All Comments on 'Stepmom Betrayal Ch. 01: The Beginning'

How could there possibly be five (5!!) pages of this utter, utter garbage? I honestly believe this is the second worst thing I've ever wasted time on in here.

PLEASE, NEVER WRITE AGAIN.

What a waste!

I'd ignore the harsh critiques!!!!! Everyone starts somewhere but I would say that you need to rework this. You have problems with your tenses, dialogue, scene shifting, and most of all plausible human psychology. I recommend:

1) Reviewing other writers and their works on this kind of lesbian relationship, as well as actual Master/slave psychology. There are a ton of great blogs if you need them. (If you are already familiar with it sorry, but that did not come through.)

2) Research the legality. Apublic defender could get Tara and Lara sprung in 5 minutes and Cassie Hall would be SMASHED.

3) Additionally, find a copy-editor. There is no shame in that at all and plenty of members help each other out.

4) Most importantly, DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a fantastic premise. Stepmom gives her step daughter up via her own tragic flaws. Fantastic idea!!!!!

I don’t want to be reading something and then have the person who is the ‘slut’ transformed to pass for 12 years old. Creepy and gross... clarification on the age of the students involved is also needed.