Stinky Fred Oshkosh

CHAPTER EIGHT.....TROUBLE IN RIVER CITY

I finished work and went home to have supper with my parents. I decided there was no reason not to ask their opinion. I explained the situation and what seemed to be my options regarding my career. There was a long silence after I finished. My father looked at me with a sour look.

"Sonia, Timmons is asking you to put your career ahead of your personal life. He knows you're the best qualified within the company or he wouldn't have made the offer. It's his bottom line he cares about most. Not your happiness."

"I know. But if I don't take this position I won't have a chance to advance my career as quickly. I'm sure an opportunity like this doesn't come around very often."

"You mean you wouldn't have an opportunity to advance your career at this firm." He offered.

"I guess. But how many opportunities are there in this geographic area. I could cast my net wider and move to another firm somewhere else if the money was good enough."

"Honey. It's more than the job you're worried about isn't it?" My mother offered.

"Yes. Things are going well with Fred. I'm been so happy since we started seeing one another. I know we aren't fully committed to each other. But it could happen if we keep dating. It just seems so unfair to have to make this kind of choice."

Her father looked at her. "Sonia just explain the situation to Fred as you have to us. That is the fair and honest thing to do. I know it won't be easy, but making a final decision won't be either if he matters that much to you. Just be honest. That's the best way to avoid as much pain as possible."

"I know. I'm going to see him Friday night. I'll tell him then."

I went to work the next day and looked up from my desk late in the morning as Mr. Timmons was showing a black man dressed in a suit and tie around the office. There was a stir among the women. Dottie looked at me and said in a low voice.

"We have never had a black man come in here before. I wonder why he is getting the grand tour."

Just then they started heading in our direction and when they did I recognized him. It was black man Fred and I had encountered at Finch's weeks ago. I was sure he wouldn't recognize me as our meeting had been so brief. I went back to my computer screen. They started to walk past with Mr. Timmons explaining the section member's jobs and the computer programs we employed to complete the work. I looked up as they passed and the black man gave me a second glance and then stopped.

"I recognize you. You were with the gentleman at the restaurant. The one that insisted I should be served next."

I smiled. "Yes sir. It was me. I didn't expect you to recognize me."

Mr. Timmons jumped right in seeing an opportunity to make use of our connection.

"Ms. Hodges has done great work for us. One of the best young people we have ever hired. She would be handling your account. She is really going to go places with our firm."

"I expect she will. Nice seeing you again." He smiled.

"The pleasure is mine."

Fred called me Thursday night and we made arrangements to go out. We decided on fast food and a little walk to watch birds. I had really enjoyed our two previous birding outings. Though I couldn't help but feel anxious about the conversation we had to have, or at least I needed to have. I was really keen on accepting the offer hoping I could work out the problems it would solve later.

Mr. Timmons had been making subtle comments regarding how much faith he had in my abilities and his expectation I would be a real asset to the company for days following his offer. I wanted so much to advance my career but at the same time hoped my relationship with Fred would grow into something that would nourish my life and his.

I felt increasingly emotionally drained by the idea I would become mere friends with Fred and seek another man to satisfy my need for real honest affection. The kind I had already shared with him. The mental gymnastics had grown in complexity as I sought to find an alternative solution all to no avail. I knew I was going to be heartbroken, and felt I was going to inflict as much emotional pain on Fred as myself. At times it brought me to tears. The last few nights had grown long and restless, and all too sleepless. It seemed cruel when I broke it down to the basics- love or money. It seemed I couldn't have both.

We went birding that morning, had lunch, then sat talking in a nearby park. I finally screwed up the courage to tell him about the job offer and Mr. Timmons concerns regarding my relationship with him. He sat silently, then squirmed with apparent discomfort. The range of emotions I saw cross his face as he sat there was agonizing for me to watch. There was brief glimpses of pain, of sadness, and finally of resignation. It was as if he had considered the full range of options and had arrived at a conclusion, though not a satisfying one.

"Sonia you know you have to accept the offer. You want to buy a car, have your own apartment, and be able to put money in the bank. I know we can continue to see each other once in a while. I think we can make it work."

By the tone of his voice he sounded less than convincing. I was both pleased with his acceptance and again not. I was certain he was putting my welfare above his own. At the same time I wanted him to tell me he was opposed to my accepting it as it would interfere with our growing relationship. It was as much of a no win situation for him as it was for me. It seemed so damned unfair.

Fred drove me home sooner than I expected. We talked, but it was more subdued than our normal lively conversations. We shared a very brief kiss before I walked into the house. I felt like I had just had my heart ripped out of my chest leaving a gaping hole. A hole that was already beginning to fill with pain.

It was Sunday and I expected Fred would call me to for us to do something together. But a call never came. On Monday I walked into Mr. Timmons office and told him I would accept the promotion. He was very pleased and walked with me out into the office space and announced I would be the new head of bookkeeping services after Dottie's last day. There was a general round of cheers and clapping as my coworkers applauded the news. I went back to my desk as if I were shell-shocked. My chosen path ahead had been publically announced and I felt lower than snake spit.

The weeks went by and I didn't hear a word from Fred. Both my parents and his had talked and they acknowledged the situation for what it was; at least my mother told me that was the case. I felt miserable.

The retirement party for Dottie was a joyful event for her and all of us sent her off with the best of good wishes. I assumed my duties and eased into the position with little trouble. Mr. Timmons was pleased and there didn't seem to be any resentment from the two longer term bookkeepers I now supervised. Each time I got my paycheck I saw the dollar amount and calculated how much would go into savings and how much I would allow myself for an allowance. The money was good, there was no doubt.

Now that I was making more money I had elected to take lunch out more often, in part to curb my feelings of loss. It was three weeks later when one of the guys from a firm next door asked me out. We had met and talked a few times at lunch and this time I paid attention to his ring finger and asked a few more probing questions. We dated three more times and on the forth date we shared our first kiss. I was looking forward to it but when his lips met mine and his hands came to hold me close I felt nothing. If I felt anything, it was a slight repulsion- I didn't want his lips or his hands on me despite I knew he was nice. That night I lie in bed and cried.

The next evening my mother called me to say Fred was on the phone. I rushed to pick it up and we talked for a few minutes. It was awkward for both of us. After I hung up I sat down in the living room. My mother walked back in and sat down next to me.

"Sonia what did Fred have to say?"

"He wanted to know how I was doing in my new position. He told me he hoped it was going well."

"He didn't say anything about the two of you getting together."

"No."

"Did you tell him you missed him?"

"No. I wanted to. But just couldn't. It would only make him feel worse."

"Sonia. You haven't eaten well or slept well for months. Your father and I are worried about you. Perhaps you should see a therapist. This can't go on."

"Mom. I'll be alright. I just need a little more time to sort things out."

The next day after work Sonia drove past Fred's office and saw him sitting at his desk through the window. She felt a pang of pain shoot through her heart. She fought hard not to stop, rush in, grab him, and hold him as tightly as she could. On the drive home she vowed never to do that to herself again. It was simply too painful, she had actually felt the pain in her chest as if her heart had been jabbed.

Sonia had learned the day before that the new manufacturing firm in town had decided to become Fred's client. She also learned through the grapevine that the other two clients Fred had pending months ago had selected him as well. He was obviously busy.

It was now over six months since Molly had passed and she had visited her grave a few times to comfort herself. It had brought her some calm as she remembered the good times they had shared. The last time she had to laugh at the memory of Molly pushing Fred onto the dead, rotting fish on the beach.

It was now colder outside and she put a sweater on and walked down the road, into the Oshkosh yard and towards the tree-line. She stopped at the three rocks and looked at the plain sign Mr. Oshkosh had painted and laid on top that simply read- Molly.

Sonia stood silently for five minutes lost in thought and was just about to leave with the image of Fred and Molly in her mind when she heard a voice behind her.

"Sonia. Mind if I join you?"

Sonia turned and saw Fred but a step away. She saw a man that looked like he had been ill for a while. His face drawn and pale. Even his jacket seemed to hang loosely on his frame. It almost took her breath away. She recovered her composure.

"So you came to see Molly."

"I came to see Molly about half an hour ago. I came to see you when I saw you walk out a few minutes ago."

"You know you look like hell." I said sullenly.

"So I've been told." He said quietly. "But you don't look much better."

"Molly would think we are a sorry looking pair."

"Well we are."

I felt my eyes start to water. I pulled my sweater around me against the chill. We stood silent for a minute, both of us looking at Molly's grave.

"Sonia."

"Yes." I replied as I turned and looked up at him.

"Molly and you gave me the most joy I have ever had in my life. I can't get Molly back. But I can get you back. I want to you come to work for me. I want you to quit your job and come back to me. I want you in my life so damn much it hurts."

I felt- I don't know, relief, joy, freedom, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I took a step towards him and his arms came out to take me in. I felt his firm embrace as I closed my eyes and wept. All of the torment, the longing, the pain of having made the wrong decision was being washed away as my tears fell. He had said the words I wanted to hear all these many months. I placed my arms around him and clung to him as if some unseen force would tear him away from me.

I slowly released him and looked into his face. Tears were streaming from his eyes. I took my hand and wiped them away. Then I smiled weakly.

"Take me home Fred. I want to spend the night with you. I don't want you to leave my sight. I need to know this is real, not a dream."

We walked back to my parent's house and told them IO was going to spend the night at his apartment. I went into my room and quickly packed a bag. My parents looked at me as if they understood all that had happened. We stopped at his parent's house and told them the same thing. They simply told us to be good to each other.

We walked into his apartment and as soon as the door closed he took me into his arms and kissed me until I was almost limp from the energy it took for me to respond. We walked into the bedroom, undressed and crawled under the covers as if we had discussed what we would do. Fred held me close and caressed me. I remembered those hands, his odor, and the taste of his lips. I was completely exhausted. It was hours later before I stirred, we had fallen asleep. He roused as I moved to look at his face, his eyes opened and he whispered.

"Sonia. This is where you belong. Right here with me. Do you know I love you?

"Yes I know. Fred I have missed you. Every hour, every minute, every second. I knew even before my very first pay check I had made the wrong choice. I was just afraid I had hurt you so much that you would never take me back. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've inflicted. I love you so much."

Sonia. It's in the past. I want to talk about our future. But first I have to do something else.

"What's that?" I said meekly.

"Feed you. I need to fatten you up a little." He laughed lightly.

"It wouldn't hurt you either. I can see you haven't been eating right."

Fred ordered pizza so we could stay in. We devoured a large pizza, an order of garlic bread sticks, and a large soda between us. There was not a crumb left that would have fed an ant, even a small one. We settled down on the sofa where Fred held me close under a blanket after I removed my sweatshirt and bra and his shirt. We didn't speak. All the conversation between us was being spoken by our bare skin against one another. That conversation spoke of caring, affection, and love as no words ever could.

We went to bed that night with Fred spooning me from behind. The release of the physical and emotional stress had been huge and had drained both of us. I slept the best since we had parted. When I woke in the morning I found Fred holding me, his eyes closed, his hand cupping my breast. I placed my hand over his, closed my eyes, and went back to sleep.

When I woke again I found him awake watching me. I smiled.

"Good morning handsome. I'm hungry."

"What would you like?"

"First off. I would like some of you. A nice kiss to start my day off the right way. Then I'm going to take you out to breakfast."

One kiss wasn't enough. It took us almost five minutes before we left the bed. I was in heaven. We were together. I enjoyed each kiss, each touch, and each smile as we prepared to leave. All of the pain and misery had been replaced with joy, affectionate tenderness, and love. I felt fully alive and it felt wonderful as my energy slowly returned.

We talked over breakfast. Focusing on what to do in the future. I was thankful Fred had taken an aggressive stance in telling me what we would do to move forward. He explained he had so much work he was working over sixty hours a week doing both the accounting and bookkeeping. I was surprised when he told me the contract for the new manufacturing firm had been won when their chief financial officer, the CFO, came in to talk to him. It turned out to be the black man we had encountered at the restaurant. He told Fred that anyone that was willing to do what he had done was someone he could trust completely.

"Sonia I want you to give Mr. Timmons your two week notice. I'm hoping he will realize he is being unreasonable and want to keep you even though we are together again. If he doesn't I will hire you to do the bookkeeping rather than hire someone else and pay you the salary you are getting now."

"What if I don't want to work for Mr. Timmons?"

He reached over the table and took my hand. "Then you Ms. Hodges are mine all mine."

I was so happy with his response I could hardly stand it. I now had options. I had bargaining power. Fred went on.

"Now after we have breakfast we have some shopping to do."

"We do? I replied puzzled.

"Yes. We need to go and buy a ring."

I was stunned. I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. Maybe because I had just taken a bite out of my crunchy slice of whole wheat toast.

"Fred. Did you say buy a ring?"

"Yes. I want you to have something to say about your engagement ring."

The fork I had been holding in my other hand dropped onto my plate with a loud clang. I know I made an exclamation. I almost jumped across the table with excitement. He took both of my hands into his.

"Sonia. I told you I'm not letting you go. I mean it. We are going to get married. After we pick out a ring and tell our parents we are going to set a date and get things moving."

The rest of the day went by like a blur. It took us a little less than two hours to select a ring and then we decided to spend some time outdoors birding. It brought us back together as if it were yesterday. I was amazed at how quickly the pain of the past months melted away as we laughed and made plans for the future. Our parents were thrilled with the news we had gotten back together though we didn't revealed anything about selecting a ring.

Than night we made our first meal together and afterwards I called my parents to tell them I would see them the next day as I was staying the night with Fred. My mother had answered the phone and the last thing she said to me was that I should be sure to have protection. For a fraction of a second I wasn't sure what she meant. Duh!

"Mother I know. We are all set."

I didn't tell her I had already found the box of large sized condoms in the bathroom cabinet and had checked the expiration date. They were good. Tonight might be the night I made love to a man that was going to be my husband. If Fred knew how anxious I was to get to him we might never had made it off the sofa to go to the bedroom. Tonight I was his and he was mine regardless of what may happen. It would be our first time if we had the energy to go that far.

The next morning as I lay in Fred's arms the thought occurred to me. Molly had brought us together again. Even from the grave she had made a difference in our lives. I loved 'Stinky' Fred Oshkosh and he loved me.

THE END