by BigGuy33
It was horrible. Read your dialogue out loud, does it sound natural?
I think you have the ability to write something good, keep trying.
...when Mom got involved. You had me until then. No rating given because it is about my personal taste in incest stories.
It was good for the first two ,then you had to "jump the shark". Why did you have to get Mom involved?
dominating the mom lost me, won't read the rest..the first 2 were decent...oh well
Andropause requires androtreatment. See your fictional medical practioner if it continues to limp along.
Really good potential, nice quick reads, but the dominance is a turnoff to me, too. Also, A better description of how the women look beyond "more voluptuous" would set the stage a lttle better.
i agree with the comments about domination. she's your mom. if you do use it, it should be done in a way you know its what she wants and there's a lot of love involved. otherwise - not a good device - for me. except for that, i thought it was pretty hot. on to chapter 4!
"I pulled on some fresh boxers and shorts, then walked into my room."
->
"I stood and she untied my robe, and I shrugged it off my shoulders. My cock was at half-mast at this point but the exposure to air seemed to inspire me, and I started to grow."
.
I'm not sure when he found time to change, but I hate little discrepancies like this that pull me out of the story to check if my memory is bad.