All Comments on 'Substitute Pussy'

Laurel initially rejected this for age aspects -- the original subtitle was FUCK ME, NOT MY UNDERAGE DAUGHTER and I probably intimated too much, even though I made it clear that no underage sex occurred in the story.

I considered various endings but decided to punt and await comments. The BTB (burn the bitch) crowd will want to see Elle and maybe Kaz punished badly. RAAC (reconcile at any cost) fans will have Ben forgive her, probably after Elle destroys Kaz. The willing-wimp / wittol contingent might want Elle to humiliate Ben -- but I don't write such stories, and Elle is too righteous for that. For over-the-top, Elle could recruit other mothers to fuck young predatory studs to keep them from their underage daughters. Orgies ensue. I'm NOT leaning in that direction.

I await your constructive suggestions.

I really enjoyed the story and its characters. To me, the author fixated a bit much on the sordid aspect of the mother and local lothario. It was exquisitely written but the sexual interlude was almost reptilian in its cold blooded aspect. I wanted to see vulnerabilities and loneliness intertwined with this unconventional liaison.

She holds something within that draws Kaz in beyond the obvious MILF angle. Its evident this guy has multiple feminine options, yet he chose her. There is a muted but viable romance subplot potential being left on thd table. Overall - I admired the main course Hypoxia set out on the literary table. I'm quibbling about side plates and nuances that were omitted.

What an excellent stream of consciousness passage inside mom's mind as she tries to bridle her pleasure ! That really was superlative and the reason I'm rating this at full marks. Where should this story ultimately go ? Maybe just maybe, it might be symbiotic . He emerges from their time a bit less cruel and callow. Doomed minor key romance is also possible.

There are palatable. milfable' possibilities and its clear that Hypoxia has the talent to make them work, only his inclination is open to question. I'm getting a bit of a Chuck Pahluniak-esque nihlist vibe so far. That's valid as well ,albeit, not my 'personal ' preference *****

Mom decides to send daughter away to an even more religious aunt in Utah. Mom and lethario meet for what he thinks will be their final fuck. While she's on her knees blowing him, she pulls out her good fabric scissors, cuts off his dick and rams the scissors up his asshole. Everybody wins.

How do I want this to proceed? I'm happy you have asked. Kaz will break his vow, but not in such an overt manner.

Tyra, now smitten, will not be put aside so easily. She works her young magic in ways only an in-experienced girl might. A larger purse now carries clothing her mother would never see. Like a four year old eating stolen cookies while standing behind the drapes she feels safe in her hiding place. Kaz cannot keep his promise. With so many eye candy experiences his young mans brain wants every thing it can have.

Another mother has come into the grey smoke of betraying her husbands trust. Kaz has worked his sexy magic upon a ranchers wife. After taking her atop the bails in a horse barn, he rolls her over and finger fucks the now willing BBW as she lays widely spread and very willing. Once taken, she is far less shy. He divulges his fun with another mother. Elle, as the now on-going partner Kaz chats frequently with, is an easy guess for the new woman. The ranch wife and mother wants more of Kaz's attention. She uses her daughter to bait Tyra into being too forward so that Elle might discover the situation.

Elle, upon finding Tyra's stash under a pew smashes his balls in her palm with thoughts of Kaz being the predator. Ranch wife now seduces Elle. Kaz is out of the picture.

I would like to see Kaz break his vow and Elle destroye him.I liked the story.

I find it ludicrous that anyone in this would be considered trustworthy enough to be bound by their words. I find the religious references offensive. The story was neither cleverly written nor entertaining. With characters that are both idiotic and repulsive I found this to be a waste of time to read. No stars.

That's my wish.

let's see where it goes....

Options 4 and 6 or 7 or....

Whatever makes for a creative and entertaining story.

Gave 3*s because of the writer. The continum of sequels is very original. But why stop with only one thread HYP ??

Now THAT is an idea, lol

AMerryMan

As such a religious public figure in the community why not go to his family and her own husband and get them all involved. I'm sure she could of come up with something better than becoming his fuck toy. She will be the towns laughing stock who made a fool of her husband and family. The kid will never be able to keep it to himself and knows he can talk her into everything. It will progress into videos,gangbangs,etc. She will become the local college kids toy

It didn't seem like she really enjoyed the sex. BUT STILL, she was able to see it was somewhat better(?) than with Ben, ugh....well at least FOR NOW (dun-dun DAHHH!!).

Hey, I have to say that I REALLY like that you are embracing the ideas for various consequences to use as a guide for your story continuation. Interesting to open the story path up to audience feedback. Some will call this a lazy move from a bored author. Hey maybe it is. But I PREFER to see it as a move by an author to embrace the audience, and assure them that their opinions matter. You seem to want to turn this into a story that a sampled majority seem to want. But Murphy's law will show that you STILL won't make everybody happy, so soon enough you'll just get back to writing whatever the fuck you want to in the end, any-ole-way. So....

Why not make the incest freaks happy, and reveal that Tyra's little cherry had already been plucked by Ben, and so Elle's "sacrifice" was in vain, and Ben doesn't even care about that and they all end up in a group orgy after the big reveal.

Best to use LOTS of sacreligious imagery interspersed between all the copulating.

Isn't that what MOST people want? LOL?!?

No, actually I see the Kaz being the true punk asshole that he is. Blabbing, bragging, and betraying the agreement. Elle gets revenge. She does penance for Ben. He forgives (of course). But the emotional twist comes from Tyra's indifference to Kaz. She is just as appalled by Elle as Ben as she relates that she never would have given it up to Kaz anyway. Meanwhile, Ben invests in chastiy belts for the girls, after Tyra reveals her NEXT crush on the next boy (TBA).

OH WELL....

Yes, lots of possibilities. I think you are hoping that more people will cry out for merciless revenge. Hype, quite simply, I gotta say that the story you have started simply CAN NOT support credible revenge. Any of these characters are so unrealistic, that NONE of their emotional outbursts will have the potential to carry any weight. Revenge looks ludicrous when carried out by empty shelled stereotypes.

If you want to continue this story, you would need to fix it first. Chapter two would need to focus mightily on dramatically improved character development. Maybe THEN in chapter 3, some readers could be moved to find themselves somehow caring just how things might turn out for these folks.

Consequences help to make truly great stories. People NEED to learn lessons. That said, it has to feel more real if you want readers to FEEL what the characters are going through.

I honestly hope you keep working on this. I am not even being smarmy, when I say that maybe you should pull this chapter, and rework it some. If you do that, my biggest suggestion is to leave all the Jehova stuff OUT of it.

Good luck. I hope this was at least partially constructive feedback. I will apologize for my sarcasm. But like most things attempted, it often isn't the idea....as much as it is the execution.

She slowly falls in love. They hatch a plot where he courts the daughter for future marriage (but no sex - he parent ends to be a good boy) whilst continuing to cuckold the poor rev. The sex gets nastier (they both love it of course). The theme moves to sex in public places - the church and nearly getting caught - often.

Well...um....yea...just stupid.

Saying you don't like the story, is valid. NOT saying WHY you don't like the story, is useless. And note that the story is not complete. I asked for suggested endings. If you don't want any follow-ups, please say WHY. I really am tempted to write variant sequels exploring many possibilities.

Please note that this is a fictional story, not a tract nor essay. I have a relevant essay posted: WHAT IS CHEATING? Also note that LIT is a fantasyland where people don't necessarily behave 'realistically' - and even real behaviors may be driven by fantasy, faith, fear, and feckless abandon. And your own reactions? If I've punched your buttons, I've done my job. Cheers!

Or will you just leave it hanging like you do with so many stories? Are you trying to pull a JBJ and write stories with no real endings?

My vote is he should keep the vow and she should destroy him a la Count of Monte Cristo. Would definitely be the most intriguing ending.

A strange story, but kind if interesting, if not bazaar.

I will opt for #4 - I mean, what teenaged boy would be able to keep this a secret? I always liked the MILF thing (I even married one).

So, the smug asshole had to brag to his buddies, who of course, didn't believe him. It eventually gets back to Tyra and she goes to Mom with the story/rumor. Together mother & daughter conceive a plan to 'even-the-score' with Kaz.

However, Jehovah steps in and takes over.

It seems that Kaz's ego gets the best of him, along with a big mouth

He incurs the wrath of another girl's jealous boyfriend. Kaz is seriously injured when he gets beat up by the boyfriend and his buddies - he takes several kicks to the balls by steel-tipped work boots, in addition to many shots to the kidneys, back and head.

Kaz survives, but has been rendered senseless by head concussions, and his now-flattened balls need to be amputated leaving him unable to get a hard-on.

Elle and Tyra are able to resume their lives and Kaz is never spoken of again.

that Kaz finally hopped on a bus to L.A. and eventually hooked up the that famous nympho-slut Marva! LMFO

ok , been nine months ...

plenty of time for your fertile imagination to have decided on the birth of a follow up ..

or to call it quits and abort the abomination

....

voted 4 stars

..

well written

interesting

engaging

thought provoking.

He goes to break his vow and is struck but a bus, meteor, car plane, etc. She tells her husband and he forgives.

One end missing...He repents and enters a convent! 1*

I suggest that Kaz breaks his vow by raping her (maybe anally), maybe he also invites some friends over and they have a gang-bang. Perhaps Ben was invited, too or somehow walks in on it which is how he finds out about the whole deal.

I have to assume that Ben is starved for sex anyhow since she doesn't want to have anymore kids, so the animal in him takes over and he joins in or he plans revenge some other time... This story has a lot of potential and I'd love to hear more of it.

He's gotta learn the right way and suffer when he doesn't.

Perhaps some adverse publicity ?

HP

First, there is no Asian myth of sexual prowess to break (like the silly BBC garbage). There are, however, ecumenical orders betrothed to the sincere guidance of Biblical teaching. Unfortunately this "author" is not knowledgeable enough in those matters, since he is writing smut for jerking purposes.

A good church has its own "protection" for and among the members. All that is required would be a simple word with such administrators and the "boy's" parents and that should be enough to ensure the maidenhead of the virginal leftist daughter.

Unfortunately, we find ourselves in a world of piss-ants who find denigration of the just as a simple joy (for their simple minds). It would take too much effort to write from whence real knowledge flows. Just make shit up and piss on Christians, they don't fight back.

I missed the point completely. Why didn't she just kill him and make sure he didn't come back?

Why not threaten to have him arrested for statutory rape if Kaz touches Tyra? At his age, it fits that description in most places in the US.

I'll have ending 8) Kaz learns everything from Elle, and starts his own church together with Tyra - maybe convinces Elle to teach her?

Would love to read how he approaches the twins to get a better deal, raw, anal and groups including. Ben finds out but understands the importance of saving their children. So he supports his wife to work in gods way.

Crap.