Submerged

The cold is starting to get to me and I shiver as I finish brushing my teeth. They feel sore in my mouth and I notice blood when I spit so I remind myself to be more gentle next time. Wrapping my towel around myself, I pad over to the thermostat but it's already set as high as I normally leave it during winter. With a shrug, I increase the temperature a few degrees and head into my bedroom to slip beneath my comforter.

Sleep seems somehow distant despite having masturbated. And my exposed face feels colder than I'd like. So, I pull my blanket up until it covers me completely. Until I'm submerged. It softens the sound around me and makes it darker. Safer. I drift off to a peacefully dreamless slumber.

---

The ride into work is slow as the snow continues to fall. My heater is on full blast and all of the vents point at me but I can still feel the edge of the cold air and it drains me in a strange way. Makes me feel slower and dumber unless I'm directly in the blasting heat.

I fiddle with my seat controls as I squirm in my seat. It's hard to get comfortable. I have to hunch forward until - there, finally I find the button to make the back of the seat concave and I can sit up straight. My fin conforms to the shape of the seat behind me.

As I drive and my attention wanders, I find myself grinding my back into the seat, twisting my upper body back and forth to scratch the fin hidden beneath my clothing. I'm not even aware of it beyond the relief granted. It's satisfying. Yet the movement pulls the shirt against my chest, brushing against my nipples over and over until it starts to drive me mad. I force myself to stop but the nerves along my upper body throb for more attention.

My bra wouldn't fit this morning and it's concerning. I swear my breasts are way smaller than before. I almost wore the bra anyway but it looked weird beneath my shirt, folded over my soft, smooth white tits. Now I regret not doing it as my nipples poke against my shirt for anyone to see.

Thankfully I had time to call in and make an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning. It was admittedly embarrassing to explain the reason for my visit to the receptionist making the appointment and I'm not sure she believed my explanation but it's concerning. Just not 'I need to go to urgent care' concerning. I feel fine. Mostly fine.

With a gasp, I realize I'm rubbing my sore back against my seat again and my hand is between my thighs. Rubbing myself. I thought last night was a one-off but I'm still feeling on edge.

It takes a considerable amount of willpower to focus and I hunch forward to help. When I pull into the parking lot, I finally feel more relaxed and less.... Needy.

The air outside of my car is painfully cold and it staggers me as it seems to seep into my very core. I rush through it, trailing a swirling retinue of snowflakes as I make my way to the entrance. I can feel myself growing numb and cold.

I just.

I just want to.

Just want to lie down.

Here.

In the cold.

Can't move.

My hand touches the handle and I pull at it feebly, my strength sapped by the chill air. It moves and the door opens with a welcoming blast of heat that invigorates my numb body. I stumble in and lean against the wall

"Darla, are you okay?" our receptionist, Tammy, stands and comes over to me.

"Just. Cold." I say, my teeth chattering as I rub my arms and stamp my feet.

The nerve endings throughout my body are on fire, popping off like little firecrackers from my spine and outward as they awaken slowly. My right hand in particular is throbbing. I clench my teeth and don't even notice when they flex in my gums.

Tammy looks at me in surprise that she quickly hides.

"I'm fine, thank you," I mutter, shuffling around her to walk down the hallway.

Now that sensations have returned to me, I can feel a weight against my back and my hands are still hot and angry. I flex them as I walk, passing plain fabric walls until I find the little corner cubicle I'd begged for.

"Good morning Darl- oh," Shawna says, stopping herself to stare at me with blinking eyes. "Uh. Good morning!"

She walks away almost faster than I do. I make a quick stop at my desk to grab my coffee cup and then into the empty breakroom. They stock the room with tea and I happily abuse the generosity, taking a black tea bag and filling the cup.

I want to wrap myself around the cup when I pick it up. It's steaming and too hot to drink but I almost take a sip anyway. The thought of it coursing through me and warming me from head to toes is intoxicating. Instead, I scurry back to my desk and sit, pressing the cup to my stomach while leaning over it.

When I bend, something pops in my back. I freeze and then move slowly and feel a smaller pop when I flex my body. I can feel it deep in my hips. It's not painful but - I move and it pops again- it's weird.

As I sigh and hold the cup close, my coccyx clicks once more before muscles grow around it, holding it in place. The odd popping stops as it becomes anchored. The bottom of my fin elongates as another bone forms beneath the tailbone, forcing it away from my body.

Setting my tea down, I go to type in my password to log in.

And I almost scream when my vestigial right ring finger tries to reach for the "O" key. Clasping my left hand to my mouth, I pick up my right hand and stare at it. The finger is small - not even to the first knuckle but it's fully formed and I can feel it on my hand.

The scar - the horrible scar I've lived with since I was a child, has faded to a flat pink line.

My heart hammers in my chest as I turn my hand over and over. Ancient muscle memory returns and I move my missing finger and stare as it wiggles.

Oh god. It's longer now, past the knuckle. It's more pale than the rest of the fingers and the end is flattened and circular. Despite the oddity of it and the completely unreality of the idea of my finger regrowing, I'm struck by the fact that there's no nail bed.

Carefully. Curiously. I reach out and touch my cup and the heat burns my entire hand. Tears fill my eyes as I feel it. As I feel it against my entire hand. Something I'd forgotten over the years.

But why? And how?

Blood rushes through my body as my heart hammers and sweat forms. I watch my finger continue to grow. I can bend it now.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Bouncing up, I rush to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My tailbone writhes behind me, as long as my thumb but I bend in front of the sink and turn on the water, splashing my face again and again as I swallow back the bile at the back of my throat.

The feel of the warm water against my skin reminds me of my bath and the tank from yesterday. It calms me almost immediately.

I stare at the water cupped into my hand. My right ring finger is complete but oddly longer than the neighboring fingers and the tip is flattened. However, when I look closer, I can see the edges of my pinky finger are more round than I remember. The long, winding scar is gone now, leaving behind perfect, unmarred skin.

All of that is forgotten when I look up. My eyebrows are missing. Now I know why everyone was looking at me strangely. I touch my face, leaning in close. Are my eyes further apart or is that just an effect of the missing eyebrows? My hands glide across my wide face and then I bend and splash water once again, running all ten fingers through my hair. Strands come free but I'm hypnotized by my strange face as I wash my hands.

It's all too much suddenly and I can't stay at work. I can't.

My breathing is shaky as I go to my desk, ducking my head to hide my face. I snatch my purse and then stalk through the office, avoiding everyone's attention to the best of my abilities. I have years of practice at it.

"Oh, did you-" Tammy starts to ask.

"Feeling sick, going home," I tell her, steeling myself for the cold outside. I take two quick breaths, push the door and run.

"Okay, I'll tell-" but her voice is lost to me.

As before, the cold saps my strength but I'm prepared this time, running as fast as I can. My car unlocks when I touch the handle and I jump inside, starting it and cranking the heater all the way up.

I can't breathe.

I can't.

I can't breathe, it's too much. It's too much.

The world closes in and I see black lights at the edge of my vision as I hyperventilate.

Beneath my hair, complex systems evolve, tangling with my cardiovascular system. Hairlike tendrils of flesh push forth from my scalp, mixing with the hair they hide behind. Red dots the underside of the tendrils.

My new gill stalks tremble before laying flat.

The tank. I was at peace there. Adrift in the quiet.

I fumble for my phone and dial the last number I called. The owner, Charles, answers on the third ring.

"H- hi," I say as I try to calm myself. "It's Darla. From yesterday? Do you- do you have time for me to come in? It's just I'm feeling really bad right now and-"

"My dear," he says, projecting composure. "I'll always have time for you. Please, yes, come in. I'll prepare the capsule."

I hang up and breathe deep. My gill stalks raise in response before folding down again.

And then I drive.

---

"Thank you so much," I tell the owner but he waves his hand as if to wave away my worries.

"Please, follow me," he says, turning and leading me to the back. "Same room as before. I think perhaps you need longer this time. I can feel the stress exuding from your body and it pains me."

He opens the door and waves me in.

"I'll be waiting as before," he says with a smile. "Please take your time."

After he leaves, I strip, tossing my clothes onto the bench before climbing the stairs. Anxious to begin. Eager to feel the water's embrace.

After a few minutes pass, the hatch silently closes and I realize I've entered the tank without my bathing suit. Yet, as I lay there with my arms spread, my eyes closed and the warm water around me, I don't care. It feels good. It feels right.

I close my mouth and my gill stalks lengthen, pulling my hair loose. They grow thick as they wave in the water beneath me. The rod dots on my growing gill stalks sprout like scarlet ferns.

With my mouth closed, I take a deep breath and my gills open for the first time.

The webbing between my fingers inches forward. I lower my hands in the water and pull, sinking myself deeper, twisting my arms to spiral in place with a smile. My fingernails fall away painlessly to reveal smooth skin beneath.

My eyes slowly open as my eyelids recede. Something brushes the back of my thighs and I panic for a moment, turning and reaching to feel what-

But then, light.

Another hatch, set against the bottom of the tank and hidden by the darkness, opens to reveal sapphire lighting. I float and then swim to it, holding the edges with elongating fingers to peer through.

My external gill stalks wave behind me like unruly red and white hair.

There's an entire world waiting beyond, a beautiful warm seabed beyond the mechanical portal of the tank. Unfamiliar plants wave slowly over rocks and sandy slopes.

My tailbone shifts in apprehension, pulling my fin in a waving pattern and it almost propels me forward.

I have to see.

I kick, spreading my toes to catch the water until I'm clear of the opening and then my arms join in and I race through the water with a stream of bubbles behind me. My small breasts shrink further, pulling against my body until they're small lumps.

"My beautiful siren."

The voice comes from everywhere and I whirl in a panic. It's Charles' voice.

A white light shines through the blue of the water. I move toward it and the tip of my tail brushes the back of my knees. It takes a moment but I see him finally. There's a giant glass wall and Charles stands behind it in a semi-dark room.

But he's not important right now.

I see my reflection.

My hair is as thick as tentacles and my fingers and toes are nearly twice as long as before with a translucent skin between them. I move, surprised by the sight and my tail shows itself, as thick as my thighs and topped by a waving line of skin.

Worse, my face is unrecognizable. Wide now with my eyes spread to the side. I reach up, hesitantly, and touch where my nose would be. I brush the two closed slits of my nostrils instead.

My ears are so small. Shrunken and close to my skull, nearly hidden behind the red stalks of my gills.

Movement.

Behind me.

I turn awkwardly to see a woman swimming towards me. She's stunning with pure white hair and heavy breasts floating freely.

And a giant, green-scaled tail in place of her legs.

She smiles with sharp teeth that frighten me but her eyes are soft and caring.

"Don't be alarmed," Charles says soothingly. "It's only the two of you. So far. Angela has been so lonely lately."

The mermaid stops at a distance to grab her hair and hide her face.

A mermaid. A- A- fucking mermaid. The bad language, even mentally, makes me feel uneasy but she's floating right there in front of my eyes. And what am I?

"You make quite a pair," Charles continues. "I hope to find more but the magic is fickle and my client's choice is such a large part of it."

Choice?

Did I choose this?

His words fill me with doubt but, as I turn to face him, the water surrounds and supports me. There's silence and a beautiful solitude to be found here.

"It will take time to transport you both properly," he says, his voice booming throughout the water. It's muffled in a strange way but still clear to me. "Angela has made the trip once already but I want to return you both to my island. The waters there are even more beautiful and you'll be truly free."

She swims to me hesitantly. Watching my reactions. I let her come, staring at her still-human face. So unlike mine now. Broad and vile and-

But she reaches out to touch my cheek with a smile and a slight tilt of her head. Her hand brushes my skin and I can't help but lean into her caress.

The light behind Charles fades as he turns to walk away, leaving the two of us together. I'm terrified but as Angela takes my arm gently to pull me deeper into the tank, I can't help but wonder at the new life before me.

Unfettered. Unbound. The worries of society lifted from my shoulders.

I breathe deeply and exhale bubbles which delights Angela. She claps her hand with dimples in her cheeks and a shine in her eyes.

When she pulls again, I follow, losing myself in the depths.