All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 11 - The End'

Way too long it could have been edited in half and still be too long Because of this I give it a 3

Meh.

2 stars

Awwwww ..... .bless ...... sniff, sniff ..

(reaching for the box of tissues .......)

(Thank the Lord it's finished at last).

A 4 which could just as easily gone to a 5 or down to a 3 as it is just full of navel gazing crap on the authors part. The story line and plot were excellent and the characters developed but the repetitious verbage from the author's inability to explain anything succinctly killed / turned a 5 chapter tale into a full blown novel. For Christ's sake he took paragraphs to just have her ring her mom and say that he had proposed. In speed reading the last couple of chapters I can only recall 'Blah, blah blah and more blah" - that particular exercise left me wondering if I was really psychic as I seemed to know what the gist was before the Blah Blah Blah's content was revealed.

Are we sure that Illiterotica doesnt pay by the word (or authors stroke) count? For fuck's sake so many people just squandered a good part of their lives at the hands of this guy who is a masochistic cuckold at heart!

What happened to Peggy?

This story pissed me off read the whole thing and as long winded as it was ,the characters became annoying. The Kathy character was snake in the grass , Gary wore the cloak of supporting husband but should have taken his balls out of his pocket and showed them ,you painted peg as a week person and I had hoped a better outcome for her . She was the one character I wanted a positive outcome for also rewarding Gary for staying with her. The premise kept me reading but it was a battle as dialogue dragged on ,n, on ,n ,on. The goal seemed to be quantity rather than quality . The saying “ beating a dead horse to death” struck me when reading through this story .

All that said you created something and put it in the public forum, for that you have my respect and please continue writing

This whole wordy story explains what’s wrong in this world today. Governmental agencies thinking only of theirselves, not the people they are using to suit their goals. The constant, long winded talks between Gary and Peggy were a moronic waste of time. This story could have been cut in half! But the most important lesson from this way to long tale is that when any of the two in a marriage makes their professional life more important than their marriage, that’s just plain wrong! You are just making lawyers richer.

AMAZING story!!! Congratulations!!!

Enjoyed it greatly. You sure did torture both girls and Gary though. Friggin bureaucracies and their stupid games ruin lives every day.

Well it's finally over. Pretty much ended as most expected. One last chapter of overwriting before Peg blasts off to Mars and Gary does what we all knew he was going to do around chapter 2-3.

There's a great short story in here, somewhere. It was, unfortunately drowned in unnecessary prose. I think you're a good writer and I hope you take some of the constructive criticism to heart.

Thank you for sharing. gb

Great story, a little too much writing the the dialogue and the thoughts of the characters, hard at times to keep interested as it seamed to discuss the same things over and over. I did like the deep and thoughtful discussion going on between the characters. Thanks for writing this 5*+

Just 2 stars I'm sorry but a lot I didn't like in the story. Nothing to do with the original plot and was up to a point well written. It seemed that the least likable character (Kathy) put herself between the two of them and won. I also felt that you used a lot of psychobabble to repeat the same thing over several chapters.

The ruse with Peggy's "next" mission was the gem of the whole sordid story. I applaud you for that plot twist. My head hurts at the end and the epilogue was disjointed as hell. At T+10 years they still are just talking about children? 3*

WOW! What a great Story, What Great Writing, What a Great Effort. 5 big blazing stars even tho the story didn't end the way I had hoped. Peggy probably went on to Mars screwing some other astronaut instead of Gary. Kathy finally got what she wanted and needed. Gary had a beautiful woman in Kathy to put his life back together after having been married to the most deceitful lying and cheating bitch. Gary finally understands why he had to go thru so much Hell all because of his worthless but beautiful Peggy. Actually, this is a familiar story. Had my life not been filled with Mata Haries I would have been able to retire a decade ago very comfortably. So, this wonderful story was a story about life and how priorities rule that life. Like so many, we live under mistaken beliefs that those hidden agendas don't matter. Great effort my friend. Great effort. Even if you had condensed this story down to one single page, it wouldn't have been the same journey. Thank You #Buster2U

The ending had to go one of two ways. Either Gary found a total way back to Peggy, or he bailed out and took up Kathy's offer. The last scene with Peggy and Gary was very well written. The author's penchant for melo drama took a bit too much away from the story. It seemed the author enjoyed immersing himself in thoughts that needed to be repeated over and over again, that in itself took away from the effectiveness of the story. The saving grace of this saga was the ending seemed real. The interaction between Peggy and Gary at story's end could have been exactly what transpired when they finally agreed to break up. The epilogue had a few missteps in my opinion. Why would Kathy and Gary wait TEN years to have their first child? Seems a bit unrealistic to me. Thanks for all the work that you poured into this project. My closing advise would be that your next expose by more concise and readable in length. Good luck and congratulations on this piece!

OK, so after 25 days, 154,500 words and 46 pages we find out that Peggy is in love with NASA, Kathy is in love with her father, Gary is still a wimp and Mike married a Russian porn star. So when does this all boil down to Star Wars.

Interestingly, many astronauts are married successfully. This bitch is just not really a woman, just an astronaut.

I mean, seriously, how on Earth could a person, who has already been pharmaceutically poisoned, be all about letting the same people at her again?

Peggy was just a disappointing person. And, really, so was Gary, for supporting her cruelty for so long.

Great story. Would have been even better at half the length with half the dialogue.

Good story, even if a bit too wordy. Gary and Peggy should NEVER have gotten married. Still think the way she handled things was despicable, especially making all those decisions before discussing them with Gary.

Not a bad story, but plodded along in every chapter. Please become more concise when writing the psychology passages.

Jesus. What a load of drivel.

It could have been a goodish tale with 75% less words.

I loved this story, Emotion was wonderful. Characters were well developed. Damn what a story. Thanks and keep writing.

Now at the end I finaly realize what bothered me the most about this series. The wordiness was only a very minor thing. Throughout this long story, Gary is narrating most of the story first person, but very often would pause to dedcribe what the other characters were thinking and feeling. He would have no way to know their thoughts and feelings, unless he's telepathic or something? How would he always know what they are thinking, with so much detail. That alone really didn't resonate for me. The conflict was good and while a lot of the dialog felt like lectures, I liked the characters. Grading it as a whole, probably about a 3.5, rounding it up to a 4.

Thanks for sharing.

I'm normally for dialogue but I think this was over the top. I get he tried to make her see on her own but probably could've done it with less. Otherwise great ending and finally someone who learned to find their happiness w/o the spouse who wronged them.

What a pathetic bullshit!

What I said is confirmed now: This was a story for a maximum of two chapters! It's enough to read chapter 1 and this one!

11 chapters, an abominable amount of meandering sentences... word vomit after word vomit... the MC moving round and round and never finding a path...

I can witnout any doubt rate this epic disaster as one of the worst LW i have ever read in 12 years! The writer has an exaggerated opinion of his writing abilities and the added condescending attitude of I Know Best!

Surely a blind and deaf writer could also have seen the writing on the wall after the comments and overwhelming feedback he was receiving from alomost every tom dick and harry... and it all spelt in black bold size 72 font.... please cut down on the verbosity and get down to the meat!

And after 11 of these tortourous chapters..the story finally ground down not with a blast but a fizzle... like the German last offensive in the Arddennes !

Truely a grade 1 disaster!

Thank god you got to the end - this could have been achieved in three chapters instead of 11!!

I can't believe I am the only one left reading your story. I did enjoy it accepting it was fiction and was posted for my enjoyment. Thank you for having the fortitude to post.

Finally! Glad that’s over!

The story had good bones, but you really need to find yourself an editor. Many pages were wasted by the characters saying the same thing over and over again, plus the dialogue was very stilted. Realistically, this story probably could have been three chapters shorter, and more impactful.

And finally here we are, the end of this long tormented psycho voyage in the land of wonders. The particular recipe of this story seems to be: 80% psycho-dialogues, 10% free plot (drama, espionage, adventure, revenge,...), 10% dirty sex mostly for the happy ending. Too many unrealistic behaviours for the thee main characters, too much behaving like immature teenagers than professionals with high responsibilities in their job. Certainly this simple story didn't need 11 long chapters filled with useless psychological introspection blended with low narcissistic manipulative dialogues. The worst character has certainly been the flat childish husband. And flat is the final word for this story.

Very good , kinda figured the ending . It could’ve been a bit more dramatic but enjoyed

Disappointing that Peggy gets off after the horrible things she did to her husband. He was definitively cuckolded and wimped for most of the chapters. Peggy was a bad person to do what she did and even though you made a case for his love for her it could never fulfill a reader's knowledge of her actions. And for Kathy to wait for him to finally decide to leave the bitch fantasy land. However the writing was terrific and compelling. Peggy should have been brought down to earth and NASA should have been suspended and those in power let go. A lot of positives but the negatives won out. 2*

Good but way, way too long

I like the fact that this was an original idea and not the same old same old. It could have been a classic, but like everyone else’s view - it was just too damn long and repetitive. I would definitely keep writing but please get yourself a quality editor.

A bit too long but we got there in the end. Good story.

What a poor ending. I already told you in chapter two that the cuckold would win the consolation prize and get to marry Kathy. Fortunately, the agency proved that it works and sent the wimp into the desert. For me it will remain inexplicable how a man, even in a fantasy story, can humble himself so much that he acts like your protagonist. Why did he spare NASA and his slut wife the shame of having to admit they failed? NASA preparing for the mission and the slut as a cheater? 1*!

The story is amazing. The original idea is awesome, including the twist in the last chapter where Peggy is made to recognize her first love. I also enjoyed the detailed illustration of everybody's feelings at every turn, at every step of the story. I could never write something this elaborate so I certainly respect and appreciate all the effort and talent the author has shown, even if sometimes it seemed a little long. The author writes really well and expresses himself very clearly...the language is great and I never found myself wondering "who is he talking about" or "what just happened"? I admit I was waiting everyday to read the next chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Amazing work.

Chapter 11... so my 11th 1 star rating. Spallation? You really don't need to wonder why people walk away while you are talking. Your droning on and on and on has spalled their attention.

Blown away, even with my short attention span.

Gary was a man among men, giving way more than he should. Or he was a tremendous masochist.

However, the counselors would say he needed to properly mourn the death of his marriage before moving on to another serious relationship. Rebounds are mostly difficult. Granted, some of this was done in-place. It was fun to read a female having difficulty 'keeping it in her pants'.

You have a gift for writing interaction. I'd be happy to read your next story. And the one after that.

Ignore the personal insults - they seem to be the price of doing business here.

So after 11 chapters it’s all over bar the shouting and what are we left with? Well it’s probably best described as a trashy mills & boon or hallmark novella and at its worst a trashy mills & boon or hallmark novella.

When you dismiss the interminable angst, the self pitying internal monologue and the frankly superfluous navel gazing what is left is at most a 2/3 chapter story about an extremely selfish woman and an equally foolish man.

The author seems to base his style on the ‘why use one word when a thousand would do’ storytelling method.

As with Happy Hollowdays the MC is now in line for beatification upon his passing, because every time Gary spoke I swear I could hear the hushed tones of The Choir Invisible singing Hallelujah, if he plays his cards right he could be looking at a living sainthood.

Just sayin.

Finally! The long slog is over 🥵

.

Could spend tons of words describing how insipid and inane this all was — maybe repeat it 13 times…poetic Justice, right? But why bother? Let’s just note a couple of the incoherencies that this last chapter inflicted on readers:

.

#1: so nobody was held accountable at NASA? And the slut didn’t sue them? Hell, didn’t even resign? And cuck boy was fine with all that?

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#2: Kathy reveals herself to be a truly pathetic creature who seems to liver her high school days over and over and over. And after the nuclear malfeasance on the part of NASA WRT pegs…she STILL works there?

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#3: Finally, our hero Gary. At the end of the day, this tool never really DID anything! Other than allow slut-wife to walk all over him for YEARS! The difference between what he was described as being in the first couple chapters…and what he revealed himself to be by his (in)actions throughout this interminably long mess of a morality play …. couldn’t have been more stark. Frankly, this guy was the epitome of “all hat, no cattle”.

.

During the course of this story, I came to really dislike the narcissistic Peg, but I came to detest the hand wringing, do nothing Gary. And while Kathy did not elicit such strong reactions, she was still rather pathetic.

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While the technical writing was good, there was way too much of it. And the plot was insipid and incoherent —- especially WRT the particulars of the pre, during, and post space flight —- and in the end there was nothing to root for.

.

Overall…..this was a 2 ** effort.

Thank god this is finally over, next time you think about writing another story just dont. Go into politics instead because those guys are all full of hot air like this story.....!

Nice plot line and enjoyable twists through out, just way too much extraneous verbage.

'Chopped Liver' is to be applauded for the story, the plot and the effort, and for finally running out of words. The talent was there, the imagination was there, what wasn't there was empathy for the reader, thinking we would all find the dissection of 'feelings' so entirely fascinating that we would not miss little details like 'whodunnit', why and how did they do it, and did they get theirs? Such an obvious love of words, saying essentially the same thing but in different ways, over and over, made it extremely difficult to stay 'in' the story.

As I've said before this story will go down as one of the stories with such a great potential but ends as a total flap.

This series of stories put a whole new twist on the meaning of Chapter 11. As soon as Kathy was introduced into the storyline it was pretty much given that Gary was going to end up with her. Peggy was going to turn out to be the emotionally bankrupt woman she did. And the readers patience has been bankrupted too!

Big 5 stars! It took a long time to resolve, but in the end Peg got what she wanted, although more than a little bittersweet. Gary got what he deserved with Kathy, and Kathy, well Kathy got something she never thought she would, and more. It took a long time and a lot of collateral damage to find out that Peg's true love would never sublimate itself, no matter what the human toll was. If Peg was half the man that Gary was, she would have spared him 3 years of torturous living a lie and would have left before her first shot. But life is never that cut and dried, is it? Gary and Peg and Kathy never would have experienced the soaring highs and soul shattering lows that make you appreciate life and how short it is. :DD

If I can I will go back to chapter 1 for a better understanding of the mental state of all the characters. At this time I don't support any of the three prime characters. The ending is less than clear on several point for me but I do think Gary needs to disassociate himself of any person or aspect of the NASA program or even Space X.

In the name of brevity . . . I will go on for an additional FORTY SIX PARAGRAPHS

After a good beginning I found the story very tedious. Except for a few interesting parts most of the story was bland. I ended up skimming over a lot of the story. You show promise keep writing. 3***

Fail, I cannot eloquently wrote a review so I’ll piggyback on others comments, it would have been a better story if it was half the size, your characters are wrong in so many levels, there personalities are all wrong for there jobs, no way would they have those careers with their thought process in this story. I went back and reread your stories, very wordy as others have posted. The conversations often float of being spoken and what’s there aren’t thinking.

glad I didn't read the last two chapters...

Took to long to tell a short story 3 stars

ah hell it's actually over. i must thank the comments section of this series. you've been very entertaining. so much so in fact that i entirely stopped reading the actual story after the longwinded first chapter. but you, dearest comments section, you i never missed a word of.

an enthusiastic 5 STARS !!!!! (for the comments section)

-FantasyFuqqer

Took to long to tell a short story 3 stars

Gone with the wind it's not, just way longer.

The story is a 5, and the wordiness is a 2, but I'll go a 4 overall.

As much as I enjoyed the story, I was about wiped out after the first couple of chapters. I hoped you would take the comments seriously and shorten the story. But I did stick with it even though I had already forseen the ending.

Ding Dong, The witch is dead!

I've been skimming this story hoping it would get better. Sadly, it did not.

Wow, I can't remember who said it, the quote was something along the line, if the audience figures out the punch line too soon, it won't be funny. I assume that goes the same with story telling, if the audience has figured out the end in the introduction of the story, how entertaining can it get.

Tortured prose, overwrought, repetitive storytelling. Finishing it all feeling beaten up. You need some serious help in editing down your takes.

Could have been told in a quarter of the time.

Well talk about disgustingly selfish women.

You had a good core story here of about 3 installments... 11 chapters defines the term over developed nonsense... You stretched it way too far...there really was little action...way WAY too much navel gazing psychobabble...to the point that your original decent characterizations of Gary Peggy and Kathy became simply unbelievable. Your metanarrative wandered all over the map... You kept inserting simply absurd and I mean ABSURD Deux Ex Machina off stage entrants like the Russan Rape, the NASA mole switching the drugs, the new NASA missions for Peggy....and on and on... Further you did not include any real foreshadowing whatsoever...you just created these huge plot holes...which you filled with further absurd off stage entrants. About Episode 6 most of us just stopped paying real attention and chuckled at the next Alice in Wonderland freak show entrant. Your romantic tragedy devolved rapidly into rather insipid low comedy....

Most fundamentally, the fundamental metanarrative disintegrated into chaotic nonsense about chapter 6 as you inserted on absurd off the wall illogical rabbit trail after another and we readers simply gave up trying to make ANY real sense of this mess. With that, you failed the most fundamental of all story requirements...you epically failed to convince your readers to suspend disbelief about episode 5 or so.

I would suggest you retract this mess and rework it into a tight 3 episode piece...

1 star

This reminds me of a Stan Friedberg parody of radio soap operas titled "John and Marsha". It consisted of a male and a female voice actors repeating "John.....Marsha" seemingly endlessly with different intonations, volumes, pauses, etc.

The feminist bullshit about "Peg" being the best choice for the new job is risible...yeah, the best choice just like Kara Hultgren, the female officers of the Fitzgerald, the Mommy Rangers, KJP, and Kamala Harris.

they keep talking about having children - married 10 years and still no kids. tey must be late 30's or early 40's. That window may have closed

This was as others have said, plodding and try as I did, I still skimmed certain redundant passages. Though overall I liked it and how it ended. I can't help but think that Peg lived a fairly sad life. NASA could never truly love her back, softly caress her. So she made a horrible choice for her personally to commit to her first love. Also what man in her future could deal with playing second fiddle to a bureaucracy? But at least Gary's wishy washy ass ended up where he belonged, deep in perfect Kathy, who will love him like he deserves, even if he was a indecisive clod.

As I stated before; a good idea and good plot. Just dragged out and left me wanting to shout. 'GET ON WITH IT.' Next time three chapters instead of !! please.

I wish you good luck if the doctors let you write again! It will not be easy with a force -style camisole!

WOW Great story! To bad you ruined it. You kept rehashing it until there was nothing left but mush.

Ever hear the old saw, Less is more?

Irony:

“ In the name of brevity “ partway down P2 of this final chapter, followed by a 3000 word soliloquy AFTER the endless repetition of MC’s navel gazing throughout the prior chapters.

A good story. Maybe it should have been in the science fiction genre. Humans are not going to make it to Mars. At least not in this millennium. We are going to have to recover from the nuclear conflagration that is going to happen this decade. Putting cannot lose his war and survive so he will burn down his house and ours before he will let that happen. Then it will be up to the survivors in the Antipodes to rebuild humanity here before we can reach for the stars again.

The other thing that stopped this from being a five star story was the monologues by both the MC and Kathy were far to long to be part of the intimate conversations that were supposedly happening. There would be much more interaction rather than the lengthy diatribes that were portrayed.

This story was entertaining and a lot of thought went into it nonetheless.

Hopefully you have this tome out of your system now. Wonderful story even though it is full to overflowing with psychobabble almost to the point of a step by step, intimate description of going to the bathroom.

Masterful job of parsing spousal motivation in marriage. To the persons that opine that Peggy was weak, she was not. Brilliant, committed to science, and really liked to fuck, but could Not elevate husband, and personal life over her career.

When you build a story that much/long, it shoulda had a better climax, not an anti-climax.

....As a part of an easy divorce settlement, Peggy, got a mold of Gary's big dick, that she made into a dildo, to remember Gary by, for her Mars mission. Gary got Mikes wife, (Alexis' porn pal) to provide a dildo slightly smaller than Alexis tool, and Kathy was able to swap Gary's tool for Alexis tool in Kathy's Mars luggage, for a 'small' surprise/Gag gift/prank, that Peggy finds a week past the moon. ...with a package of cucumber seeds.

...the spaceship approaches Mars, sunrise in all of gods brilliance and splendor, with the mission commander, Dimtri, fucking Peggy's brains out, and she's orgasming, calling yes, yes, fuck me Gary, Fuckkk meeee Garrrrrry!!!

When the video feed gets back to Mission control, they all Crack up, and start hi-fiving Gary who is there watching with his wife Kathy, who blushes, and suggests, since she is ovulating, that Gary take her home, so she can make him forgett what he just saw and get started on their third child.

So, I waited until this last chapter to comment….

1. You could have easily and as effectively told this same story in three chapters.

2. When a character begins narrating anther character’s thoughts, the disconnect is painful and unnecessary.

3. Avoid overdramatized and vain repetitions in your characters. Most people aren’t that way and aren’t very patient with those that are.

4. Watch for those storyline disconnects and those leaps of logic. They don’t play well in the storytelling.

5. No story worth reading goes on and on repeating the same dialogue and the same notions over and over and over and over. Move on…tell the story, then end it.

I think you have great potential, you just don’t know when to stop. You might try reading some Jack London for cues on how to write more succinctly. He was famous for it.

The Endddddd.......

After 11 overly lengthy segments, I believe that the words of MLK Jr. truly apply here: "Free at last...thank God almighty, free at last."

This story, based on real issues that can and do threaten relationships, is at base a good and compelling one. However, the over the top, cartoonish attributes of the principal players, coupled with excessive verbiage--which, at minimum, unnecessarily tripled the length of the package, detract from what could have been a very powerful work.

The occasional incorporation of aerospace terms as metaphor was clever in some earlier chapters, but by the finish were coming far too fast and thick to be anything but a distraction at best, and an outright annoyance at worst.

You've got interesting ideas, and some good wordsmithing skills. However, more words is not the key to good story telling, so please work at reining in the tendency towards bloviation.

Lots of fun and very original

Rneb, he could do that because that’s what he did for a living. Reading people was his gift and his job

There was the makings of an interesting story in the plot, unfortunately it was hammer to death by the number of words thrown so slowly at it. Nice try but unfortunately no prize. 3*.

Don't listen to all the rubbish being written about your writing abilities. Yes, it was way to long but why did I look for the next chapter each day in the Literotica list, I got to the point to look at your list of stories to see if you posted the next chapter. I loved the story and begin to understand that almost every person has the potential of the same problem if the love their job.

3*. Got better in the last two chapters, but still to reliant on excessive dialog and minimal action. And WAY too many words and too much redundancy.

Elegant, but unrealistic conclusion. MC action in Germany would not have derailed the NASA rumor mill and Peggy would still have been a liability. Open this up for alternate endings!

I'm afraid this story didn't hold my interest.

Constantly regurgitating the same arguments, discussions for thousands of words made the plot boring 😴.

Should you receive 4⭐️s for all the hard work?

Should you receive 2⭐️s because a very good four chapter story was stretched out to a boring eleven chapter slog?? 🤔

*

*

*

*

AMerryman

There may have been a story idea in here, a good one, but it was buried alive by a ton of pedantic goo that just went on and on. It isn't so much the writing is bad, it is just so verbose and long and impressed with itself it was impossible to read. It was like reading a Russian novel for pleasure....

The writing basically overwhelmed the story.

The story was good. It was a chore to find it, though, and could have been more enjoyable with about 70% less verbal dross.

Good Story, Didn't understand part of it but just skipped some complete chapters. It wasn't perfect but if Iwanted perfection I would have gone to the library not to a fuck site. Those that didn't like it FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic last chapter! Brought it all together in a very fast pacing. This is your guidepost for future work, brevity while still getting complex ideas across to the reader. You have the bones of a fine author.

thank god it's over have read it all .what a load of drivel ,fare to much repetition

MARVELOUS TALE!! Thank you.

Wrapping up: good author, bad story. Bad characters profiles and totally unrealistic plot. Even more bad was the plot mix, with about 80% of psychological analysis and manipulative tactics, that made the main characters like immature teenagers. That said, the author has certainly a good potential in writing good stories, so after this long debated psycho-drama, we can now wait for her next production with a more consistent plot mix and more coherent and believable characters.

Good story about love and relationships. I thought about O. Henry and his "Gift of the Magi" in the last chapter. As I laboriously read through it, because I detected some wisdom buried in the story, I frequently thought of Tolstoy and slogging through "War and Peace" so many years ago. This is a good piece of literature, I'm not sure Literotica is the right venue for it. 5 stars.

Ed

The only person worth a fuck in this shit show, Peggy's dad, never makes another appearance after the space walk fiasco. That tells you how totally fucked up this story became. One of the all time biggest failures on Literotica.

dude the last chapter really stressed how the preceding 3 or 44 chapter were well, wasted.

You write well, but the story was not believable at all.

If he was that in tune, wth would he wait all that time to pull th3eed plug?

And even the russians would not have pulled a stunt like that, and germany or no, she would never be allowed at nasa again.

But then she would never have been allowed on the flight in the first place.

again you write well, but try not to go to far into fantasy again.

This would have been better as a 750 word story.

I skimmed through this story reading a little here and there, then read the ending. I think you had a great story but Gary drones on, and on, it’s simply too much.

njlauren states it probably better than I can. Thanks KS

Peggy was shallow, Gary was a powerfully emotional man, Kathy was really the hot lover he needed, being an astronaut is tough on one’s love life (but that is not much different from military spouses, is it?), some folks are married to their job, and every one can find happiness once properly paired. Great story idea, great plot line, colorful characters and Alexi the villain was properly put in his place, AND someday when Peggy can no longer travel to space she will wistfully wonder if she made the right life choice. Eliminate the redundant dialog and thought processes and it will be perfection, and might make a good movie. I’d watch!

Thanks for writing! And writing again!

Superfluous Analysis Paralysis. Reads like a cross between the Pilots Guide and Advanced Psychology. I did like the story line and it's well written.

Lol Gary should run for office and defund Peggys program.

It's mind blowing that there's 1.3 active duty service members that regularly have to leave home for months at a time. About half of them are married. The vast majority of them can keep their legs closed. This isn't some insurmountable obstacle and they're all able to pull this off just fine.

Peggy admitted she was married to NASA. But that wasn't the issue at all was it? That's not even necessarily a bad thing as there's countless couples like this. Nor was the issue wasn't that she was leaving for months on end. The issue was she couldn't keep her legs shut. That's really what all of this boils down to. Yeah her making unilateral decisions is still really bad but provided she could manage not to cheat these decisions would have been the same ones they would have made as a couple. Psycho analyze in circles all you want but the issue was that she was unfaithful.