All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 11 - The End'

Sorry I can't give 10 stars.

Windy but good story.

Would have rathered MC ended up by himself than with Kathy.

Well, Gary ditched the bitch....what else could he do? In Peggy, you created an extremely unappealing self-entitled character, whose cold and unemotional dismissal of her marriage partner and her blinding loyalty to her own opinionated dreams of "making history" could well be described as reptillian. I don't know about future contraception injections....maybe a radical hysterectomy will make her "pregnant-proof" for the fucking Mars mission. While I don't have the level of upsetment with your many pages of dialog that other readers have presented, I do have to say that you definitely over-relied on it as the primary vehicle for character development and plot action. In those monologues from Gary, the language used was often very wordy and almost florid. This inflicted damage upon a reader's interpretation of Gary's character, rendering him as a whiny cuckold wimp in the eyes of several commentators.

Well, way too many parts for just telling us that Peggy didnt love Gary. And that Gary likes to kill himself by a thousand cuts.

This story seems to belong to a new genre for erotic stories: the "psycho-cucking". The perfect recipe is: 80% psycho-cuck-cheating dialogues, 10% free inconsistent plot , 10% sex. And of course it has to be a big RAAC, weakly hidden under tons of psycho-manipulative dialogues throughout the story, trying to make normally acceptable the unbalanced cheating-cuck relationship. In this story, the wife was a narcissistic cheating bitch since from the start and the "always supporting" husband an unbelievable cuck idiot, certainly not an hero, nor a white knight that saved the lady. Just a simple RAAC cuck-story dressed with a little drama and a huge amount of psycho manipulative dialogues. Not good at all.

Way too long and too much crap to get to the end.

I’m disappointed in the inevitable. To me, it’s a sad Femdom agitprop story despite the HEA. The writing has improved over the series, but the Romance-style repetition is not for me. The author knows how to build tension. It’s over and I am still in knots.

much like this author I intend to be brief, and straight to the point, without any extraneous fluff to muddy the waters of my circumspect and laser focused critique, and lord knows I would NOT want to repetitively repeat myself ad nauseum, nor seek to impress all with my blindingly erudite masterly of elucidation, for needlessly filling filler seem needless, therefor let me express that . . .

;

much like this author I intend to be brief, and straight to the point, without any extraneous fluff to muddy the waters of my circumspect and laser focused critique, and lord knows I would NOT want to repetitively repeat myself ad nauseum, nor seek to impress all with my blindingly erudite masterly of elucidation, for needlessly filling filler seem needless, therefor let me express that . . .

;

much like this author I intend to be brief, and straight to the point, without any extraneous fluff to muddy the waters of my circumspect and laser focused critique, and lord knows I would NOT want to repetitively repeat myself ad nauseum, nor seek to impress all with my blindingly erudite masterly of elucidation, for needlessly filling filler seem needless, therefor let me express that . . .

;

much like this author I intend to be brief, and straight to the point, without any extraneous fluff to muddy the waters of my circumspect and laser focused critique, and lord knows I would NOT want to repetitively repeat myself ad nauseum, nor seek to impress all with my blindingly erudite masterly of elucidation, for needlessly filling filler seem needless, therefor let me express that . . .

;

4 stars, but only for the happy ending and kids in this part. The overall story is deeply disappointing, not in quality (it's decent work) but in the idea. It's literally insane to continue loving a cheating piece of shit who doesn't love you nearly as much. Vows or no vows. She broke the vows, so forget them. She doesn't love you, you stop loving her. Simple. Anything else is stupid mental pathology that needs a therapist, not a paen glorifying your idiotic sacrifice.

I love how ambitious this was.

First off I would like to apologize for the harsh comments after Chapter 1..you delivered on your promise and finished the epic endeavor. As far as the story goes I think you did a wonderful job overall so thank you for this supreme effort ...5 stars!

Hallelujah!!! The fat lady is finally singing. Stick a fork in this bitch.

Sweetie is depicted as super-genius … and as a heavy-horny young lady. That is not a cute sidelight. Her sex-drive is integral to her marriage, her work in the Space Station, and most of this story! So, zip in her farewell to her marriage and her advanced work towards Mars occupancy. Two to four sentences within a 2 year post-commitment to work span, that could have been clean up that central aspect. She finds a group of horn-dogs in a roughly equivalent work on Mars prep, who are also workaholics. They ‘help’ each other out on an ‘whenever’ basis, colleagues with benefits. No attachment beyond the flesh.

Addendum … A couple of sentences would probably cover this chapter and the previous.

“Peg, your work is very important to the spread of humankind in the Solar System. Mine is not, and our children would likely have been geniuses, but not at your magnitude of contribution. Adios, and you know it is your main love.”

4* a very serious writing effort. An editor would have shortened this by 5- 10 fold.

Lol, one of few stories where an alien popping in would be most realistic part of story.

I enjoyed your story, but at times it felt like running an uphill marathon in the mud. I had to force myself through so much repeating dialogue. Entirely too laborious to make this a truly masterful work.

You're a skilled writer, but have a lot to learn about story telling.

5 stars for the effort.

One page #1 Peg a narcississitic Astronaut owned and married to her NASA career. 30 billion pointless words of angst filled garbage later, she still was at the end. I suppose we should all feel happy the AUTHOR finally got bored after 11 parts?

Do I get an award for reading this? Sure feels like I should

After coming back to this convoluted mess, I strongly suggest you read Hemingway in general and specifically a short story called “ Hills Like White Elephants.” I have used this one for years as an example of packing multiple levels of content in a bare bones tale. Hemingway would write the initial tale and strip and hack and pare the story body down to bare skeleton. Then he would discard bones ligaments etc until a book of meaning was packed into 3 or 4 pages.

Read that tale and read some of the commentary. Then start the difficult process of pruning your excess verbiage down to the barest skeletal remains. Hills Like White Elephants is a good starting point in your long journey towards content rich brevity.

I really think this could be a really outstanding 2-3 episode tale with a proper complete rewrite.

The author already made a short story in just 750 words: "Getting It Wrong", that got the same negative feedback, since it was trying to make normally acceptable the weak submissive cuck behaviour of an husband when confronted to a cheating wife. So, the big problem here, is not the verbosity (that is one problem) but the cheating-cuck theme weakly hidden inside a story not properly tagged.

Another problem with this long story is that the wife didn't just chose her job over her husband, she chose to lie and cheat over her husband multiple times for many months and that the husband behaviour was that of an unrealistic submissive cuck idiot guy. There are millions people around the world that really love their job, for which they would do anything, but that never can justify and make acceptable the betrayal inside a marriage. The line of "she loved so much her job" is just a blatant excuse to hide a totally different problem: her cheating.

There was a great story here that was unfortunately buried in a mass of unimportant verbosity. I agree with the many other commentators who have complained that the story was too long, not because the story had so many words, but because there was so little substantive in those words. We saw the same details repeated ad nauseam that added nothing to the story but words which the readers had to plow through.

I also thought that Kathy was a distraction. It added a "too good to be true" element, but the real story was the failed marriage, and it would have been better I think to have that isolated rather than have Peg and Kathy competing with each other.

For a story that has so many readers complaining about the amount of verbiage it sound as if many of them enjoyed the story. Could it be shortened? Did it grab the reader's attention? Yes to both questions. I still have questions about Peg's position with NASA so maybe I'll be reading some or even all of this again. I might skip some parts but hopefully I will get the answers still in my storyline.

On to stories where this man as yet to read. Engage!

Absolute rubbish horrible people, week husband total cuckoldery regardless of the ridiculous explanations of why the space slut did all the stuff. Stayed with it speed jump reading because it became one of those films that are so bd you have to see the end.

I didn't comment on each part, as I really wanted to complete what I think was a great piece of work... I see so many of the commentators are anonymous, and I tend to look at what they say, but most times I don't agree with them.

Taken in totality, the detail was needed in order to explain some very complex human interactions and motivations.

I'll confess here that I laughed out loud at the spanking - and neutering - of the cosmonaut and the Russian plot to discredit the American space community with the cooperation of a 'bent' member of the medical team. I also felt the pain of Gary as he tried to protect a wife who took advantage of his love.

The "happy ending" with Kathy may have been just a touch formulaic, but just a touch IMHO.

There were two Loving Wives in this story... and I think Gary was able to make Peg understand what she truly loved before he found HIS true Loving Wife... Kathy.

Very nicely done... 5 stars from here.

Great story. Read the entire series. Not realistic by husband. Disappointed with his response to her. But rallied in the end. All in all, enjoyed the story and was memorable

This is not a great story at all, for the many reasons explained since from the first part in hundreds of comments. Too much psycho nonsense, too much unrealistic plot, too much unrealistic and dislikable main characters. The author is a good author, but this story is a really bad story.

Why did I bother reading this, it should have been just one page long not 11 chapters.

Needs an editor with a very large pair of scissors

So disappointing the repetition was mind numbing. Why make a point once when you can dress it up with psycho babble and make it ten times. The dialogue just went on and on and on and on. The ending was telegraphed and sent to the reader by Disney railroad. You could have created St Gary in a couple of chapters three at most. I am now kicking myself why did I read this to the bitter bitter end.

Interesting premise, good start, but quickly went downhill. The same conversations are repeated every chapter, sometimes twice or more per chapter. Needless repetition makes ir so damn contrived! Could easily have been a 3-chapter story

Long and repetitive, but I did finish it.

I only pray you and Cagivagurl never co author a story.

Regards

Stiixx

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long! Not worth the time invested in even skimming it.

It was a long read (and yes, some repetitive dialogue), but I enjoyed the tragic story. The lead man was a better man than can be imagined, and he finally had a happy ending, but it's still a tragic tale for Peg, and her inability to fully love the man that loved and protected her completely. There's not much sex, but what's there is very exciting. A good story.

Try rewriting with a 10 page limit. Then try again with a 5 page limit.

Your fundamental plot, insights, and character development are all terrific. The length detracts from your points/ The length makes your characters lees interesting and diminishes the impact, the poignancy of your tale.

I liked it very much, but I agree with smmhone. I think your plot, characters, insight are really great, I enjoyed how you showed their internal and not internal dialogues covering several paths/options/reasons, . ..up to a point, I felt you got all the i's dotted but still kept going and going, somewhere around the half of your story you shortened those dialogues, but then they came back nearing the end. I think this could be one of the best stories here, with some editing. I get that you edited yourslef, and did a good enough job with that, but a second hand could help. Thanks for writing it, I really enjoyed it. And congrats on a great story.

I loved this story.

I particularly enjoyed the way you were able to separate and then define Gary's and Peg's emotions - that was exceptional in my books.

Well done.

Interesting idea. Of course being a victim of being drugged and (according to NASA after her ex husband's hail mary play) 'raped', she woukd never be put back in space. They would bury her inna desk job. Forever. Also her dream of being 'Eve' on a mission to Mars is laughable. It is a long mission with current drive propulsion, both out and back, and no way NASA will let a female astronaut get pregnant during the mission. Seriously either tubal ligation or some sort of regular supplements in food or drink, etc to prevent pregnancy. There is just no way. According to NASA, besides experiment on test animals, there has never been sex on space. It is amrisky proposition, not to mention unethical for professionals of thr highest standard. Eventually it will happen but it would be heavily monitored and guarded against for many decades. Again Interesting story idea. Sadly Peg is ultimately afflicted with some weird "higher cause" from of NPD. The fact that she woukd never fully recommit to Gary after what she out him through and woukd choose to harm him again, leaves no doubt of that diagnosis. Still a lot of repetition. Seriously long story arc. Need to really work on a tighter framework. Your sentence construction and vocabulary is excellent. But your overall structure of the story ends up seriously overweight. 4 stars for me.

I enjoyed the series. The last 2 parts were a lot crisper and more concise than the early parts. For his part, Gary should have anticipated that he’d lose his job as soon as Peg was selected for -any- mission: they all start and end in Kazakhstan using Russian vehicles and Russian pilots. Risk of being compromised was going to be an issue regardless of the crew complement. Before Peg’s mission, Gary made it clear she’d been treating him poorly; her response was to ramp-up the abuse. Giving her another year to figure out that she didn’t want to be married to anyone was too much. He really should have gotten them into couples counseling upon her return, and used those sessions to raise her self-awareness. After his trip to Germany, he could have let his in-laws know that the spousal abuse continued; and she’d need their support when he left. He didn’t need to give her a full year only to need a trick for her to realize she didn’t want to be married to anyone. You can’t care for or protect someone who doesn’t want the care or protection, and ignores every warning.

Too many words. Maybe even too many chapters. Maybe. Still a great story. Favorited.

Thoughtful, complex, no shortcuts, believable, engaging. A LOT of hard work and both deep empathy for all characters, and deep exploration of plot and character. Wow. Thank you.

A good plot line, you have about 3 extra chapters in the middle

Far too verbose. Seriously needed a good editor. Author has a good command of the English language but it has, in some ways, been less than a benefit. Not a bad story but way, way to long and repetitive.

Weak as f$#ck story! You like to repeat and write unnecessary shit, over and over.

-Man was a weak crying little girl! Love for someone who obviously didn't love him; just a man with a dress on.

-Only difference was the astronaut twist, but just another wife cheating story. And you obviously need to get help, weak as shit!

I don't like multiple series stories, however this one hooked me. I thought all of the stories in the series were very good.