All Comments on 'Spirit, Squared'

That was so HOT! Thanks for a great tale!

This story is very hard for me to rate. It the start before the sex cheerleading and responsibility mattered. Good start, a premise I haven't read before.The sex is hot, Great job there. I'd love to give you a 5 for this, but the ending just breaks everything. It doesn't fit the start of the story or the character's dialog. Even if you only wrote as far as getting them on the bus in the morning , that would make this so much more readable. As is the ending just rams to a stop.

@Anonymous: You know, that’s a very astute and helpful comment. The introduction of the characters kinda wrote itself and felt organic coming out at me - I don’t write long stories so I hope to paint a clear picture of characters with a few deft strokes. I spent more time honing that part till it felt right, and concerned myself more with mechanics for the latter parts of the story. But painting those strokes (hopefully successfully), making you care about the characters, means I need to serve them better at the end. I *was* a little concerned about my “riding into the sunset, orgasming over and over ending” ending, and tried to finesse it, but maybe it ended up becoming vague and generalized. Could explain why this story has a lower 4ish rating right out of the gate and why I didn’t earn the Hot tag for this one. The sex being good can carry a lot, but the audience here considers character arc and satisfaction a major factor in what “hot” is. I will consider that, and my endings, more in my next stories! Thanks for the comment.

@evrtxn: On the other hand, unreserved praise is lovely! I’m glad when my fantasies hit their mark with readers.

Nice writing, very hot. Would love to read some stories with more depth by you!

@LCDRformat: Thanks! Much appreciated. I remember the last time we had a brief conversation was a couple of years ago about both our zero gravity lesbian sex stories - I greatly admired the naturalistic and relatable depth and character detail of your story. I went back and re-read the ending of mine, Zero-G Bliss, and you know, like this story, it also has a “riding off into the sunset, more sex happens which I won’t describe” kind of ending (see my reply to Anonymous on this story, earlier). It also missed a Hot tag and I chalked it up at the time to the editors not thinking sci-fi sex was hot. But now I am seeing, and agreeing, the depth should be a solid anchor to the sex, including at the endings. More post-sex conclusion that continues and resolves character development. Also, if you mean writing longer stories or series where more plot happens rather than just set up to one sex session… yeah, I’m working up to it! Slowly!

Awesome story. Love The Expanse reference. Read that you are fan in another story.

I have to say, the way you describe your sex scenes is exceptional. I'm kinda jealous, to be honest -- I get stuck on mine pretty often. I feel like there are only so many ways you can describe someone eating someone else out, but you make it seem easy.

I'd also love to see more in depth stories about your characters and their relationships, too, though I definitely get an idea of it in your writing already. After reading this story, I pictured Beth & her roommates in bed discussing their sexual conquests, for example.

At any rate, keep it up! Your stories are worth the wait.

OMG I'm such a dumb bunny. I just figured out (or I forgot) that the Hot tag has nothing to do with the editor/approver awarding it to me. I think it's simply any story that is rated above 4.5 stars. This story has just crossed that threshold (and hopefully stays there, keep rating it please!) and gained the Hot tag. I completely misunderstood how that tag works, oops!

@FredDrapson: Thanks for the love! And I'm so disappointed that The Expanse TV series ended so perfunctorily. You'd think with all that money laying around, Jeff Bezos would just keep bankrolling his nerdy fandom for the rest of us, on Amazon Prime.

@AltUAuthor: Thank you for the kind words! And yes, I've got a few more solid treatments for what I'm thinking of in my head as my unofficial "comma" series - standalones in structure, but if you are paying attention, have recurring characters. I think Jenn is up next for an adventure of her own. Beth, Jenn, Ashley, Alex, and now Allie, Cynthia and Emma, will all reappear, I think - I'm just starting to fall in love with each of these characters so much, and my fantasies for them are starting to coalesce.