store windows that cost $125 and a European handcrafted pocketbook bag from Dillard's that cost $225.

<br></br>

Now I am a very easy person to Buy gifts for... everyone knows me knows what my tastes and dislikes are. I am a history nut in general ...and the US civil war nut in particular. All one has to do is stop by the Books A Million or Barnes & Noble's or book borders and buy a book this certificate card for me and I would be very happy.

<br></br>

Instead my wife got me a packet of socks and some boxers shorts from K- mart. and her salary at the time was Twice mine. It was in the financial disparity that hurts so much... It was that she was sending out a clear message to me that I was NOT important. That she knew me so little after all this time.... that she could not figure what to get me for Xmas.

<br></br>

THAT is when I knew the marriage was over.

<br></br>

Marie has this fabulous house and is honestly work a lot of money.... probably a lot more than Don is. He knows all this. And he is harboring a hope that maybe she might be interested in him. Clearly after getting Marie 's Xmas gift that is NOT the case.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
part 3! part 3!

i want my part 3! enjoying the story. thank you!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
one of really good stories here, part 3 please

slow and steady , and i love the humor.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
please continue!

chapter 3 please! this is a good story.

JADED_ONE1969JADED_ONE1969about 15 years ago
Hello again CS

Once again another 100% I am however like everyone else waiting for Chapter three. No pressure!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Top notch work. I love it!

I am completely engaged by the first two installments of

'Sophia' and feel that I have to thank you for sharing your

effort! Have you ever though of being a novelist or are you and that work is keeping you from completing the final part of

your 'Sophia Trilogy?'

You are so careful with your character development and smooth flow of your story that I would not be suprised, at all, if you were a professional writer, having fun trying out story ideas here, with a 'Pen name'.

Again, thank you very much for sharing your gift with us!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Everyday

Been checking your works EVERYDAY. Hope to see Sophia 3 soon. All the best in your works. LET'S EAT THE PIE

digdaddyrichdigdaddyrichabout 15 years ago
Who"s Sophia

Good story and a lot of everyday life is told. A little long, but needed to fill in all of the information. Well writen. Thanks.....Rich

shangoshangoalmost 15 years ago
You can't make your Hero a Homophobe

And I really hope you meant that Maria WAXED Don ass, not wiped.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Great story mate!

Please sir may I have another? Keep 'em coming I'm begging you.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Laugh

Great great great. Laughed so much. Keep going.

budhaubudhauover 14 years ago
Still simply SUPERB

It's turning out to be a novel.He is keeping us on tanterhooks - what with the first 'so called' kiss occuring so late.We are loving the build up which is acting like aperitif for us.Keep it up so that we may too keep ours up.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Loved it,

Love the story, please continue to write

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Does this belong on the other website: Literfoodica.com?

If us Europeans had all the food in this series without sexercise it would just make us fat. It is definitely a story for ladies and rather sweet so I am abdicating voting rights. All those impotent guys who like the non erotic stories about how they got revenge on some poor woman will not like it either :-) Perhaps it should have been in romance section.

sinstalkersinstalkeralmost 14 years ago
stop or continue??

finding it real hard to go on reading this, just keeps going on and on with nothing to hold your interest. i think you would be lucky to have someone go on to part 3 at this point.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Da Food...

Love the humor! Darn those cute lil' girls, they are just too cute! I like the food references as well. However, I think Don is just a bit "too perfect" already. Is his justifiable rage his only flaw? Leave it to a woman to try and change the "perfect man!" LOL

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
For foodies

Your Korean dish is called sam gyeop sal.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Admin Whane

I so far love ur story I'm curious about where its going and I personally think that it would make a good movie.

Thanks for the Story and I look forward to reading the rest.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Fabulous!

Funny, witty and entertaining. I love it.

bigguy323bigguy323about 13 years ago
I'm expecting a "Happy Ending" and I think the story is good.

BUT, (I know you were waiting for the BUT) does he HAVE to be so blind? I mean really.....

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
I agree

He's as blind as a rock

DunaDunaabout 13 years ago

1. Excellent kind story! I am sad for the author. However Northlander finished this story.

2. If sombody wants a similar story (but a 19 years old until the story start unsuccesfull guy the main character) to read I offer " A Beautifull Wish" from 800Ibgorilla in the Scifi fantasy. The author soon start carry on the newwe chapters.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago

I was liking this story, but after the betrayal of his wife, friends, family, even his girls. Then Maria & Richard with their PI investigation was more betrayal, he saved her life & what does she do? has him investigated, and the plan to undork him? was more betrayal in a way, they secretly planned it all along, and whats with Maria? you don't try and make someone into what you could love, you either love them or you don't, sure he's blind as a bat, but seriously she has had some misguided ideas of how he should be, what she wants him to be so she can love him, it's selfish to change someone to suit her needs, sure he needs some more confidence after what his bitch of a wife did but Maria has gone about it all wrong. I hope when he finally opens his eyes, he realises what she's been doing.

Seems to me Maria is so caught up in how much money she, she sounds conceited, oh but of course, before she even decided she might like Don, his girls were suddenly hers? where does she get off?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
This!!!

was pathetic at best.

tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
THIS WHOLE NOVEL IS SUPER GOOD

THERE IS ENOUGH SUSPENSE AND DRAMA AND LOVE FOR ALL. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Bobbsey twins ub a ronantic novel

This whole saga reminds me of the Bobbsey twins. And a stupid romance novel with a touch of Julia Childs, phony psychiatry and Popular Mechanics.. It does not belong in Literotica. Maybe in a girls' book. Perhaps some women would like it, but it doesn't do it for men. And we're supposed to feel empathy for all the characters, including the cheating wife? Put it in the True Romance novel category.

Lo_PanLo_Panabout 12 years ago
Hey Anon......

I'm a guy, and I'm hooked. Stop bitching, and don't read it if it offends. Simple, huh?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Unmatched

Terrific characters, and touching, funny clever story - cant recall anything better.

And I agree with a previous comment, I realize this may not be EVERYONE'S cup of tea, but no one forces you to read it if it isn't . Can't wait to read all your stories.

CaptmcnetCaptmcnetalmost 12 years ago
Well Written

I am a very old guy. Yes it is not erotic (so far). It is romantic, and I am enjoying the writing very much. Hopefully the eroticism will arrive in part 3.

MadBrownMadBrownalmost 12 years ago
ENDEARING, WITTY, VERY WELL WRITTEN.

I, like the previous commenter, am an old dog with a lot of experience. One of the things I have observed over the years is very prevalent in this story and that is the controlling nature of many women. Time and time again, I've seen women become attracted to men, or fall in love with them only to immediately start trying to change them. "He's great but if only he would be"...put in your own words. Look up the word controlling in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of Maria. This not a criticism of the story....just saying.

fanfarefanfareover 11 years ago
critiquing another person

The all too common complaints and misogynist vituperation against women, that I have observed throughout the stories and comments on the Literotica site, reminded me of a public poll done a number of years ago. The results were so surprising that a follow up study was done asking people why they had answered they way they did.

The poll claimed that a majority of women would refuse to ever return to or renew a relationship with the first men/boyfriends/lovers/ex-husbands. While the majority of men respondents wished they could do over those early relationships.

The follow-up study and analysis revealed a stark difference between the two sexes. The majority of the women re-interviewed deeply regretted having any relationship with the perpetual adolescents. Especially giving up their virginity and accepting the burdens of bearing children for the narcissist jerks.

While the men who were re-interviewed, who after several decades of self-inflicted stupidity, have finally matured to where they could admit their own faults and incompetencies. That these men deeply regretted their boyish destructiveness and wish that they could somehow undo the damage they had left behind them.

tantalisetantaliseover 11 years ago
just a little word

this story is brilliant.

forget all the detractors---keep doing what you are doing , because it really is brilliant

TavadelphinTavadelphinabout 11 years ago
It is staying wonmderful

And the editing is better -

The whole concept and approach is fun - the plot totally realistic - the developing outcome completely plausible so far -

Yeah I am another Old Guy - been through my share as well - some painfully similar even uncomfortably similar so for any who might say it is way too unrealistic - YOUR WRONG

Looking forward to the rest - I hope Don does as well as i am - lol so far

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
me

i have 3 ex wives and if this paragon

was real i would marry him

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
This writer is brilliant and he only gaves us one yr 2009

Will he ever return.?..?..?.

FullCircle56FullCircle56over 10 years ago
To read a decent conclusion to "Sophia"

Author "Northlander" completed a conclusion to "Sophia" in the Romance category. He was assisted by CastleStone's editor. No one can replace the original author, but I think you will appreciate the effort in concluding one of the best story series on LIT.

superquad1968superquad1968over 10 years ago
Continuation of Sophia

Thanks for the clue FullCircle56.

The author northlander has continued the story here (http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1004078&page=submissions).

Cheers,

juanviejojuanviejoalmost 10 years ago
Five Star so far...

I hope he didn't die before it was finished!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Congratulations and thanks

The mechanics of your writing have vastly improved from Part 1—many thanks to your new editor. Now the design of your tale and its balance and flow really shine through. Your storyline continues to be wonderful, and definitely not too slow. Once again, thanks for sharing your imagination with us.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
I like your writing but...

Seriously this comment really pissed me off..."Then, to really warm my heart he brought me a piece of pie. If I could get him trained he might be a keeper." Are you friggin kidding get him trained??? The man saves your life then buys all the food, cooks like a gourmet chef, cleans up the kitchen after serving you like a slave and even cuts down a tree and fixes your house and he needs to be TRAINED????You dont need a husband Sofia you need a spanking and an attitude adjustment. Don you need to man up and grow a pair!!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Your writing is good

But it keeps going on and on and on about food. These women must need help in walking while they carry all the extra pounds around. The reason I marked it way down is the premise that these women need to 'polish' this guy to make him 'boyfriend material'. Who gives them the right to decide that he isn't good enough for them and that they need to change his life to make him a better person? I didn't realize that women had a checklist to rate a potential boyfriend. It's like they're grading a side of beef to see if it's good enough for their dinner. The writing makes him just stupid enough to agree that he's a nerd and that he needs their help. A last point, if Megan was a slut in her past life, she is going to have to suck it up and live with her past. If Don doesn't like it, tough luck for her. It's a case of her trying to put lipstick on a pig. Hope the rest of the story rescues this downward spiraling plot.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago

Just from a straight story viewpoint this is a well written story, but from a plot point of view it is not. Marie has been with him long enough to know that he is very forgiving, instead the women 3 of them who should not even be there are castrating him even more and using him. She should just tell him her history and go for it. I believe that he would respond. I know that I would.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Food

I am starting to get sick to my stomach reading about how much junk they eat. The fact that these models haven't become obese yet makes me wonder whether or not the genre should be sci-fi, because it would take something very unnatural to move a metabolism fast enough to burn off more sweets in a weekend than most people have in a year!

I understand why Don is overcompensating, and I really do hope Maria is looking for a relationship where they both give it their all.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Submissive Male + Arrogant, Self entitled Female = 1*

1.Maria: Then, to really warm my heart he brought me a piece of pie. If I could get him trained he might be a keeper. Arrogant Much Maria?

2. Maria: "I think we should keep that a secret from your father, okay?

This is a casual acquaintance leading Don's daughters into deceptive practices in regrades to their father. Now they are being taught to keep secrets from their father and to totally disrespect him! Who the HELL is she to do this?

3.Maria: Now how would you all like to come to my home for Thanksgiving this year? Ski season is starting and I've got special arrangements with the lodge."

Shouldn't any reasonably mature adult think to ask the FATHER first in simple respect?

4.Maria:"Don, I need to talk to you!"

"Yes, Maria," he answered me quietly, looking at me strangely. Well, I guess I had sounded a bit firm.

"We are all going to spend Thanksgiving at my home. Robin and Megan are going to go skiing. Ummm, who the hell is SHE to make this decision??? More of her arrogant self entitlement bullshit!

5. Maria: I turned to look at Don. He had a defeated look on his face. That's right, he better learn who is boss here! DAMN! Just DAMN! DON'S got to be a SUBMISSIVE!

6.Maria:I called my friends and told them of my concerns. Then I had Richard copy the report and send it to them by courier. They needed time to read it .

So after instigating a total invasion of his privacy ( a crime under many circumstances) by lying and manipulating to get his approval under the auspices of a job background search; Maria then cavalierly decides to share his private pain and humilition with her slut friends.

END of Page 2....I can not read anymore of this Dom Female/Sub Male vomit.

If you like this shit then you have my pity!

MorganDeWolfeMorganDeWolfeover 8 years ago
Maria are you really as arrogant a slut as you're written?

Well, I think Part 1 and Part 2 make that clear...YES she is.

Geez, Matt M. must be creaming his panties reading this crap.

Not my cup of hemlock, I'll move on from here.

The writing was very good but the characters were ALL deplorable!

Just couldn't find ANYONE to like here.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Literotica!?

This is a funny well written story. Why does it stand in the literotica category?

The language is fairly clean, and there is very little explicit sex in it.

As I said, just a good story.

Adam

EddboyEddboyover 8 years ago
agree with

Morgan... don comes off as a spineless wimp and Maria comes off as bitchy, bossy, and just plain old annoying

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

Eddyboy, as so many of these stories, this one is written by a housewife who's experience of her circle of friends is what it is. They just don't have spines, therefore she can't really have enough relevant life experience to write her characters as normal, typical working people with spines and self-confidence.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Meh

At what point does Don get a spine ? His self-effacing manner was endearing with respect to his kids, but toward other adults ? Wimps are NOT really attractive. Nor is Maria, who's turned into exactly the same kind of bossy bitch his ex was.

Story has lost credibility: Don should be running like a deer by now, if he's really all that pissed off about his ex's treatment of him, because Maria is doing the same thing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
For real?

Sounds more realistic than a spineless wimp. He married the only woman he dated and she turned out to be a shout. His own sisters screwed over. His daughters mean more to him than anything, even his own happiness. No surprise he has no confidence with women. Have to agree though, after two chapters and no sex, seems out of place on this site, but overall, a very good story.

MullendersMullendersalmost 8 years ago

very good story a 5 for me but 1 minor critic is evry vegatarian why eats shrimp krab and squid is no vegatarian at all just a big hypocryte

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
Amusing and charming

Great charming story

rightbankrightbankover 7 years ago
too good to be true

is the way this reads.

Too much cooking

Too much with the tools

Too much being the manservant

Too much emphasis on which one has the most money

Too insecure all around

DeKreDeKreover 7 years ago
Marvellous

See title!

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Maria turning into a controlling bitch?

Right now I'm on Part 2/chapter 2: Maria is quickly becoming a dislikable person. Bossing Don around, deciding he needs to be "polished" or he'd never have a chance at being her boyfriend - I guess he's not the man-whoreish-type she normally goes out with, huh? She's becoming extremely possessive of the girls and controlling of Don. In fact, it's almost like she's losing respect for Don; for being submissive, sexually inexperienced compared to her, and probably because he's not as rich.

We'll see how part 2 ends up, but right now I'm more than a little tired of Maria.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Confusing

Maria wants him to be more confident, do things on his own, and socialize with him, yet she constantly treats him as a servant.

nestorb30nestorb30almost 7 years ago
Not sure about Maria Yet

Granted Don is a doormat. I get it, but Maria wants him to be more "Manly" i.e. self confident, assertive etc. Yet she seems to treat him in a very dismissive manner as if his opinion does not matter. Hope she eventually has a realization that her manner is not exactly acceptable either.

Otherwise really enjoying this so far!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
A Scarlet woman?

The plot just lost me. There is no way that a "scarlet woman" would get negative feelings from a "Wolf". She would have jumped on Don as soon as they were alone on the first night that they met. Don saved her life so she knew that she should reward him. Right after her divorce, she jumped on any man she could find for two months. Also these inner feelings of slutiness seemed to have disappeared when she was engaged! The plot would have being significantly better if the "wolf" had not come out! The author should have removed the "Wolf" and left Don's personality as just a downtrodden man due to his slut wife and so called friends.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Just Like a Woman

It's just like a damned woman to take a pert near perfect man and try to change him. Ironic, in that men are just the opposite - when they meet the perfect woman, they don't WANT her to change.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Geez

The guy is a complete submissive and wuss. Every single female including his daughters are INCREDIBLY manipulative. For a guy who has such "anger issues" he doesn't even raise his voice when they completely betray him by having the pi dig into his life under false pretenses. Not even remotely believable.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Yup... I'm out.

As seems to be a common sentiment in the comments, he's traded one cheating, manipulative snatch for a whole bunch more, including his daughters. He is nothing but a servile, simpering wimp in need of a real set of testicles instead of the tiny cotton-balls he's packin' now. He spent half of the first chapter bitching about being made an "unintentional cuckold," when he's doing a fine job all on his own. Please excuse me while I go and clean up the vomit...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
LMAO

Still way up there, keep going....

tangledweedtangledweedalmost 6 years ago
This story gave me diabetes

I can pack away food with the best of them, but the calorie count in this story would make a marathon runner gain weight.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Is it just me or is Maria another cunt?

His wife was a lying bitch who worked with everyone in their life to manipulate him

Maria is lying and scheming with everyone in their life to manipulate him

The only realistic thing about this story is the portrayal of women who cant be satisfied with what they have and need to push and push and push for more and more and more

Truthfully most guys dont give a fuck if their girl has been around the block so long as she is loyal and doesnt deny the one she supposedly 'loves' what she gave everyone else

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Autism and silly manipulative women

OK, I can understand Don to a certain degree. He seems to be suffering from what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome. A milder form of autism with average or above average IQ. His problems recognizing nonverbal communication in certain situations, and his failure to understand and/or accept certain behaviors, such as dishonesty, his compulsion to collect every tool under the sun, along with his nerdiness and obsessive compulsion to solve technical problems are all symptoms. I can empathize; I have it, too.

I can also understand his reluctance to pursue Mary as his romantic partner: He feels she is too good for him, and he doesn't want to risk his daughters' relationship with her. Understandable from his point of view.

What I cannot get my head around is Mary, her friends, and their hair-brained plan to change an already fine man into something "better". Especially with the lame excuse that Don won't be able to accept Mary's past, before he is again comfortable with his self and his ego. For Christ's sake - she sampled the meat market for a shot while twice, while being completely unattached. So what? Is she somehow tainted now? Maybe she should just ask the man - he seems to be accepting and non-judgemental to the extreme.

And as for boosting his ego and giving him confidence? Why doesn't she get off her ass, instead of watching chick-flicks with her girlfriends, go to his room, tell him how she really feels, just so he won't be too confused, and the proceed to fuck his brains out?

And then, once she has her man, she can ASK HIM if he WANTS TO learn how to dance, and all the other things she would like him to be better at. But oh no - that isn't how she wants to play, which perfectly leads into a scary part of this tale:

I think these thoughts of Mary's says it all:

"The big lug fell for my act; I was going to have such fun running his life."

See, THAT is how she wants it. She wants to run his life. To have total control. She might be a little bit worried that he won't like that she played the field for a bit, years ago, but that isn't her biggest problem. The real problem is that she isn't really in love with him at all. She is in love with what he MIGHT become, if only she could change these few dozen behaviors and skill sets of his. Oh, along with the way he looks, of course. One problem with that is that if she ever succeeds, he will seize being her project, and she won't love him anyway. There are tons of women like that out there, and it just doesn't end well. Once she tames him, he will no longer be interesting to her, and if she can't tame him, she will become increasingly annoyed with him. There is no winning scenario here.

This leads into the scariest part:

She will stop at nothing to get her way. She will use private investigators to gather information about him, she will scheme behind his back with her friends, she will use his children, she will ridicule him and use other forms of mental abuse, and amazingly, she will also use physical abuse. She will stop at NOTHING to get her way. He is of course the "perfect victim", which is well explained by his history and his mental state. It's a good thing he is seeing a therapist, I only wish it was one who wouldn't be so unprofessional, as to laugh at her patient.

If I was his friend, I would shout "Run, Forrest! Run!" at the top of my lungs. Get away from this crazy, abusive woman as fast as you possibly can.

And think about what this does to his daughters! At the very least he is teaching them that it is OK for a woman to use physical violence on a man she is supposedly in love with, and at the worst he is teaching them to accept such abuse on them selves.

john_sixfooterjohn_sixfooteralmost 5 years ago
I both love and hate this story

Excellent story line but there a lot of faults in your logic.

Don was basically raised a cuck, and his ex-wife literally made him into one. Maria has made him into a de facto cuck, even though her intentions are to polish him. After months and months of dating him, they still haven't "sealed the deal". I know you have some sort of a plan to make him 'Mr. Sophisticated', but if she intends for him to fully learn the art of love with another woman, she's pimping him out or doesn't really feel that way about him. That part of her plan hasn't been fleshed out - not yet - right now it feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

Currently, at the end of Pt. 2, Don is about to be told that he is going to receive an education in fitness, in dancing, and a few other fields, but he is going to be receiving instruction from a bunch of probable sluts, each of whom has already expressed an interest in him. If this was real life, at least one of them was also going to teach him how to do the horizontal tango.

Don is too naive, too trusting, too simplistic, and too pure-in-his-heart (sometimes called a true Boy Scout). I believe you have a plan to make this work out in the end, let's just hope reality doesn't insert itself into this tale.

GymShortsGymShortsover 4 years ago
Grabbed him by the ear????

WTF... Treating him like a 12 yr old and you're his Mom? Poorly written there and has her thinking of controlling him. Are you going to have Maria complete his cuckolding journey by having him fluff her lovers and eat out her cream pie when they finish while his daughters watch and learn how to treat their husbands?

Thought she was going to help him find work and contacts, 3-4 months later still nothing.

started off well but has quickly declined into a sissy in the making story... We'll see how it turns out

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago
Great read

Really entertaining story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago
Change him!?

What happens when he starts to resent their attempts to change him? The lack of acceptance is a form of lack of respect. The resentment would build and poison the relationship. Been there done that.

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