Soulmates Ch. 01

James expressed his determination as he grabbed his wallet and keys, leaving his office in a hurry.

An hour later...

"Okay, please remember that your papers are due at the end of the week by midnight."

The sound in the auditorium rose as the students began shuffling around to exit. Charlie started to pack up his bag, lingering in case a student asked him a question. As the auditorium emptied out, Charlie looked up to see a familiar face sitting in the back.

Charlie swore to himself as he recognized that the face was James. He couldn't leave right away without causing a scene, but James was the last person he wanted to see. Charlie stayed paralyzed at the podium, thinking quickly on how to escape, but all of the exits were toward the back of the space. As the last few students left the auditorium, James stood up and walked toward the front. Charlie swore to himself again.

"Nice, engaging lecture," James offered as he approached Charlie, "I wish I had taken a class with you when I was in grad school."

Charlie refused to look at James; he thought he had made it clear that he didn't want to see him anymore. Although, the sinking feeling Charlie had been experiencing since breaking up with James dissipated as his brother drew nearer.

"I'm really sorry..." James said softly as he was close enough to Charlie to lower his voice, "can we talk please?"

Charlie kept his eyes off James. He kept his eyes trained on his bag which was still half packed. He saw a hand reach out, resting on the bag before taking his hand. Charlie inhaled deeply, finding himself missing feeling James like this.

Charlie took a moment as he let James hold his hand for some time. Eventually, he nodded back, finally looking up at James who was smiling kindly at him, yet his expression was timid.

Charlie nodded as he tightened his hold onto James's hand, telling himself that he should let go, but he couldn't.

"Uh..." Charlie started, "we can talk in my office."

James smiled a bit wider as he stepped to the side to wait for Charlie to finish packing his bag. Charlie walked ahead and out the auditorium, hyper aware that James was close behind. Charlie opened the door to his office, letting James in first before walking over to his desk. Charlie placed his bag on the desk before leaning up against it. James was on the opposite side of the office standing near the door.

"Have you ever..." James started, crossing his arms, "felt like something was missing? I mean I have friends and my family...a great job and I guess I do all right when it comes to dating, but something never felt right..."

Charlie felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him; he knew exactly how James felt but this was the first time he ever heard anyone say out loud what he's been feeling for the longest time.

"Yes..." Charlie answered, "like a sinking void that can't be filled..."

James nodded emphatically as he took a step forward, but then stopped himself.

"My parents told me..." James began, "that the agency said we were close before your parents adopted you, Charlie." He laughed to himself as if reminiscing on the past.

"I guess we were inseparable...we even slept in the same bed..." James sighed as he rested his hands on his hips.

"I cried for weeks until they came to get me after you left...I don't remember it, but I felt sorrow like that before meeting you, Charlie..."

Charlie nodded as a lump formed in his throat. He had felt the exact same way but always had trouble articulating it.

"Charlie," James continued, "I want to get to know you, but also don't want to pressure you...I'm sorry for not speaking up...I hope you can forgive me..." He hung his head.

Charlie watched James; he wanted to get to know is brother also. However, just thinking about everything they did in the past month made Charlie feel sick.

Charlie looked away from James, trying to decide what to do. He then looked back at his brother who still looked despondent.

"I forgive you, James...it was a misunderstanding..." Charlie let out, "but...I need...time..."

A second or two passed before James looked up directly at Charlie. He nodded again, turning to the door.

"I understand..." he responded, "I'm always here no matter what..." He ended before leaving the office.

Charlie lurched forward, feeling as if he were close to throwing up. He staggered back to sit in his desk chair; the pit of his stomach dropped to an all time low. He told himself that this was the best decision and that he would eventually get over James.

Charlie took some time sitting down at his desk, feeling close to tears now thinking he lost something special.

Later that week...

Charlie glanced upward at the building before pressing the intercom button. He had been feeling miserable since the last time he saw James and to the point that it was difficult to do or focus on anything else.

Charlie knew they couldn't or shouldn't be in a romantic relationship but going from seeing James on a regular basis to not at all was draining. That sinking feeling was consuming him, and Charlie just needed to see James.

Charlie took a deep breath, feeling like he had before his first date with James. The door clicked and then buzzed. Charlie opened the door and walked to the elevator. He told himself that everything would be okay as the doors opened onto James's floor. Charlie walked to James's unit, reaching out to knock before hesitating.

I can do this...Charlie reminded himself as he knocked.

He waited a second or so before the door opened. "Charlie?" James was standing at the door wearing his pajamas.

Charlie nodded, attempting something intelligent to say but instead closed the gap between himself and James, hugging his brother tight against his body.

James breathed deeply as Charlie felt him hold him close, rubbing his back. "I'm so sorry, James." Charlie whispered as he told himself that this was what he wanted.

James nodded as he continued to rub Charlie's back before running a hand through Charlie's hair. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Charlie. I screwed up."

Charlie shook his head as he pulled away a bit from James. His brother was looking down at him slightly, smiling sweetly.

"I'm not sure..." Charlie sighed, "if I would have done anything different..."

Charlie attempted to hang his head, but instead he was stopped by James's gentle hand which had taken a hold of his chin to caress him.

Charlie was sure James was about to kiss him; the atmosphere between the two felt overwhelming intimate. Charlie's breathing labored, his senses telling him to just accept the situation.

Instead of kissing Charlie, James smiled at him as he stroked his chin. "Still, I have to earn my trust back with you..." He whispered as he leaned in slightly and so much so that Charlie knew he was going to finally kiss him.

Charlie nodded as he closed his eyes, but his lips remained unmeet. Charlie rested his head on James's body instead, letting his brother hold him.

"Do you want to stay for breakfast?" James's voice remained soft.

Charlie nodded again as he let James rub his back. He waited a second or so before letting go.

"Do you want some help?" Charlie asked, wiping his eyes as he watched James walk around the kitchen counter.

James laughed. "No, it's all right, baby--" He then stared back at Charlie, realizing what he had just said out loud.

Charlie turned red; in the past when they were dating, Charlie loved it when James started calling him "baby". But now, Charlie knew it was wrong, but he hadn't heard it in what felt like an eternity.

"It's okay." Charlie laughed nervously, choosing to let it go instead of correcting his brother like he should have.

James smiled at Charlie; his expression welcoming, and Charlie had to fight himself from embracing James again.

But...Charlie thought as he watched James finish cooking breakfast...it shouldn't be a big deal...James is my brother after all...