Struggle to Remain Faithful

Believe it or not, it took me years to get over the fact that I had gotten married. Unlike many of my friends, I had no desire to marry. It just wasn't something I wanted. I didn't want to be anyone's wife. I wasn't cut out for that sort of thing. Besides, I knew I would make a terrible wife. I was feisty and very temperamental, and I knew I was hard to get along with, thats why my relationships never lasted long.

My main concern with getting married was that I had doubts that I could remain faithful. My concerns were well warranted, as I had cheated on pretty much every guy that I had ever dated, including my fiancé. It wasn't something I was proud of; in fact, I often felt remorseful and guilty, yet it continued to happen.

In my mid to late twenties, it seemed that I had entered this period of lost time. It felt like I had stepped into the twilight zone. Time washed over me, and I was carried away against my will or desire. I felt I had no choice or say in the direction of my life. Maybe it was destiny or fate.

One day I woke up and I was married. What the fuck happened? How did I get here?

When my husband first proposed to me, it was a train wreck. His proposal caught me by surprise, and I freaked out and behaved badly. We actually broke up for a period. Eventually we got back together, and I accepted his second proposal. That was when things began to snowball. Dates were set, invitations were sent out, and plans were put into motion. I felt like I was being swept away, and I had no say in the matter. What made it worse was that I had no one to talk to about my feelings or my infidelity concerns. Obviously, it wasn't something I wanted to discuss or reveal. I felt alone in my struggles.

Throughout the entire time I was dating my husband, I always had guy friends. He travelled on business even when we were dating. This resulted in many lonely evenings, and, well, I did cheat on him. At the time, I suspected he was playing around while away on business. I had no proof of this, but there were small telltale signs. Besides, don't most men cheat when away on business? So I used these suspicions as justification for my actions. Oddly enough, at the time, I felt no guilt or regret.

Once we were engaged and I moved in with him, I had a six-month fling with his older brother leading up to our wedding date. Despite the fact that this was by far the hottest sex I'd ever had, I felt terrible about the affair. The implications, if he found out, were grave. I was guilt-ridden, but I couldn't stop. I really did nothing to initiate the affair, but I also did nothing to stop it. I was weak and I surrender to him.

I seriously contemplated not going through with the wedding. But I was swept up in the whole wedding thing, and I did not have the courage to walk away.

After we were married, I tried very hard to be the faithful young wife. I made a very conscious effort to keep busy. When my husband was out of town, I worked long hours. When I got bored, I would visit with girlfriends, go shopping, etcetera. But I still had guys contacting me and tempting me. I suppose they didn't get the memo that I was now married...or did they?

About four months into our marriage, we had our first big fight. We had just come back from visiting my parents and I was pissed at how my husband was interacting with my younger sister. I'm not typically a jealous person, but now that we were married I was demanding more respect. His goo-goo eyes and flirtation behaviour towards her rubbed me the wrong way. My unstable temperament erupted into red hot anger. During the course of accusations he let it slip that there was more to his relationship with my sister. I pounced on his insinuation until he confessed that he had sex with her when she was much younger. This was a moral blow to me and it ended the fight with my heart being broken. This changed everything.

He later explained that it happened when we first started dating. He went to the house to meet me but I was running late at work. He was alone with my then sixteen year old baby sister and he 'slipped'. But it was only that one time he insisted.

Yeah, sure it was only one time. But that revelation opened my eyes. There were so many odd instances that occurred over the years that I just shrugged off, but now the dots were starting to connect.

I told him that I would never have married him if I knew. I was also contemplating divorce, but hell we had only just gotten married.

I later recalled an incident that happened on our wedding day and now it was coming into focus.

We had a small wedding reception at a hotel. Towards the end of the reception I noticed my husband had disappeared for a longer than acceptable amount of time. Oddly my sister was also nowhere to be found also. Upon his return I questioned him and he said all was fine and that he went up to our room to use the bathroom. Strangely my sister avoided me the rest of the evening.

I thought no more of it until the end of the night when we returned to our honeymoon suite. I immediately noticed the bed wasn't pristinely made up like it was before the reception. In the bathroom I noticed a flower pedal on the floor, the same type of flower that my maid of honour (my sister) had pinned to her gown.

Again I just filed it away and changed into my sexy wedding night outfit. When I came out of the bathroom my husband was half asleep in the bed. Despite my sexual encouragement he wasn't interested in sex, complaining that he drank too much and he was exhausted. I didn't see him drinking very much but again it was a long and exhausting day so I let it go.

I later wondered if my sister had sex with my new husband on our wedding night instead of me?

So I came to realize that me getting married wasn't destiny or fate after-all, it was karma coming back to bite me in the ass for my past indiscretions.

Shortly after that milestone fight, an old boyfriend named Rob called me up. He said he was having some old friends over to his place in a couple of weeks for drinks and a BBQ. He thought I might enjoy seeing some old friends again. I wasn't sure, as things with Rob and me did not end well. I declined the invitation.

After thinking about it for a while, I thought it would be fun to see my old friends. I didn't want to commit, so I thought I would just show up and surprise them. Besides, my husband was out of town that week, and I had no plans.

I arrived at his place with a bottle of wine. Rob answered the door and looked surprised to see me. I told him I had changed my mind and thought it would be fun to see the old gang.

"Um, mmm, the date was changed to a few days ago."

He apologized for not letting me know. But it wasn't his fault; after all, I had declined his initial invitation.

He invited me in and insisted I stay and catch up. I was a bit reluctant as he was an old boyfriend, and things were pretty intense sexually when we dated. Our relationship ended when I dumped him for another man. I kind of felt bad about that, even if it was years ago.

Anyway, we ended up talking and catching up for hours. Rob was always easy to talk to. During this time, the bottle of wine seemed to evaporate. I'm small-framed, so it doesn't take more than two glasses of wine to get me drunk. I had long passed that threshold. I was in no condition to drive home.

Rob had been slowly moving closer to me on the couch all evening. His casual touches, although not sexual, were beginning to feel nice. I knew I was skating on thin ice. Being an old boyfriend, I was very comfortable with Rob. We had been intimate many times before, so we knew each other well. The thought of having sex with Rob didn't seem like cheating.

He brought up some of our past sexual escapades, and the next thing I knew, I was kissing him. After a nice long, wet kiss, I pulled back and reminded him,

"You know I'm married now";

He responded, "Yeah... and how hot is that?"

That's when he stood up, scooped me in his arms, and carried me into the bedroom. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him as he carried me and lowered me onto his bed.

We quickly undressed and became entangled in each other's arms. It was an odd feeling. I didn't feel guilty or bad about it at the time. Was it because of the wine, or maybe because I had done this many times before with Rob? Or was it because of my husbands infidelity and the suspicions I harboured about his business trips?

Rob was always a good lover, and we did have a torrid sex life when we dated. It felt good to be back in his arms; it was comfortable, but so wrong.

As I stroked Robs very familiar cock I heard Rob say "Oh gawd that ring rubbing my cock feels and looks so hot."

I looked down and could see that my wedding ring was glistening from his pre-cum.

"You like being stroked by a married woman" I smiled.

"This is my first time...and yeah it's fucking hot." He boasted.

We then took turns giving each other oral. Throughout all the sexual contact I couldn't help but think of the implications this was having on my marriage. Did I want to cross this bridge; I was already more than half way across I suppose.

That final act of intercourse—the moment that I officially broke my marriage vows—was upon us. As Rob knelt between my wide open inviting legs I put up my hand to stop him. He looked at me with his hard, erect cock in his hand, ready to violate my married pussy.

I knew Rob would respect my wishes if I told him to stop. We gazed into each other's eyes and I bit my lower lip as I always do when I'm nervous. Rob continued to stoke his cock, waiting in silence. Time froze for those split seconds, then I dropped my hand down and said, "Fuck me."

With my approval, Rob, cock in hand, rubbed the bulging head of his cock up and down my moist pussy lips, stimulating my clitoris before positioning his cock at the opening of my vagina. He paused for a few seconds, as if to give me one last chance to change my mind.

"Oh, fuck me...please," I begged in my sweet young wife voice.

Then his cock slowly slid into me. As his cock pushed its way inside of me, filling me with another mans cock, it felt like a spiritual moment. My marriage vows were shattered as his cock separated my labia and slid all the way inside of me. I had a hold of his arms, and I unintentionally dug my nails into him as he filled me. I gasped and let out a soft whimper to acknowledge this milestone in my life.

Rob recognized the significance of that moment and lowered himself on top of me to hold me close and kiss me. I was very emotional and close to tears as I felt his cock twitch inside of me. We didn't speak, but we both knew. Rob was very empathetic and aware of my emotions. I will always be grateful to him for that.

The moment passed, and Rob went from twitching his cock inside of me to slow, steady strokes. I pushed him up off my chest, wrapped my legs around him, and thrust my hips up into his cock. Rob smiled, and we began going at it, just like we did when we were dating. It felt like we had never broken up.

My brain was telling me to say, "Stop, I'm married," but all that came out of my mouth was

"Harder! Fuck my married pussy harder!"

Rob lifted my legs over my head, just the way he used to when we had sex on the basement couch so many years ago. He thrust his thick cock into me over and over, penetrating deep inside me. He knew this was how I liked it; after all these years, he remembered.

It wasn't long before he had me thrashing and moaning. He continued to fuck me hard and fast until a wonderful orgasm washed over me. I let out a deep moan as my body twitched and quivered. I felt him grunt as he shot his warm load deep inside of me.

He rolled off of me, gasping for air.

"Wow, I don't remember you ever cumming for me like that when we were dating," he said.

"I don't remember you fucking me so hard or for so long," I joked.

That was my first act of infidelity, and it felt good.

I started seeing Rob on a casual basis for the next several months, whenever my husband was out of town.

Feel free to visit my forum thread for pictures and more discussions about my stories.