Stepping Out of Comfort Zones Ch. 02

There is a pleading look in her face, she is scared she has gone too far and lost me. But what has she really done other than possibly oversharing. Yes, it is a bit much and a bit early. But the two of us don't seem to know much about restraint not that we have gotten past all our missed signals.

"Karin, I admit this is moving a bit fast for me and yeah, we aren't really even dating so things like 'looking for a good man' scares me a bit. But I also know that is how it came out, rather than how society would view it. And we have stepped well outside society's lines already."

"Wow, you really can be quite the wonder! Thank you."

"And yes, I would like to have you read a passage to me and learn more about your penchant for pain, where it comes from, what it does for you."

Nodding her head, she quietly gets up and gets her flowered journal from the drawer and comes back to bed. By this time, I have sat up and am sitting back against a pillow leaned on the headboard. She sits facing me but next to me, so our thighs are touching, actually closer to me than if we were directly facing me where our legs would be in the way.

Her hands are shaking a bit and I can feel a tremor run up her thigh.

"Karin, seriously, we don't have to do this now, or at all."

"Sorry, it's not the doing of it. It's you being here, willing to hear it. Okay, okay, I got this. I'm going to read the passage about my BDSM session because I think it might do something for us in real time."

She begins to read her entry. It is very detailed and alternates between recounting the event and discussing her reactions, feelings and thoughts during and afterward. It took place after being hurt by a partner who ignored her cries for stopping and hurt her, leaving her bruised inside and out and thus lost for how to fulfill her desires without putting herself in danger.

Her therapist felt that a proper, structured BDSM environment would help her trust again and at the same time possibly bring more self understanding of her desires and needs.

A friend who was a professional dominatrix, made the introduction to a safe, professional male dom who could take her through a few sessions of her preferred kinks and fetishes.

"Because of April's introduction, I felt safe from the start. His dungeon had everything! He knew I was not in the lifestyle, but was willing to be my guide. We talked at length before doing anything physical. He was very specific about wanting to know what I wanted and how we would get there.

"He then told me I would suck as a sub because I was too much of a control freak to even be a decent switch. So he suggested starting with denial. No blindfold or gag, so I could see him at all times. I was hogtied kinbaku style on my back, held wide open, a bit like you had me today, but with really complex rope and knot work."

It was the first time she had her nipples and labia pumped. He took it pretty far, and she used the safe word once. But when he immediately stopped, she had him resume and she never used it again.

"He used a mirror to show me my labia, god, they were so swollen, almost purple. My nipples were bigger and darker than they have ever been. Then he began with denial. With a big Hitachi, he got my clit aroused and out to play. As soon as it showed up, he pumped that up to the size of his thumb and then just stood back."

"All of me was tingling and I wanted touch so bad. It looked ridiculous, but he took a delicate folding fan and waved it over all my swollen parts. Just the air passing over my pumped, swollen parts was excruciating. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He finally took a pretty big dildo and worked it inside me. It had a condom on it. I later found out that silicone never really gets sterile, so they use condoms dildos."

He fucked her with the dildo while working her swollen clit with the vibrator until she was about to come and then disengaged. He sat across from her as she rained curses on him for not giving her a climax. She spit at him and threatened him. No reaction.

After letting her rage for a while, he took a riding crop and spanked her swollen nipples with the tip before resuming the dildo and vibrator. One more, longer disengagement and then on the final go round, her took her all the way to a shattering climax. She says it was the most incredible experience she had ever had (she cutely amends that with 'at that time').

"Tim, I think it might have been like when I milked you. I loved the pumping pain, fanning, cropping. But the denial was absolutely incredible! He pulled an orgasm out of me like I had never had before. But I hated the disconnection."

From the time he secured the last knot in her kinbaku, until he untied her, there was no flesh to flesh contact between them. At first that seemed to be a turn on. And even after it was over, the orgasm experience overrode her disappointment.

But upon further reflection, she decided that what she wanted was a partner who could do all that while connecting with her. April suggested she try the lifestyle a bit further but April's friend set her straight, saying that Karin was not lifestyle material.

Both he and April told her that physical contact can take place between subs and doms and does with couples fully into it. But by this time Karin had moved on in her head to find her own path sexually.

"What you did to me this afternoon was what I had been yearning for ever since then. And Buster, you are either hiding something from me or are a natural at this, because that was the craziest thing I have ever done. And if we do more reading, you will see that is not an idle comment!"

She realizes she is getting herself worked up a bit and pauses. She pats her palms on her thighs and takes a few deep breaths.

"Whoops, we got a bit distracted from the reason I wanted to read this to you. I did not mean for it to become more verbal foreplay."

"So, I don't want to be dominated, but I want to fully surrender to a trusted partner. Not to be abused or humiliated, but to be loved forcefully, with an intensity equal to my desire. I want passion with my kink I guess. Also, all that 'please master' and 'thank you master' crap seemed a bit silly. I'm not sure I could do that shit with a straight face."

"That makes total sense to me."

"But my new dilemma, and why I wanted to read this passage with you is that I am finding I want to go both ways. I've been giving hickeys since my teens, but when I bit your chest today, that was something different and I am hoping that tomorrow you will let me share some more sensations with you."

Again, her need is so great that I am a bit uneasy, but her openness is so pure that I cannot turn away.

"Let's just wait and see and go one step at a time, okay?"

She folds a bit, obviously hoping for a bit more of a commitment from me. I take the diary from her, fold over the hasp that won't lock and put it on the bedside table. As I turn back, she is already moving away.

"Hey, you......" I grab her wrist and then reach between my legs and wipe myself from ass to taint to balls. I bring it up to her face and wipe it on her from forehead to chin as she breaks into a smile. "Karin, we are going to do just fine and I want to explore more with you."

She curls my arm around her and rolls onto the bed, her back to me. I spoon up next to her like a magnet. Our breathing slows and we gradually drift off into sleep, very much together.