Sun Hee Ch. 08

Was she submitting to him even now?

Some part of me felt certain she was.

I retreated to my room again and jerked off, I couldn't help it, and I spilled uselessly into my hand as I imagined this other man cumming inside Sun Hee. This boss's son surely felt he deserved Sun Hee's pussy - in a way I never did. His Korean cock would be bare inside her. It would be his right.

In my mind I urged him on.

It shamed me to admit that the fact he was Korean added to my feeling of humiliation. Asian girls supposedly liked white guys, but with Sun Hee, my white privilege had only served to get me locked in chastity. And I began to feel like that was where I belonged again.

After cumming, the long refractory period filled me with shame and self-doubt. I worried that Sun Hee didn't really see me as a man any more, and that she may never want me back. I worried, too, that I had no interest in other women, no interest in moving on. I'd never even had sex with Sun Hee, yet she was still the only woman I could think about. Sun Hee had rewired me. Or broken me.

The thought of the chastity cage never left my mind. It's all I deserve, I thought. It's what brought me closest to Sun Hee.

The more I thought about that first time Sun Hee had caged me, a strange and dangerous idea began to form in my mind. Defeated, I dug the cage out from the bottom of my bag where I hid it, and felt its familiar heft and size in my hand. For such a bulky bit of plastic, the cage was surprisingly light. And final.

On impulse, I put the cage on. It closed around my useless cock with a familiar ease, and the lock slid into place.

The key I never took from the little white box Sun Hee used to store it. I wouldn't touch the key, I resolved, until Sun Hee chose to accept the key back. I would stay chaste for her until she was mine again.

"But how do I know you truly stayed chaste? How do I know you didn't cheat?" I heard Sun Hee's voice in my mind. She was right. With the key within reach there would be a constant temptation to cheat. I needed a more dramatic gesture. Besides, it wasn't chastity that I needed - it was Sun Hee holding my key that I craved.

So I did something truly rash.

With a burst of self-destructive energy, I scooped up the little white box, grabbed my keys and borrowed my mother's car, and left the house. At the Post Office I boxed up the key and in big black letters wrote out the address of Sun Hee's dorm. The perfect image of Sun Hee's smile as she got back home to her dorm, checked her mail, and discovered this little present waiting for her cause my heart to swell with something that felt like love.

At the same time, a more rational voice in my head urged me to consider the possibility the key would somehow not arrive - passing hand to hand among mailmen and bored student workers. Mail did get lost all the time. There was a very real chance the key - the only key - would get lost in the mail and never arrive, and if that happened, the chastity would be permanent. Somehow that risk excited me even more, making my dick ache and tingle so profoundly that I declined insuring or tracking the package.

I would simply drop the key into the mail and accept the consequences.

Sun Hee's words echoed in my mind: "If you really want me back, find a way. Show me you can be the man I want you to be." Is this what she wanted? Would this bring her back?

Holding the box with the key over the lip of the postal dropbox I hesitated. And then let go. The metal door of the dropbox boomed shut as the key disappeared irreversibly.

I was committed.

***

Of course, this new resolution of mine to stay chaste didn't feel quite the same when Sun Hee didn't skype the next morning. Or the day after that.

I waited in chastity expecting a report from her date, but it never came. At first being made to wait was kind of hot. But then I began to rage that she had forgotten me, and I had to consider the very real possibility that I had locked myself for a woman who no longer cared about me sexually. But the cage made clear one simple and basic face: this wasn't about me. And she didn't need me.

I simply had to endure the exquisite agony of not knowing.

The cage, strangely, had a calming effect. Every time I thought about Sun Hee I felt sad and hurt, but I also got aroused. My poor, trapped little cock would strain helplessly against the plastic of the cage, and that swelling sent a tingle up my spine. That tingle felt like Sun Hee; it was Sun Hee. Each time I got upset and the cage blocked my arousal, it felt like Sun Hee's tiny hand squeezing around my balls, calming me.

It felt right. This was my place.

It was three days before Sun Hee finally called again, and by that time, I had built this whole experience with her date into something huge and mythic in my mind. Yet the girl who called was the same girl she always was. She didn't look any different. She didn't act different. Whether she had slept with him or not, she was still the same girl I was madly in love with.

And that simple truth made me feel closer to her than ever.

"About your date last night," I said. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask.

Sun Hee visibly stiffened. Clearly she expected more of the jealous inconsistency I had displayed last semester, but I was determined to do better. The cage helped me do better.

"I'm not asking how it went," I hurried to add. "I just wanted to say... Well, I hope you had a nice time with him."

The change in her body language was like magic. She leaned back into her chair, and her wide mouth relaxed into a smile. It was evening her time, so the bedroom was dark except for the mood light of a single lamp. She had it covered with a sequined cloth that sent little shadow stars spinning across the walls and ceiling.

She wore a white blouse and light blue pants, one of the rare times she wasn't wearing a dress or skirt, and incongruously, she also had on a pale gold apron with two little cats sewn into it.

A good, Korean daughter, she had been washing dishes after her family dinner. It was her place to clean and cook, and to start thinking about marriage. This version of her jarred against that other image of her with the boss's son, spreading her legs and crying out in pleasure as he penetrated her, and the whole thing seemed unreal.

I swallowed hard, feeling aroused all over again, and my throbbing penis pressed helplessly against the cage. I steeled myself for what I needed to say.

"Also, I thought you might like to know..." My body trembled and my voice quavered. This was so embarrassing what I was going to say, but I needed to get through it. I needed Sun Hee to know the truth. "I thought you should know that it made me hot... you going out on a date. Really hot." I looked down and blushed furiously.

Sun Hee's eyebrows rose as I spoke, but she said nothing in return. She waited, politely, for me to finish my confession.

So I had no choice. "It made me really hard, I don't know why... and, well, I couldn't help touching myself... and... you need to know I came."

The words tumbled out in a rush. Sun Hee's eyebrows rose higher and her lips tightened as though fighting a smile, but still she said nothing. She tapped her finger thoughtfully against her mouth as she listened.

"I spilled really hard," I said into the growing silence. "Thinking about you. Well, thinking about you fucking him. I... I liked it."

Sun Hee let the silence gather before she finally responded. "Well, well, that's quite a confession."

My face burned red, yet I felt strangely relieved.

She leaned forward in a way that made the apron accent her figure, and again I was struck by the odd disparity between this version of Sun Hee and the version of her that had gone on a date with another man: sweet Sun Hee and slutty Sun Hee. "I must say, it amuses me to hear what an effect my little date had on you." She paused, thinking. "Since you've been so good about not asking," she said. "I guess I'll tell you want you want to know."

I held my breath, waiting for the blow I knew was about the fall. My cock swelled inside its little plastic prison.

"Honestly, I did fuck him." She said it so matter of factly.

My ears swam as if I was submerged under rushing water, so much so I barely really heard her words. It's more like I felt them rather than heard them. My body felt hot even as my bones felt cold. The jealousy I felt was so intense it did not really seem like jealousy at all, but something separate from myself, a burning sensation that consumed my awareness.

It felt like arousal. It was arousal.

Sun Hee watched my face intently. She saw the jealousy there plain as day, and it seemed to cause her pain as well. She smiled through it, a thin smile, and a smile that I echoed weakly back to her.

We both accepted something changing between us.

As we talked, though, it wasn't what you would expect. We didn't talk about the sex, but rather something much deeper and more intimate about her conflicted feelings being with him. She told me about how awkward the date was at first, and how she struggled with all the different expectations her parents placed on her. Her mother had insisted she wear one of her dresses, which made Sun Hee feel weirdly matronly. She was expected to look pleasing to his eye and yet wasn't supposed to have sex. She was barely 20, yet she was expected to act like a woman ready to settle down. All the different social proprieties she was so supposed to follow, asking after the health of his family whom she had never met, and so on, were in contrast with her simple desire to have a little fun. And while she wanted to be dating, she was still restless and young, eager for new experiences and not at all ready to settle down. Even a serious relationship, like ours, had made her bristle and rebel.

He was supposed to be a "good match," and yet they had nothing in common. Being some ten years older, he lived a very different life from hers. He cared nothing for the art and ideas she valued. He had never travelled. He had a good job, but it was a boring office job in some business that sold... something.

But when I expressed sympathy for what sounded like a horrible date, Sun Hee was quick to say that no, he was very accomplished and handsome. At times he acted entitled and superior as if she should feel grateful he was taking her out, which Sun Hee said bothered her, yet at the same time she admitted that it goaded her to be more flirtatious, as if she wanted to earn his attention. When I pointed out the contradiction, she wryly acknowledged it.

"I don't really understand myself either," she said.

She struggled with the way his gender expectations made her feel passive: he picked the restaurant, he ordered for her, and he steered the conversation. In rebellion, Sun Hee "accidentally" left the top button on her dress undone to show an occasional flash of cleavage, and when he offered her his arm as they left the restaurant, she enjoyed pressing her breasts against him. She liked the effect that had on men.

"When he took me, he never asked," Sun Hee said, and paused. "That really excited me. But it scared me too... because of who he was." She said this in a small voice. "But knowing you were home thinking about me... knowing this excited you... that made me want what was happening."

The way Sun Hee shared her inner feelings this way felt intimate and real, like we were drawing even closer together, but at the same time it was tremendously emasculating. She talked to me like I was her girlfriend. Did she even see me as a man anymore? The way she opened up to me felt wonderful, but the more she opened up the less concerned she became about my own jealousy and insecurity, especially when she talked about how handsome she thought he was and how much she enjoyed the upscale restaurant he took her to.

At some point she felt relaxed enough to move over onto the bed. She stretched out on her belly and peered into the screen as we talked, a level of casualness that she rarely showed to others. Occasionally, when her head ducked in laughter or embarrassment, the camera showed the small of her back and her little butt, perfect and perky in her light cotton pants, and her legs idly waved from side to side, her feet bare of course as she was indoors.

She looked so innocent and relaxed on the bed, so at odds with what we were talking about, yet my cock twinged painfully each time I visualized her tiny body writhing in pleasure underneath this older man.

"It's strange," Sun Hee mused. "Growing up so repressed about sex, it was never talked about growing up or among my friends. For a long time I didn't really even understand how it... worked." She flashed a quick and awkward smile as she admitted this. "But somehow I was always fascinated by cock. The image, the shape, the way it swelled up so hard and stiff looked so... triumphant to me." The wriggle of her butt seemed entirely involuntary. She looked up at me, holding my eye. "I was a good girl. I am a good girl. But cock just makes me do bad things. I can't help it."

Sun Hee spoke quietly, transporting both of us to some intimate and hidden part of herself. Listening, I didn't know quite what to say. I tried to think about my own formative experience as she sought to understand this basic tension in her relationship with sex.

"Did he... did he have a nice..." I couldn't force myself to say the words.

Her eyes darted toward me, and suddenly she was back from whatever far away place she had drifted to. "Do you mean did he have a nice cock?" Her sly grin was knowing, and she enjoyed enunciating the word I couldn't bring myself to say. She shook her head in amusement, and her body quivered with silent laughter.

Sun Hee looked up and to the left, remembering. "I felt so naughty stepping across his threshold into his bedroom. A good Korean girl would never sleep with someone one a first date. I felt so reckless doing it - I couldn't help myself."

I noticed that wasn't an answer.

And for some reason, the way Sun Hee dodged the question made my cock strain inside its cage even more than what she was saying. Or maybe it wasn't so much what she said as how she said it: something in her eyes spoke of a hunger that intimidated me.

The conflicted feeling of shame and arousal I felt as she described her night with this other man made the next part of what I had resolved to tell her even harder, but I had to go through with it. I had to tell her that I had caged myself. My cock strained frantically inside the chastity device. That implacable wall around my cock felt familiar and yet provoked a feeling of panic and dread. Could I really endure being caged again? How long would I have to stay locked?

I felt trapped. I was trapped. The key was gone. It was literally out of my hands.

The possibilities made me groan, and my toes curled.

I felt a horror at what I had done, suddenly convinced that Sun Hee had no real interest in my cock anymore, caged or uncaged. How could I compete with this guy and the sex he had given her? But it was too late. The key was gone. There was literally no way to escape what I had done without Sun Hee. Besides, I reassured myself, this was what I wanted. I wanted above all else to get back with Sun Hee, and submitting to her this way seemed the only way to do it.

"Sun Hee, there's something else I need to tell you," I said, making it real. "I told you I spilled while thinking about you on your date..." Sun Hee nodded, listening carefully to my confession. "Well, after I came, I decided to put the chastity cage back on. It felt... it felt right." I didn't tell her yet about mailing the key to her - I wanted that to be a surprise.

Sun Hee's eyes widened with interest, and the corner of her mouth ticked upward. "Oh?" she asked, cocking her head. "And just why did you do that?"

"I want to prove myself to you, Sun Hee," I resolved. "I want you to be my keyholder again. I promise to stay locked until you take me back again."

The submission I felt to Sun Hee in this moment was unreal. I was totally in her hands.

"Take you back as your girlfriend, or as your keyholder?" Sun Hee challenged. Her eyes sparkled, but her face stayed hard and impassive. I couldn't tell if she liked this idea or was bored by it.

I hadn't considered that question, and the possibility I might get nothing but caged made my cock surge painfully against the hard plastic. "Whichever you choose." The answer popped out before I could think clearly.

"And what if I never take you back?"

"Then I stay locked," I resolved.

Sun Hee smirked and for a moment flashed one of her unreadable, Korean smiles. Her calm, inscrutable expression gave absolutely no indication of what she thought of this. If anything, she seemed almost bored, not like when she was talking about herself and her date. Had I misread her? Had she really lost interest in me? Suddenly I had to confront the possibility that my vow of chastity would not bring her back after all - that all it would do was lead to weeks or even months of chastity and frustration. Perhaps all I had done was doom myself.

Strangely, this feeling of doom only made my cock ache more intensely.

The whole time Sun Hee was studying my eyes, noting carefully each subtle shift and change. Even as she was often mysterious to me, she seemed to have an almost unnerving perceptiveness about me, almost as though she was reading my mind. When her lips pursed thoughtfully, I had to suppress a tremor, sure that she was reading in me my awareness of my doom. Sun Hee owned me, and she knew it.

"Show me," she announced suddenly. She sat up and swivelled around so that she sat cross-legged on the bed. Her bare feet looked so tiny and dainty poking out of her light blue cotton pants, and the loose apron draped across her lap. Her fingers plucked at her bedspread, but that was all she said. Her meaning was clear. There was only one thing she could be demanding.

Still, I hesitated. Surely she wasn't really asking for that?

"Gone on then," Sun Hee prodded. She looked expectant, curious. She drew one leg up as a rest for her elbow, her arm folded back to cradle her face, and her upturned palm supported her chin. Her fingers tapped against the side of her mouth, and a firmer set of her lips betrayed a growing impatience.

A feeling of panic tingled down my spine. I was expecting this - even, oddly, excited for it. But still the prospect of exposing my caged cock to this beautiful Korean girl filled me with a kind of erotic dread. She had seen it before, sure; she was the one who first caged me. But her memory of me helpless in her cage, and the reality right in front of her, were two different things entirely.

"Now," Sun Hee barked, interrupting my thoughts. "I'm not waiting." For a tiny Asian girl sitting on her childhood bed, her pose commanded an impressive degree of authority. Her back was upright; her hands calmly out to her sides. She had pulled herself up to her full height and looked down at me.

My body was standing up before I was even aware of making the decision. Then my hands began unbuttoning my jeans and letting them drop around my ankles. I stood clad only in my underwear, acutely aware of the camera now pointing square at my vulnerable crotch.

Sun Hee continued to sit upright and watch impassively. Only the tiniest quirk at the corner of her mouth and a twist of her hips revealed a reaction to my little display. I felt, frankly, pretty intimidated. I was about to make myself extremely vulnerable in front of Sun Hee. And the contrast between me and this other man she had just had sex with could not possibly be to my advantage. We both knew it.

Sun Hee waited excited for my downfall.

Swallowing, I tugged down my drawers and let them fall, sealing my fate. And just like that my caged penis was right there for her to see.