All Comments on 'Starware Apocalypse'

Needs better editing, halfway through the first page his name changes from Tim to Eli

Definitely a different story. Good and imaginative. Good job not spending too much time on the post apocalyptic description. Most everyone has a picture of what it would be like so no need to go into detail there. The “sex scenes” need to be fleshed out more (pun intended). The main character, be it Tim or Eli, has all the time in the world, as do you, to be descriptive. The guy has 3 porn star robots, get more detailed. I know it can be an adrenaline rush to get the first story posted, but take your time.

I like the universe you are building. Seemed unbelievable in the beginning but you did a nice bit of world building in three pages.

Please do continue. Also do post on storiesonline + find a good editor to help you keep going.

Look forward to see where this goes.

Duplication from the first page:

The basement was a long room with a TV and couches at one end, and what looked like a strange laboratory at the other. There, the glow was coming from a set of computers, powered by some mysterious source that was obviously still functional.

The basement apartment was similar in shape to one I had just left. It was a long room with a TV and couches at one end, and what looked like a strange laboratory at the other. There, the glow was coming from a set of computers, powered by some mysterious source that was obviously still functional.

Thank you all so much!

I remember seeing the cyoa you took inspiration from. Excellent job.