Staying Together

"No thanks," she said. "I had half a bagel while you were out."

Rick puttered around getting things ready as Emily said, "I've been thinking about this situation and I may have come up with a solution I can live with, but it has to work for you, too."

"I'm willing to listen to anything because we can't go on living like this."

Emily motioned for him to sit across from her. Rick took a seat and waited for Emily to speak. "You have no idea how guilty I feel about you know...not being able to meet your needs. Until we met Dr. Nelson, I felt something ever deeper. Shame. The good news, for me at least, is I no longer feel ashamed because I understand there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just not interested in sex or anything even related to sex. The bad news is you're not getting any of what you want and need. You have to have an outlet of some kind. So...I guess what I'd like to know is...well, do you want to...you know...have a kind of girlfriend or mistress or something on the side?"

Rick shook his head and said, "No. Absolutely not. I mean, I really like sex and I miss having it, but I don't want an affair. And in case you're wondering, I've never had one. I've been completely faith..."

Emily put her hand up and said, "Rick. I've never once had so much as a single thought that you've cheated on me. And before now, I have to say that had I found you were, I probably would have filed for divorce even though I'd have no one to blame but myself. Look, you're not a monk or a priest or whatever. You're a man and you have...needs. I understand that. And I tried, Rick. I really did try. And you need to understand if there was any way I could do this for you, I would. But it's like asking me to run a 10k with you. I'd HATE it. I don't like running. I don't really even care for walking." She was relieved Rick smiled because as lame as it was, that was an attempt to lighten the mood. Emily was very small and in spite of her total lack of interest in exercise of any kind, she'd likely to live well into her '80s as all of her grandparents had. He'd probably be the one to die of heart attack in his 40's during a run like the late Jim Fixx.

"Em. We already know all of this. You offered me a mistress—which I don't want—so that's that. I'm not trying to be mean, but we've been over this a thousand times."

"Maybe a part of me just needed to be reassured that you don't want to sleep with another woman because no matter how hurtful this is—and I accept my portion of the blame for it—I would still be very hurt if I knew you were, you know...doing that."

"Well, there's no need to be concerned. I'm not cheating and have no such intentions." He waited for a few moments then said, "Is that it?"

Emily hesitated then said, "No, that's not everything. I've been thinking about this...about us...and I want to suggest something. I'm sure you know what Tri-S is."

"Sure. It's a support group for crossdressers and their wives." Rick was a little uncomfortable that Emily knew about that. He wasn't sure where this was going, but he knew better than to think she was offering him support in the form of attending meetings in public.

"I've been talking to someone on line. Her husband...did this...and he didn't tell her about it before they were married, either."

"Em, that was my fault and I'm so sorry..."

"Rick, it's okay. That's water under the bridge. The point is she and I share that as well as several other things in common. Unfortunately, they couldn't save their marriage which, according to her, didn't end primary because of...that." Emily still couldn't bring herself to say crossdressing.

"At any rate, she suggested something I wouldn't have been open to before therapy but now am. As she...and I...understand it, this...thing...of yours...is a kind of...sexual thrill for some men. You know, just the act of wearing women's clothing. For some, it may not be and I honestly don't know how you feel about it. I still don't understand it, but like so many other things, I have to accept it's a fact of life for some people and because I do love you and care about you, and you say you enjoy doing it, I have to accept it's a part of who you are and that's it not going to magically go away. I don't think I could get involved in it with you, but well, if you want to do it here at home, maybe we could work something out."

Rick couldn't believe what he was hearing. The subject of crossdressing had only come up once since she "caught" him and it wasn't during therapy. Emily mentioned in during a particularly um...passionate discussion about their problem area. She'd referred to it as his "disgusting little hobby" as a way of letting him know she felt about it. So hearing her say this was a sea change; a monumental shift in her outlook on crossdressing if he was understanding her correctly. He didn't comment, he just waited for her to go on.

"What I was thinking was maybe you could do this downstairs while I stay upstairs. I can sew and watch TV or talk on the phone or whatever while you do whatever it is you do down here."

"I'd love that but I have to say I'm well...shocked...to hear you say this. Why the sudden change in attitude, Em?"

"It isn't really all that 'sudden', Rick. I've been searching for a compromise of some kind for a some time and until I started talking to Gabby, my on-line friend, this wasn't something I could even entertain as a possibility. As incredibly odd as wanting to do...that...seems to me, it also seems quite harmless if I can tolerate it. I mean, as long as you weren't doing it out in public, I think I could handle this." Emily sat quietly for a moment then added, "Although after seeing you that one time, I have to tell you I honestly wouldn't have known you weren't a woman. I think the fact that you looked SO convincing bothered me at some level, too. I know that sounds irrational, but it's how I felt so, you know—it is what it is."

Rick hated that saying, but he had to admit there were times when it summed something up rather succinctly. This was one such case. Emily couldn't explain why she felt that way, but she did. End of story.

"Once I got serious about finding an alternative to sex for you, I also had to admit you must have spent quite a bit of time...practicing? I know how long it took me to get good at doing my own makeup and just that realization helped me understand how much it must mean to you. Then there's coordinating clothes, shoes, and bags as well as accessorizing. I also have to admit you seemed to have all that down pat, too. No one spends that much time on something if it isn't important to them." She looked away for a while, then said, "So I decided to offer you one of two things: either a girlfriend-mistress or your...hobby thing. Since you don't want a girlfriend—thank God—then I want to offer you this. You always wanted to have sex at least twice a week so as much as I don't like the idea of you looking like...me...I can't stand to think of you not having something to look forward to that's well, sexual in nature. So maybe you could do this two times a week instead. Does that sound okay to you?"

Rick was incredibly grateful for her offer, and Emily stood by it allowing Rick the freedom to be Kelli twice a week starting at 6pm until he went to bed. The only restriction was Emily didn't want to see him dressed up. They worked something out so that he could keep his female clothing and makeup in the small, spare bedroom downstairs. If Emily needed something from the kitchen, she'd just call down and let him know she was coming downstairs and Kelli would stay put until she left.

It worked very well for both of them, and for the next three months or so, the pressure cooker finally had a release valve. Rick no longer felt resentment toward his wife, and she was relieved he was no longer asking her for sex. Things were going so well that Emily told him she wanted to talk about another possibility. In her mind, she still felt twinges of guilt because Rick was such a good guy. He was kind, caring, and an excellent provider. Sure, it had initially been a huge sacrifice on her part to allow this in the house but the rewards had been substantial. She hoped this would be good not only for Rick but to further soothe her conscience.

"Honey? I was thinking. Things seem to be a lot better now that you're free to...you know."

"Definitely. It's made a huge difference. I've gone from feeling frustrated to grateful. I've tried to let you know how thankful I am but in case I haven't told you often enough, it means a lot to me, Em. Thank you."

Emily was so touched she put her arms around Rick and held him. "I'm so sorry things are the way they are. I do love you and no matter how hard it is for me to show you, I hope you know that."

"Same here, Em," he told her as he held her close. "So what's on your mind?"

They released one another and Emily said, "Gabby was telling me how important is for um...people who um...do what you do to um...have a friend to share it with. So I was wondering if maybe you might want to have someone come over who's into...this and you know, enjoy being with you. If there was someone you trusted to be discrete—I mean, I would die if people found out—but you should have someone else to well...be yourself with. If you don't know anyone you could maybe kind of put out some feelers—discreetly—on the internet and meet them and see if they could be trusted. If so, maybe you could have a...what? Like a date-night kind of thing? You can't be the only man in a city like Seattle who enjoys this activity, right?"

"Wow. I don't even know what to say. I'm as shocked at this as I was the night you told me it would be okay for me to, as you say, 'do my thing' in the house. Are you really sure you're okay with me having a guy here?"

"I think so. I mean, if he's as into what you're into as you are, then it might be nice for you to have someone to spend time with. It has to get old just sitting around by yourself. Gabby said she did this for her husband, and it really made a big difference. I guess he even volunteered to clean up the house if he could dress like a French maid." She looked at Rick and said, "You don't want do that, do you?"

Rick managed not to laugh but said, "No. True me. That's never been an interest of mine. I just like wearing the stuff I like."

"I know, I know. Sweaters and skirts and heels. It all makes so much sense now. You wanted me to dress like that so you could see the woman you wanted to be, right?"

"Um, well, part-time anyway. I have no desire whatsoever to actually be a woman. For whatever reasons I can't explain, I find dressing as a woman to be about as thrilling as anything I've ever done. Maybe the most thrilling. And let me just say, I've been perfectly content just being able to do this without sneaking around and now you're being so great to offer me this, too. All I can say is I'm really grateful for that, Em. I still can't really believe this is okay with you."

"Rick, I'm not gonna beat this dead horse again. You know how much guilt I feel not being able to meet your needs and if someone else can help in any way, then, well, it would make me feel a whole lot better. I know you'll be very careful and respect my wishes so please, go ahead and invite a friend over or start looking for one. If it doesn't work out, then you can try again with someone else. Just please, please be discreet, okay?"

The next opportunity Rick had to be Kelli, she took several pictures of herself wearing three different outfits then posted them on a crossdressing-friendly site. By the next morning there were half a dozen responses. One was from someone who was 65 years old who looked like Helen Thomas in a wig, another from someone who was about 6' 4" and 275lbs who didn't like anyone or anything Rick had ever seen, the third was a picture a huge dick asking if Kelli wanted to suck it, and the other two were from 'girls' who lived in other states. One of them was actually very cute and reasonably passable, but the distance was an insurmountable problem.

Kelli or Rick checked the site each day for a week and finally found one 'girl' from Tacoma who was about the same age but definitely not passable and for whatever reason, being passable was really important to Kelli. Maybe it was snobbish, but she couldn't change how she felt. There was no hurry to find someone, so as replies came in, they were looked at and discarded until at about the two-week mark, Kelli read a response that interested her very much. It contained a very polite email along with three pictures of a guy who was around 40, very good looking, single, and looking for a friend like Kelli.

His name was Ryan and he wrote: "Dear Kelli, I've been looking for someone like you for the last year or so since my divorce, but it seems impossible to find someone who is intelligent, classy, and very attractive. Your photos are incredible. I love your soft, feminine style. You are obviously all three of those things and it would be a real pleasure to have the opportunity to meet you and then perhaps spend some time together. I am a gentleman in every respect and will treat you exactly the way I would treat any other beautiful, desirable woman. I want you to know I am completely understanding of your need to be discrete, and that is as important to me as it is to you. I'm sure you're more aware of this than I'll ever be, but I'd like to say your wife is a very understanding woman for allowing you to have a friend. I'm not sure how uncomfortable it will be knowing she's home with us, but I would honored if that friend might be me. I look forward to meeting you. Ryan."

Kelli was so excited she found herself almost shaking as she typed her response. "Dear Ryan. Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and kind reply. I appreciate you being so honest and open about your feelings and for understanding the need for discretion. I would love to meet you. My 'agreement' allows me to be Kelli twice a week. I can choose the days. Please let me know when you'd like to meet. I am anxiously awaiting your reply. Love, Kelli." Her heart was beating like a drum as she hit the Return button on her keyboard.

In less than ten minutes she had another response.

"Hi, beautiful! Would it be possible to see you Saturday evening? If so, please let me know what time and where to meet you. Warmest regards, Ryan."

Kelli had spent quite a bit of time working on her female voice each time she had the opportunity to dress up and thought she was getting pretty good at it. She decided to send him her cell phone number so they could talk first and get better acquainted.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. It was Ryan. Kelli was shaking as she slid the button on her phone to accept the call. They talked for almost half an hour before agreeing to meet around 7:30. They'd had a very pleasant chat which was very reassuring. Kelli felt very comfortable inviting him to her home so she texted him her address and told him again how much she was looking forward to meeting him. And she was indeed very excited.

The next morning Rick told Emily he'd met someone he was interested in having over for the evening. Emily told him, "I think that's wonderful! Are you two going to have dinner together or just sit and talk or... I guess that's none of my business, is it? I'm just glad you have someone you can do this with. Speaking of friends, I'm going to get together with Gabby this week sometime. We seem to have a lot of things in common. She reminds me a little bit of Dr. Nelson in that she's just so insightful. She's given me such good advice and she really makes me think. I haven't really had a best friend since Veronica moved to California, and Gabby has the potential to be my new Veronica. So I'm just glad both of us are making friends and that things at home are better."

"I'm really glad to hear that, Em. You need to have friends, too. I hope you guys hit it off in person like you have on line whenever you do get together."

Kelli was unbelievably excited as she got ready. She chose a very pretty, charcoal gray, long-sleeved sweater with a ribbed look and a black pencil skirt that fell to just above her knees with 3" open-toed heels. She loved the high-waisted look of a pencil skirt. It had a very thin black-colored belt at the waist which accentuated her her figure. She went back and forth on what jewelry to wear and finally settled on a chunky, silver necklace with matching earrings. Her hair and makeup were as good as she'd ever seen them as she took a final look in the mirror at exactly 7 o'clock. She felt like she was living in a dream. Here she was wearing beautiful women's clothes, perfume, jewelry, a lacy bra and panty set, stockings and heels and a handsome man was coming to see her. And best of all, Emily had encouraged it!

The doorbell shocked her back to reality. "I got it!" she called out in Rick's voice. On the way to the door she reminded herself not to make that mistake with Ryan. She loved the sound of her heels clicking on the tile in the foyer as she approached the door. She looked through the peephole and saw Ryan's handsome face looking to the side as he waited.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. Just as she'd practiced a dozen times earlier, she said, "Ryan? Hi! It's so good to meet you! Please come in!"

Ryan stepped inside as Kelli closed the door behind him. She stood facing him and could see the door to Emily's room upstairs above them. Ryan was holding a dozen red roses and handed them to Kelli. "These are you for you, Kelli."

"Oh, my gosh! They're so pretty! Thank you, Ryan. I love them!" she said as she took them from him. Just then she noticed the double doors upstairs open slightly. She could see Emily peeking through the crack in the doors and she was talking on her phone. While she was looking up, Ryan surprised her by kissing her hello—on the lips!

Kelli saw Emily look out of the door as Ryan kissed her. Emily's eyes opened wide and Kelli saw her say something to whoever was on the phone. Kelli wanted to stop him but she was so caught up in being a woman she couldn't. She even found herself closing her eyes and kissing him back for the briefest of moments. As she opened her eyes, she saw Emily still looking at them before she quickly closed the door and disappeared back into the bedroom. For the first time, Kelli realized she'd almost certainly misunderstood what Emily meant by a 'date.' Her blood ran cold as she thought about Emily's reaction. Then again, she realized she'd really, really enjoyed being kissed by a good-looking man, so if Emily was upset, it was a price Kelli was willing to pay. She just hoped there wouldn't be a scene while Ryan was there.

"That was a pleasant surprise," Kelli said with a bright smile. "So were the roses. I'll go put them in some water in the kitchen. Come with me, okay? I'm making dinner for us tonight. I hope you like baked chicken with roasted potatoes and green beans."

"Sounds perfect!" he said. "And you look sensational, by the way. I really do love your style."

The two of them talked about everything under the sun from global warming to information technology to military history. Ryan was a very well-educated professional and could hold his own on any topic and he was equally impressed with Kelli's ability to do the same.There was also a lot of laughter, smiles, and a kind of romantic tension between them. Kelli had felt like this since...since...the honeymoon with Emily?

After dinner, she poured them both a second glass of wine and invited him to sit with her on the couch. After a lengthy discussion on legal vs illegal immigration of all things, Ryan said, "I have to say you are a very amazing woman, Kelli. I can't remember ever talking to anyone so interesting in many years. You're intelligent, interesting, and very beautiful."