Storm of Shadows Ch. 12

It was painful for Natalia to remember what had happened and she had to struggle not to allow those memories to overwhelm her. Mila was helping her understand something important. She knew there was something she was still missing. "That still doesn't explain why I am the one in the Visions, why I am the one that needs to or can convince Agony not to slaughter everything in his path."

She waited for her friend to put the final pieces into place, but she remained silent, watching her expectantly. When neither of them had spoken for a couple of minutes, Mila finally broke the silence.

"What is the one thing in the supernatural world that trumps everything, Tali? What is that one thing that cannot be denied, cannot be broken, with the exception of death?"

Immediately her mother's face came to mind, the utter devastation in her eyes, the heart-breaking screams as her mate died protecting them. Sorrow welled up in an instant, so severe that Natalia doubled over, her arms wrapping around her midriff as she swallowed the moan of pain the memory brought on. She couldn't fall apart now, she just couldn't. They had to rescue Agony's parents. There was no time to indulge in the events that had happened.

Natalia knew Mila hadn't asked that question to hurt her but to point her towards something she had known sub-consciously for a while now but had been deliberately subduing because she couldn't deal with it.

The one thing that trumped everything within a pack was the bond that existed between mates. What Mila was hinting at, what she had seen in her Visions, was that she was Agony's mate.

Admitting it to herself explained everything. She understood now why she felt the need to break through Agony's reserve and make him see that he wasn't a monster. She understood now why he didn't frighten her, no matter how angry he became. Even as far back when they were on the train and everyone was afraid he would go rogue, she hadn't been afraid of him, and he had listened to her when she fought to get him to calm down. She shouldn't have been able to get through to him, but he had listened. It was all starting to make sense now.

"Who knows?" she whispered, her stunned gaze finally focusing on Mila.

"Dante, of course, and Dara figured it out too. I am not sure if Agony has worked it out however I believe Kothari was aware before he surrendered control to his feral side."

Natalia bit out a curse, frustration marring her pretty face. She was becoming tired of Agony's adherence to being split personalities. "They're not separate people, Mila," she sighed. "No matter what he says. If Kothari knows then so does Agony. It explains why he's been so patient with me as well as being so protective."

She let out another sigh, her emotions in turmoil. Far too much had happened in too short a time and the weight of everything was threatening to smother her whole. Her father was dead, her pack destroyed. Her mother was on the brink of death, emotionally scarred so badly it was unbearable. Now, she had to contend with being the mate to what had to be the most dangerous being to walk the planet. How the hell was she supposed to deal with it all? She dropped her head in her hand, her chest heaving as she fought for breath. She couldn't do this, she just couldn't...

Agony re-entered the clearing, his gaze quickly sliding over all who were there. Dante and Louis had been updated, and a plan of action had been agreed. They were close to reaching the area his parents were being held captive, so it made sense that they needed to think about how they were going to launch their assault. It made sense for Agony and Dara to split their resources so she had agreed that she would go with Louis and his vampires, and Dante, Mila and Natalia would go with him. When they were ready to launch their assault Agony would alert his parents and they could attack from within. Between the three groups they should have enough fire power to take on an army.

As his gaze swept the area, he searched for Natalia, his body tensing as he found her hunched over in distress, Mila rubbing her back. He was across the clearing in an instant, bewildered by what was happening and furious that she was so distressed.

"Breathe, Tali," Mila was urging, her tone calm but firm.

Natalia was struggling to breathe? That didn't make any sense. Neither did the abject fear that suddenly flooded his body, an emotion he was not used to experiencing. Why wasn't she breathing properly? What had happened in his absence? Raw fury suffused him, and he glared at Mila.

"What did you do?" he demanded; his hands clenched into fist. It was all he could do to restrain himself from grabbing the petite vampire by the neck to shake the truth from her.

"Agony, back off," Dara growled, sliding between him and the two females, her hand pushing hard at his chest. Beside her Dante and Louis flanked Mila and Natalia, their expressions morphed into their most feral sides.

Dara was telling him to back off? He wasn't the one who had hurt Natalia.

Agony growled low in his throat, talons elongating as he pushed back. "Get out of my way, Dara. I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you come between me and Natalia." His words were slow and measured, the threat implicit.

His pack mate refused to move, steely determination in her eyes. "I am not afraid of you, Agony, and you can try to hurt me but be under no illusions that I won't kick your ass all the way back down this mountain if you try. You are out of control right now and you need to back the fuck off before you do something that will end up getting us all killed, including your parents. So back off now!"

Fury engulfed him, white hot molten rage flowing through his veins. He would tear the entire place apart if she didn't move out of his way. Dara had to be made to see that he was serious.

"Stop it!" Natalia cried out, her body heaving as she sucked in long, hard breaths. "Everyone calm down now! I just had a bit of a panic attack, nobody hurt me. Agony, please...I'm not hurt, just terrified by all the violent energy flying around right now."

Hearing her voice was like a soothing balm washing over him. Her words registered and his rage turned to something else as she admitted her fear of him. He didn't want her to ever fear him. He had a primal need that wouldn't leave him, couldn't leave him until he knew she was okay. Stepping around Dara who didn't attempt to stop him, he swept Natalia into his arms and sped away from clearing.

"Give me this moment, Dara. I need to ground myself and I can't do that there with others around us." He shot the quick message off to his pack mate so she would know that he was back in control and wouldn't try to follow them.

"Take the time you need," she answered, no condemnation in her mental tone. "I'll fix the misunderstanding here."

He probably didn't deserve her understanding, but Dara was always the one who would forgive Kothari anything. He would talk to her when they returned, but for now he had to find out what had caused Natalia so much distress she'd had a panic attack.

Staring at the woman he had been denying was his mate for far too long, Agony set her down on a large boulder and took a few steps away before turning back to face her. "You fear me?"

She was still breathing hard, and he could see that she had been crying, but when her eyes met his he didn't see any fear in them. "I was surrounded by a coven of feral vampires and two Vârcolac about to kick the shit out of each other. It was the sudden escalation towards violence that terrified me not any one person involved. What happened back there, Agony? Why did you lose control?"

"We're in the middle of hostile territory and it appeared someone had hurt you. I reacted to your distress in the only way I know how, Natalia," he growled, wondering why she was surprised at his actions. It wasn't as if she didn't know who he was, what he was capable of.

Natalia stared off into the trees, and he could almost see the thoughts in her mind whirling around her pretty head. It was as if she was considering what she was going to tell him, and for some reason that threw fuel onto the slow burning fire that was simmering in his gut. He didn't want half truths or lies by omission. He would only ever tolerate the whole truth from his mate.

"Why were you upset, Natalia? I can see you've been crying, and then you had a panic attack. Do not hold anything back from me. It will only irritate me, and I think we can both agree that it isn't wise to irritate me right now."

"Everything got on top of me," she whispered, dropping her gaze to the ground. "Mila and I were talking and as we talked the magnitude of everything that's happens reared up and I couldn't push the emotions back down." She looked back at him, her big brown eyes glistening with fresh tears.

"I know you see emotions as a weakness, and I've tried so hard to keep mine at bay, but I am only human, Agony. There is only so much strength I can show to the world that has murdered my father and my pack, destroyed my mother's life probably irreparably, and left me stuck up the mountains with a volatile male who I barely know but have just discovered is my mate. It's overwhelming. I don't know if I'm coming or going anymore."

As her head lowered and quiet sobs started to rack her small frame, Agony sank down to the ground before her, at a loss for what to do. He wasn't used to dealing with fragile humans and had even less experience dealing with emotions. Inside he felt fury for the vampires who had destroyed her world, and remorse for any of his own actions that may have attributed to her being so sad.

Instincts took over and he gathered Natalia into his arms, cradling her small body gently as if she was fragile china. "You are the bravest person I have ever known," he whispered, stroking his hand slowly through her long brown hair. "It's okay to need a moment, to grieve for what you have lost. It is not weakness to do this, Tali. It is human and that is what you are."

She cried for a while longer, and he held her close, feeling every ounce of her pain as her tears soaked his shirt. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, sitting there allowing her to shed her tears, but it was what she needed, and he would give her whatever she needed. It was all he could do. He couldn't bring back the dead, and he'd already killed everyone involved in causing her pain.

Deep within he could feel the panther roaring its pain, and Kothari lending his strength to help him deal with their weeping mate. For the first time ever, Agony acknowledged to himself sometimes there was a need for all three parts of his persona to work together to achieve a common goal. Dealing with their mate appeared to be one of them.

"How long have you known?" Natalia finally asked.

She had stopped crying but hadn't tried to move out of his embrace. He knew immediately what she was asking him. It hadn't escaped his notice when she mentioned being stuck up a mountain with her mate. She had put the pieces together and worked out that they were mates. He had asked her for the truth, so it was only fair that he return that truth.

"My panther and Kothari admitted the truth the moment we met you," he answered. "I wasn't willing to admit it was possible, so I denied the connection until just recently. Before you ask, it wasn't a case of me wanting to deny you. My focus had to be with finding my parents. Everything had to come second to that."

His response had her sitting up and moving away from him, and he didn't want to admit that he felt a bit bereft as she left the safety of his arms. It had been soothing holding her close even with her tears. He was concerned his rage would get out of hand again now that she wasn't there to anchor him. Natalia sat back on the boulder, and gave him a level stare, a small frown marring her perfect brow.

"How can this ever work when you can't admit that you're one person?" she asked softly. "I can't keep wondering who it is I am with, which part of you is in control. I won't do this any longer. I won't contribute to your belief that you have multiple personalities. You are Kothari and that's how I am going to address you from now on. If that causes you a problem then you're going to have to deal with it because it's your problem, not mine."

A handful of days earlier Agony would have been furious at her words. Today, his lips twitched in a small smile as he saw the heat and determination in her deep brown eyes. Anything that took away that awful sadness from her expression was fine with him. She could call him whatever she wanted if it made her happy.

"I don't disagree that we have a lot to work on," he replied. "I don't deny that being a part of my life will be challenging at best. After we rescue my parents, we will have time to make whatever decisions we need to make. Until then, it will be best if we keep the knowledge of our being mates away from the rest of the group. Dara, Dante and Mila are aware, I know, but everyone else should remain in the dark. I won't give anyone the potential to try to use you to get to me."

After a moment Natalia nodded, rubbing her eyes tiredly before replacing her glasses.

"Come on," Agony said, standing and pulling her up beside him. "I'll fill you in on what was said at the meeting as we walk back. Hopefully Dara has managed to calm everyone else down by the time we get there."

The last thing he expected was for his mate to burst out laughing. He shot her a perplexed glance, wondering what on Earth was so humorous.

"You certainly have a way with people, Kothari," she laughed, shaking her head. "It's a wonder Dara's hair hasn't gone grey fixing up your outbursts."

He had to admit that she had a valid point. He really did need to talk with Dara when they got back, maybe even apologise for his volatile behaviour. He stopped walking for a moment, surprised at the direction of his thoughts. He started walking again when Natalia gave him a quizzical look, raising an eyebrow much as Dara would have. "You've got me thinking I need to apologise to Dara," he grumbled. "I'm not sure I like how you're starting to rub off on me."

His admission brought a smile to her face though she didn't comment. If his admission was the cause of that smile, then he wasn't too unhappy that he'd made it. It was better than her tears and grief filled expression. He could do that for Natalia, but only for her. Sighing he walked on, telling his mate of his conversation with his parents but omitting to mention the wolf. Dara would be unhappy with him for withholding that fact but after Natalia's meltdown he didn't want to get her hopes up yet. They would cross that bridge, if or when they came to it.

To be continued...