All Comments on 'Surprises at the Party'

That was extremely hot ! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

A down and out gangbang. Not a loving wife story but a forced rape of a couple.

A huge, huge problem with this story is that you attempted to write it from the First person Point-of-View. (POV) In this case, Jeff the husband. So, what HE could see and hear. BUT... you kept writing from the POV of Connie his wife ie what she was thinking and was feeling and experiencing. Then later you did the same from the controlling couple... and others. STOP! You cannot write this way as it's impossible. Jeff cannot possibly know what others are thinking and seeing and experiencing, so obviously cannot describe this.

As for the story... well, ridiculous comes to mind but it's your fantasy story so you can write whatever you want.

First story, so maybe it’s not too late… NEVER use second person narration. It is nearly universally uncomfortable for the reader.

What a waste. Glad I speed skimmed. Same worn out tripe published a thousand times before. Do new writers have no imagination at all?

Now that you've experimented with writing, go look for a new hobby. Awful writing and story line.

Please don't write with "You". Write the wife character in 3rd person and refer to "her" and "she". That way you aren't putting the reader into the position of the female wife character. I am not her.

Good story, 2nd person always seems awkward. I would avoid it.

The guy should have been made to suck off every male in the building. That would have been very hot.

Non consent

Wow, an interesting story, but I had trouble following who was reading who's mind. He was thinking this and she knew that he was thinking and he knew that she knew that he saw? Very confusing and takes away from an otherwise good story. Maybe I just need to get me a new pair of AI reading glasses!

2nd person writing is almost always a mistake - difficult both to write and read. I gave up after two pages and went to find a more enjoyable read.

I relate to your very good story. My husband and I were invited to a similar party, but we left after I was fucked three times and my husband twice, with each our our experiences imposed upon us, albeit without pain or humiliation, by Doms treating us as subs. It was a one off thrill, but never repeated.

Both the content and the literary choices here are grotesque. Hopefully you were taught not to deficate in public. Likewise, ignore any urges you may experience to subnit something similar in the future.

You will do better in non-consent or BDSM.

The point of view changes. The second person parts do not work at all. Pic first or third then stick with it.

2nd person pov really sucks

no read no score

Stopped reading!!! Anyone that can't spell the word vagina shouldn't be writing Erotica.

The last time I checked this was the LW category not loving girlfriend category my question is why would anyone go to a fucking party like this with their girlfriend IMHO you want your girlfriend focused on you not any other guys.