All Comments on 'Sunday Afternoon'

Great start to a great story! I hope it has at least one sequel to find out if Zoe made any attempts to respond to Ellen's advances.

I guess this could be a great story with more chapters. a natural narration of a beautiful situation. keep it up

Extremely well-written, with a really good use of English, grammar and punctuation. I thought the dialogue, unusually for most on here, was excellent.

To me,though,there were some serious faults.

The whole set up was implausible.

I just couldn't envisage that happening the way it was described. I also couldn't belive the unlikely combination of Zoe's naivety with the willingness to let Ellen go as far as she did.

Also I couldn't really believe that in a classroom, or whatever, two women would do what was decribed and it seems so unlikely to me that they would have gone that far the first time.

The other problem I have and that is what's the point? It's just another lesbian seduction. Why did it happen, what prompted Ellen? Does she go around seducing young girls? Why Zoe all of a sudden? Why did Zoe respond? And so on and so on.

The author, I don't feel has thought this through. It's obviously a man writing and he's set out to describe lots of lesbian action. He should work harder to find a broader and deeper plot into which such a scene could be set. Ellen fucking Zoe isn't a story in itself, in my opinion.

I do think the author has got the potential to write really great erotic stuff. What he doesn't yet have is the patience to build up the suspense and emotion and the ability or willingnes to push himself to find a plausible reason for the action.

More thought before writing, a little planning and attention to scene and charcater setting is needed.

You need to continue this story. By now Ellen must be over the roof and ready to explode. Let her have it. LOL

it was very sweet, caring and kind. so beautiful to read . i like more like this one

ADS

I particularly liked how Emma knew what to say and do, and although her head was clouded with list she still stopped to ask if Zoe was okay. Also quite naughty for them to do it in the school library. Perhaps someone secretly saw them, maybe another student or a teacher. Either way, it was super hot! I wish Zoe got a chance to explore Emma's body too.