All Comments on 'Suburban Sunbathing'

You show promise ,,, more...

Last couple paragraphs ruined it.

Excellent

Nice story. I gave you a 5, but it would be a four to an author with more experience. Old Al likes to encourage promising talent. I think you have some raw talent and with practice you will be making the honor lists. First thing missing is.....You know it already don't you? ....

not nearly enough about the actual sex. You wrote 2 solid pages of good background and lead up. I am sure, like all of us, you have relived the first time ,no! not THE first time! , the first time you really nailed it! You know, she was moaning, you both were sweating, and then whatever she did, called your name several times, then you were lost in a bath of lights and flashes as you shot a load that had them lowering the life boats down at the harbor! lol. You have gone over that one in your head a million times! So, write the description for your next story! I know how many little bumps she had on her nipple, as a ran my tongue over each one while she thrust her tight tunnel at and then over and around my throbbing groin sickle. HER BREATHING getting more ragged by the second

I really like the story, though I think it moved too quickly unexpectedly. Their relationship is great, but, from the point they were alongside the water in this chapter, it moved way too fast.

Perhaps you need to dig into her thoughts and feelings and why she wants to have a physical relationship with her half-brother? As is, it feels like she jumped his bones without us understanding why she would do so.

As I said though, I like the premise. *I* would have done it gladly because she seems like a wonderful counterpart and partner.

There's clearly feeling between the two beyond the sex, at least in how you unfurled the plot. Be nice to see a chapter 2. 5*

Disappointing ending.

They are not chaises lounges, they are chaises longues. It's a French term and means long chairs.