Star Trek Enterprise Bk. 04 - Family Ch. 02

'Where was Danaë' quickly became the most common question in Picard's life while raising that girl, but even more so after she ran away from the academy. It had been the question on his mind when Q had spirited him away to Archer IV and allowed him to glimpse into her life. Of course at this point in his life it was difficult not to wonder about all the things that might have been. He was retired, living in La Barre with his widowed sister-in-law and had little to do except tend the vineyards and pet 'number One', his loyal pit bull. The night time was always the worst.

"What are you thinking about, Jean-Luc?" Marie asked, watching him stare out of the window at the stars in the night sky.

"I was thinking about Solenne."

"Oh," his sister-in-law said, forcing herself to smile. Over the years she had become quite skilled at this trick and made it look natural. She had known him for ages and when he had returned to La Barre for retirement she had helped care for him. Irumodic Syndrome was slowly eating away at him and although he was physically in good health, he was forgetful, easy to anger when questioned and often repeated the same stories of the past. His memories of Cmdr. Solenne Bennet was a particular favorite. She came the closest of any woman to marrying the former captain and only Beverly Crusher and Guinan knew that he had had the ring on him the night he discovered she had left. After that he never really spoke of her to anyone, even after their daughter, Danaë, came to live with him. Marie could only assume she figured so largely in his recollection because he missed his daughter and regretted how it had ended between him and Solenne. "I suppose even after so many years the ghosts of our past still have a way of haunting our recollections."

Marie wished her brother-in-law would accept that his daughter was gone, probably dead. Fallen off a cliff somewhere,drowned in the ocean... who knows. The retired admiral used to occasionally have Starfleet scan Earth to verify she was alive which was easy enough. A few days after contacting Lotte Bennet and sending her on what she believed was a pointless mission, all traces of Danaë had disappeared. Like Jean-Luc, she was stubborn, seldom listened and had a way of taking risks that were often foolish. The latter resembled her father in his youth rather than the man he was in his nineties. To Marie, it was only logical that the girl's disappearance was no doubt because of her death. She too had lost a child and she knew there was no greater pain in the world but denying it or burying yourself in a fairytale about what happened to them, would never stop the pain.

"Over the years I have been able to push aside her memory and even forget about her, but from time to time she creeps back and I can feel her with me," he explained. Marie would be the first to agree with that statement and always suspected it as one of many reasons why his relationship with Beverly never worked. "When Danaë was growing up there were times she would look at me and I would see Solenne's face. She asked me many times about her mother and I always refused to tell her anything because I didn't want her to cling to a ghost. When Lwaxana Troi suggested taking her to see her mother on the holodeck I told her no in no uncertain terms. When she tried to anyway, I was incensed. Losing her mother at four, then moving to a whole new ship with all new people, not to mention discovering and meeting me for the first time... it was a difficult time... for both of us. The last thing Danaë or I needed was for her to think she could simply run off to the holodeck when she didn't like what I told her," he sighed. "I was wrong... she needed her mother."

"You did the best you could, Jean-Luc. No parent is perfect. I can think of a thousand things I should have done with Rene."

"Now I can't even-" he stopped, not wanting to think about it especially considering where they were going. Yes he had sent Danaë's Aunt Lotte to take certain items to her so she would have them before disappearing forever, but he still harbored doubts that it was successful. He hadn't heard from Lotte and he was afraid he had lost his chance for reconciliation forever. It would not be the first time. He and his own father had remained distant and it had nearly been that way with Solenne as well. With her he had at least been given a chance to make things right. "Did I ever mention how Solenne died?" He suddenly turned and looked at his sister-in-law, genuinely uncertain whether he had or not. With so many years of close friendship, and more, it was hard to remember every conversation.

"Yes." she whispered to herself. She knew her reply would make no difference, he would tell it anyway if only to exorcise her ghost from his memory.

"It was a bite from an apep." Picard's eyes looked past his sister-in-law as he remembered the briefing he was given by the doctor upon his arrival at the Regula 16 space station. Marie had heard of those creatures before, but had never seen one. They were snake-like creatures with a bite full of deadly venom. Native to the planet Ayaka, it preferred to stay hidden in the foliage and only struck when it felt threatened. It seemed that someone seeking revenge against Solenne as well as Picard had managed to catch one and release it in the commander's quarters. She spotted its teal and yellow body slithering towards Danaë and as fast as she could she took hold of her child and yanked her out of the way. Unfortunately in the same instant the creature had lashed out and bit her on the leg. She still managed to grab a phaser and kill it before it could hurt anyone else, but the damage was done.

When the Enterprise-C arrived at the space station Picard had fully expected to learn that she had died, but to his surprise she was still holding on. As they led him to sickbay they briefed him on her condition, but none of it prepared him for what he saw when he got there. Her face and body was thin and emaciated to the point of resembling a corpse. Her blue eyes were so badly bloodshot the areas that were normally white, were a bright scarlet. A soft blue scarf was gathered and tied over her head in an attempt to hide all the large bald patches where her hair had fallen out in clumps. Her breathing was haggard and wheezy. As Picard sat down on the edge of her bed, she stared at him for a moment as though she wasn't quite sure who he was then, slowly a smile spread across her face.

"Jean-Luc." she said in a whispered voice. "You're really here."

"Of course I am. I came as soon as I heard," he answered, trying to look cheerful as he took her hand in his. It felt so small and although she tried to squeeze him, there was little strength.

"T-there's something I have to tell you. I-I should have told you a long time ago." Despite her lack of strength she was getting agitated and it was making it harder for her to breathe. "I-I t-tried m-m-more than... more than once..."

"Shhhhhhhh, I know about Danaë," he assured her. "Lotte told me."

"I-I started to contact you l-last year but they told me you were dead, t-that the Borg..."She stopped for a moment trying to catch her breath as best she could. "T-then Lotte said you were rescued and... and I-I was afraid..."

"You were unsure if I would still be me or a different man because of the Borgs influence," He couldn't fault her for her fear. It had been a full year since the incident and he still had moments of uncertainty himself.

"I-I need you to forgive me for not telling you sooner. I-I always w-wanted to."

"I know, and there is nothing to forgive. I should have listened to you that day at Starfleet Headquarters, but I was too hurt and angry. I hope you can forgive me."

"I did a long time ago, Jean-luc." Hearing this he kissed her hand, then as he lowered it she placed her other one on top of them. "P-promise me something."

"If it is within my power."

"I-I want Danaë to go with you. I-I want you to raise her a-and protect her for me." Seeing the earnestness in her eyes he couldn't help but nod and assure her that he would. Now that she had his word her body relaxed and she seemed more at ease. "She's so much like you. So much like you."

After that she closed her eyes and slipped into what Picard believed would only be a nap, but she never woke up again. He stayed at her side as she slept until the morning when her heart finally ceased its beating and she was pronounced dead. Afterward he was offered the chance to go to Solenne's quarters and meet his daughter, but he declined. He had never been comfortable around children and had no idea how to tell her that her mother wasn't coming back. There was also the matter of verifying that the girl was indeed his, not that he doubted Solenne's assertions.

Upon his return to the Enterprise, Picard sent Dr. Crusher to verify the child's genetics while they loaded the casket bearing Solenne's body onto the vessel so it could be taken back to Earth. Once that was completed he requested Counselor Troi go over to the station and break the news to Danaë then bring her and her belongings over to him. He could still remember vividly that look of fear and uncertainty on her small face as she looked into his for the first. He had felt the exact same thing when he first saw her.

As he reminisced, Jean-Luc Picard was beginning to feel as though he were rambling and he had no wish to do that. Nor was he trying to gain sympathy from Marie. No, he simply wanted to give voice to his fear. He had managed to reconcile with Solenne in the last moments of her life, but he was afraid he would never get the chance with Danaë. What he wanted was to visit the planet Archer IV and visit her grave. It was the closest thing to visiting Danaë he had. The problem was that Marie did not believe his story that she had been taken to the past. After Q had revealed it all to him, they had argued more than once about whether it was true or not. His sister-in-law didn't believe there was a 'Q' but rather, the imaginings of a mind succumbing to Irumodic Syndrome. The look of pity in her eyes and her doubt always infuriated him. He wasn't mad... not yet.

"I sent a message to Geordi. I'm hoping he will allow me to board and tour the NX-01."

"Jean-Luc..." she tried to break in but he didn't even notice.

"Will has agreed to take me there and to Archer IV to visit her grave..."

"When will you finally accept..."

"I need to see them, Marie. It's the world she once walked in and inhabited. I need to touch it. The records of her life and experiences have been either erased or locked away behind encryption that no one has even heard of before. That ship... and her tomb on Archer IV are all that's left. Whether you believe what I'm telling you or not, I need to do this. It's the only closure I will ever have."