by smallncute
Small I loved it. I hope you write more soon. I can't wait to hear what you did to her, I am sure it was most pleasurable.
hello, i saw you today in lit chat, and made a note to read your stories. I am so glad I did. This first time story was so lovely and erotic. I pray you will continue
to share your experiences with your fans and hope that we may chat in the future.
An truely wonderful story that came from the heart, and is well written. I have the pleasure of not only reading her stories, but knowing her as well.
Can't wait for the next story, please keep writing.
Jessica
xxx
well, after our chat, I read your story. If my first time is as good as the first half of your story, I will indeed be a lucky girl!
wow!
look forward to chatting with you again sometime!
Hi, after seeing you in litchat for so long I checked out your stories, have just finished this one, can't wait to read more . . . you write so well.
erotic, it is always so nice when the first time is loving, sweet and memorable, and stays with you for a lifetime
This is erotica at its best. I felt I was with you and sharing your nervousness and excitement for your first time.
I cannot wait to read the next installment
xJane
I could picture myself as Miranda, feel everything she was feeling. By the end, I was panting and soaked, having reached a wonderful orgasm. EXCELLENT writing! -Lisa
After sharing some thoughts with you in the chatroom (birdie3) I managed to find your stories by using the list of Authors.
This is the first one I read and it had me on edge as you told a beautiful and seducing tale of passion. I look forward to the next two and will read them today with breathless anticipation.
Micki
very nice detail and build! very sensuous! Bravo! More, please...
I do hope so much that you'll finish the story about your first experience with another woman sweetie. You are a truelly gifted woman, your writting so explicate and detailed. I know from the date that this was your first story. I'm glad that I saved it to read last, because it left me wanting more and every woman loves being teased. Please finish it some day baby.
Lana C
I ate the words right off the screen. It seemed to flow so easily. You use every word just right, beautiful. Can't wait to read your other submissions now.
Haley
Oh god please finish it! Typical guy I suppose love the thought of two women together. Much prefer women writing about women think they express thenselves much better and more to the point understand what they are writing about.
Keep up the good work.
OH PLEASE! write the rest, i really want to read about "your turn to pleaser her" your a great writter, i could take my eyes off the page!
Stellar story! Your descriptions were so detailed and full of life, I truly felt like I was a fly on the wall. I'm bisexual but it has been a while since I have been with a woman. You have resparked that ember and I am now going to have refuel my fire! Thank you so very much!
A
Such an amazing story, I only wish I were sitting across from me as you tell it over coffee.
Kisses from afar, Nicole
Yearnings can be realized when someone is motivated with overpowering desire. Chat rooms are breeding grounds for future conquests. A very enlightened and hot story of girl lust. Enjoyable Read.
The story was quite good, but please have someone proof read it. I kept having to go back and forth, the spelling and grammar needs a little work.eg:of-off, to-too, fowl weather? Good story though.
I very much liked this story and hope you continue it someday. The characters were believable and sympathetic and the story had a lovely sensuality about it.
R.
Your first time was quite incredible. And Jane was an expert in many of the things that arouse me - and some others that I'll now try going forward. Wonderful, Miranda!
Minor hicups, but very good reading. You 'will' improve I am sure. Do not fall into a rut and use words other writers use. Use your own imagination and discriptions of what is happening. It is much more fullfilling. Well done...;>)
Hello smallncute. I thought your story was ok, needs some work. As often happens when people are recounting real experiences, the language used was too generic, didn't stimulate my mind or fuel my imagination. There was no character building which left my imagination with two blank characters. People enjoy stories more when they know something about the characters - their personality, a little about their history, what they do for a living - it may all seem unnecessary but it works.
Other things I picked up on: you sometimes floated between present and past i.e: ''....she bit my nipple. As she bites...'. Also I thought the dialogue between the characters was often cheesy. I personally think dialogue should be kept out of erotic stories unless it's absolutely central to the story because it can ruin a good ''scene'' if not done right or done believably.
Check out Coleen Thomas' entries, I've learned a great deal from her style of writing.
Thanks and keep writing, you can only improve
during the story i had 2 stop and finger fuck myself! it was so fuckin hot and if i were to meet u we would grind pussy, lick ur hot clit, and i'd have u wanting more. b my little fuckin cum slut
fantastic hot story/ sweet is the night so very exciting
now ready for the next part or parts.
I loved this story. It was very sensual and arousing but more to the point, as someone who has never been through this, I loved the nervous anticipation and build up, absolute perfection.
reading this very horny first time tasting another womans juices .
while she gets to taste mine . sweet is the night was a brilliant first one of your stories. i just want another part to read , the story was such very erotic reading
loved it.
Liked your story, got me turned on but try making it mor passionate, focus more on the details of how it felt when she licked your pussy
The beginning was nice, try expanding the hot parts