Strum

Tanya shook her head. "Look at you, Kev, fan girling over Kimmy. I'm going to have to tell Wesley."

"He was fangirling over Kimmy too, it was his idea to ask her, remember."

With a sudden intake of breath, I was ready, strumming, talking to my audience. "My Grandma taught me this song when I was little, we used to sit in the garden on a rug under the mango tree in her backyard back in Brissy, and she'd show me these chords just like this..."

And I played on and sang, "Hearts go astray, leaving hurt when they go..."

Tanya joined in, and we sang Love Affair's Everlasting Love.

"Open up your eyes, then you'll realise, here I stand with my everlasting love..."

We were all smiles and I caught her eyes and looked away, and she laughed while Kevin was clapping, and he asked, "Did your Grandmother actually teach you that?"

Nodding, I replied, "She did. She's the one who taught Mum how to play too."

"Who's your Grandmother and Mum," Tanya asked, "Some bloody famous musicians?"

"Um, not famous..."

"But semi-famous, right?"

"Sort of, not really. Mum's in a band but you wouldn't know them."

"Who is she?"

"Beatrix Fletcher from Rumble Machine."

Tanya's eyes lit up and she said, "Really? Beatrix Fletcher of Rumble Machine!"

"Yeah," I said, excited now, "Do you know her?"

Tanya grinned. "Wouldn't know Rumble Machine or your Mum if I fell over them."

I laughed. "I didn't think so."

"I know them," Kevin said, moving from the wall and scrolling through his phone. "I have a few of their albums. Heavy Morning, Monkey Style, and their self-titled album. I remember how a few of their songs start softly and melodic and ending with a wall-of-sound crescendo. Shit, she looks so very much like you, you could be sisters!"

He held his phone up and there was a photo of Mum from eight or nine years ago, long brown hair flying everywhere as she strutted the stage, eyes wild and guitar in her hands, giving it everything she could. "The lad who sings has quite a voice on him too."

I barely whispered when I said, "Ben...yeah, credit where credit's due, he can sing."

Mum's husband, Ben. Never my step-dad, and I'll be honest, he and I don't get along. In fact, I can't stand him, but his voice was powerful. Speaking of which, Ben's voice sang one of their few genuine hits, Seep, from Kevin's phone, and Mum's guitar was riffing hard, and Tommy T's slap-bass was slapping, and of course Lesley pounded her drums like a maniac. Lesley was my drum teacher and also a friend until quite recently when Mum found out Ben and Lesley were hooking up behind Mum's back. I always felt Ben would betray Mum, but I never thought Lesley would. But I wasn't about to mention any of this to my new friends. Nor would I mention how well I could play drums too, since I didn't see the need. Unless they produced a drum kit, of course.

"Wow," Tanya said, watching Kevin, "Now you've really solidified your fangirl status."

"They're a good band. I've seen them play in Perth. The Australian Perth if you must know, back when I lived there. I saw them a couple of times, quite a few years ago now, of course. They played with so much energy, your Mum was a-fucking-mazing!"

"She loves it," I said. "She becomes a different person on stage. She feels so alive when she plays, but the music industry exhausts her. She's recently taken a break from the band and they've gotten a new guitarist for their next tour."

I wasn't about to tell them she was leaving the band, because then I'd have to explain Ben's wandering dick, and to be fair, Mum wanted to be out of the limelight anyhow.

"Your Mum's fucking hot," Tanya said, looking at Kevin's phone. "In a pixie kind of way."

"Hey!" Kevin said, snatching his phone back. He then looked at me and said, "So you're part of rock royalty then. Perfect for tonight's show."

"Hardly," I scoffed. "I'm not my Mum."

"You aren't giving yourself enough credit. But girly, you'll get your chance tonight. I have faith in you. I need to go and set up, but I'll see you in a couple of hours. Tan, you drive down with Kim and the instruments for your shift."

Tanya folded her arms and said, "Am I her fucking roadie now?"

"Yes," he laughed. "You're her fucking roadie. Deal with it."

"Bitch," I added, but with a smile.

The look she gave me was of surprise, but after a moment her face broke into a wicked smile and she said to Kevin, "Right oh, fuck off then. I'll take care of this bitch."

~0~

"I don't think you should start with Mr Brightside," Tanya said. "Let them get into your set a bit at first, then hit them with it."

"No, I have to hook them from the beginning."

"I'll be honest with you, they might not even acknowledge you at all."

"Then what does it matter what order I play in?"

"True," Tanya said, looking at our shortlist of twenty or so songs we'd come up with, many more crossed out. "Hey, I'm famished, are you hungry?"

"Sure."

We'd practiced a few songs, where my fingers were falling into regular patterns from hours and hours of playing for years, starting at an age before I can remember. I'd established a habit of practising an hour or two most days, where the previous few days without making music were particularly rough on the side of my personality who wants to make music.

Tanya went to the kitchen to make lunch and when I offered to help she shooed me away. "Go choose a record and put it on. But not too loud."

Running my finger over the spines of the record covers and CDs, I called out, "You and Wes have quite a music collection."

"They were mostly Dad's. He lived for music. He would have loved you."

"Wow, Billie Holliday, Louis Armstrong...Ella Fitzgerald...Sinatra..."

Tanya stood on the boundary of the tiled kitchen and carpeted living room, watching me examine her father's record collection. "Dad loved his Jazz because he started out playing jazz when he was a kid. He liked blues and rock and even rap and pop. He liked anything but jazz was his favourite."

"My Granddad loves the Rolling Stones," I said, selecting the album, Tattoo You. "He's told me several times about how he first saw them back in the seventies, where the show was initially cancelled because of rain and he thought he's miss out, and he's been to every show since, whenever they've toured our part of the world."

Removing the vinyl from its cover, I placed it gently on the turntable and positioned the needle into the groove with a slight crackle through the speakers, and then the classic guitar riff burst through, accompanied by beating drum, and Jagger singing. "If you start me up..."

"Nice choice," Tanya declared before returning to making lunch.

I sat on the couch, embracing the warmth from direct sunbeam gloriously hitting my neck in the otherwise cold flat and soon Tanya handed me a plate of ham and cheese toasties. Tanya didn't have a toastie maker, mind you, where she'd grilled them in a fry pan.

"So your Mum's a rock and roll star," she said, sitting next to me, "Which is why you learnt how to play so well."

I nodded. "I guess. I've been around music all my life. I love it, I play something almost every day."

"So have I. All Dad's records are here, and Mum's, and Wes'. Wes taught me to play because he was always playing."

"Kevin said you don't sing in front of people." She didn't answer for a moment, chewing her lunch and I added, "But you have the most amazing voice and you sing in the park and anyone can hear you!"

"Few people use the park and no one pays attention to me there." She watched me for a moment, then shrugged and continued. "I used to sing all the time when I was little. But our arsehole neighbours complained about the noise. The fat bastard next door came over one day and said to Mum the whole world doesn't need to hear my voice. Mum didn't want trouble with the neighbours and she told me I needed to be quiet. Wes started taking me to the park and said it was safe to sing there. He started teaching me guitar there too."

"Yeah, well, your neighbour's an arsehole because the whole world should hear your voice. And I'm glad I heard your voice from the park."

She smiled but didn't reply for a moment, then said, "I was in a band for a while."

"Did you sing?"

"Pfft, no," she said. Taking a bite of her sandwich, she looked at me and spoke once she'd swallowed. "I played rhythm guitar but it didn't work out."

"It's pretty common for bands to break up."

"Boy trouble."

"Was that the name of your band?" I asked, then took a bite of my sandwich.

She laughed. "No, I had the hots for our lead guitarist, Nick. We hooked up but Nick also hooked up with Sara, and God only knows how many other girls. I gave him an ultimatum and do you know what he told me?"

"Um, he said, sure, I'm yours and only yours, for ever and ever, and won't cheat on you again."

Tanya gave me some serious side-eye. "No, he said, never ever give a man an ultimatum."

"Oh, I meant he said that. And also, I should add, what an absolute cunt!"

She laughed at my outrage. "I didn't need him anyway. I was the talent in the band because I wrote our songs."

"Your situation reminds me of Mum and Ben."

"From The Rubber Band?"

"Rumble Machine," I laughed.

"Yeah, The Rumble Rubber Band Machine."

We both laughed, then I said, "Ben's the lead singer who you heard on Kevin's phone. The guy with the amazing voice. He and Mum formed the band, like, thirteen years ago, and they've been married for ten years. And Ben can't keep his dick in his pants and he's so full of himself, so Mum's leaving him."

"Ben sounds like my ex Nick was. And what about your Dad?"

I ate more sandwich before replying. "Dad's not a typical man in the way you think of typical men. And he's nothing like Mum. They're strange, my parents, I guess, because Dad's super gregarious but a real family man, and he pretty much raised me with my other Mum, Kirsten, while my biological Mum is such a shy introvert pretty much all the time except when she has a guitar in her hands and then she becomes this wild ball of energy who loves to get up and play."

"Wait, did you say you have two mums?"

I laughed. "My real mum is Trixie, or Beatrix, the musician, and my Dad's wife is Kirsten, who I also think of as my Mum. So yeah, I have two mums. They were all in the same year at school where Dad and Kirsten were best friends forever, but she and Dad reckon they never dated back then because they didn't want to ruin their friendship. Meanwhile, my real mum reckons my dad never looked at her twice at school, but she confessed to having the world's biggest crush on Dad from when she first met him in year eight. Funnily enough they ended up hooking up after a major music festival right after they finished high school, and they fell head-over-heals in love. So in love they were careless with the birth control, and ta da, now I exist. They were young so they didn't work out, but even to this day they're still very fond of each other. Like, I know Dad would do pretty much anything for Mum except leave Kirsten, which Mum would never ask him to do, of course."

"Holy shit, you actually did grow up in an Australian soap opera."

With a chuckle, I nodded and said, "I guess. What about your parents?"

Tanya shifted on the lounge. "There's not much to tell. Dad was a soldier but he played in bands, mostly jazz but some blues and rock as well. When he was based in Lancashire he and some army mates would play gigs in pubs where they often drove down to Liverpool whenever they could get leave. Mum grew up there and worked as a nurse and she met Dad at one of his gigs. She's always told me Dad was the gentlest and most loving man she'd ever met."

"Awww, and you said he died...?"

"He did. Of a stroke when I was five. Like I said, I don't remember much of him, but I do remember him deploying to Afghanistan and then coming home, giving me a great big bear hug."

"Waawwww, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," she said, gesturing her hand towards the vinyl records and CDs neatly aligned in the low shelves around the walls of the room. "He lives on through our music collection."

I sat there chewing on my toastie while taking in the music collection again. "And your Mum's still a nurse?"

"She is, she works bloody hard at it, maybe too hard. She jokes she should've snagged a doctor by now, and she totally could do it too, because she still has her looks. But I don't think she genuinely wants one. She tells me many doctors are sexist and egotistical arseholes and when I'm working in the hospital I'm not to put up with their shit either."

"You work in a hospital too?"

"Didn't I tell you I'm a student nurse? I don't have a placement in a hospital yet and there were no lectures the past few days but I'll be back to the grind on Monday."

"Hmmm, interesting." I wondered why I didn't already know this about Tanya, considering we'd told one another so many personal things.

"I'm not interesting. Now Wes is interesting because he is a doctor. He's always good at anything he tries. And he'll be one of the nice ones, not one of those egotistical self-obsessed ones."

"I think you're interesting," I replied without hesitation.

She kicked my foot and smiled. "You're crazy, you don't know me. I'm not interesting at all. What about you, though, what do you do?"

"Not much. I finished school last year and work in a clothing store at a big shopping mall. Um, I play lots of music any chance I get...oh, and I start uni when I get back from this trip."

She waited a moment, then rolled her hands to suggest to me to continue. "And you're studying...?"

Gritting my teeth, I softly replied, "Bioengineering."

She slapped her leg. "Holy shit! Don't be so modest about studying bioengineering, it's amazing."

"I don't like talking myself up."

"Well, if I were you I'd be bragging that shit to everyone."

I shook my head but smiled and she gave my foot another shove while grinning. We finished our toasties, and soon I yawned. "I'm tired."

Tanya was up and flipping the record, which finished the A side. The Stones were playing again and Tanya offered me a cheeky grin when she said, "Even Mick Jagger's worried about you. Are we keeping you awake?"

"Yeah, actually. I didn't get the best sleep."

"Up all night shagging some hostel hottie?"

"Ha! No."

"Ooohh, so defensive. I suspect you were up all night with a boy doing the naughty in some dirty hostel bunk room."

I laughed. "You are so far from the truth."

Tanya giggled, sitting again. "His name was...Juan, and he was from...the Caribbean. And you were so hot for each other."

"Actually," I said, but didn't go on.

"Actually, what?"

"Nothing."

She put her empty plate on the side table and shifted position, folding her legs under her bum. "Kim, don't tell me you're saving yourself for the one."

"I'm not saving myself for anyone."

"But there is a boy. I can tell you're keeping something from me."

I shook my head. "Not quite..."

"Not quite...means I'm close to the mark and there is a boy back home in Australia, isn't there?"

"I'm not waiting for a boy," I said, sighing. "I mean, I have a friend and he's a boy, and he said he'd wait, but I didn't commit to him. In fact, I told him not to wait and how our..."

Tanya shifted and cocked her head. "About how what?"

"Um..."

"You have to tell me everything," she said, grinning.

I gave in. "There's a boy, but he's not my boyfriend..."

"What's his name?"

"David..."

"Of course," she chuckled, "They're all called David."

"Well, David is my friend's brother and we've hung out heaps over the years."

"And you and he are hot for each other, but...you like someone else too. Like, you like your friend as well."

I laughed. "Almost."

"Almost!"

I almost jumped when she shouted almost, the words still echoing around the room. "Well, I do like my friend, but she likes our friend Ollie, while her brother David likes me, and we kinda...well, we hooked up a few times. And he told me he loves me."

"Whoa, he loves you. But back up, you like your friend and she's a she?"

Cringing, I confessed, "She is a she and I do like her...I think I always have."

"Kimmy, my wonderful newest best friend in the whole wide world. Are you gay by any chance?"

I shook my head and smiled, but felt embarrassed. "I don't know. I don't think so. Maybe. Arrgghh, I didn't mind David, like, I was hot for him and wanted to sleep with him because he was one of the few boys I liked and I wanted to find out what sex was all about, but I wanted Ash too. Like, I'd rather have been with her. We've known each other for so long and she plays guitar too, so we end up singing and chatting all the time and we spend every moment we get the chance together, because, you know, we're besties, but..."

"You wanted to do more than simply spend time together, right?"

"Yeah," I said, not knowing how to put my thoughts and feelings for my friend Ashleigh into words. "Ash and I hang out all the time, but it never feels like enough. When she and I aren't together I miss her and it hurts. Does that make sense?"

Tanya's eyes bore into me; dark mind-reading eyes. At least, I felt she might be scanning my brain, and I looked away. She said, "Don't be embarrassed. It's sweet. And you do know I have a very gay brother, so I'm not at all judgmental about you."

"I don't understand it," I said. "Ash and I have shared so much over the years. But she's always going on about random boys, most of whom are completely ick, but I listen to her and nod and she listens to me when I tell her about stuff, but I've never actually told her my deepest darkest feelings, the ones I want so badly to share with her the most."

"Awww, see, this is the thing, we girls have such intense friendships, so it's difficult not to bond in a deeper way. Most boys don't get it."

I watched her as she unfolded her legs and found a new position. She stared back and I asked, "Tanya? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go on."

"Have you ever...kissed a girl?"

"I kissed a girl," she sang, Katy Perry style, "And I liked it!"

"For real?"

"Yeah, I have. Me and my friends have on the odd occasion snogged...we said we were practicing for the boys."

I smiled and shook my head.

"What?" she asked. "You don't approve?"

"Oh, I wasn't thinking of you and your friends. I was thinking about something else."

"Of your friend, Ash?" Tanya chuckled. "Of snogging her?"

"No...," I sighed, "Something did happen last night. When I went to my room one of the girls was awake, and she invited me to sit on her bed, and she was telling me how much she'd wished I'd gone dancing with them and the whole time she was caressing my hand and arm."

Tanya sat up while I told her these things and when I stopped she said, "Wow! Seriously?"

"There's more..."

"Of course there's more. You have to tell me the more."

I sighed and looked down, feeling my cheeks prickling. "I made a pact with myself for this trip that I'd...take up any new experiences. As long as I felt comfortable about it, of course. I...made a mental list, where I told myself if, say, the opportunity arises to have sex with a stranger, and I feel comfortable, I would. Both guys and girls, I want new and different experiences before I have to become too much of a serious adult."

Tanya nodded and said, "I like it, not a bad plan, sexy strangers can be so damn sexy."

She made me chuckle. "But I also decided I'd kiss people at any opportunity. Like, make out with random people. Any people as long as they didn't have cold sores or anything scabby around their mouths."

"Homeless people?"

I laughed. "No! Well, maybe, if they were hot."