All Comments on 'Spanish Lessons Pt. 01'

Really good story… well written. Keep ‘em coming

5 stars

In his foreword the author asks for constructive comments, so hopefully he'll understand where I'm coming from.

It certainly didn't stink, at least the part I read didn't. Unfortunately it didn't draw me in either. I only read the first two pages which was all backstory, and was overlong, and, frankly, quite boring.

In a four hundred page novel it might be OK, but even then it's advisable to break the background into segments, then intersperse them into the story. I understand this is just chapter one, but to lead in with an overlong, blow by blow account of this guy's upbringing and, dare I say it? Quite unremarkable younger life, is inviting the reader to just skip over it or move on to the next story.

Literotica is mainly a site for quick, to the point tales. What might be interesting to the author doesn't always translate to the audience. I applaud the attempt to create something with more substance, but here, especially in the loving wives category, it needs to be more direct.

This may be a good, even a great story, sadly I'll never know... Or maybe if I just ignore the first few pages?

Really good first story. 5⭐.

No Raac. No Btb.

Looks like real life.

Congratulation.

I loved :

- the fact that he confronts them without waiting.

- the fact that he speaks to her crudely and meanly afterwards, because that's usually what you do when you're betrayed and hurt.

- That you have brought out the real consequences of the betrayal: loss of confidence, doubts and permanent uncertainties......and the fact that he deserves better than to live like this.

The only negative thing I found: is the description of Sofia's future, then you go back to Bren's present.

As a result, it was difficult to match them with each other.

It would have been more explicit if when describing Bren's present, he learns that Sofia moved in with Ray, then later that they broke up, and then afterwards that she moved to other pastures.

Happy endings are right up my alley. Well done. Oh, and keep writing.

No BTB? Well he did knock out Ray and he stood strong against Sofia who ended up suffering for what she did.

As it’s your first story, I’ll give some anonymous nobody’s two cents…

Pros: immaculately written, and the mechanics are flawless. Quite the breath of fresh air, honestly. Good characterization as well.

Cons: cookie cutter story that we’ve read about fifty versions of, and every single scene was completely predictable.

The way you ended it seems odd for a part one (I mean, The End?), so I’m mildly interested about what a part two could possibly be. You have a lot of potential, so hopefully you can dig deep and flex some creative muscle in the future.

"Finishing a draft for Part 2" is too soon to post Part 1. How long will it be before the draft is finished? How many drafts will it need? Then editing. It might be a month before we get Part 2! Then, how many parts will there be?

Loved it.

Is there a part-2?

Seriously, that was pretty good! It flowed pretty well, and you write conversations better than most.

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Plot-wise —- maybe a bit too much background early. And while it set the stage…much of it was irrelevant to the story after he moved to Austin. Once in Austin, 5-6 years flew by with very little exposition about how Brenden actually “grew up”. Yeah…a couple lines about how he physically got bigger. But virtually nothing about how he matured emotionally and sexually. By the time he met Sofía he was sexually experienced….but readers never learned about how and when. Even in passing. We just had to accept it 🤗

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For me a big plot hole was keeping his fluency with Spanish a secret from his Hispanic wife and family. Not realistic at all, and made the revelation of it to let Sofía know he understood what she and Ray were saying a bit of a lame gimmick. As well…Sofia was a cardboard cutout of the prototypical LW cheater…don’t know why she did it, etc. etc. etc. And then after the divorce she goes back to Ray? Yeah….Slut Ray victim 😎

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All that said…it was still a good effort that held my attention. Looking forward to see what drama you have in mind now for Brendan and Carrie.

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4 ****

Not a bad story. Rather wordy, it could have been told in two pages instead of four. You telegraphed the story from the beginning, there was no drama, mostly four pages of cliche. It would have been better received in romance, the vicious fuckers in LW will crucify you. Better luck on the next one.

Oh no you don't. This needs another chapter

This is the wrong category, and you're probably hurting your story by putting it here. It's not that you didn't include parts that fit the category, but that's all they were: part. The overarching theme of the story is the relationship between Bren and Carrie. The cheating wife and cheating fiancee were sub-plots to bring them back together and refocus their love. So, you should have put it in Romance, just like you tagged it.

Very well done. I thoroughly enjoyed it. To the point that I'm almost not looking forward to the next part. This was a delightfully self contained story with well though out characterizations.

Nicely done, but a white boy from out of state won't get a full ride to UT these days unless he is a pro sports prospect. UT, and Austin, are sewers filled with floating woketards. 5

Excellent story! I do love a happy ending.

So, the title is part 1 but the last paragraph says the end.

Is there more to tell? I enjoyed this story, but the marriage just fizzled out. I thought there might be more to tell about that? 4 stars.

Loved it. A tear jerker.

Pretty good first story.

Excellent story. Full 5*

Very good. It can actually stop where you left it.

I liked it. Enough background to let you care about the people, but not so much that it became boring. I gave you 5 stars for this story.

Good story so far. I look forward to the continuing adventures of Carrie and Bren.

Kurmugin

Good 1st story. Keep 'em coming.

Love the nod to John Wayne in the name of the bar.

Real good, especially for a first-timer. Well thought out and the dialogue didn't get out of hand. He didn't do anything crazy but live with the cards that he was dealt. Nice effort.

A very interesting, very well written story.

Great first effort.

As we were forewarned there were a few minor editing issues. Nothing dramatic though.

Hope the next chapter comes along soon

Don’t know if this is LW or Romance, but, regardless, I really liked it! Also, you did great without an editor. Really looking forward to part 2!

Nice story

so is it the end or part one?

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also if he is going to leave his wife for fucking other men, why get back with the girlfriend who cheated on him given they never broke up?

Very good. More please

Great story, but as one reader said part 0ne, must be more coming or a misspelled word or two. Looking forward to the rest of the story.

luv it.

Great first story! The only part that seems strained is their meeting up across the country by accident.

She was a selfish arrogant entitled bitch the whole time they were married, then became Ray's whore, again. And the dumb cuck never sat her down and demanded the "Ray Story" before they were married? Oh, so she might get pissed? Yeah, you made him out to be a pussy whipped fool. Like he never socialized with her Spanish friends and they never teased her about fucking Ray, again?

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It was all too predictable, and insulting to the intelligence of the MC. Let's see how stupid you make him in the following chapters. Whistle Pig was a good start. Thanks for the effort.

Really liking it but with it being part 1 I am worried that she will end up cheating on him too. Or it will just be a standard love story after this. Basically, I'm saying I don't think this story needs a second part.

Good first story looking forward to part 2.

Really well written with smooth intertwined plot lines. We all knew he’d find Carrie, but so what? Looking forward to a strong finish in part 2. 5*

4* Ended it way too soon. And why do all writers always have to include alcohol in their stories? Not everyone drinks.

Damn good.

Good first story, but this LW and you are going to need thick skin to survive here. That being said you telegraphed the plot with this: "I said, what I do with Ray is none of your business." Then she smiled again. "And what I do with you is none of HIS business." If that is the start of their relationship it can't go down from the bottom it already is. Still no cheating no story. *****

First story!

5

All this lies and slander! Latin American women are all very loyal and devoted. I do not know any Latin American women involved in adultery. They are all meek, pious and God-fearing. Sofia is from a church-going family, went to Sunday services. It's bad that she had sex before marriage, but she just couldn't cheat on her own. There must have been something else there. Some kind of blackmail or threats from Ray. She was ashamed to admit it, so she preferred to present it as an work affair. And MC didn't know Spanish well enough and didn't hear the conversation between Sofia and Ray well enough to grasp its true essence and understand the meaning of coercion in the relationship of this couple.

Miranda

Second part is out today in romance

Good one though it kind of seemed stitched up a bit quickly.

Was this really part one?

You don't have an apologizing to do with this story, your writing flows, is easy to read,and the characters are well done.

Most stories on LW fall into similar patterns and of course yours is in the cheating wife with old flame. Still, it was enjoyable.

The negative? You called this part 1 but it seems to end, because you said 'the end'. If this is intended to have a part 2 that is confusing as hell,but to mention there is no bridge to the future. If this is it, the ending is kind of empty bc you introduce Carrie into the story and then 'boom' it is over. I hope you have more , I liked the characters and hope you have an interesting plot for them.

Great story! My wife teared up at the ending of your fine love story. Turn it into a film script; we would like to see it on the big screen. We’re looking forward to your next chapter!

As others have noted, there were some minor errors, but nothing too distracting. The BIG error is that this newbie author posted Part 2 under Romance. So, anyone waiting for Part 2 to appear in LW has a long wait coming, 😀 There was no major new ground broken here, but it was a tale well told, with an interesting MC.

Apologies in advance for insensitive, derogatory slang. It is used solely for the purposes of the story. Also I will admit that I took the easy way out and did not try to use any Spanish in this story, with a few minor exceptions. I have finished a draft of Part 2, which I hope to post soon.

Why put part 1 and you're continuing it, but then it says 'The End'? And where is part 2? Also apologising for offensive slang? Why use it, story or not.

Good story ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A good story with a crap ending.

A waste of time.

Super nice well written story 👏👏👏👏

Well done 👍

Good again. Pegged wife one for trouble from her first answer about none of his business.

Cliche-fest. A cheating story written to offend nobody?

I love it. Pay no attention to the “Karens” of this world. It’s our world, they just happen to live in it.

5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Still love it

Great story! Don’t know how I missed it. Sometimes it’s really fun to be fluent in a language and catch folks taking trash about you. I’m not fluent, but I’m adequate in a couple languages and it’s still fun.

Her cheating is bad enough. But regardless if it was only a few times, how could he ever trust her. Meh even worse thr conversation, the MC over head. About Ray claimed it was his ass (she corrected him) and how doesn't she give him anything Ray wants anyways. That just absolutely kills everything. And yet...I smell a RAAC. Highly skeptical.

Umm I don't know what happens to Carrie in Chpater 2, but there is no equivalence between Carrie and him drifting apart in two different colleges 1600 miles apart. He had a full ride and good opportunity in UT Austin. She really wanted the beat for him. They were young and idealistic. But he could not even come home for the summer or holidays. She didn't start casually fated (verified by Josh) until sophomore year. And according yo her she did not sleep around. And I'd she did a couple times so what? Their relationship had been put on ice. Exclusivity was not viable. When he learned she was dating, he was bummed but pragmatic about it. As such he too moved on. They did nothing wotng to one another. It is simply life.

Sofia is a different story. She obviously had serious feeling for Ray. While she "loved" and preferred the MC and married him, she fell pretty easily back into bed with Ray. Maybe the first time she drank too much and they might have worked it out. But being ashamed she said nothing and repeated her adultery, trampling her vows. Him not realizing her transgressions, made it easier for her to continue. Even if she is telling the truth that it was only a few times, thr familiarity at the work party (where she was drunk again), speaks ill of her attitude. Her promise that she always gives Ray what he wants is really bad. There was no end in sight for their affair. Though frequency seemed to be more opportunistic than regularly planned, at least at that point. She used pretty much every trope in the cheaters handbook to excuse her offense. She however did not own up yo and was remorseful she got caught and might lose her husband, but showed no repentance. Her moving back in with Ray, before that relationship rapidly disintegrated, as Ray was a sleaze, was as the MC said the "final nail in the coffin". If women who cheat what any shot to reconcile, thye need to be repentant and part of that is rejecting Ray here right away and going celibate until she knows for sure that she lost him. She didn't fight for their marriage. Of course having multiple encounters and what he heard in Psanish between the two cheaters s pretty much a death knell of their marriage.

Sofia and Carrie are night and day. The readers who catigate Carrie for not waiting need to join the modern world where two people go yo college halfway across the country. Be reasonable. Again Carrie might not have shown impressive fortitude, but she is human and her dating casually and not sleeping stounf is to be expected given the circumstances. People who day she chucked the MC in this chapter are smoking psychedelics.

3.5 stars for (presumed) happy ending. Took a star off because if both of them REALLY loved each other that much, dating around and not communicating seems unlikely, so I simply am not sold on their big "love". And also for the yucky thing the author pulled in Chapter 2 :(

Unconvincing. That's how I feel about this story. The lack of contact between Bren and Carrie, after Bren went to college feels forced and artificial, especially if they are in love "forever". As is this thing where he finds from Josh that Carrie has started dating casually. It's like you needed her to be the first to "abandon" Bren so he's free to get fucked over by Sofia. I understand you need them separated to make their reunion more meaningful but the way you did it feels like a cheap cop out to me. The separation, I liked the reunion a lot.

Still, it was an entertaining read, so thank you for the story.

lol funny names

Nicely done. Enjoyed the story from youth to adulthood. Glad to see The Good Guys win.