SOS Pt. 01

"How can you be so nice, Martin?" Erik repeated as Martin was drying him.

Martin paused and stopped drying him. He looked into his face and smiled. "I'm not sure if I'm that good, but I try to be... I'd say it's because... well, I was brought up that way, you know," he replied, and was back at drying Erik. "My mom is a sweetheart and my dad... my dad is a doctor and he likes to help people, so I was influenced by them. I guess I'm not very assertive.'

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be, Erik? I can see you struggling with something, obviously. I noticed your mood went down during last week. I hope one day you will tell me about it."

Erik sighed and swallowed softly. "I thought you would be mad that I drank all your alcohol. But I just... couldn't stop myself..."

"Don't worry about it... I can buy another bottle, if I need it..."

He's so nice... Erik thought, feeling even worse because of that.

"So... As I said, I noticed you were more and more dejected through this last week. I wanted to ask you, but I promised you I won't do it. But maybe you would consider explaining to me what you feel? Do you want to tell me... why did you do that?" Martin asked him as he stopped drying him off and stood up.

Erik tucked a loose strand from his bangs behind his ear and sighed softly. "I felt so alone... when you're not around. My depression returned, and my trauma from the orphanage resurfaced, and I kind of wanted to get rid of it. All the painful memories. To dull it, to desensitize myself." Erik admitted with his head down.

"Something really terrible must have happened to you, right?" Martin looked at him with pity.

Erik nodded and swallowed, but said nothing more. He didn't want to think about it again.

Martin felt really sorry for Erik and wanted to calm him down, so he came closer to him and put his arms around the boy's back and Erik put his face on Martin's stomach.

"Thank you for all you are doing and for your patience... I truly don't deserve your kindness..." Erik whispered and snuggled closer to Martin. "But I will try my best not to fail you again."

After a few minutes of hugging, Martin tied a towel around Erik's waist and Erik took off his wet shorts. Then Martin unexpectedly picked him up in his arms, which Erik liked, and he immediately snuggled up to Martin again and Martin carried him back to the living room.

He laid him on his back on the couch and told him to take a nap. Then Martin cleaned up the alcohol bottles.

It was still a bit early to go to bed, so Martin lay down on the bed, opened his laptop and started a movie. He didn't want to think about it any longer, he felt tired and dejected himself.

He couldn't help it - he kept questioning his decision about taking such a troubled boy under his roof, but he also didn't want to give up on the boy. Maybe other people gave up on him one too many times? He wanted to be different, even if it was a bit naive of him. He believed Erik one day will trust him and will tell him his story.

***

Erik fell asleep and didn't wake up until the next morning when it was already light outside.

He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and stretched. There was another note on the table and Martin had even left him some money.

Erik, could you please go buy some supplies today? I don't know when I'll be back today.

I hope you're feeling better. Can we watch another movie together today if you want?

Have a nice day :)

Erik read the paper and then sat back down on the couch. He just sat there and thought for a while. He was astonished that Martin seemed to forgive him and behaved almost like nothing had happened.

I should do something. So I don't have to think about it all the time, Erik thought.

Then he stretched again, got dressed, took the money and went out.

He went to the grocery store that was just around the corner from Martin's apartment. He felt a bit uneasy walking on the street alone for the first time since the day he came to Martin's place. But he forced himself to focus on shopping. He went through all the shelves and bought everything he needed, and then he had an idea.

Maybe I should try to cook something for Martin after all? I can find some interesting recipes on the internet. He's just so incredibly forgiving and he takes care of me. I need to return the favor.

And so he bought everything he needed for cooking and returned to the apartment. He placed his shopping bags on the kitchen counter and looked around the kitchen.

This is really a mess, he thought, with his hands on his hips.

***

Martin didn't get back from work until evening, all tired again. He unlocked and opened the door again. He went inside and the smell hit his nose again. But this time it was a pleasant smell and that put a smile on Martin's face.

He came into the living room, from where he could see all the rooms, and his eyes widened.

The mess was gone. Everything was cleaned, the bed was made and it was all luxuriated and cleaned. Martin smiled even more and then saw Erik at the stove, from which the wonderful smell was coming from.

Erik turned and looked at Martin. Martin's eyes widened even more.

Erik was... smiling. It was the first time he saw his wider smile. He looked much better and more relaxed than before.

"You had to work really hard, didn't you?" Martin said as he came over to Erik and stroked his hair. "Everything is tidy and clean... and you're even cooking something," he added, looking at the pot that Erik was cooking in.

"I'm cooking goulash. I hope you will like it," Erik replied with a smile.

"Why such a sudden change?" Martin asked him kindly, looking at him again.

Erik sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I realized that housekeeping would help me stop thinking about the bad stuff, and it really did. Cleaning up here was... hard, but I really didn't focus on anything but work," he replied. "And I wanted to see you smile..." he murmured softly.

Martin really smiled, especially because Erik looked much better.

Then Martin went to change into comfortable clothes for home, and Erik had just finished cooking and had put the food into two plates and put them on the dining table.

Martin sat down at the table, where Erik was already sitting and waiting for him with the plates set on the top of the table, and then they both began to eat slowly and carefully, because it was freshly cooked and hot.

***

"I must say..." Martin started to speak, when they both finished eating. "That was the best goulash I've ever eaten," he breathed out with a wide smile and licked his lips.

Erik was happy and smiling. He was glad that Martin liked it.

"You know... I studied gastronomy," Erik said softly.

"Really?" Martin was surprised and Erik nodded. "It was really delicious. You can cook more often now if you want... and I'll be more than happy," Martin said with a laugh and Erik smiled even more and then Martin saw Erik's wide smile. "I really didn't expect this, Erik," Martin sighed with delight. "I come home, it's cleaned up and dinner is cooked. I don't know what to say... That's a nice change."

"You don't have to say anything. I'm glad you liked it, and I liked making it. I kind of wanted to repay you somehow for your care and your kindness. And patience..."

To this Martin replied only with a smile.

Then Erik got up from his chair, slowly walked up to Martin and gently stroked his cheek with his small hand. "Thank you... for your care," he said softly, placing a small, almost tender kiss on Martin's cheek.

"Erik? What are you doing?" Martin said in surprise, but kept his voice calm, as Erik pulled away from him.

Erik was embarrassed. He realized what he had just done, as how intimate this gesture was, so he immediately apologized to Martin, but Martin just held him by the hand and calmed him down.

"Calm down. It's not that big of a deal," Martin assured him.

Erik sighed sadly, realizing it could be a good moment to tell Martin something important about himself, so he looked at Martin again. "I should probably confide in you... that I'm gay, Martin," Erik confessed, beginning to fear that Martin would reject him and kick him out.

"So what?" Martin smiled and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"That's not a problem?" Erik asked curiously.

"It's nothing bad, Erik. Yeah... I'm a little surprised... but I don't mind. I'm glad you're feeling better than yesterday, and I think you feel the same way. That's why you did it, right?"

Erik nodded slowly, but he knew he had done it because of his new and confused feelings for Martin, not only because he was simply grateful...

***

He has such a beautiful smile, Martin thought, when he was back at work the next day.

Martin realized how much he liked Erik's smile, and it lifted his spirits, but despite his beautiful smile, he still saw lingering sadness in Erik. His hazel eyes were filled with sadness and pain.

Martin was concerned that Erik didn't want to tell him what had happened to him and why he had to run away from the only home he had.

He suspected that Erik still did not trust him enough. Or maybe he was ashamed to talk about it?

Erik, on the other hand, was home alone again, watching TV while also thinking. He was thinking about Martin, with a strange intensity.

He remembered Martin's body, which he had seen when they were in the shower together. He was just the type Erik liked... but could Martin be gay? Or bi-curious?

Could he likes Erik as much as Erik liked him? Erik was musing about his own feelings a lot, sometimes doubting if he even was capable of healthy love after what had happened to him at the orphanage, or had he just been pretending it? Role-playing some romantic fantasy he dreamed about for so long? He never had a good example of how to love, so could he ever feel it for real?

Martin was a perfect fit for that role, having been his knight in shining armor since, saving Erik a couple of times and even forgiving him for his drinking incident! Too beautiful to be true? Erik was trying to analyze his own feelings and dreams, trying to separate his childish fantasies from the reality of his situation with Martin.

They both thought intensely one about the other.

Martin started to recognize that he perhaps felt something for Erik, he just still could not tell what it was. Was it possible he started to like him more than just a friend or roommate?

And what was he supposed to do with his confusion?

***

In the evening, after watching TV for a while, Erik got bored. Martin still hadn't arrived home and Erik didn't know what to do. The apartment was cleaned and dinner was cooked and he waited for Martin as a wife waits for her husband.

But then Erik remembered one thing. Yesterday, while cleaning up, he found several boxes of clothes, but they definitely did not belong to Martin. They were girl's clothes, and when Erik found it, he was a little surprised. He wondered if Martin had a girlfriend who kept some of her things here with him when she visited.

It worried him a bit that day. He again started to analyze his feelings. Was he jealous? And if, in fact, he was, did it mean he really felt something true for Martin? Erik remembered the kind way Martin treated him, even though he had disappointed him.

Was this possible he began to feel something real for him, that wasn't just a fantasy of an abused boy, who wanted to escape his harsh reality? Was he even ready for a real relationship?

He wanted to ask Martin about the women's outfits at dinner last night, but lost his courage and let it go.

But now he decided to do something.

He remembered the time when he was 9 years old and in school. His class had gym together with the girls, and Erik sneaked into the girls' locker room during class. He liked the way the girls dressed. He even liked their clothes much more than the boys' outfits and wanted to try out how it actually felt.

He snuck into the girls' dressing rooms and tried on a few dresses. He liked the soft feel of girls' clothes, and he especially liked skirts. The air flowed wonderfully into his crotch and he felt much lighter and happier than before.

It was a really nice feeling and a great experience for him. Unfortunately, he got scared and never tried it since then. But now he wanted to try it again.

He got up from the couch and went to the boxes he had found yesterday and stripped naked.

He put on a pair of panties, a women's tank top, and a cute pink skirt. In the box he also found knee socks, which of course he also put on and when he did... he truly felt like a girl.

He didn't want to be a girl... he just liked the feeling of looking like one. He went into the bathroom where the mirror was and he looked at himself for a long time. He stylized his long hair a little differently, and when he visualized his facial features being a bit softer... he came to the conclusion he could easily be mistaken for a girl, maybe with the help of makeup.

He was very happy about it and decided to stay in this outfit at least for a while.

He went back to the living room, sat down on the couch and continued watching TV, patting down the skirt on his legs, from time to time.

A few minutes later, Erik started flipping through the TV channels until he came across a dance show that caught his attention. He especially liked the music that was playing during the dance on TV and it made Erik feel goosebumps.

***

Martin was just returning from work a few minutes earlier than usual. As he walked through the door to his apartment, he heard loud music.

Well... what surprise is waiting for me today? he thought with a frown.

He hung his coat on the hanger, took off his shoes and walked into the living room in his socks to see what Erik was doing this time... and what he saw shocked and surprised him.

Erik was in front of the TV, which was playing a dance show and the music played loud. Erik was dressed as a cute girl and was dancing happily in front of the TV, with his back to Martin.

Martin watched him for a moment with his mouth open. The clothes that Erik was wearing beautifully emphasized his small figure. The pink skirt made Erik's butt nice and round, and the little rascal was also happily circling his butt and leaning forward a bit, so Martin saw exactly what he didn't want to see. Or maybe he did want to?

He was confused by all this. He found Erik beautiful, even though he was only seeing his backside, but he still started to feel something in his pants and became even more confused.

But Erik's scream snapped him out of his thoughts when he turned around and saw Martin standing behind him with his mouth open.

Erik was startled and immediately tried to cover himself somehow. His cheeks flushed with humiliation and tears of panic began to flow from his eyes as his secret and his fetish were revealed.

When Martin came to his senses as he saw Erik from the front this time, looking very much in a panic, so he tried to act calmly as always. But Erik fell on his knees and curled up on the floor, pressing his knees to his chest. He looked at Martin apologetically with his teary eyes and sadness written all over his face.

Martin slowly approached Erik, his face was still, and Erik was afraid that Martin would hurt him because he took his girlfriend's clothes without asking, so he curled up into a ball and refused to look at Martin.

He lay on the floor for several seconds, expecting a blow to his body at any moment, but still nothing happened. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked up over his hand to see Martin standing over him.

Martin had a small, understanding smile on his face and offered Erik his right hand to help him stand up. Erik looked at him for a moment, still with fear in his eyes, but finally he accepted Martin's hand and Martin helped him stand up.

As Erik stood in front of Martin, Martin's hands rested on Erik's arms and his gaze was fixed on Erik's face.

Martin sighed softly. "Another surprise, huh? You're just full of surprises."

Erik didn't answer, he just looked at Martin with sadness and fear in his teary eyes.

"Are you going to tell me... why you're wearing my sister's clothes?" Martin asked him gently, still with a small smile on his face.

Still no answer from Erik. He stood in front of Martin, as if in shock and was afraid to say anything.

"Are you... transgender, Erik?"

Finally, Erik shook his head and lowered it. "I just..." Erik began to speak with a shallow breath. "I like the feeling of... being like a girl..." he whispered.

Martin grinned sweetly and knelt down to Erik. His long arms wrapped around Erik's back and Erik was surprised. Didn't Martin mind? Erik thought Martin would be disappointed again... but he wasn't. He was still smiling, and now he was even hugging him, so Erik accepted the hug and rested his chin on Martin's shoulder.

"I know what you're thinking now, Erik. That you did something bad, right? You're thinking you've let me down again and you're afraid I'll throw you out on the street? Don't worry about it. I think I can understand you. That's your fetish, right? Your kink?"

Erik nodded slowly.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of..." Martin said, looking at Erik's face. "I have my fetish too, you know."

Erik raised an eyebrow and Martin grinned again and stood up.

"Yeah, I like..." Martin paused. "It may sound bad, and I may even look like a pedophile... but it's nothing like that!" he assured him quietly and bowed his head. "I like short girls, you know. Not young, but little... like you. Small body frame. My last ex-girlfriend was only a bit taller than you. I just love the feeling of protectiveness over such a small person."

Erik listened to him carefully but still was looking at him with an uneasy face.

"Do you think I'm a pedophile? Is that what you think of me now?" Martin asked him cautiously and fearfully.

"No," Erik answered quietly and directly.

"Good..." Martin exhaled in relief.

Then there was a moment of silence. The two young men just looked at each other in silence, thinking.

"So what now?" Martin asked after a short pause.

"You tell me. Do you think I'm... weird?"

Martin shook his head. "No... I think you're..." He interrupted and looked at Erik closely before deciding to express his final opinion. "I think you're beautiful..." he whispered, shyly averting his eyes from Erik.

"What?" Erik replied in shock. He didn't expect that, and he wasn't fully ready to hear it.

Martin looked at him again and sighed softly. "I'm sorry, please don't be angry. I'll explain. Let's sit down..." he said and they both sat down on the couch.

"Erik... I don't know how to tell you this..." Martin began to speak softly. "I've been thinking a lot today... thinking about you a lot. There's something... about you that keeps me awake. I don't mean it in a bad way... but your beauty is mesmerizing. I like... how small and cute you're... and I'm starting to get weird feelings. After the kiss yesterday, I'm even more confused. I feel something for you, but I can't put my finger on what it is... and I don't want you to misinterpret it, so I'm telling you now... that maybe I started to feel something for you... more than for friend."

"Martin..." Erik interrupted him. "Are you serious?"

Martin looked at Erik's face to see if Erik meant it in a wrong or in a good way, and from the gentle expression on his face and the small smile, he knew it was a good way.

"Yes," Martin replied. "Like I said... I don't know exactly what my feelings are yet... but I'd like to find out. With your consent, of course."

"Are you saying... you could love me?" Erik asked curiously.

Martin shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I've always been a bit bi-curious, but I never thought much of it. After today... when I saw you in that dress, dancing... I was completely blown away." Then he paused for a moment and sighed softly at the end. "But maybe I need more time... to figure out what I'm really feeling or if I'm just imagining things."