All Comments on 'Special Weapons and Tactics Ch. 01'

Having just finished off one of the worst train wrecks ever, Justbobkc starts another engine down the tracks. He thinks this time he'll throw in a little military/police drivel and maybe get the patriotic vote. Good luck with that.

another chapter but try to write a bit different

1 star, because the story should end here, but you're just gonna keep going, with your ineptitude in writing. Why do you hate the wronged men in your stories so much? Why put them through hell?

Whore wife, backstabbing friend , ungrateful kids, Stoic narrator grievously wounded. It reads like trials of Job if you gave him a badge. Author has dug himself a hole so far this feels rife with cliches and telanova-esque overreach.

What a pity.

What the fuck? A diagnosis of mental illness should end custody for her. It certainly is not in the "best interest of the children" to be left alone with a mentally ill woman. Oh yeah, organic mental illness is incurable. While it may be treatable, they are still mentally ill and never 100%. So, give the kids to dad and send mom to the loony bin, she is a fuck up way beyond simple mental illness.

It doesn't matter if she is crazy or just a liar, women only have to claim abuse and the man they accuse is already judged and convicted.

Confused about the kids though. How do they go from loving dad to fearing him to hating him to loving him so quickly? I believe Susan's action, I don't believe theirs.

You really need to take a bit of a break and have a long hard look at how your approaching your writing. This wasn't really a easy to follow storyline nor was much of it actualy explained enough so that the reader had a sense of what was actually occurring.

Justbobkc is at it again! Don't you have a life, man? Well, writing ain't your bag. Will we have another seven chapters, two alternate endings and half a dozen epilogues to explain the mess you made with the story this time? Give it a rest, buddy. You're not good at this.

Am I a bad person to finish this chapter and wonder how many chapters, versions and epilogues will we end up seeing?

Someone pissed in the Anony's Cornflakes this morning

Better than some of your other work. Keep working on it.

Hero is a military trained bad-ass: Check

Wife has chemically caused mental illness: Check

Wife's family is rich, snobbish, and thinks she married beneath her: Check

Husband's friend is a cheater, takes his wife, and is mental: Check

Children magically hate father: Check

Wife gets treatment, realizes what she lost, and wants it back: Check

You have written what could be considered to be an extremely formulaic story. I can only see this going one of two ways from here. He meets someone in Alabama that becomes his new love, his obsessed old wife keeps trying to get him back, and fails. At some point Jack will try to kill him again or will kill his ex-wife, leading John to kill him. This would be the Stangstar method.

The other likely option is that he becomes lonely in Mobile, his former wife follows, they start to work on their relationship, and Jack tries to kill him. Once Jack is suitably dispatched, they bond over the shared conflict and get back together, RAAC accomplished, Ohio-style, although to be fair it could be any number of other RAAC writers.

Assuming you surprise me and manage to salvage this mediocre start, I will vote higher than the 3 you get for this chapter on the following one(s). I have to say, I am not betting on you doing it.

dont you dare to let them get back togetter that would be stupid & ruin this good first part i repeat do not let them get back togetter !!!!

Liked it

Susan's POV at the start but that disappeared after a while. Getting the point of view as she went mad would really have been necessary for the story to continue consistently. We only got the hubby's POV from about the half way point. But it held my attention and I got into it.

You get 4* ..hope u dont mess it up in following chapter

Forget what people say and tell your story the way it's bouncing around in your head. No matter how you tell it, or end it, your not going to please 50% of the assholes on this site... I gave up a long time ago and when I write a story, I do it for me... not them...

Slirpuff

No.

Liked it, keep going.

5 on this first installment. This has the makings of a really good story. Nice job. Xoxoxoxo Annette

This is just one f***d up story.

You really convinced us that hubby was not guilty of anything. Now what will happen to the kids?

This is a great introduction to what promises to be a good story. You should get some help in editing however. The idea is creative with good background BUT your "anger" in the story is too raw and could be polished better to make the same case. The personality development should be more evenly developed and hopefully in the next chapter, some additional developments of the children's reactions and growth should be paid attention.

Carry on!

Tiny Tim

I really liked the beginning, keep it rolling!

She deep throated HIM with her tongue? So as well as being nuts she's a mutant?

But I can see Suzy & Jack coming back into his life and raising all kinds of Hell .

Just a good beginning...let's see how it ends...3* for now

This guy has been through the trials of Job and yet by the end of the chapter he is coming over as a thorough prick. Is this your intention?

Mental illness is not something people choose to have. It is a malfunction of the brain which is an organ. Just like all other malfunctions it causes suffering and it incapacitates. We don't expect people to run 100 metres with a broken leg so we shouldn't expect people with a mental illness to behave normally.

Good start. As for mental illness? Either you dedicate or abdicate. Since he was a past hate obsession, better off getting far away. Safer.

BTDTBTFTS.

Good story so far. Interesting characters and I find the pacing very good. Just please stop using the word "literally". You're current use indicates that you don't understand its meaning nor proper use.

My partner suffers from bipolar disorder. This is a realistic portrayal of someone whose brain is malfunctioning. You have to understand the disease , have the patience of Job and accept that what the person says and does is not personal. Even then, your only option to maintain your own sanity may be

to walk away. I chose to honor my vow of in sickness and in health. It's rough, but my partner is worth it. The ignorant, backward , bitter knuckle-dragger who said Susan should kill herself is an asshole of the first order.

SWAT team members have to trust each other with their lives. No SWAT commander with even half a brain would keep two officers who have every reason in the world to hate each other in the same section let alone the same team. If something happened during a deployment they wouldn't just be risking each other's lives but the lives of everybody else on the team. The subsequent investigation would heap plenty of blame on the senior officers and effectively ended their careers as they would have to have known about the problem and should have taken steps to prevent it.

I can really relate to this story, on mental illness. I had 4 kids , my wife was in a state mental institution for 6 months. We eventually got divorced and are still friends . So how you continue this story is the real story? Those other negative annoy s are real assholes. I give u the benifit of continuing this story to a just conclusion . So far a 5.,

three things....

1st no one that mentally ill should have custody of kids

2nd the husband cop should know this so moving to AL and leaving them in her care cannot be a solution. If the cunt whore wife really is filled with sorrow and remorse she will freely give him custody

3 you kind of suck at this

Hope this does not tank for you... I'm pulling for you.....

Justbobkc is a fountain of stories. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of time, lol.

Decided to wait out this story. Save it for a day on vacation later this year. Then after perusing the commentary I affirmed my decision. As a bonus, all the chapters should be posted by that time. I hope. Not that I may read all of it. But I 'll make that choice. HA, Ha, Ha, ha........

AMerryman

I hope this isn't yet another RAAC story, and John finds happiness in AL. He's not happy with Sue, and I can't really blame him.

As for all the 'mentally ill and has custody?!' You'd be surprised how bad off a woman has to be before a judge will deny custody to the mother - especially if she has a really good lawyer.

is too tough a bridge to get across, best he cut ties now, but he does have a responsibility to the kids, he should at least try for more physical custody.

A bunch of Intresting albiet mostly unlikable characters so far. Will be a miracle if the rug rats can avoid getting messed up by the dysfunctional adults around them.

Hate to shit on your parade but in my field one of the secrets is that antidepressants do not work. In fact they can make an acute period of depression into clinical and on going depression. SSRi are noted for an after effect. Suicidal thoughts and homicidal fantasies. In fact most of the mass killers have been on an SSRI before the shooting. I have seen our treatment of depression be so bad. Let me tell you about the wife of a really good friend. There was an ethical issue about me seeing her. She had doubts because I use different tools other than pharmaceuticals. Things like Omega 3, Vitamin D3, SAMe and a few other. Even mainstream practioners know exercise is a treatment but if they are depressed they do not have the energy to do so. This young woman was clinical depressed with psychotic episodes. Part of the episodes is that she would think there were bugs under her skin on her face. She would pick at her skin to get them our leaving her face with deep scratches. She went through several programs both outpatient and inpatient. She was prescribed many antidepressants and other drugs used to treat other conditions but were ok for off model treatment of depression. She lost a high paying executive position. She lost a few at places like Walmart. Finally, she was pulled over by a state trooper, tested, arrested for DUI only it was a drug other than alcohol. It was one of the drugs she had been prescribed for her depression. Self medication at its worst. Now she is the system. Got an idiot of a judge and a fool of a ADA. Fined. Jailed. Her expenses were do great for her previous treatments that even at 65,000 a year my friend could not pay. Lost one more job by failing drug test. Got another but because she failed the random drug test had to go to jail again. Had to serve on none work days. After all this and 9 years my friend finally convinced himself he could not help and he morally was ok to seek divorce. And custody of a 12 yr old boy. SHe had never been unfaithful sexually. But she hid the DUI as long as possible. The drug addiction. She had been verbally abusive and had tried to hit him with bats and brooms etc. No sex for 7 years. Folks drug therapy for depression and other mental illnesses are mostly a failure and if successful they cause other problems. I have acquaintances who are statisticians who made a good living working p[art time for large pharmaceutical co. to massage data so the companies could show a significant difference where one did not exist. The FDA would then approve the drug. So the drugs do not work.

hackneyed abuse of bipolar excuse. no more chapters needed it's going to end badly no matter how it ends.

The Scientology page is up and to the right... Looks like you took a wrong turn.

It's not real life people. Just a story. Even if it's written about actual people, it's been modified to the authors use. If you want reality, step away from the computer and go live it. BUT if you want some thing to read to entertain yourself with...

You do write some wacko melodramatic nonsense. Not erotic at all.

No logic, no consistency, no character integrity required. You can have Susan say and do Anything you want to further your plot and claim, well, she's just crazy. An experienced police officer has some knowledge and experience with mental dysfunction, and knows when to fold 'em, and when to run. If Susan has got money John should guilt trip Susan's mother to have Susan declared mentally incompetent and have herself appointed as a trustee for the children. John should agree to a schedule of visits to help with Susan's treatment, providing Susan relinquishes custody of the kids to Susan's mother. You can figure out the details.

Just remember, reading about the sexual exploits of a mentally ill person is not only not erotic, it is perverted and cruel. Don't go there. Rating is pending till I see the completed story.

I like the story so far. Susan pretty much burned all bridges. I am interested to see where this can go. *****

Can't wait for the next chapter.

for the RAAC you seem to be planning.

Also...where the hell are his parents now? His mother in law apologizes, but his own mother doesn't?

Too much story not enough sex.

Eventually she will decide that she is 'all better' and stop taking her meds, they do have some very unpleasant side effects.

Of course when she does she will go back to uncontrolled bi-polar, and it is unlikely that she will tell anyone that she has stopped taking the meds.

Every person I have known that was diagnosed as bi-polar has cycled through this several times.

Living with a bi-polar person can be like building a house over an unexploded bomb.

The saying "It'll all end in tears" comes to mind.

ch 02 not needed

....but I can't help but feel at least two of them were intentional. Sort of allows us to relate to how his life has gone south.

While not entirely an original storyline, I'm enjoying this treatment of it at least as much as the best one before it. Guy was a contractor...anyway, I'm looking forward to the next installment and appreciate how you treat the police connection with enough information to feel real, but not trying to delve into procedure and all the detail the insiders use to fill out their stories. I say this, because obviously we are outside observers, not members of a Tac unit or military battle veterans (mostly). So the distant view, just slightly out of focus or slightly in the background is far more suitable and genuine. Citizens see the uniforms, see the military bearing of TACOPs teams and that's about it. Much more detail than that and the writer undermines his own story. Anyway, so far, so good.....I'd go so far as to say, "Just right". Those with police and/or military background may disagree, but then, they are not observers, rather, they are participants....insiders, that have every right to expect accuracy and precision in stories detailing that POV. This isn't one of them. This is a story about one of them, told to the rest of us.

So....thank you.

only in fairy tales does love ever work out. TK U MLJ LV NV

“Maybe even my own Mom was on Susan's side.” – Frankly, I would demand either 100% support or zero family time from my parents!

“Mom hasn't been happy for a long, long time - since you went away and left us." – TELL HER! Tell her that YOU didn’t go away, that their mother threw you out! I don't CARE that he's too tired or whatever; this was the perfect opening, that might not come again!

It "might" help with your "non" cheating WHORE wife apologist readers ( the non mental midget - left coast loser crowd) if you would stop berating and emasculating your male characters/leads (husbands/boyfriends/anyone with a penis) and attempt to portray them/him as something more than limp dick, cuckold, losers.

Understand this point of view is out of character for you BUT it would help add needed balance and would improve your scores (not that you "seem" to care at this point). Just a thought as you submit future stories.

Thanks,

A reader who is "trying" to "like" your submissions.

A successful writer once wrote "never write anything the readers will skip past." This story violates the hell out of that rule! This is an erotic site. There is nothing erotic about this story. Doesn't belong here. I voted 2*.

I enjoyed this story. Off to the next chapter.

You know mental illness does not justify lack of respect. It seems everyone disrespected John and I can see how he lost the love for his crazy cheating wife. He had to move. Let's see if he reconnects with the kids.

Good guy gets the damn shaft, happens more often than not. The poor guy should have gotten a bit more support from the legal system though if only because of his work. Surely someone would have asked for a mental evaluation of the wife, at least if they were worth the money spent getting their law degree.

Support from the legal system? For a husband? Obviously you've never been divorced. You're lower than a turd on the ground to the "legal" system.

@ author 4*

Write you're own story don't listen to the haters

Just starting the story and I cannot tell who the dialog and action is suppose to belong to. If you have two or three characters in a conversation then each line of dialogue has to be identified with who spoke it. Especially when a character is first introduced and the author is trying to establish that characters "personality" to the reader. I won't give you a low rating I'll just move along. anonjerry

No, except on this site, women don't turn into fucking whores and go against ever fiber in their body because they are bi-polar. Isn't it so convenient that your wife's bi-polar issues only came out in her sex life... all else is ok, job, family, children... all normal behavior, but a complete mental breakdown for the one sexual aspect of her life. Snooze. It's a boring and extremely over-used, lazy writing tool to bring into a story like this. It makes me lose ALL interest in what happens.

A really good Loving Wife story. Not being bipolar educated myself, I can't comment intelligently on that subject, but drugs and the brain's chemistry can do some crazy things, it's plausible.

DHL

Kinda puzzled. Read like a newspaper article sprinkled with dialogue. Started in the middle, went back and forth...and hardest of all, nobody I gave a shit about. Why should I keep reading?

Love it.

Too true not to be personal.

ass for marrying her.

Another man who married for the wrong reason.

Go back to the beginning of this story. After Susan had Abby she had her tubes tied,

why would she be taking birth control pills?

gaping plot holes.

The captain and Brad showed up when Suzy called saying she was being beaten. The author clearly states that they saw no bruising or evidence of a beating. He could have gotten sworn statements from them proving that she had a history of lying about physical abuse that was supported by TWO sworn law enforcement officers.

That would have put a huge dent in her ability to get a restraining order. He then could have taken a polygraph. That might not be admissible in court, but coupled with the statement by the captain and Brad, would have shut up all of his detractors and would have shown Suzy to be nuts or a liar.

Then he gets shot by the man who is married to his ex-wife? No one is suspicious of that and he's still the bad guy?

Did the Police check Susan for evidence of abuse? Did she hurt herself to prove abuse? John gave up too easily... Also, did Jacks body cam show intentional shooting of John??

If you are reading this.. it doesn't get better. And because Bebop already pointed out the chunnel sized plot holes, I don't need to

10th comment in more than 6 years ago - bi-polar women do act as described. And they tend to be crazy sexually when young and when menopausal often with mostly normal behavior in between.

Wait how did the wife get him in trouble for abuse? Never before reported. No domestic disturbance calls. No hospital or doctor visits for cuts, bruises or fractures. No video evidence. The Captain and Brandon show up, not Jack. There will be paperwork showing no damage, no injury. She might get a temporary restraining order. So what? Woukd be easy to overturn with a decent lawyer. She might try to manufacture evidence later. The verbs testimony of her mother and sister will mean crap. How dies CPS get so easily involved? Ok older kid seems coached. She is what 11 or 12? Send her to court ordered psychologist and your own private one. Stories will be inconsistent under questioning. Psychologists see that crap all the time. They can winniw out the obvious ones. He gets his own psych report: no PTSD. He is a decorated police officer. How does he lose everything instantly? Balderdash. Meanwhile bipolar is serious, can explain all her bs, and no it will never get fixed, just managed.