- NonHuman
- Summer Loving
- Page 2
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Click hereBehind him he heard the small voice of his niece, Annie speaking with Jalamia. He inhaled slowly pulling his wallet out of his pocket. He wondered how much an emergency babysitter will cost. Hell who was he going to call. He didn't have kids nor was he around his niece enough to know who her usual sitter was.
He walked back into the kitchen looking at the bills in his pocket. He never went to the bank like he meant to this morning. His cash balance desperately low. He raised his head. His focus immediately went to the curvy brunette.
Despite her oversize clothes, her body revealed itself slowly. In long sexy longs he imagined wrapped around him. Pump pouty lips that he imagine wrapped around another part of his anatomy. Mentally he shook his head. She probably wouldn't appreciate his thought process.
He stepped further into the kitchen. She turned slowly. Her brilliant amber eyes regarded him. He almost forgot that his young niece was still present which was like a cold splash of freezing water.
"Are you okay," She spoke a smoky husky voice.
"No...I am lost now. I have to get to work but I can't leave Annabelle here alone."
"She can stay with me," She quickly piped up.
He smiled. "Are you sure?"
"Sure...I really didn't have much to do"
- COMMENTS
candykinsover 9 years agoI enjoyed this beginning. I am intrigued. I liked your voice. I liked how the main character sounded so lost and out of her element in the human world.
You've laid down the groundwork though for a very large story. It seems like an ambitious and long story arc. I hope you follow through with a continuation because it looks quite promising.
kwkslvrover 9 years agoLooking forward to the next chapter or two or ten whichever. You need an editor though.
Anonymousover 9 years agoit's is a nice story but i really dont see were this is all heading...
Hurbsterover 9 years agoNot s bad start, am assuming that English is not your first language though. Get an editor or friend to proof read it to help with those basic mistakes.
mocha1120over 9 years agoYou have the start of a good story. Now you need to find an editor to help with the grammar, spelling, and general readability of the story.
tabbymidniteover 9 years agoLooking forward to the continuation, or continuance, or part 2. Just would love to read more. Not to step on toes but if your going to make grammatical suggestions why be anonymous, stand behind your critiques .......
But anyway Cam31 love the story so far lots of interesting characters cannot wait to get to know them better....
Anonymousover 9 years agoI find it quite hard to invest any time in stores where the author has little grasp of the language.
deep gutter shouts (guttural)
a guff of wind (gust)
short swat red hair ((swatch or squat ?)
It winded in a spiral (wound)
Amazing none of the (Amazingly)
I surprised none ( I am surprised)
I could go on for ever but you get the picture, now get an editor please.
