All Comments on 'Take Me Places I've Never Been'

I liked the POV and the narrative...I was aroused with the first few words which led to a very happy ending

Breathtaking and delicious.

Thanks for sharing

Tess (uk)

Yet another hot story. You write some of the best sex I've read. 5

A great blend of terrific writing and hot sex. 5 stars.

Nice job with the POV and loved the steamy sex. 5 stars

HI, here from the ND contest. Great job with the writing, with Emily's point of view, and with the erotic sensations she experiences through the event. Since Emily said early on that she was conservative before meeting Dom, I appreciated that he provided her the experience with the help of another person but that the person was gone when her senses were restored, giving her the pleasure but none of the potential concern over knowing the identity of his helper. This way, they can discuss whether they want more if or when she's ready for it. Well done and good luck in the contest!

Hello, I enjoyed some of the descriptive pieces, the build up of Emily's experience with one of her senses not in use. The ending too, of her being just with Dom worked very well - the safest outcome for her.

I really like the idea of this story, and you start it with a great first line, preparing the reader for what is to come. You do a great job of describing the way the ice feels. I like the phrase "white hot cold of the ice." The story is told in a very sensual and erotic way. It's easy for the reader to put himself/herself in the narrator's position.

Two additional thoughts:

In the first paragraph you refer to sounds that Emily wouldn't feel normally. I felt you could have played up sounds more in the story -- in particular, it would have been more erotic to have Dom talk to her while he did things to her. The story could have used more dialogue breaking up the stretches of narrative. Emily's senses are on alert and having Dom say things to her while he controls her and teases her with ice would be nice. I think it helps an erotic story to mix up narrative and dialogue a lot. I think the story would benefit from having Dom whisper things to her more while he's running ice over her body.

In the first part of the story I thought there was some recollection of stuff that didn't add to the story. Like where Emily is recalling memories of her Mom. To me, it didn't feel like it fit in this story. This story is at its hottest when you are in the present, especially since most of the story is in the present tense. I think you want to stay there as much as possible except when absolutely necessary to establish the setting of the story.

Be careful about tense-shifting. There were a few lines (not too many, but some) where you shifted to past tense, and the problem with that is that it takes the reader out of the erotic moment in the present. For example, when Dom enters the room you say "Dom called out" rather than "Dom calls out." Stay in the present tense. It may seem like a detail but it's important for purposes of keeping the reader fully in the erotic present.

The way you described the sensation of the ice was very erotic. This was a fun and erotic exploration of her sensations.